Thursday, August 07, 2008


I picked up this huge black dude at the lobby of Vista Hotel right after I dropped off some drunk tourists from Australia at the same hotel. He was at least 6foot 5inches, easy 300lbs and he make me look like a little bitch. He threw a fifty dollar bill at my face and said "I need to get to the Greyhound station ASAP bro, I have to pick up my niece and I don't want to be late! And I want you to wait and bring us back here to the hotel"

Most cabbies don't like to be near the Greyhound Station especially one in the morning. These bus terminals attract the shadiest misfits you can ever find on this planet. Con-artists, drug pushers, runaway kids, child molesters, pimps, hookers, crack whores, illegal cabdrivers, street preachers and the list goes on and on. Being the freak that I am I really enjoy observing these characters, as a matter of fact it kind of relaxes me being among these creatures.

The guy didn't say much besides telling me it was a beautiful night and he was a talent-agent from New York. Talent agent my ass motherfucker! By the way he talked and handled himself I knew he was a pimp. You can never bullshit a good cab driver, I think colleges should require few shot-gun rides with cabbies to their sociology and psychology students as a field assignment, they may learn a few things.

When we arrived at the bus station the so called niece who turned out to be a young fat white chic with 52 triple D's tits was in the lobby already. I think he himself was caught by surprise that the new recruit he got was white mama instead of a black chic.

She told him she was hungry and I took them to my boys at DC Cafe, they got their food and I took them back to their hotel. I am pretty sure he is going to test the merchandise before she is sent out on street mission. By the way did you know that there is a high demand for fat white hookers? My friend Mr Hook always used to tell me that he got tons of hot chics but his inventory of big white women is always low! There are a lot of men in Washington who are chubby-chasers I guess.

When we got to the hotel my man slapped me with another $40 and asked for my number and I gladly gave it to him, these are the moments I live for not those boring Dulles Airport jobs.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.


diamond driver said...

Mad, I think I know who're talking about....That guy spends some cash like there's no tomorrow. Pimps are usually cheap asses but he is a cab driver's dream. I did a round trip to Phili with him one night and we came back with three girls and one wheel chair....BTW Mr Old Timer, the Vista is called The Westin now!

anOCgirl said...

ha! i think i've been reading your blog for too long b/c the second i read, 'i have to pick up my niece' i immediately thought, OMG, that guy's a pimp!

is niece code for hooker or something?

Philip said...

I know what you mean about The Dogs. All sorts of thugs, illegitimate drivers and creeps hang out there and the police will not run them away. Just let a legitimate driver not want to pick up one of these thugs and the police are suddenly VERY interested in that driver. 'Summons book at the ready! CHA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-RGE!!!!!'

I made a narrow escape one day. I was pulling up to the First Street side (the front) to let out a passenger. He paid me there and grabbed his bags. I noticed two thugs' approaching. I put the car into gear, explained that the L street side was better and wheeled around the corner. The two thugs were in hot pursuit. The guy got out and two police started toward me. Desperately, I searched the crowd for a friendly face. A young lady, clutching a bag in front of her with both hands, appeared to be eyeing me. I hit the doorlocks and got out. She approached the car. I walked around just as the thugs arrived. She asked me softly 'Can you take me to Howard University?' I replied loudly, for the benefit of the two police who were approaching with summons books in hand, 'HOWARD U? YES, MA'AM!', as I took her bag, removed the spare set of keys from my pocket, opened the front passenger door, hit the locks, opened the right back door for her, and held it as she got in. I then put the bag into the front, closed that door, and nodded to the crestfallen police officers 'Ladies first, you know'. The thugs were loudly expressing their disappointment as I got into my cab and drove away.

To this day, I hate that place. When I was Corporate Secretary at Diamond, I had standing orders to the dispatchers that they were not to give me any jobs going to The Doggies. If I picked up one on the street, I would bid enroute on ANYTHING close, just to have a call on my manifest so that I would not have to pick up any thugs. I would tell the dispatcher to give it to me, even if it were a guaranteed NSP. I just needed something on the trip sheet to back up the ON CALL sign.

Now that I have a partition in the cab, the thugs do not even want to get in.

Another trick, used by the legitimate drivers that work The Doggies, is to keep a suitcase in the trunk. If someone approached that they did not want to take, they would point to the suitcase in the trunk and say that they were waiting for someone. Now that the Taxicab Commission allows us to keep a 'tote', I just keep an oversized one in the trunk. I always have the customer pay me in the car; I tell him that there are all sorts of creeps hanging out there and that he does not want to be flashing money. After he pays and gets out, if I see thugs' approaching, I get out and open the trunk. I tell them 'He told me to wait here, there's his bag'. As soon as the thugs move off, I jump into the car and floor it.

Still, great story about the pimp. Yup, ya' cain't bullshit no bullshitter, and we cab drivers are the princes (and princesses) of the bullshitters.' When I drove late at night, the whores and the pimps always treated me well, at least the Old School pimps did. I just avoided the wannabes, who are no more than common street thugs in expensive threads.

Lugosi said...

The Vista Hotel?!?!? That's okay, Mad. I still call the Super Fresh near my house the A&P.

Peggy said...

I keep thinking about the poor chubby white chick. She doesn't have much to look forward to.

june in florida said...

Folks that "walked on the wild side" were always my best fares and tippers, nicest people,never boring, just had some bad habits.

kilgorsky said...

A talent-agent, that's was a good one.

jezblog said...

Yo Mad......DC Cafe ........ I love that place..... email me next time you are taking weird Talent Agents and their neices in for a bite I'll roll out and shoot them...... er..... that sounds bad..... er..... I mean make a photo of them ..... put it on my blog..... I seem to spend half my life in DC these days..... hehehehe...

Cheers Jez XX