Monday, March 27, 2006


Call me a dump ass or anything you want but I never knew that there are men who are into women's feet or have foot fetish. I tried to do a little research online and Holy Jesus there are gizillion sites catering for feet worshipers, God! I am so backward, I can understand checking out a some legs a little ass here and there but what the fuck is with sniffing feet and sucking toes.

Sunday nights, I love working those nights, less competition, less traffic, calm and easy and for some reason I make pretty good money, sometimes better than a Friday or a Saturday night whether you believe it or not. So this Sunday wasn't an ordinary Sunday at least for me it wasn't. Around mid night I was cruising up Wisconsin avenue near Glover Park (expensive Ghetto) two guys flagged me down out side Good Guys club, shady strip joint.

One of them called the night quits and wanted to go back to his hotel at the Marriott in Woodley Park, while in route they started arguing in Russian dropping a few English words every now and then, it sounded like the other guy wanted to party more but his friend didn't. So we dropped him off and while I was pulling away from the Marriott driveway my Russian passenger asked if he can sit in the front seat and he did.

With a heavy drunk Russian accent he said " Look zon't worry about za maaney, I have plenty of cash, I need woman! Pretty white woman tonight, if you want I will pay for you too and we will fuck zem at my hotel, just show me the place....Lets go! go! go!You are going to make a lot of money tonight." I have few offers passengers want to by me a drink but pussy! This will be the first one,I told him I am a germ freak, I am paranoid of shaking peoples hand and I politely declined and drove to around 15th and L streets, there are plenty of hookers around the Washington Post and some they have been in my cab so many times I know them by name.

To make the long story short, my Russian passenger was a very difficult person to please, we had about ten hookers in my cab before he picked the right girl.Poor girls, he made them take off their shoes and inspect their feet," hey cabbie you like zis feet?" always ask my opinion, but he was nice enough to give them $20 and let them go if he didn't like what he sees. Finally the right pair of feet came a long, a tall twenty something blond. He liked those toes so much he started sucking on them all away to the Woodley Park Marriott.

We pulled up to the Marriott driveway, they got out and he walked up to my side and said "I hope zis iz enough $40 for z fair and $100 for you and give me z card, next time I am in town I will call you!" not bad at all for 1 1/2 hours of work and besides that I have learned something about myself that night, I think I am a normal human being!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006


Next time you take a cab, please don't forget to take your belongings .
From all my years of cab driving, these are some of the garbage's that some of my thoughtful passengers leave in the back seat of my taxi cab and what I did with them.
Cell phones: to the garbage.
Wallets: mailed them back.
cigarettes: to the garbage.
Money: always ends up in my bookies account.
groceries: to the garbage. (no wonder America is getting fatter you should see the junk I throw away.)
Camera: to the garbage. ( come on, its made in Bangladesh.)
Pantyhose: to the garbage. ( to be honest with you it didn't smell that bad)
Bondage Video: available in my basement collections.
Watch: gave it to Ali -two fingers. ( Ali lost his fingers back in the days in Pakistan when he used to be a butcher, you should see this cat the way he handles his steering wheel. Next time you get into a cab in DC ,if you see a driver with two fingers and a cheap ass watch please tip generously.)
A Loaded Gun: I freaked out and drove to a police station, seeing my reaction the cops laughed their asses off. I hope that dumm ass who left it, was on his way to a gun fight. ooooooops!

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


I had my share of cry babies in the back seat of my taxi cab, almost all women. I would have said all women, but today, this passenger changed the statistics.
I picked up this guy in Cleveland park, around Connecticut and Porter, tall and well built clean cut WASP type in his late twenties. "Old executive building!" he barked out while he was getting into the car, he flipped out his cell phone, speed dialed and then the drama started, I turned the volume down to the stupid NPR I listen to every morning to look intelligent and I started enjoying the one sided phone conversation speeding down Connecticut avenue towards the White House.

".....Baby! Why are you doing this to me....Megan, you know I love you.....Ok I am an asshloe....I moved to fucking DC for you and this is the shit I get back from you?.....Why are you torturing me Megan? Why?...Why?.....Hello! Hello! Hello...fucking bitch she hang up on me."
After about ten redials Megan wasn't responding and Oh my lord! The crying, the moaning and tears begun and no end in site, and I didn't know what to say to this freak, if this was one of my friends I would have bitch slapped him and brought him back to his senses, I can't stand when dudes cry on my ass, I kept zig zagging in and out of traffic driving like as if I am in Daytona 500 just to get rid off Mr. Romeo. The crying was getting louder and louder and finally with a concerned voice I said " take it easy man , I am pretty sure everything is going to work out between you two."
Man that was the wrong thing to say on my part, the tears started flooding, the moaning and he kept saying " Owowowowow...oooooooh...This is the beginning of the end, I fucked it up man! I can't survive without Megan, oh God what the fuck have I done?..owowowow, it hurts man! It hurts man.... How much I owe sir?"

We pulled up by the old executive office near the white house, he wiped his tearful eyes and said " We made great time by the way, I can make the speech writers meeting on time and I am sorry to bore you to death, I am just an emotional person!" He handed me $15 for $12 fare and he ran towards the lobby flashing his ID to the secret service police and he faded away.

Ladies and gentlemen, NOW I am worried about America! I might start crying myself.