Wednesday, September 17, 2008

SARA PALIN NUDE PICS?

Last night while I was driving this half tipsy dude to his home around the Penn-Quarter, he told me something that raised my eyebrows. He works for one of the major news outlets and he mentioned that couple of his colleagues were dispatched to LA to talk to some dude who went to the University of Idaho with Sara Palin in the 80's. There are some new rumors that the California man who took those sexy nude shots of Sara Palin may have those old polaroid pictures.

Is he bull-shitting me or telling me a true story? I don't know! All I know is I am sitting by my computer waiting for those nude pics to surface. I don't know about you King, but my pants are way down to my ankles in case I need to take some immediate action. Vice President of the United States in a Playboy centerfold! That's hot!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

VOMIT ALERT FOR THE QUEBEC SOUTH

"My girlfriend is not feeling well, can you please take us to the Quebec Apartments in Cleveland Park? I am going to drop her off, wait for me for five minutes and bring me back here to Adams Morgan!"

This dude was from Philadelphia visiting his girlfriend that lives in DC. The girlfriend had way too many to drinks and started to get out of control at the club so her friends suggested that he should take her home. The chic had a nice tall body, probably 6 feet tall but he is much shorter than her and it was a very funny scene when he was trying to drag her in the cab.

Once they got in the cab she passed out and he started yapping about Philly this! and Philly that! I really wanted to bitch slap his ass back to Philadelphia. He also wanted to smoke some weed in my cab but when I politely explained to him that I have an iron pipe under my seat that I use for disorderly passengers he changed his mind quick. We arrived at the Quebec South Apartments few minutes later and as soon as he dragged her out the cab she was on all fours puking like shit all over the grassy area.
I took a quick snap but the quality is poor, the boyfriend is the one carrying her bag looking down while she was spraying the driveway.

After a few minutes of uncontrolled purging, he helped her walk upstairs, put her drunk ass to bed, came back and jumped in my cab for a trip back to Adams Morgan.

"This is a blessing in disguise my man! I am glad her ass is in the bed right now!" he said, when I asked him why he left her alone at the apartment. "One of my girlfriend's co-worker was grabbing my Italian dick on the dance floor dude! She was teasing me all night! I told her that I would be back and I am going to hit that ass tonite bro!" According to him he is not worried about his girlfriend finding out that he nailed her drunk colleague.

For you folks that live at the Quebec South, watch your step when you come out in the morning. The driveway in front of the lobby could be a little slippery, thanks to one of your neighbors. I wanted to get back and take a picture of her vomit for my dear readers but I got real busy for the rest of the night.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Saturday, September 13, 2008

APARTMENT RENTED

Thank you for your interests in renting the apartment and no more emails please, because it is not available anymore. And thanks to this blog and one of my fans in Capitol Hill, I found a very good tenant without spending any cash for ads. Sorry Washington Post! I didn't know that you can sell shit online! You think I discovered something?

Now I can get back to my real job, DRIVING A CAB!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Sunday, September 07, 2008

FIRST NIGHT BACK

After a couple of nights in New York and a week in Ocean City, I got back last Sunday so I can beat the Labor Day traffic. I spent another week here local just hanging out and working on my apartment in DC. BTW If anyone out there who is interested in renting a spacey one bedroom apartment four blocks from the Dupont metro, it will be available 10/1/08. It has a big ass bedroom that you can pull off a foursome without getting crowded, huge closets where you could hide your boyfriends when your hubby walks in and one assigned parking space! $1800+ utilities or $1650+ utilities without the parking space ($25 application fee and $1800 security deposit). If interested email me at maddccabbie@yahoo.com

The first night after break was action less until I picked up this drunk guy with attitude in his fifties in front of the Camelot Club .

GUY: I am already pissed off so don't piss me off!
ME: I won't, where're we going tonight?
GUY: Wheaton, Maryland.
ME: Where in Wheaton?
Guy: There is only one Wheaton!


I started to get annoyed because Wheaton has to be at least ten square miles and this guy was being a smart ass by telling me there is only one Wheaton.

ME: If you are not willing to tell me exactly where you're going I don't think I can help you my friend!
GUY: You better start driving! You are pissing me off and I am not your friend!!
ME: Sir this ride is over I need you to get out of the cab...
GUY: I am not getting out of this cab! Take me to Connecticut and Randolph in Wheaton, that's where I am going! Are you fucking happy now?


The motherfucker was drunk and I wasn't in the mood to deal with his ass on the first night back so I tried to get out of it by asking the fare money upfront. It didn't work, I asked for $30 and he handed me that amount.

The ride was dead silent, he was making all kind of movement in the backseat and he really made me cautious and extra alert. I pulled out my sorry ass iron pipe from underneath my seat and placed it on the front passenger seat for a potential combat action. I asked if he was alright but he ignored me and started mumbling to himself. Sometimes I feel like wearing a football helmet for protection while driving in this kind of tricky situation.

When we got to his hood the fare was $21.25 and I was very quick to put the car on gear to free both of my hands, if he tried any stupid ass move I was ready to deliver some nice ass whopping. While I was counting some cash to give him his change, he interrupted me by saying "Don't worry about the change, here is another $10 and thanks for the ride man!" and he exited the cab without any drama.

I wasted all that energy on thinking how to defend myself and shit but he ended up tipping me almost 100% instead. I tell you, cab driving could be a funny ass business sometimes you know! So I put back that old rusty sorry ass iron pipe where it belonged. Under my seat!

"What's up with that Micky Mouse iron pipe shit! You better start packing heat like those Jamaican drivers Mad!"

What ever dude and please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, September 05, 2008

JOB DESCRIPTION

"Wait a minute here Senator! It says here that I have to change your diapers too?"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

Friday, August 22, 2008

POST #200

It took over two years to post couple of hundred blogs but what can I say? I am too lazy and I have all kind of shit on the table besides driving a cab.

"Like what Mad Cabbie? Holding your dick in front of your computer surfing through those porn sites!"

Shut up you idiot! You got me mixed up with Mr Lugosi!

I am taking a little break starting tomorrow. I wasn't working enough this year and I didn't generate enough cash so I am taking a poor man's vacation. I will be spending the weekend in New York to catchup with old friends and Tuesday I will drive down to Ocean city and stare at the water for a week. This is the first time that I will be going on a vacation alone for that long so it's going to be interesting. Kids are back in school so I will be checking out some senior citizen asses out there. As long as the chics are under 80 years old I am down with that, maybe we can do something kinky like choking each other and stuff!

Oh, there is a taxi fare increase in the works for DC cabs pretty soon, you read it here at Mad Cabbie first! Relax, maybe it's not going to affect the DC to DC fares I am not sure but if you're traveling out of DC and to the airports the fares are going to be a little higher! Just like the cabs in Arlington, Alexandria, Montgomery County...

Check out these cabbies while I am gone.
My man Roy who is a freak in Ireland, I would like to have a drink with this guy in the future! And how about the lady cab driver from Texas, she is a nice and courteous rookie driver in San Antonio, give her another year or two, she will start bitch slapping those old ladies. Finally check my man King of New York, this motherfucker is the real deal!

I will see you when I get back.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

P.S I forgot about this cabbie from the Big Apple goes by the name G.S, I think he is the Yankee owner George Steinbrenner pretending to be a cab driver. Check him out!

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

COMFORT MY ASS


"Welcome to the Comfort Inn & Suites, a Washington, D.C. hotel near the Lincoln Memorial...The Comfort Inn & Suites® hotel is conveniently located in the heart of the city, offering easy access to many museums, historical landmarks and popular attractions......In addition to the many nearby landmarks, Washington, D.C. is full of many great theaters, entertainment venues, cultural attractions and shopping centers. A variety of restaurants and cocktail lounges can be found in the surrounding area, including several within walking distance..."

This is what the Comfort Inn at 1600 New York avenue NE bullshit on their website. The only thing you can find with in a walking distance from this dump is getting robbed and stabbed by one of those nice gentlemen who hang out by the gas stations. So you better stay put in your hotel room listening to the moaning of some douchebag next door banging a hooker.

Last night I picked up a couple of hookers in front of the Washington Post and took them to this same hotel where they staying. They were crying and complaining about business being slow, but I told them to chill because everything else in Washington is slow in August. Everyone is out of town this month, the only crowd in the city are the tourists and the type of visitors who come to Washington are the family types. They are not looking for hookers, the men just bang their wives while thinking of those hookers they just saw around the corner. The only time they crave for a hired pussy is when they come back alone to Washington as businessmen, so hopefully things will pickup next month girls!

As soon as I dropped them off and driving away, I see these poor couple with their two young daughters running towards me dragging their suitcases trying to get my attention. The Dad sat next to me, the wife and the young girls in the back seat.

DAD: Please take us to another hotel near the museums, I don't care what they charge!
ME: You didn't like the place?
DAD: I am sorry that my kids had to go through this!
ME: What happened are you guys alright?
WIFE: There were these two women fighting on our hallway...
DAD: And this big blind naked man was yelling and trying to separate the women...
WIFE: My girls are terrified right now!
DAD: We thought this hotel was in downtown...I have never seen anything like this...

Welcome to my world the family from Colorado! To make this long story short, after a few tries I hooked them up with a room at the Crown Plaza Hotel on 14th and K, we hugged and said our good byes. Those kids may need a therapy pretty soon, looking at a fat naked blind man running around a hotel hallway is not a pretty site.

Please don't forget the homeless and stay away from the motels on New York avenue unless the rooms come with bulletproof vests.

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

LESSON LEARNED IN PETWORTH

Petworth is a part of northwest section of DC which is struggling to create it's own identity. It has been labeled the "up and coming" neighborhood for the last ten years or so but there is nothing going up or anything coming yet in my opinion. The only difference I noticed is I see a few whitties brave enough to walk their dogs on Georgia avenue but that doesn't change the fact that Petworth is still a shady-ass place to live, and with a depressed real estate market and tight available cash it may stay that way for a while.

"Mad, that guy Prince of Petworth is going to bitch-slap your ass for badmouthing his hood so you better watch your back cabbie!"

Tell the Prince to calm down man! I am lover not a fighter and I always give good service to the people of Petworth until this small incident that took place around 4am this morning.

James the "Black Right Wing Conservative" dispatcher assigned me a job to pick up a passenger at 4am somewhere near Grant Circle and take her to Union Station. It worked out well because I was dropping off a brother just a few blocks away on Illinois Avenue so I got to the pickup address about ten minutes early. When I arrived in front of the house there was a Yellow Cab sitting and waiting for the same passenger but for a 3:45am pick up! So I was a back-up plan in case Yellow Cab didn't show up. It's the old "Let's call multiple cab companies and we will take the first one that shows" trick. But there is unwritten rule among veteran cabbies like Yellow 767 and myself that if you try to pull off some shit like that on us, you are ass would be left on the street and we'll move on to the next pick-up.

A young chic with a suitcase and a laptop came out and she was surprised to see two cabs in front of her door. Her sorry ass plan didn't work because I got there early. I started yelling why she called for two cabs but instead of being apologetic about it, she lied about canceling my order at the office and ignored me and tried to get in to the Yellow Cab, but his door was locked! He said "You can't do this to us, gas costs $4 a gallon! Have a nice day!" and my man pulled off without picking her up. I wasn't nice like him, I said a few more things on my mind and left her skinny ass behind.

I saw her dragging her suitcase on New Hampshire Avenue walking towards Georgia Avenue (about ten blocks) so she can flag a cab off the street. By the way, they sell some good crack-cocaine at that corner of Georgia Avenue! And good luck getting a cab and catching that 5am train.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

THAT'S HOT


"Oh! Look at my hubby making out with another powerful guy! That's hot! Let me play with my tits a little bit!"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

BUS TERMINALS

I picked up this huge black dude at the lobby of Vista Hotel right after I dropped off some drunk tourists from Australia at the same hotel. He was at least 6foot 5inches, easy 300lbs and he make me look like a little bitch. He threw a fifty dollar bill at my face and said "I need to get to the Greyhound station ASAP bro, I have to pick up my niece and I don't want to be late! And I want you to wait and bring us back here to the hotel"

Most cabbies don't like to be near the Greyhound Station especially one in the morning. These bus terminals attract the shadiest misfits you can ever find on this planet. Con-artists, drug pushers, runaway kids, child molesters, pimps, hookers, crack whores, illegal cabdrivers, street preachers and the list goes on and on. Being the freak that I am I really enjoy observing these characters, as a matter of fact it kind of relaxes me being among these creatures.

The guy didn't say much besides telling me it was a beautiful night and he was a talent-agent from New York. Talent agent my ass motherfucker! By the way he talked and handled himself I knew he was a pimp. You can never bullshit a good cab driver, I think colleges should require few shot-gun rides with cabbies to their sociology and psychology students as a field assignment, they may learn a few things.

When we arrived at the bus station the so called niece who turned out to be a young fat white chic with 52 triple D's tits was in the lobby already. I think he himself was caught by surprise that the new recruit he got was white mama instead of a black chic.

She told him she was hungry and I took them to my boys at DC Cafe, they got their food and I took them back to their hotel. I am pretty sure he is going to test the merchandise before she is sent out on street mission. By the way did you know that there is a high demand for fat white hookers? My friend Mr Hook always used to tell me that he got tons of hot chics but his inventory of big white women is always low! There are a lot of men in Washington who are chubby-chasers I guess.

When we got to the hotel my man slapped me with another $40 and asked for my number and I gladly gave it to him, these are the moments I live for not those boring Dulles Airport jobs.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

SOMETHING IN THE AIR

I am thinking of detoxing my cab or something because people tend to pass out in my cab lately. His snoring was interrupting me from listening to a very important discussion on Coast to Coast AM radio program about humans who got impregnated by aliens and stuff.

I tell you, this economy sucks! People can't afford to take vacations anymore, instead they get hammered on a Monday night.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

FACES OF PERFECTIONISM

Congratulations to Art Monk and Darrell Green! Two of my favorite redskins for getting the well deserved spot at the Football Hall of Fame.

Art Monk, Mr Perfectionist! Who used to catch and run forty or a fifty yard bombs for touchdowns and walked quietly to his bench like it's another day at the job! What a classy dude he was, and still is. Now you have these clowns dancing and shaking their asses every time they catch the ball for a first down while their team is behind by forty points!

Art, I am going to cherish and treasure my beer smelling autographed #81 Redskins jersey for the rest of my life and thanks for the great memories because it has been a painful couple of football decades in Washington.

Please don't forget the homeless, I know Darrell Green doesn't.

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, August 01, 2008

BLACKS VS BLACKS

Every other Friday I stay later than normal and work until 9:00am waiting for the Diamond Cab office to open so I can pick up my insurance stickers. I hate staying that late but it's good to witness the horror of the rat-race sometimes.

I was stopped at a red light at the corner of 15th and I streets, couple of blocks away from the White House around 7:30 this morning. While I was sitting at the light I witnessed at least six empty cabs passing by without stopping for this black chic who was trying to flag a cab so she can get to work on time. As soon as I got the green light I pulled over and picked her up. With a calm voice she said "I am glad you picked me up because I have been out here for half an hour and no cab would stop for me!". It is a crime and injustice that you have to stand and wait half hour for a cab to stop for you in the middle of a business district downtown during rush hour.

Her name is Danielle and she was wanted to go to the "Social Safeway" in Georgetown where she works in the seafood department. That's the Safeway on Wisconsin avenue where people used to flirt and exchange phone numbers before the likings of Match.com took over live socializing. Danielle is one of the thousands and thousands of African Americans around the country facing this dilemma over and over again, in fact Danielle is so used to this she wasn't even upset this morning, she was happy that she will be on time to work. She was telling me that one cab driver once mentioned to her that he doesn't like picking up niggers and the driver was of course BLACK himself. I am not denying the fact that we cab drivers are easy targets for criminals but why in the world that a young black woman on her way to work during day light could be a threat? I am ashamed of some of my fellow DC cab drivers!

I see lot of you cabbies driving around proudly with "Obama for President" bumper stickers, but I bet you that some of you motherfuckers wouldn't pull over for Mr Obama if he flagged you in front of 1600 Pennsylvania avenue. I have been robbed at gunpoint myself and my best friend Pastor Joe who is white and who also got robbed three times and got badly stabbed once never discriminated even after all that until the day he quit cab driving. We can not deny service to the majority of the hard working BLACK people because of the criminal actions of a few NIGGERS! If the kitchen is too hot for you you need to get the fuck out and be a doorman or something.

Danielle, I am glad that we met today and for making me $9 richer for a ten minute ride. The only color that Mad Cabbie pays attention to is the green! nothing else, and thank you for letting me take and post your picture.

P.S If you shop at the Social Safeway in Georgetown, stop by the sea food department and say hi! Danielle knows her sea food.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB


This Cuban masterpiece titled "CHAN CHAN" brings tears to my eyes whenever I listen to it. YES I CRY! I may look like a bad ass motherfucker who is capable of stabbing your grandma sitting on a wheelchair, but no sir! I am a big pussy!

The guy who wrote this piece, Compay Segundo is one of the world's musical treasures so is the other Cuban legend Ibrahim Ferrer and a fellow Buena Vista member. Sadly they both died few years ago. I hope the United States will lift this stupid ass travel embargo one of these days, the policy is doing nothing but hurting poor Cubans and depriving us from visiting an island that is rich in culture. If the US is supporting and financing corrupted dictators and murderers like Egypt's Houssini Mubarak, Ethiopia's Meles Zenawi and the Saudi royal families etc... What's wrong for Americans to go down to a weak Cuba, spend our dollars, listen to good music and smoke a couple of fat ones?

"I didn't compose Chan Chan, I dreamed it. I dream with the music. I sometimes wake up with a melody on the head, I hear the instruments, all very clear. I look over the balcony and I see nobody, but I hear it as if it was played on the street. I don't know what it was. One day I woke up listening to those four sensible notes, I put them a lyric inspired on a children tale from my childhood, Juanica y Chan Chan, and you see, now it's sung everywhere."
Compay Segundo

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Sunday, July 27, 2008

PASSED OUT II


What is this? Pass out in Mad's cab week? Here is another idiot I picked up at the end of my shift around 5:30 this morning who passed out on me in the middle of telling me a story. I was waiting for the punchline and there was silence all of the sudden, when I turned around my man was gone! Then my camera-phone got busy.

Please no more passing out folks! and don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, July 25, 2008

CABBIES & PETS

Leslie in Adams Morgan who has a nice blog about books asked this question,

"Answer sometime how cab drivers generally feel about picking up passengers with their cats in carriers going to the vets. I'm always scared shitless my cat will pee in the cab and fast him in advance just to be sure he won't but always feel like the cab driver regrets picking me up.

What's your take, Mad Cabbie?"


The DC law as far as I know is that cabbies can refuse to transport passengers with pets with the exception of seeing-eye dogs. Besides your kitty cat peeing and messing up the cab, drivers come from different background of cultures and faith that may not be friendly to pets especially dogs.

The best thing to do when you have to travel with your pet is to call for a cab instead of flagging one, and make sure you tell the operator that you have a cat in a carrier or whichever the case may be. If your pet is without a carrier, be thoughtful to have a towel or some kind of cloth that you can lay across the seat. The reason I said you better off calling a cab company is due to the fact that the dispatcher will give the call only to a driver who doesn't mind to have pets in his cab, and you don't have to worry about it at all.

So next time you pay a visit to the Friendship Animal Hospital, call Diamond Cab Co @ (202)387-6200 and Mad Cabbie's ugly ass may show up at your door especially if it is three in the morning.

P.S Be aware in some cab driver's cultures cats are nice piece of gourmet meat, so holding on to your cat nice and tight may be a good idea.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

PASSED OUT

I was rolling down Wisconsin avenue near the National Cathedral when some chics driving beside me honked and pulled me over. I thought they wanted directions but what they wanted was to dump their toasted friend in my back seat and move on to the next party.

She wanted to be dropped off at her apartment on 5th and Massachusetts ave, It was a real struggle for her because she had to think for a minute to figure out where she lives. She passed out soon after and I was really worried that she may throw up, I unsuccessfully tried to wake her up so I just continued to drive nervously.

It took me about couple of minutes of yelling and shaking to wake her up when we got to her place. I thought she was dead or something but good thing she started to whisper "Please let me sleep! Leave me alone!" and that's when I took this poor quality cell-phone snap shot.

After she paid the fare she asked me from where she was picked from, and when I bull-shitted that I picked her up from a DC jail, she got out the cab and started throwing up all over the driveway and sprinted towards the lobby.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, July 17, 2008

THE LAST ZONE RIDE

My very last ride before we switched to the meter system was someone famous. It was early Sunday morning few months agoand the last job of my Saturday night shift. I was dispatched by "Redneck Tom" to a house in Chevy Chase to pick up this black chic and take her to National Airport. If my memory serves me correctly I think she was on the 80's sit-com "The Jefferson's".

"Mad! you fucken IDIOT! This lady is Gwen Ifill from News Hour on PBS, and she is one of the top high profile news chics in the country! She even moderates presidential debates you retard!"

"Calm down dude, I don't know what PBS is, so leave me alone! Good thing I didn't ask her what her days on the "Jefferson's" was like."

By the way Gwen, how about sharpening on your tipping skills? You can do better than 5.4% can't you? I know you are a poor woman who lives in a $1million plus house in Chevy Chase, but still let's get with the program!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

MULTIPLE TRIPS

Great question from a commenter at my last post:

"Hey Mad, great site. Question for you: what are the rules under the meter system for multiple trips, i.e., when a taxi picks up a group of passengers who get off at 2 or more stops, can the driver restart the meter at each stop? I don't believe he can -- it should be one fare for the entire ride -- but several cabbies have insisted that's not the case. Can you provide us some insight? "

This the deal my friend, The revolutionary Communist People's Republic of the District of Columbia decided to cap the fare within DC to a maximum of $19 just from point A to point B ONLY. So you can not fairly expect the driver to drop off your friends all over the city on a goose chase for $19. You are entitled to ride from one end of the city to the other as long as it is one pick up point and one destination regardless distance or traffic for $19 plus any extras.

When there are multiple trips involved, we are getting two different inputs from the Taxicab Commission, depending on which idiot you talk to.

#1- They say to use rate 2 which is technically illegal because it only applies to out of DC rides (Rate 2 is not capped at $19)
#2- Restart the meter after each passenger gets off, like the drivers you had have been doing.

The morons at the taxicab commission had zero study when they came up with this fare structure. Not only you are confused, not only I am confused, even the folks at the taxicab commission are confused as well. Maybe my ex-boss Phil who is a dispatcher and an old hippie will fill us in on the comment board.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

CALL 911


One of my readers asked this question:

MC -

Why is it that cab rooftop lights say CAll 911? Instead of CALL 911? or Call 911? Or leave it off? Has anybody called 911 because of the sign?

Great blog.

-d


DC Taxicab Commission enforces all DC cabs to have that system installed otherwise the cab won't pass inspection or we can be ticketed if it's not working properly. It's supposed to be "A cab driver in distress" sign when you see the "CALL 911" blinking. Drivers have a switch that they can turn on whenever they are in danger and the public must call police and inform the location of the cab when they see that emergency light.

In my opinion it's a waste of time and money, very few people know about it and folks don't give a shit. In most cases people ask me why they should call 911 for a taxi service and I have to explain this shit over and over again.

When I was robbed at gun-point few years ago, I didn't have time to flip that stupid "call 911" switch, I was busy shitting in my pants!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

MY VERY FIRST FARE

I remember my first day on the job as if it happened yesterday. When I zoomed on my first pick up on 17th and R, I was scared to death. When the dude who flagged me opened the door of my cab some kind of accident occurred in my underpants, in fact that same underwear with an impressive skid marks is framed and is hanging on my wall right now! That's a part of my history so don't laugh motherfucker!

Before you become a cab driver in DC you take some bullshit class at the University of the District of Columbia for a few days, exchange some dick-jokes and you graduate so basically you learn nothing. I don't care what they say, but cab driving is one of those professions that you really can't benefit from classroom training. You have to figure it out on your own on the streets, and if you are a smart driver it may take three to five years until you start mastering your shit and start making cash without slaving 16 hours a day.

So when I picked up this guy he didn't have any clue that the driver he is going to encounter didn't know shit about cab driving nor the streets of Washington, DC. Even though I was born and raised here that doesn't mean I know all the shortest routes and point of interests. My man wanted to get to FCC ASAP! I didn't know what the FCC was, FUCKERS CONFERENCE CENTER??? I don't know!!! I came clean with the gentleman, I told him that I have never heard of FCC and it's my first day on the job and he is my very first passenger. The type of passengers you get when you are a rookie can make you or break you but this guy was extra nice to me. In fact he said he was honored to be the first ride and guided my ass to the Federal Communication Commission and paid $10 for a $4 ride and wished me luck. I will never forget that guy!

It took me a few months of fucking up to gain my confidence, I am very accommodating and most people are nice but I used to get intimidated by some of you ass-hole prima donnas out there. Nowadays I just kick you out if you're out of line. "The customer is always right" bullshit doesn't fly in my cab especially when you are a night cabbie in DC like myself.

I was encouraged to write about my virgin experience after reading a new blog about a rookie cab driver in San Antonio and I recommend you to give her a shot hoping that she will continue to blog. Here is an entry from her first post:

"This is my first post. Hopefully I'll have something to blog about. I have ovaries and I hope to drive a taxi."


Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

Thursday, July 03, 2008

YOU ARE ONE CRAZY ASS NIGGER!

Around two in the morning I dropped off couple of army soldiers at Walter Reed Army Hospital (The place of my birth). They were pissed off due to the fact that they didn't get laid ever since they got back from Iraq, I wished them luck and started heading south on Georgia avenue. When I got around Georgia and Kennedy I got flagged down by a tall big ass brother who was sweating like crazy.

Pass: Can you take me to 49th and East Capitol?
Me: Come on in, let's go.
Pass: My car broke down up the street man!
Me: Too bad.
Pass: You damn right too bad! and no cab would stop for me!
Me: Maybe you look too intimidating?
Pass: To be honest with you, you are one crazy ass nigger!!! If I was a cab driver I wouldn't even pick up my own self but thanks for picking me up brother!

We talked about how Iraq is safer than his neighborhood and old school hip-hop, we were both big fans of the group "Tribe Called Quest". We got to his crib and he advised me not to hang around his hood and he paid the fare. I got the fuck out of there quick before getting smoked, Jumped on 295 towards downtown and back to western civilization.

Happy 4th of July everyone! I will be in Annapolis on Pastor Joe's duck-taped sorry ass boat so wish me luck!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, July 02, 2008

TAKEN FOR A RIDE

Last night I picked some chic from 12th and G downtown who wanted to go to Glover Park. The way she flagged me was pretty strange and funny, she looked like she was doing some kind of Kung-Fu move. She probably was the only person in Washington who wore a knee length overcoat during that nice and warm July night last night. She was carrying a couple of J C Penny shopping bags and those bags brought me some painful memories.

Few years back, one night during the Christmas shopping season a woman in her thirty's got in to my cab with four J C Penny's shopping bags and asked to be driven to Germantown, Maryland. Even though it was a $60 fare, I don't like to go far away places in the woods, I hate to get out of my comfort zones, I miss the sounds of gun shots and shit in the city. But during all my years of hacking I have never refused to take a passenger where they wanted to go. NEVER! I am no pussy driver like Lugosi who is scared to drive to South-East DC.

She asked me how much the fare is going to be and after I told her I will take her for $60, she agreed and she never said a word after that until we arrived at her destination somewhere off Clopper road. "I will go inside the house and get some money and I will leave my bags here, please don't leave." she said with a convincing voice and disappeared in to the darkness behind a set of townhouses. I never suspected that she would con me because I felt those four bags she left in my back seat had to be worth something to her.

I waited for a good ten minutes while picking my nose like a retard but she never showed up. I got out of the cab and walked towards the back of the townhouse where she went to but later to realize that there were another group of townhouses as well and who knows where that bitch escaped to. I walked straight back to my cab and started to investigate what's in those bag! A BUNCH OF COPIES OF OLD WASHINGTON POST NEWSPAPERS!!! That witch played me good and I was pissed, I lost out on $60, an hour and half of my time by the time I got back to DC and my gas.

I was too embarrassed to tell my friends that I got played like that, it took me over a year to tell this story to my boy Pastor Joe. I even wanted to take some legal action against the Washington Post and the J C Penny Co. because their papers were accessories to a grand theft but some lawyer I was trying to hire bitch-slapped me out of his office laughing his ass off.

So I told this story to my passenger from last night and she jokeingly said she had to get some cash from her apartment, but instead she said she was sorry about the flash back that her shopping bag have caused and slapped me with a $5 tip.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

TAXI METERS

Washington DC cabs are one of the most technologically advanced taxis in the world because we have meters now! and you know what? the meter keeps clicking while calculating the distance traveled! What a cool revolutionary concept! I kept staring at my new meter like a mental patient while driving, I think I ran some biker dude off the road at one point.

Let me share some bean counting I did for the past few days with my new meter. I did all kosher boring rides from the streets and from dispatchers (no hooker delivery) so the figures are as accurate as possible. I averaged about $212.75 a night with the meter, these same rides would have paid me $251.80 with the old zone system! In some runs you make a little bit more, but we are loosing money on the majority of the fares. I am for the meters but with these rates I think we are getting fucked. So all of you DC cabbies, before you come out to work, make sure you grease up your ass real good because it's going to hurt. A loss of about 15% of income while your gasoline bill sky-rockets hurts real bad.

"Mad! you big idiot! Why the fuck are you complaining? You are making $200+ a night, that's some good cash! Most people don't make that kind of bread!"

Listen motherfucker, out of the that $212.75 how about subtracting for gasoline, insurance, repairs and maintenances, taxi-wash, dispatch fee and the massage I get on New York avenue from that Vietnamese chic with six fingers! yes motherfucker SIX FINGERS! I am getting all my money's worth from that rub-down. By the end of the day I am taking like $2 home and those child laborers in Bangladesh probably make more than I do!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

ANYONE OUT THERE?

Ladies and Gentlemen, it's been a rough couple of months for me but now I am back! I haven't been working at all and I just got my taximeter installed today and I took a 15 minutes crash-course on how to operate the shit. I think I am going to loose some of my personal clients, I may have to depend on my dispatchers and street pick up for a while.

I begged Pastor Joe to fill in while I was away but he was too busy banging some rich old chic and didn't want to mess around with my stupid blog! I kind of second-guessed myself If I should call it quiets or keep on going! But here I am and I hope you're out there too.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

PHIL

Phil used to be my boss at Diamond Cab Co. but he is not with us anymore. Few months ago one of the owners decided to get rid of all the whitties for some reason I can not explain, maybe Phil in his own words will tell us about it!

Phil is a proud Bostonian who lived in Washington DC for a long time and some of you Diamond riders probably are familiar with his voice over the cab radio with his thick Boston accent. Even though Phil and I had our share of yelling matches before, I still believe he is one of the best dispatchers in town. Very political, opinionated and educated, he made the cab driving experience more interesting to drivers like me who had to listen to his editorials and bullshit over the two way radio for years. Unfortunately he works for another cab company and still hacks part time and he is really missed around here. Here is some very interesting comment he posted on my blog in his own words.

"To-day was the telling day for the meters. THEY SUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Reports from their cohorts and supporters that the Hack Inspectors were not writing that many warnings and were concentrating on hotel stands, caused the illegals to trickle back onto the streets beginning Monday. By Wednesday, they were back at full strength. Once more the swarms of cab driven by unlicensed drivers could be found on the Hill, in Georgetown, on Pennsylvania Avenue and at Eighteenth and Columbia. So lax have the authorities been, that the illegals were once more over parking the Grand Hyatt Stand to the point that they were double parking on Eleventh Street.

So it is back to business as usual: swarms of unlicensed cab drivers taking away customers from those of us who go through the bother and expense of keeping a hacking face; swarms of unlicensed cab drivers, unmolested by the Authorities, as they cheat and mistreat the public.

My bottom line was about twenty-seven dollars less after working my usual six hours to-day. Everywhere that I went I noticed the illegals out in force.

There are five things in this business that are currently inflicting the most harm on us:

1. The alacrity with which the Authorities police legitimate cab drivers.

2. The zeal with which they police legitimate cab drivers.

3. The proportionally equal refusal of the Authorities to protect legitimate cab drivers. This refusal is manifested by (among other things) the Authorities' toleration of the unlicensed drivers in City cabs as well as their toleration of the Virginia and Maryland cabs' working in the City.

4. The price of gasoline.

5. Excessive fines for hack violations.

I can not pay the excessive fees that the Commission currently charges, nor can I pay the excessive fines if I can not pick up customers. I can not pick up customers because the illegals and the suburban cabs are taking them away. The Authorities seem to have no problem with that. They will not run the illegals off the streets nor will they stop Maryland and Virginia cabs from working in the City.

Every time that I mention this to anyone in authority, I get a song and a dance about how they can not do this, or can not do that and how these illegals and suburban cab drivers have this right and that right. Conversely, it appears that as a legitimate and licensed driver, I have no rights. The thug who is going to take my money and/or blow off my head has more rights than I do.

It will never cease to amaze me how little the Authorities can do to those who make every effort to break the law in the most blatant fashion and how much they can do to me, someone who makes every effort to follow the law.

People tend to take the law into their own hands when it ceases to protect them. This, I suspect is the reason that somebody out there has been running around ramming into suburban cabs. If this nonsense from the D.C. Gubbamint keeps up, another legitimate driver is going to take the law into his own hands and someone is going to get hurt. Just because I am an old man and can not do much about this, does not mean that someone else will not try it. If road rage over someone's running a STOP sign at Georgetown Hospital caused a Yellow Cab driver to pull out a gun................... "

Comment by Phil!

By the way Phil, how did you con that hottie wife of yours to marry you bro?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Saturday, May 03, 2008

COMING SOON

Mad Cabbie has been busy the whole month trying to help the Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to merge together since they have one thing in common.

"That's not funny at all Mad! We know you come from a Catholic family, Is there some childhood issues and bitterness you want to address?"

I will see you all on Monday and there are tons of stuff to talk about and I owe a lot of people all kind of responses to some of the good email questions I have been asked.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, April 04, 2008

JAMES CARVILLE

As a cab driver in one of the most important city in the world I get to meet people from all over the planet, I even met someone from North Dakota the other night. During the tourist season it feels like the whole world is in Washington and sometimes communicating with foreign passengers in English could be a very tricky proccess. Americans in general, we are idiots when it comes to trying to learn a second language but my years of experience at interacting with vast number of foreign drivers and passengers had given me the opportunity to understand different thick accents from different countries. The most difficult time I ever had communicating with a passenger though didn't come from a Latino who just got off the bus, but from a well connected American they call James Carville. As you may know this cat used to be one of the master minds who ran Bill Clinton's presidential bid in 1992 and he is still milking-off from that successful gig.

Few years ago he got in to my cab and asked to be driven to the Palm Restaurant, I had to ask him about three times before I understood what his destination was. This guy is as creepy looking as they come man! It was in the middle of the football season and he was talking some shit about Michael Vick for almost ten minutes and I didn't understand a word he said but I just kept saying "That's right! That's right" like an idiot until I got rid of him quick.

By the way, John Edwards is going to endorse Barack Obama right before the Pennsylvania primaries! You heard it here first at Mad Cabbie, your Washington insider.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Monday, March 31, 2008

BRIBING HOURS.

Here is the posted bribing hours at the DC Inspection Station in case you need to know and you are running short on cash to get your car repaired. They hate my guts here because I make all kind of noises about their shady operation, so I am usually in and out with my inspection sticker within no time. The less they keep me at the station the less bashing I do, so it's to their advantage that they get rid of my ugly ass quick.

Few years ago FBI busted them when they used to be at the old inspection station in NE for taking bribes from shady cab drivers and things got kosher for a while. But for the last five years or so those cockroaches are getting out of hand again. I have heard of stories of some cab drivers pushing their no good cabs in to the station and rolling out of the station with an inspection sticker good for six month. All you need is leave a C note in the ashtray and you will be on your way to easy street with your new sticker while praying for your brakes to stop at the next red light.

Don't be alarmed when you step in my cab, I drive a very clean and powerful 1996 SS LT1 that is in a top condition. Even wannabe rap stars offer me all kind of cash to buy my cab whenever I stop by their hood to do some crack shopping with my passengers.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

THE URGE TO EJACULATE.

When the story of the disgraced New York's ex governor Eliot Spitzer broke I wasn't surprised at all. It's not that I knew about his rendezvous with high priced hookers, but it's due to my long experience of driving hookers to men with and without power. Let me break it down for you ladies, if you have been together with your man for over ten years or so there is a 99% chance that your hubby had cheated on you, the other 1% lied their asses off. You need to be equipped with a dick to understand this concept. So the relationship between married clean cut powerful men and hookers, high priced or otherwise is a no shocking matter.

"Mad Cabbie! what the fuck is wrong with you nigger? You are breaking the code motherfucker! Why do you have to go there? Thanks to you, now I can't bullshit my wife with those lame ass dozen roses, boxes of chocolates and the I Love You cards. And by the way, that young whore you hooked me up with last week, that shit was tight boy! I already told my wife that I am going to work late tonight(wink! wink!) so I will give you a call later you dumb ass!"

"Shut up you idiot! Don't ever butt in my blog like this again, I didn't break any codes, smart women have known this for years! Now I have a story to tell, do you mind?"

I have know this guy from the state of ** for years, he is a frequent visitor of Washington. He is a married man in his late forties with two teen daughters and doing very well in life, he is not a household name but he is a guy you see on TV being interviewed from time to time who is powerful and confident. But it is at his weakest moment whenever he is in my cab, during a desperate emotional roller coster to conquer a new hired pussy. One thing what makes this guy different is, unlike other men he never wants to see the same hooker again which makes him more vulnerable to be recognized by a hooker who could be a frequent viewer of cable news.

We were en route from his hotel to another low profile motel last night when he started to discuss why he fucks around behind his wife's back with hookers. All these years I never ask and he never discusses and that's why he likes me and pays me very well, and on top of that he thinks I am a loyal dumb ass cabbie who doesn't know who he is. I am out here just to get paid so I just play along with people's bullshit as long as they don't cross my space. He tells me getting a blow job from a hooker is not cheating, he is just fulfilling his sexual urge to ejaculate without getting emotionally involved with a woman. He believes he is very much in love with his wife of sixteen years and never had an affair with another woman and he wants to keep it that way. I wanted to ask him what would he feel if his wife started to blow off different boy toys without any emotional attachment but I didn't want to short-change myself from the usual big tip I get.

We pulled in front of room # *** at the motel, I saw him entering the room in to the welcoming hands of a twenty something blond hottie. I backed up in to the parking area to wait for his ass and take him back downtown while he was getting a nice lube job. Forty-five minutes later my man came back with a happy face and we talked about the falling US Dollar the rest of the way.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, March 13, 2008

DONNA IS NO PRIMA DONNA


I pulled up at this expensive condo early this morning in Wesley Heights to pick up some chick who wanted to go to National Airport. While I was waiting for her in the driveway another lady approached towards my cab from the lobby, and I asked her if she was from apartment XYZ, but she wasn't the person that I was supposed to pick up. She told me that the concierge booked a Diamond Cab for her and the cab failed to show up on time and had only an hour to catch her plane to Miami from National Airport.

Her face looked too familiar and it didn't take me too long to figure out who she was. She was Donna Shalala who used to be the U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary under President Bill Clinton and the current President Of University of Miami. People who're running late to catch a plane like some of you VIP wanna be usually scream and bitch especially if it is the cab company's fault. But as an accomplished and a well connected woman as she is, she was calm, civil and didn't try to blame anyone. To make the long story short I managed to take them both to National Airport.

Whenever I encounter celebrities I always try to act like I don't know them so that they may open up and talk shit. Since she had company in the back seat with her I never had the opportunity to chat with her so all the conversation was between her and the other chic while I played a fly on the wall. No skinny to tell you about but Donna was talking about a conversation she had with Nancy Pelosi yesterday and that they are confident a democrat will take over the White House, stem cell and AIDS research will be funded full force and NIH will get a shit load of money. Nothing juicy!

But here at Mad Cabbie is where you get your Washington insider information fuck that stupid ass Matt Drudge!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Monday, March 10, 2008

CABBIES DOUBLE DIPPING?

Dear Mad DC Cabbie,

I have a question I'm hoping you can answer, because I can't find an answer anywhere and it's driving me nuts! What's the rule in DC for passengers that get out of the cab at 2 different locations?

A few nights ago I got into a cab at 28th & Calvert NW with my husband and a friend. My friend got out at 10th & M, and me and my husband got out 7 blocks later at 10th & E. The driver insisted that we all pay full fare from 28th & Calvert - my friend paid $9.80 when she got out, and then he made us pay an additional $11.30 when we got out! So the driver actually got paid twice for the first part of the trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M), and made $21.10 for a 2-zone trip. This seemed like a huge rip-off to us, and we tried to argue that it didn't make sense, but the driver told us he out-ranked us so what could we do?

After reading the rules posted on the DC Taxi Cab Commission website, I think the correct calculation should have been $9.80 for the 2-zone trip + $3 for the 2 additional passengers + $1 for making a stop along the way - a one-time charge of $13.80, due at the end of the ride.

Or, if the driver insisted on treating it like 2 separate trips (which I still think is a rip-off), the only way it makes sense is if he charges the first passenger $12.80 for the frist 2-zone trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M, with 3 passengers in the cab), and then charges me and my husband $7.50 for the second 1-zone trip (from 10th & M to 10th & E). That's still $20.30 for a 2-zone ride . . . I don't think that's what the DC Taxi Cab Commission intended when it wrote the rules, but it makes a LITTLE bit more sense than pretending it was 2 separate trips from 28th & Calvert and charging us twice.

If you could help me understand this, I would really appreciate it!

Becca


Hi Becca,

It's a very good question and you are not the only one! It drives lots of people nuts! I do have a surprise answer for you. Your driver is right!

The driver actually was completely honest with you guys! The DCTC law states that if passengers have different destination it is considered two separate fares starting from the ORIGINAL PICKUP POINT. The driver is 100% correct by charging your friend the full $9.80 (Two zones to 10th and M) and also charged you and your husband $11.30 (Two zones plus extra passenger surcharge) and the total of $21.10 is exactly right.

It is set up that way so people can't take advantage and abuse the flat based zone system by riding in groups and have the driver drop them all over the place with in the same zone for just an extra $1.50 per passenger. Let me give you a scenario: Let's say you and your four other friends were picked up from 28th and Calvert by Mad Cabbie (God Forbid) after a party and all five of you have 5 different destination; first fare: 21st and Mass, 2nd fare: 19th and E, 3rd fare: 15th and K , 4th fare:10th and E and the 5th fare ends up near Union Station....All of these drop off points are within a second zone even though I was all over downtown! And if this run is considered one run it will only pays me $15.80 ($9.80 plus $6.00 for four extra passenger surcharge) since we don't have a running meter to account for all those time consuming detours. That is the reason why different destination are separate fares. But as long as you have the same pickup point and same destinations, no matter the size of the group it is one fare plus the extra passenger surcharge.

I know it's a pain in the ass but that's how it is, DC cabbies dream of these kind of fares especially during the weekends where group rides with different stops are plenty. Passengers feel that they are being ripped off, but legally I can charge $49 (9.80 times 5 passengers) for the above scenario I created.

The fare calculator doesn't have the program to calculate multiple leg trips, thats why you got the incorrect fare total. Pretty soon we all don't have to worry about the zones anymore although I doubt they will manage to have all DC cabs equipped with meters by April 6th. The inefficient DC goverment don't have any private shops certified yet for the meter installment process.

I hope I have answered your question.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

Friday, March 07, 2008

CABBIE KICKED ME OUT!

"D.C. cabbies are some of the worst people on earth. This morning I hailed a cab, he drove me three blocks and then told me to get out because I "smelled like garlic." I am a 31 year old woman, a business professional - who took a shower this morning, like every morning and haven't been near garlic all week. I was on my way to work on Eye Street from Georgetown. I had minor surgery earlier this week and am having trouble walking - which is why I needed the cab. The horrible driver kicked me out and was incredibly verbally and physically rude to me. I really cannot tell you how much I hate cabbies right now. You are just awful people - cheating passengers and being rude. Go to hell, all of you."

By an anonymous commenter from my last post.

During my cab driving experience I had my share of stinking passengers, but only once I had to kick out a passenger out of my cab. This dude I picked up smelled like a toilet, It felt like I was transporting a pile of shit and that smelly jackass wanted to go all the way to Springfield, Va. I managed about couple of minutes of driving but I couldn't take the torture anymore, so I kicked his ass out at 14th and Pennsylvania. It was a very cold night but I had to drive with all of my windows rolled down freezing my ass off to let the shitty smell out. Even after I did all that my next passenger said my cab smelled like shit!

My theory on this woman is: There is no way the cabbie would kick her out without a reason on that particular run. The run from Georgetown to I street is an easy 5 minutes, short two zones ride that pays $9.80 which is a dream run for a DC cabbie. Why would he shortchange himself from a lucrative fare unless her breath really smelled real bad? Most people with bad breath problems don't know that they have the condition unless someone with iron balls like the cabbie she had yesterday tell them so.

Maybe it's a wakeup call for our showered and clean 31 year old business professional woman to see her doctor and get her garlic breath checked out. I hope she will read this post! But at the same time the cab driver should have taken that awful smell for five minutes and drove her ass to her office and made that easy money!

What's your theory?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, March 06, 2008

WHO'S GUN IS THIS?

Few years ago I was finishing my shift around six in the morning and I was heading home until this chic franticly waving at me in the middle of Connecticut Avenue near Military road like a mad person. It wasn't my plan to stop for her but the red traffic light didn't cooperate with me so she rushed towards me and made a failed attempt to open my locked doors. I rolled my front passenger window to listen to what she had to say and to tell her that I was off duty and I was driving my tired ass home.

CHIC: Can you please take me to National Airport?
MC: Sorry I am off duty! Just cross on the other side and flag another cab!
CHIC: Yellow Cab was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 and I am running late!
MC: Yellow are a bunch of losers you should have called Diamond.
CHIC: Can you please, please take me to National...Please?
MC: I am not trying to be an ass-hole but I am fucken tired?
CHIC: It's only a 15 minute ride this time of the morning, come on! please help me out, I am going to miss my flight and probably loose my job!

I felt sorry for her and besides, those set of balloons she had on hear chest closed the deal so I unlocked the doors and let her in. I flipped an impressive u-turn heading south bound on Connecticut Avenue and warned her not be a backseat driver by pressuring me to speed because her hurry ass would be back out on Connecticut Avenue standing again. I am not one of those idiot cab drivers who zig zag in and out of traffic doing 90mph so that you can make your flight on time! Fuck you and your $5 tip! My drivers license is my meal ticket and I have to protect it.

We just traveled about five blocks and when we got to Nebraska Avenue all hell broke loose! She screamed, "Get me out of hear NOW! Pull over! I will get out right here!" I was confused about what happened all of a sudden to make her snap like that, so I pulled up to the Exxon station at the corner to let her out and she didn't even gave me a chance to ask her why she turned hysterical, she got out and kept on running down Connecticut Avenue bouncing those voluptuous boobs without shutting the door.

It's when I got out of the cab to shut the passenger door that I noticed a loaded gun was sitting on the left side of the passenger seat! I freaked out as well! Who left that gun? I had given a ride to all kind of shady characters all night long, It had to be one of those fine citizens. Without touching the gun I drove straight to the 2nd District Police Station on Idaho Avenue and explained what happened to the cops. They took the gun, copied my manifest for that shift, asked me a few questions and sent my ass home.

Washington DC enforces one of the toughest gun laws in the country by denying firearms to law biding citizens to protect themselves from thugs like the one who left his piece in the backseat of my taxicab. As some of you may know, the case District of Columbia vs Heller is heading to the Supreme Court and I hope the justices will agree with U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit which struck down this stupid ass law.

I am not a NRA gun fanatic and I will never illegally or legally own a gun because I am a big pussy but I like the fact that the case is presented as a Second Amendment right and I think it should be interpreted that way. Listen, I don't need to tell you how many gunshot victims I have seen lying on the streets of Washington DC over the years of night driving, and that tells me the unconstitutional DC law is not working to keep illegal unlicensed guns off the street. I can go out in DC tonight and buy all the illegal guns I want and invade the State of Vermont first thing in the morning! So what's the purpose of this law? The problem goes beyond the guns and I am not going to bore you with it. All I can tell you is Shawn Taylor would have been playing for the Washington Redskins next season if he had a gun in his bedroom that tragic night.

Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

Saturday, March 01, 2008

EXTRA PASSENGER FEE IS BACK

Thanks to all of the Diamond Cab Co. drivers who participated in the meeting with the commissioner at the DC Taxicab Commission this past Wednesday. Even though those strike happy drivers group wouldn't cooperate with us, we still got it made and got the eliminated $1.50 per extra passenger surcharge back.

They still insist that there is going to be $19.00 fare celling for fares traveling with in the District of Columbia, the last time I checked we don't live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public. I have some lawyers telling me that we can legally challenge that and stay tuned to watch Mayor Fenty and Mad Cabbie in front of "Judge Judy".

The extra passenger surcharge is no picnic in the park, for the average driver it could translate in to $3000-$6000 of extra income per year. You need to understand we are still the cheapest cab ride comparing to the surrounding counties so I don't need to hear anymore crying from you guys.

Special thanks to Mr. Essayas and Mr Abebe, fine Ethiopian drivers from Diamond Cab Co. for sticking up for the cause, and this fight is not over yet! We want the meters but it has to be with livable wages and we are looking forward to have our meters ready by April 6th.

I got to go now, I have every hooker in town calling me wanting to go somewhere and it's going to be a busy Saturday! Washingtonians are HORNY tonight!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

FRUSTRATED IN ADAMS MORGAN

Hello Mr. Mad Cabbie,
First off, just discovered the blog, great stuff, really interesting.

Given your profession, I'm wondering if you can answer me a question. Every weekend I wait tables in Adams Morgan. Every weekend I take a cab home. Almost every weekend I have to argue with the cabbie about the price. I've heard the cost is x from the nicer cabbies but I'd like to know once and for all from someone in the know and objective to the situation. I never seem to have this problem when I work on Wed PM and it's the exact same route. Given Adams Morgan on the weekends, maybe they think I'm some dumb drunk girl and whatnot, but as I'm sure you know, after a night of working, the last thing you want to do is argue, you just want to go home. There have been nights when I've gotten into the cab and when I give him the address he says "12.00". I say "ok see ya" and get out. One night, I did this no less than 3 times. You can see how this can get old.

The route is 18th/Belmont, NW area to 1st and North Carolina Avenue, SE (at the corner). My understanding is that D st, SE, the next street over from NC Ave, is the zone line so the trip is 8.80 (well 9.80 with the gas surcharge). Is this correct?

Thanks so much in advance and keep up the good writing! What your doing is really unique to the rest of the blahblahblah that's out there for DC blogs.

Best-
Ms E from Capitol Hill

Hi Ms E, I am sorry you have to deal with those clowns. Your fare should be two zones which is $9.80 including the gas surcharge, as long as you are within the boundary of E street to the south and 2nd street to the east (make sure you get off north of E street). Thats how you should explain your driver who supposed to know this anyways. But you have to understand that half of the cabbies you see in Adams Morgan especially during weekends and last call rush hours are illegal out of state drivers with phony licenses out there to make a quick buck by ripping off people and most of them don't know the zone system.

You should never get out of the cab but instead warn the driver that you will call the police and demand that the driver shows you his taxi license. There is no reason to be a dishonest cab driver in DC, we can make a good living without stealing from people who work very hard like yourself. Again I feel your pain and sorry that you have to deal with this crap but at the same time you have the responsibility to fight back by calling the law enforcement.

Better luck next time and thank you for reading my blog.

Mad Cabbie.


I get questions like this every now and then, so if you have any cab related questions that I can help you out with please email me at maddccabbie@yahoo.com and if I think it can be helpful to others I will post them with my answers without revealing your name and your email.

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

HIGH-TECH BEN

Ben is one of the few Jewish cabbies still driving in Washington and he looks like Rick Moranis from the movie "Honey I shrunk The Kids". He left the cab biz about three years ago after he got robbed at gun point. Ben is a strange guy, no one knows about his personal life because he doesn't say much and he is a loner. He used to be fascinated with latest technology, guns and World War-II and I always thought he would be a good candidate to be a serial killer, in fact when we had those Washington area random shootings and killings by those two freaks few years ago, we kind of suspected Ben was the trigger man at one point and we even had are own dumb ass investigation until we cleared him.

As soon as a new technology hit the streets Ben had it! He used to have the most wired cab in town. You could be in Ben's cab running your mouth while your image is being stored at his home server in Rockville. The first time I saw a GPS was in his cab and I think he dropped something like $1500 back then. If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.

No driver liked Ben because he doesn't say hello or engaged in any conversation with other drivers but for some reason he likes to hang out with me even though he barley says a word. I tolerate his mood swings and to me he is a very fascinating character and whenever we hang out at the Taste Diner in Bethesda with other drivers, he shows up, takes a seat and stares at us with a little nod and orders the same dumb shit every time! French toast and hot tea.

Three years ago Ben picked up some dudes on East Capitol street and after a few minutes ride they pulled up a gun around 4th and Florida NE and they had him pull up behind one of those wholesale warehouses and robbed his money and all of his gadgets. After a few pistol whippings they threw him in the trunk and took off with his cab with Ben in the trunk. Their first stop? Wendy's drive through at New York and Florida! While they were ordering their shit the motherfuckers were arguing what to do with Ben. If you are wondering why Ben didn't scream for his life? He claims he doesn't remember much and he thinks he might have passed out.

Luck was on Ben's side that night, as soon as they pulled out of the Wendy's parking lot they got involved with a fender bender and they took off running leaving Ben shitting in his pants until the DC cops showed up and rescued his ass. We got the word that night that he was taken to Howard University Hospital so me, Pastor and couple of other drivers rushed to the hospital and what we saw wasn't pretty. They messed up his face real bad but he was lucky to be alive and later helped police to identify those thugs after they got caught the same night. Ben walked away from cab driving and that was the last time I saw him until...

Last Thursday around three in the morning I was chilling at one of our usual spot with couple of Diamond drivers and guess who showed up and our jaws dropped! The legendary High-Tech Ben! and as if he met us the night before he just gave us his usual nod and sat next to me without saying anything. He still ordered the same old French toast and hot tea shit and started staring outside looking at bunch of construction crew.

Welcome back to hacking Ben!

Don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

BLOGGER OF THE MONTH

I am honored for being the "Blogger of The Month" by Marc Fisher of the Washington Post in his Raw Fisher series. This means a lot to me coming from a professional writer like Marc. I read a lot of local blogs and there are lots of excellent bloggers with great writing skills unlike myself. Even though my vocabulary is limited to 200 words, I always try to deliver interesting posts as possible and I really do appreciate the recognition.

My niece who is in the 5th grade has agreed to edit my stories before I post them so don't be surprised if you notice some quality writings in the future.

I would like to say this: Marc Fisher is probably the only local media figure who sticks up for DC cab drivers even though it's very unpopular to do so these days, and him and I don't agree about the meters vs zone argument and go check out this post of his and read some of personal attacks (including some jackass wishing bad things to happen to Marc and his family) he gets from some of you idiots. Most of you out there are riding the bandwagon of "DC cabbies are the scum of the earth" route, but DC cabbies don't have any more bad apples than lawyers, congressmen or doctors, we are just easy targets to be criticized because we are at the bottom of the food chain.

A couple of nights ago I picked up some drunk chic with a very bad makeup from 5th and Massachusetts Ave NE to Union Station and since we crossed 2nd street NE (Zone line) it is a two zone fare even though the entire ride is six blocks and it took about less than a minute. So two zones $8.80 plus fuel surcharge $1 her total bill was $9.80 and she went nuts calling me everything in the book! Is it expensive? Hell yeah! But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like most of you out there she is shooting the messenger! When I told her the Capitol Police who was parked next to us could explain it to her since she didn't want to hear how I came with that figure she threw me a $10 bill and slammed my door. Bitch! There were no cabs at the station and people were waiting in line and the next passenger wanted to go all way to Mount Pleasant near Rock Creek Pkwy which is about a 15 minutes ride and paid the same two zones $9.80 even though the ride is much longer, and the guy happily paid his fare with tip! This is the shit we deal with every night and there is always going to be dissatisfied customers who feel that they got ripped off even though I never cheat my passengers like the rest of majority of fine DC cabbies. But those few dishonest motherfuckers gives the whole industry a bad rap, even people who never rode in a cab in their lives think that DC cabbies are crooks. And of course folks always comment about their bad experiences never the good stuff! Let me talk about the driver of Diamond cab #257, just the other day who had to track down his European passengers he picked in front of a building and had to return a bag with valuables including about 2000 Euros they left in his back seat! You think that driver is interested in cheating you out of couple of bucks?

Enough with my whining and let me make my "Blogger of The Month" acceptance speech!

"I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I thank my man Marc Fisher and the Washington Post, all the fans who read this blog, all my babies mamas all 13 of you even though I don't admit one of them, I thank my parole officer, all my posses, Pastor Joe, Ali Two fingers, Ghost, Mr. Hook, Hustleman Charles, Wall street Tom who isn't with us anymore and he's probably banging Anna Nicole Smith in heaven, High-Tech Ben, all fellow cabbies of the world, the guy I picked up at the corner of 19th and...."

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, February 08, 2008

$10,000/WEEK DRIVING A CAB!!!

Hi, I am Mad Cabbie! and I am here with an offer of a life time to my wonderful fans!!!

Do you hate your job? Are you doing the same dumb ass shit every day? dealing with that fat ugly boss of yours and slaving for peanuts! Do you want to spend more time with your family only working a few minutes a day while making $1,000, $5,000 even $10,000 per week? Do you want to wipe out your debts and retire by next Christmas? If you answered yes, Mad Cabbie has the answer for you.

I put together "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" home study guide. All you have to do is study the materials at your own pace and you will be on your way to your financial freedom. This study guide includes a couple of books, six part CD, 8 volume DVDs and a workbook. I will show you a step by step guide on how you to buy your first cab with no money, how to bribe and get your taxi license in a few hours and start making money the same day! The income is unlimited it just depends on how many minutes you want to drive your cab in a day. You will learn everything there is about to know about hacking and making sure that your passengers are happy.

I have done it for years and now I would like to share my secrets with you for this one time offer only. If you don't make $10,000 the first day after you receive my package you can return it for a full refund, In fact I will pay for the return postage and no question asked! You won't be disappointed and satisfaction is guaranteed! Please check out what some of my satisfied clients are saying!

"I live in a small Scottish village where people don't even take cabs at all but I still ordered "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" and the result was unbelievable, I made $1000 the minute the package arrived! Thank you Mad Cabbie, you are amazing!" Peggy from Scotland.

"When we found out that nobody would hire us to run their political campaign and became jobless, we turned to "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" to be cab drivers in Washington,DC. We followed the step by step cab driving techniques and in a few days we started making shit load of cash and we moved in to this mansion in Potomac, Maryland....You're the greatest Mad Cabbie!" The retards who ran Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign.

"I ordered Mad Cabbie's package from America to start training now while I am waiting for these bastards at the American Embassy in India to approve my visa. Mad Cabbie promised to have my cab ready** for work when I touch down at Dulles Airport, and so as soon as I arrive in America I will start counting my American Dollars! God bless you Mad Cabbie!" Amitabh Ragukhanimpalamachchabuchaci from Bombay.

Do I need to say more? Listen, When you call in 1-888-TAKEMYMONEY with in the next 30 minutes and order the package I will cut the price by 90% and for only two payments of $15.95 plus $500 shipping and handling I will send you the package plus the list of hot spots where you can pick up whores for your passengers AND for the first 200 callers I will throw in an address of a huge dominatrix chic who can bitch slap Shaquille O'Neal! and your freaky customers will throw money at you for this service.

What are you waiting for? Are you ready to make $10,000* a week? So get your ass up and dial that number! I know, I know, You may have been ripped off by those stock trade and real estate money making guides that didn't deliver but trust Uncle Mad, this time you got yourself a winner.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

*Results may vary, it may take up to ten years to make $10,000 thanks to Mayor Fenty and the new DC fare structure.
**Bribe at the inspection stations extra.

Monday, February 04, 2008

TAKE THIS ! FUCKEN DC CABS!

That's the big billboard ad I did for the 10th anniversary of the Verizon Center but there is a hidden message as the title of this post suggests for those striking DC cabbies today. Sorry! that big idiot Mad Cabbie is on strike as well, he is probably doing nothing but scratching his balls and staring at the wall of his basement so I am guest blogging for him today.

Most of you DC residents love me for fucking those DC cab drivers up don't you? Fuck them! who cares if they don't make a decent living off the new fare structure? They are the filth of society anyways so what's difference? All that time back in the days I couldn't get a DC cab to stop for me? It's payback time motherfuckers! Who's your daddy now bitch?

Yes that's right no more surcharge for extra passengers! I don't give a shit how many extra fat ass DC residents you have to haul all day long, the ride is free even though the rest of the surrounding counties let their cabs charge for extra passengers! I don't care how many times a year you have to replace your freaken shocks and how many thousands of extra fuel dollars you have to cough up because of the extra loads. And yes that's right, I grew up reading Karl Mark's literatures and that's why you can't charge over the $18.90 celling in my communist DC administration, no matter where you have to drive your passengers in the city! LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION motherfuckers. I have to satisfy just the couple of thousands of emails I received from the whining public so I had to go overboard and slash the shit of your kids education! and who gives a shit that you have to buy your own health insurance! tell that crap to Hillary Clinton!

And who cares about all those 6000 DC cab drivers on strike? Majority of the drivers are those dumb ass Africans, sand niggers and some loser no good Americans like Mad Cabbie so fuck all them clowns man! You bitches strike all you want but right now I am on hold with the Afghani president Hamid Karzai see if he can send me a few thousand ex Mujahedeens I can put in DC cabs.

And I don't give a shit about the homeless, Fuck them!

Adrian "Starve The Cab Drivers" Fenty*




*Mayor Adrian M. Fenty did not participate in writing this post in any way. Written entirely by Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A VERY EXPENSIVE PUKE

Hustleman Charles called me last night crying over the phone that some chick puked in his cab, and that's one of the worst shit can happen to a cab driver. If someone throws up in my cab that means I am pretty much out of commission for the next 24 hours having the vomit cleaned and getting the stink out of the cab. So that means a loss of a one night income plus the clean up cost and usually a guy named Sam is our in house puke clean up expert.

Sam is an old timer who has been hanging around Diamond Cab Company for ages hustling cab drivers offering his clean up services. You throw Sammy a twenty dollar bill he will clean up a nuclear waste out of your car in minutes and runs to the liquor store and come back happy. I told hustleman Charles to stop crying on my ass and see Sam in the morning and take his losses since he was stupid enough to let the puking chick go home free without taking any financial responsibility. That can not happen in Mr. Mad Cabbie's cab!

The last vomiting passenger experience I had was about five years ago when I picked up this chick in front of the Third Edition in Georgetown. Her friends threw her in my cab and asked me to take her to one of the apartments around the National Zoo and paid for the ride in advance. She was fucken wasted and her breath smelled like shit, I could tell that she had been puking so I thought she was done and settled but still let her knew that if she got sick again and mess up my cab it could cost her $300 (There is a sign posted in my cab) and of course like any drunk ass person would respond she said, "No problem! No problem! I am ok! Just take me home!". Not even a minute after she gave me her words of confidence she sprayed her stink all over the back seat and I was on fucken fire!

When I demanded she owed $300 or face the cops (of course the cops can't do shit beside writing a report) she was scared and sorry and promised to pay me the next day. I took every information from her drivers license, got her phone number and her business card and left her ass in front of her building and I cut short my shift and went to my girlfriend's apartment for the night.

The next day was a Sunday and she wasn't responding to the few messages I left both on her home and cell phones and I was getting irritated, and at this point it's not even about the money anymore but she FUCKED with the wrong cab driver. I called her few more times while Sam was cleaning up her stink but never heard from her. Sam did an excellent work so I threw him a fifty and I got back to work Sunday night and a few minutes in to my shift her boyfriend called me to tell me not to harass her anymore and he offered me $20 for the clean up cost and I told him to go fuck himself and hanged up the phone.

The next morning I called her at her office and she picked up and warned me not to call her anymore or she will contact the police and file a complaint that I was trying to rip her off and that's when I drove straight to her office building at 2400 M street NW with a mission. She worked for a major financial institution as a financial adviser and when she saw me in front of her small office her jaw dropped to the floor, she was nervous and I was calm and I said, "I am ready to call the cops for you now and is this how you want to handle this?"

To make this already long ass story short we went down to the lobby together and she withdrew $300 from an ATM machine and handed me the cash and told me what a big ass-hole I was and everything else. I didn't give a shit, I took the cash with a big smile on my face and she saved herself from a huge embarrassment in front her colleagues so it was a win win situation for both of us.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

Monday, January 28, 2008

IS JP'S GONE?

JP’s was one of the few stripper night clubs left in DC, and the joint burned down last week leaving “Good Guys” which is located across the street on Wisconsin avenue a nude bar with no competition in Georgetown. I had quite a few stripper friends at JP’s and of course I go there because I enjoy the great gourmet food they serve, I don‘t pay attention to the girls with hot nude bodies with their boobies hanging out .

JP’s reminds me of a regular customer I used to have in Cleveland Park. A bolding short stocky built white man in his early fifties wearing heavy duty ugly glasses. He has been divorced for the last twenty years and never remarried. He is an accountant type but never talked about his job and all I knew was he worked for the federal government. He inherited this big ass house from his parents on Macomb street and lived alone and I remember one time he was so drunk I had to drag him in to his house and it was barley furnished or cleaned, I think I saw a copy of the Washington Post from 1979 laying on the floor.

What really disturbing was after I drop him at the JP’s, sometimes he used to have me wait as few as five minutes and have me take him right back to his house which was five minutes away and he kept moaning in the back seat of my cab while rubbing his crotch until we got to his crib. I remember him telling me that the only way he gets aroused was by watching a live naked body, and I guess that maybe the reason why he rushed home so that he finishes his business before he loses the erection of his pipe.

I hate to see JP’s go and I hope they will rebuild and come back for more booby shows because they a part of our night cab business while they keep you horny guys out there entertained at night until you moan your ass home.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, January 25, 2008

SISTER BLOG LAUNCHED.

To anyone who is interested to follow Tewdros's journey to fitness I have launched a sister blog called "SIX-PACK ABS IN PROGRESS"

Go check it out from time to time, you might learn a thing or two.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

RESUME IN PROGRESS

After reading my post titled "Don't March Out" an old Ethiopian friend of mine contacted me to help him out to get in shape. I haven't seen Tewdros in five years even though we live close to each other here in Columbia, Maryland.

Tewdros (Ethiopian version of Theodore) was an ex DC cabbie who got out of the business after he earned his electrical engineerings degree. Now he has been working for one of the major defense contractors for the last ten years and doing very well financially. So we hooked up over the weekend for drinks and caught up on what's going on in our lives. Everything is going well in his life with the exception of his physical appearance which makes hooking up with quality chicks very difficult. He is the nicest guy you can ever meet but the kind of ladies he is interested in wouldn't even look at him.

So we made a deal that I will be his personal trainer for the next year with the exchange that he will let me post the pictures of his progress every week without showing his face and the next day he joined my gym. So here is my friend Tewdros now:



This cat is going to be my bitch for the next year, I don't have any control on what he does outside the gym but he promised he will change his eating habits. We are going to start off very easy for the next few months and I will tell what we have done each week. His excuse for being out of shape is the same lame old story of the rest of you lazy ass fat motherfuckers come up with... "I don't have the time...My kids...My job...My DNA...My bla,bla,bla!" Listen, I hate sounding like a dick but there are 168 hours in a week and if you can't dedicate about 6 hours a week to live a healthy life style, then you deserve all the heart-attacks in the world. I know a girl in my gym who is a single mother of two and she is making all the sacrifices to show up three times a week. So I didn't buy any of Tewdros's excuses and I don't want to hear about it anymore.

Follow the pictures in this little project of mine on how I can help transform this ugly ass gut into a hard rock six pack ab by chopping off about 10 inches off his waist from 42" to 32" and drop his weight from 212 pounds to around 160 pounds by next year. Since I can't make a decent living anymore driving a cab in DC thanks to mayor Fenty, maybe this will be my resume in progress so you guys can hire me next year as your personal trainer so I can turn you in to a hot sexy chick or a fine strong hunk.

Tewdros I am looking forward to see you this Friday and get ready to cry like a bitch my brother.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.