Thursday, December 03, 2009


December has been a rough month her at Diamond Cab Company. Last December, four of our drivers passed away just in one month! Two heart attacks, one stroke and one driver decided to drop dead on the way to the airport, I think his passenger was wearing a bad perfume or something.

This month I heard one of our drivers is in a grave condition already! When I got back after being absent from work for a few month I was told that one of my mentors Mr Jumpin' Jack Jeffery died of a heart attack couple of month ago while waiting for his coffee at Starbucks. I think Jack was one of the last Jewish cabbies in Washington. The story is after he applied for a job at the Library of Congress during the early sixties,(Phil, correct me if I am wrong, didn't he graduate from Cornell?) he started driving a cab to cover his bills while waiting for the library's phone call that never happened. Every time I saw him I always asked if the library called yet, and he tells me to go fuck myself! Jumpin' Jack dead after over 40 years at Diamond Cab.

Only couple of these guys are older, the rest of the drivers were too young to die. Cab driving is a silent killer, you sit on your ass non stop for hours and eating junk food in between, that is a recipe for an early check out. Any cab driver reading this blog better think twice about your well being, stop playing those lotto numbers and join a gym instead. It's never too late to start working out, that includes you Phil, those couple Goodyear tires don't look on your waistline.

By the way I have Rush "To Eat" Limbaugh in my 2009 death pool but that fat motherfucker is still breathing heavy on the microphone! What's up with that? I still have 28 days left to win though.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Is this thing working?

Sorry guys, I have been busy bribing the the Taxicab commissioner!!!

I hope you didn't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, June 12, 2009


Julie is a hooker we have known for a number of years and I saw her last night crossing Independence avenue in Capitol Hill. She was professionally dressed and was carrying a bag. The way she carried herself suggests that she may not be in to the escort business anymore.

Julie is a real baby face, hot body about 5' 7" blond, blue eyes and amazing white teeth. The first time I met her about five years ago, I was shocked to see her hustling. I thought she was fourteen or something and I was afraid that I might get busted for transporting a minor. That night she wanted to be driven to a house in Woodley Park to take care of one of her clients who called her on short notice.

"Do you mind if we make a quick stop at the Marriott so I can shave my pubs?"

That's exactly what she asked me minutes before we got to the house. She was explaining to me that her man was in to completely shaven pussy and doesn't tolerate a single hair. So we made a quick detour at the Wardman Park Marriott and she ran inside to use the lobby bathroom. While waiting for her I kept asking myself on how a once a proud member of the United States Marine ended up as a cabbie, waiting for hooker, while she shaved her pussy clean in a hotel bathroom?

She came back fresh and smelling real good for her man of the night. I dropped her off around the corner after making arrangement to pick her up later that night. I ended up being her driver for the next three years.

By the way what's up with the guys in to bald pussies? Ladies if your man is in to that shit you better hide the little girls away from him! That's all I can say. I like my ladies bushy and natural, I want to go camping in that joint motherfucker!

Finally I want to say that I hope Julie is not hooking anymore, I know it is a business hard to get away from because it's addictive like cab driving. Don't go too far, just look at me! I thought I was done cab driving? Not a chance, my ass is back hacking but I don't want to see Julie back working the streets anymore.


Pastor Joe.

Thursday, June 11, 2009


My fellow DC cab drivers, make sure you lube your asses real good every time you come to work because we are getting fucked by the current fare rates. I started to second guess myself on why I returned to cab driving on my first night back last night.

I made the stupid move to pull over for a girl holding a light bag standing at the corner of Wisconsin and Garrison around 4am. Normally, I avoid a potential airport job, I look the other way and drive off whenever I see people drag their suitcases and waive their hands. I am a hood hustler fuck the airport work, every now and then I get paid with a bag of weed but that's okay, that's how I roll motherfucker. I was on my way back to the city after dropping off a group of drunk people in Bethesda when I pulled over for a tall skinny girl. By the way she stiffed me on the tip because I don't support gay marriage like she does, I am not like those idiots who just agree with your bullshit just to be polite, fuck you!

To make this sorry ass story short, the metered fare ended up being $39. 50. What the fuck is going on? $39.50 to drive your ass all the way to Dulles Airport and listen to your bullshit on top of that? This same trip would cost her close to $60 when she catches back those Virginia airport cabs when she returns back to town. This will be the last Dulles Airport trip that I will be running, I am going to drop the old classic Pastor move that I use to avoid these slave jobs!

The head clown Uncle Tom, oops I am sorry I meant to say Mayor Fenty! He is going to be a one fucking hit wonder, he is not going to carry ward 7 & 8 like last time during the next election. I can't believe Uncle Tom Jr, ooops again! I meant to say Mad Cabbie, volunteered for this idiot's campaign last time. This motherfucker is completely destroying the working class in the District of Columbia as Ronald Reagan demolished the American middle class! He is setting up the individual DC cabbie to fail so he can hand it to big corporations on a silver platter.

The fares are slashed at least 15%-25% and on top of that the city has started issuing new licenses to thousands of new drivers. Washington DC has the highest number of cabs per capita in the nation already with out the new drivers! Pretty soon drivers will be drawing guns at each other for the right to pick up a fare. What does this tell you about Fenty's administration? What is the message? I think it is loud and clear! It's time to stack up those KY Jellies fellow cabbies, God help you are going to need it big time. The CVS on DuPont Circle has them on sale! This week only while supplies last!

Next time I just stick to my hood jobs, motherfuckers are not going to bother me to take them to the airports from the slums. Maybe to the Greyhound Station on their way to an exotic vacation at the Kings Dominion, and that's fine with me.


Pastor Joe.

Monday, May 25, 2009


I have known all along that this cracker would come back. The master hacker His Excellency Pastor Joe will be back in the cockpit of his cab some time this week. I can not tell you how excited I am, this motherfucker taught me everything I know. I do believe he is the best hacker in this city and Washingtonians are lucky to have him back on the streets.

I think Pastor Joe is the only cabbie who hangs out around DC jail to pick up his regular clients, even Mad Cabbie has his limits.

Welcome back Pastor!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009


I was parked and chilling outside the Channel Inn in south west eating an apple until I was interrupted by this kid who was riding his bike. He sneaked up next to me and scared the shit out of me.

ME: What the fuck is wrong with you, you little fuck! Don't you ever sneak up on me like that!
CJ: Sorry Mad, I haven't seen you in a long time, I thought you quit driving a cab!
ME: No CJ I had to be with my dad for a while, he passed away a couple of month ago.
CJ: He got killed or something?
ME: NO! You dumb fuck! My dad died of cancer, you little piece of shit!

I really don't blame CJ for thinking that my dad may have been killed by someone. In his world every dead person he knows was shot and killed by gun violence.

CJ is a short 5 feet nothing 18 year old who dropped out of school three years ago. A classic ghetto tale, father doing time, mother on food stamps living in a section 8 development off Delaware avenue and all that good stuff. Quite a few times I tried to get him in to some programme so he could take his GED test but I never succeeded. CJ is a small time hustler with a "Scarface" dream, so education is not on top of his priority list.

ME: So what are you up to these days CJ? What are you doing up two in the morning?
CJ: You know the drill, trying to get paid! You know what I'm saying?
ME: You better get your shit straight CJ!
CJ: it's rough out here Mad, Niggers popped Skippy few months ago you know!
ME: Skippy? Is he that fat kid who walks funny?
CJ: Yes that's him! They smoked his ass in Baltimore.
ME: I am surprised he lived this long! What is he 22 or 23?
CJ: Some shit like that! Listen Mad, can you help on that GDE thing?
ME: First, It's GED you ass wipe! Second, I am done with you! Do your own shit!
CJ: I promise, I won't fuck up this time Mad!
ME: CJ, just go to a fucken library, they will give you all the information you need.
CJ: It's like that uh?
ME: I had it with you CJ, now leave me alone and let me eat this stupid apple.

Cj got irritated and took off with his bicycle but he came right back to deliver a piece of his mind.

"You're full of shit Mad! I don't need a fucken GED! You have a college degree, but look at you, you're a fucken sorry ass cab driver! PUNK!!!"

CJ disappeared in to the darkness and I didn't have any response to the torpedo he just fired my way, he wouldn't understand anyways.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, May 14, 2009


Look at the new face of the Republican Party! A sexually confused fat man if you notice carefully the way he is sucking on that stupid cigar, He likes it big too!

I thought I was the only one who found the Wanda Sykes "I hope his kidney fails!" line very funny. Everyone is like "she went too far with that cheap shot!" Cheap shot my ass! I laughed my ass off! My friend Lizzie articulated the reasons very well why Rush "To Eat" Limbaugh don't deserve an ounce of sympathy for the beating he took that night. In fact Lizzie concluded her post by saying:

"I'm vehemently against torture. But I would happily waterboard Rush any day."

I hope he wakes up with a hemorrhoid a size of a basketball! How you like that one?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


Last night I picked up a petite young blond from a bar in DuPont Circle. She was trying to get home around Logan Circle after a bartending gig. She could have easily walked out to the street and flagged a cab off Connecticut avenue but instead she called Diamond Cab and paid the extra $2.00 charge for the service. But she was telling me that ever since she got robbed by a thug who was driving a stolen cab she was riding in, she stopped catching a cab off the street whenever she rides alone at night. Cabs get stolen all the time and who ever drives the stolen cab could have an open crime season to do what ever he wants if he decides to pick up people. I think she is lucky person that she is still living.

This is another reason why you should call Diamond Cab, especially if you are a chick riding alone at night. Don't call our only competition (Yellow Cab)! The drivers are ugly motherfuckers and they only take showers on holidays. Here at Diamond Cab, drivers are required by management to take a shower at least once every other week but most drivers I know are hygiene freaks and they do shower every Sunday.

Here is our call center number if you need it! (202)387-6200

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Monday, May 11, 2009


I have been robbed at gunpoint couple of times. The first time I got robbed I almost pooped on my seat but I ended up just having a few brown skid marks in my pants. Just as a reminder on how my job dangerous it could be, I have that same messy pants nicely framed and hanged in my living room. Sometimes I have visitors to my house asking me, "Hey Mad, we didn't know that you're in to abstract arts! Is that a Picasso?"

"That's not a Picasso motherfucker! That's what night cabbies pants look like every time a gun is pointed at the back of their heads!"

The second time was a little different, there were no skid marks or anything like that. I was cool and calm and the jackass who robbed me was nice and polite as well, I think I gave him my card in case next time he needed a ride.

Lately I am kind of feeling my third one is past due, especially in my case who never cherry pick his passengers. You could be waving your gun with one hand and a crack pipe with the other to get my attention, and my dumb ass would stop for you to take you to where ever shit hole you belong to. This time I am hoping to have a drink afterwards with the next motherfucker who's going to rob my sorry ass.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, May 07, 2009


"It's much pleasurable than a good fuck!"

That's how a lady in her late fifty's described to me her love for sailing. I picked her up last week very early in the morning from Georgetown going to Union Station. She was traveling to New London, Connecticut to participate in some kind of sailing race.

What people say and do never shocks me. I have heard it all and seen it all but for some odd reason this old broad kind of stunned me.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009


I am a very confidant individual, you can laugh all you want but I consider myself a successful person. You may ask, "Mad Cabbie, you drive a dumb ass cab for a living! How could you say some stupid ass shit like that nigger?"

You see, the media oriented society made us believe that success is only gauged by how much shit load of money you have, how big a mansion you live in, which Ivy League college you went to, how many important people you mingle around with, how expensive is the piece of metal you drive and so on and so on. That might be half true, I don't know because I never had either of those things. But what I have is a sense of freedom, the ability to simplify my life, the availability to participate in a cause I passionately care for, great family and friends (some of them shady) and the greatest of all, I DON'T own an alarm clock and a TV set!

I am not perfect by no means but I am confident enough that I will be smiling in my death bed looking back on how I lived my life. Let me tell you a little story about what could be one of the the building blocks that made Mad cabbie who he is today.

When I was 13 years old we lived at the 600 block of Peabody street in DC, right behind the 4th district police station. Nice working class black neighborhood, my mother was the only white person there, or maybe with exception of few white cops who cruised back and forth the streets on their way to the station. The house right across from us lived the "The Jerry Curl Family", the parents and the twin boys all wore Jerry curls which was fashionable in the black community at the time. The twins were the bullies of the street, those niggers had full beard at 13 man. They used to claim that my mother was a CIA agent spying on the black community, and they bitch slapped me all the time when I stood up for her. It came to a point that I was afraid to come out of my house, in fact I was so bored in my room I jerked off all day long.

It was one summer morning, I woke up from bed and looked out the window and there were the Jerry curl twins sitting by the porch and enjoying the sun. I don't know what happened, something snapped in my head telling me "THE JERRY CURL TWINS MUST DIE!!!". I walked straight out to their porch and called out one of the brothers, and he did not know what's coming! He said something like, "What the fuck you want? It better be something good!" The minute he got to a striking range I knocked his greasy ass out cold with two fast blows one to his right ear and one to his nose. While he was lying on the floor unconscious and bleeding, his brother ran toward me but I used his own force to throw him to the ground and I managed to be on top of him choking him and banging his head against the ground.

To make the long story short, my parents ended up with a huge medical bill but those motherfuckers never fucked with me again. Ever since that summer morning my life changed for the better, I stopped believing the hype, I started to look at myself and the world very differently, It was a confidence building moment! Confident enough to believe that I could be a cabbie and have a simple happy life.

My father did well as a private contractor after he left the military so the following summer we moved to a much better neighborhood in Maryland with good schools, and I had to learn how to speak English all over again. The only problem? We were the only blacks in the hood! And my mother was like, "It's pay back time motherfuckers!"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

Thursday, April 30, 2009


Last night around midnight I was picking my nose while sitting at a red light at 14th and Irving when a distressed young woman banged on the passenger side window so I can let her in. When she got off the metro and walked few blocks towards 11th and Kenyon where she lived, and half way home couple of guys one of them holding a knife tried to rob her. She managed to run away from them until she found me. This poor soul was crying, moaning, farting and everything.

I suggested we call the cops so she can give them description of the thugs but all she wanted was to go home, didn't want to deal with the scare at all. The only thing she noticed was that they were couple of black guys, actually she was polite she said "African American gentlemen".

I gave her a free ride home which was only about four blocks so don't pat me on the back for that bone. I walked her to the basement of some row house and let her in safely. There have been all kind of muggings going on in Columbia heights while the cops are chilling at that 7-11 on 14th and Columbia. If you are especially a female walking home alone from the metro during those hours, use extra care please. I don't want to read about you on the metro section of the post.

In the mean time if you see two black guys in Columbia Heights, let me know will you?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009


Hey Mad DC Cabbie, How are you? and sorry about your loss.

I need help MC,

Where can an average looking professional Caucasian man in his early forties like myself can hang out and meet decent women in the Washington area. You are a man of wealth of information, so help a brother out. You can call me at 240-***-**** if you want.


Onley, MD

P.S race is not an issue with me, I love them all.

I feel your pain J.D, just living in Olney, Maryland has to be a daily torture by itself. I assume an average looking Caucasian man means you're fat and bolding white dude, but that's okay my friend! There is enough love in Washington for everyone to spread around.

I recommend Bambule at 5225 Wisconsin avenue in Friendship Heights. It's a small night club that plays lot of bad music, the owner who is a Persian man in his sixties is also a wannabe DJ sometimes. But who cares about the freaken music? You want to get laid or meet your future bride. This place is full of women from all over the world but very few black chics if you are in to a little jungle fever.

I use to call this joint the "Olga" club because every Russian chic you meet there is named Olga. There are quite a few "Green Card" hunters looking for their American prince to marry them, so pretty much all you need to be is an American who can breath on his own if you are in to that game. There are local American women as well and most of them with their biological clocks ticking so high it's hard to listen to the bad music they play in that joint.

Any how, J.D Check out this meet market on a weekend, dress nicely and be yourself. Ask as many women as possible to dance with you, it will pay off finally. Don't worry about your dancing skills, nobody cares! Trust me you won't be disappointed.

Please write about your experience and I will post it and by the way, I must warn you in advance that most of the women out there are kind of old. I think the average age of the chics is like 29 or something.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Monday, April 27, 2009


I really wasn't feeling it last night. I was in no mood to work, it was just one of those nights where you don't feel like doing shit. At the same time staying home alone wasn't an option at all. I called my friend Pastor Joe so we can hang out but he was too busy with those biker chics and told me to fuck off.

I dragged my ass off to work but I first stopped by the BUNKER to say hi and talk to some friends but there was no one there that I knew very well. I talked to a couple of hookers that I haven't seen in a long time, they didn't like my new hair cut and told me to get lost. I got out of the BUNKER and started to cruise, and here comes my first customer!

GUY: Take me to the nearest establishment where alcohol is served!
ME: There is one across the street. Pointing at the Hawk and Dove bar
GUY: Fuck that place! There is nothing but a bunch of Capitol Hill faggets in there!
ME: You are in a good mood tonight!
GUY: Fuck it, take me to Georgetown I want get drunk tonight.
ME: Why Would you wanna get shitfaced on a Sunday night?
Guy: That bitch embarrassed me in front of our fiends!
ME: Which bitch?
GUY: Girlfriend of four years didn't want to accept this $4000 ring, can you believe this shit?
ME: I hope you can get your money back dude!
GUY: Fuck her and her friends I am going to get drunk, my pussy ass friends didn't want to come with me. You want to hang out have drinks with me cabbie? Are you at the end of your shift?

I have been offered to have drinks with my passengers few times but never once took on the offer but last night I was looking for an excuse not to work and I found it. I parked my sorry ass cab and joined my distraught passenger at Mr Smith's in Georgetown. I haven't had a drink in at least seven months or so, and the first beer I killed gave me a buzz and my man was taking shots after shots.

Mr M is a guy in his mid thirties who worked for some foreign news organization, extremely smart but a loud mouth, the motherfucker was even too loud for me. He said that his girl insisted on getting married for the last two years or so but he was setting up the right moment and time until last night. When he proposed to her at this small restaurant in Capitol Hill in front a few friends, she jumped out her seat and run to the bathroom and locked herself out until her friends begged her and and got her out there. She cried and declined the offer and played "It's not you, it's me!" bullshit and left the restaurant with her friends.

We hit couple of more bars with my new heartbroken friend and there I ran in to this girl I knew and haven't seen in a while. We had volunteered together few years ago until she found a new job and moved away to Rwanda. I used to have the hots for her, we made out couple of times but there was some dude she dated at the time so it didn't go anywhere. I kind of sensed she was happy to see me again so I gave her my number, kissed her on the cheek and said good-bye. At the same time the jackass I am with was completely shitfaced and was getting out of control so before he embarrassed me I payed the bill and dragged him out of the bar.

After a back and forth argument telling him he needs to go home and sleep it off, finally we got to in cab and instructed our Ethiopian cabbie to take us to 15th and P to drop off my friend first and drive me to my mom's house just couple of miles from the District line in Maryland. That way it would be easy for me to wake up in the morning and pick up my cab from M street at 7am before they start towing. Thanks for that Ethiopian cabbie, he helped me carry my new friend to his door, we made sure he got his drunk ass in the house and we took off. When I told the story to my Ethiopian cabbie he laughed his ass off! He said he has been driving a cab for over 25 years but never got drunk with his passengers.

It turned out to be a good night for me! I ended up not working, and thanks to Mr M because of him I met that girl I used to like and I hope she calls. As for Mr M, I don't think the night was according to his plan. Instead of sealing the deal with his future bride he ended up getting wasted with some dumbass cabdriver.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, April 23, 2009


Here are couple of ex Mujaheddin DC cab drivers taking a break and reminiscing about their rocket propelled grenade days at the Exxon station located in front of the Ritz Carlton on 22nd street. This Exxon is the new hot spot for DC cabbies and I am pretty sure the lucky guests at the Ritz are thrilled about the view from their expensive hotel rooms.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009


"Cab 425! Just go run the freaking job man! you can text me if you get shot!"

Robby the dispatcher's response to a cabbie who complained about a call that goes to a crack central in southeast DC. Diamond Cab Company! We are one big happy family.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


God bless his soul, my dad was a big ABC's "Night Line" fan, thanks to Ted Koppel.Even after some Indian dude with a bad British accent took over the show my parents still watched it from bed at the end of the night. As soon as the show signs off, that's when the midnight call from my mother comes my way and it's always the same conversation.

MOM: Hello Mad, are you at work yet?
ME: Yes mom, how are you?
MOM: Did you have something to eat?
ME: Yes mom!
MOM: Did you rest well?
ME: Yes mom!
MOM: Did you pray for your safety tonight? (Mom is a die-hard Catholic)
ME: Yes mom!
MOM: Please don't pick up bad people!
ME: I will try not to mom!
MOM: I love you! Say good night to your father, I will put him on the phone...

...and it is still the same conversation, same time, but no "say good night to your father!" anymore.

God I miss my dad!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


My first pick up of the night from Robby the dispatcher was at the Kennedy Warren, pricey apartments on Connecticut avenue overlooking the Rock Creek Pkwy. Tall skinny white dude rushed out of the lobby and got in to my cab and wanted to do round trip to Glover Park. Normally when people request a round trip that means they're shopping for drugs. Glover Park by no means is the drug hot spot of Washington DC, the only thing I know about that neighborhood is that the majority of DC alcoholics live there.

The guy came clean and told me that he wanted to spy on his girlfriend because he is convinced that she is cheating on him. She was supposed to be in her bed early, at least that was what she told him couple of hours ago. He got tipped off by one of his friends that she was being cozy with some dude at a bar in Bethesda so he wanted to confront her when she comes back to her apartment.

I pulled over at the corner of 39th and Benton around 12:30am with my romantically crushed passenger, and about half an hour into my stalking mission I told him that the meter is going to cap out at $19.00 (DC LAW) for a local trips and I am not going to wait and sit on my ass for the pathetic $15 an hour waiting time! So I negotiated a decent hourly rate and started to stare at my windshield.

I kept asking "You are not going to hurt her are you?" but I knew he wouldn't, if he did I don't think he would have shown up at a potential crime scene with a dumb ass cab driver as a witness. I got hungry all of sudden and I took out my brown bag and started eating one of my corn beef sandwich and offered him the other, and the motherfucker was more hungry than I was. We started talking about relationships and the abundance of single women in DC and when I suggested to him that he should leave her alone and start dating other girls, the conversation went silent. My man is in love he didn't want to hear none of my Dr Phil shit.

It was almost two in the morning and our subject didn't show up at all, her cell phone was turned off when he tried to call her for the 100th time. I told him we need to get the fuck out of there when the same DC cop stared at us for the second time while he was making his rounds. He had no choice but to pay me and be left in the dark or to take the painful ride back to his expensive apartment. We both knew that his girl was banging some douchebag at that very moment.

It was a sad and quiet short ride and we pulled up to his driveway after our two hour failed mission, I got paid and wished him well! My next fare was a voucher call from a psychiatric institution on Wisconsin avenue, some nut-case and his accompanying nurse going to the ER at Sibley hospital! Who said cab driving is not intellectually stimulating?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009


I have been working like crazy! I am like those Pakistani drivers who carry empty milk containers to relieve themselves cause there is no fucken time to make a bathroom stop. Business is good, people don't have cash to take exotic trips instead they get fucked up at local bars and take cabs home.

I was running those kind of bullshit jobs until Ali the concierge from one of the top Washington hotels gave me a call last night. Whenever this motherfucker is on the phone it's always been a challenging task for me. He normally gives out the good lucrative easy hooker runs to his Iranian buddies. The only time he calls me is when the guest requests like a hooker with three tits, a chic with a size 14 feet or some odd ass shit like that.

ALI: Hey Mad Cabbie how are you? Sorry about your dad man!
ME: What the fuck you want Ali? I am busy.
ALI: You are going to make some cash tonight Mad!
ME: I am listening, I know your Iranian clowns couldn't make it happen!
ALI: It's Persian asshole! PERSIAN!!!
ME: What ever dude, what can I do for you Mr nuclear program?
ALI: How soon can you get Tammy at the hotel lobby?

Tammy is a transvestite call girl I got to know through my friend Mr Hook. I negotiated a nice finders fee for myself and I made a quick phone call to Mr Hook. Bad news and good news! Tammy wasn't available but another hot tranny called Alexis was on call. I called Ali and informed him about the change of plan and much higher rate for Ms Alexis.

"Mad! money is no object for this guest, just bring her in ASAP! Make sure you don't drag in some guy with a mustache wearing a dress, like you did three years ago motherfucker! I hope she/he is hot! Is she? Is she? What the fuck you mean you haven't seen her yet?"

I delivered Alexis in less than an hour, thanks to Mr Hook's last minute hustling. Transvestite escort girls are very hard to come by in Washington DC and you better have a thick wallet to have a real convincing hot chic looking transvestite like Alexis. I got paid handsomely on this run, I can't write much about Alexis because she didn't say much on the way to the hotel.

I think I got my game shoes on now! I am back for real.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Thursday, April 09, 2009


Bruce you did a nice job reporting and exposing the DC inspection station bribe operation. But your story should have begun like this, "After being alarmed by Mad Cabbie's blog dated March 31st 2008, Channel 9 News started investigating......"

I know your inside guys started taking pictures of those ashtrays full of bribe cash in May of last year a month after the Mad Cabbie team reported it.

"Mad what the fuck you want from Bruce Johnson? You're just full of it! Bruce doesn't even know your pathetic ass exists!"

Bruce knows I exist and I know he reads this blog too, we even had other small chit-chats in my cab quite a few times before. He likes talking to his drivers and he is a very big tipper, he is not a stuck up asshole like Channel 4's Jim Vance! By the way what's up with Jim Vance and his earring? Isn't he like 90 years old? Old fart trying to be cool!

All I am saying is Bruce should have given this blog a shout-out, my fans and I would have been proud. I might be wrong but I feel that my post about the DC inspection station inspectors special relationship with corrupt cab drivers was the initial source of his investigative report.

By the way, Dear Taxi Cab Commissioner Leon Swain Jr, I know you used to be a police officer bla bla bla and you want to investigate and get to the bottom of this, but let DMV do their own shit and fire those clowns and prosecute them and the guilty cab drivers! How about cleaning up your own office first? How hundreds of cab drivers got their taxi identification cards? I smell rats!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

P.S For some reason I couldn't upload The Channel 9 video but here is the link:

Monday, April 06, 2009


I think my old man is looking out for me from were ever he is it was amazing what happened last Thursday. Like I told you guys, both my registration and my inspection sticker have expired and my first stop was at the inspection station. For those of you who are not familiar with the DC motor vehicle inspection, it is the last place you want to be! Especially for cabs, I don't care if you take a brand new vehicle, they will find an unwritten rule to fail your ass. Don't forget some of the inspectors are used to getting bribes from cabbies and I remember few years ago one of the porters came to my window and told me that if I handed him a fifty dollar bill he will get one of his boys inside have me pass with flying colors, but I told him to go fuck himself and I was too loud too.

I tell you, this has to be a record! When I pulled up at the inspection station line it was 11:30 and by the time I passed the inspection, rushed to the DMV and got a new registration it was 1:10pm. What I encountered at the DMV was shocking, first of all the person who waited on me was a hot black chic, they never have hot chics at DC DMV, usually they are big ass mean looking women who could bitch slap you at any given moment. Second she said HELLO to me! Normally it's the "what the fuck do you want?" look and third she smiled and asked if I wanted a 1 year or a 2 year registration? WHAT? They never do a two year registration for cabs! For some silly reason we have to go over this shit every single year. I thought she was making a mistake but never hesitated to get the 2 year registration. As soon as I paid her and got my 2 year registration card, I dashed out of the building like a mental patient because I was afraid that she might realize her mistake and have the security guard stop my ass.

I was running down M street SW when Hassan an old time driver and fleet owner at Diamond Cab Company stopped me and asked me why am I running and sweating my ass off? and I said "Hassan I got to go man, I think DMV issued me a 2 year registration by mistake! I got to split, have a nice day old man!" Hassan shook his head in disgust and said "You stupid idiot! They have been issuing multi-year registration for cabs for almost a year now you dumb ass! You are getting dumber and dumber every time I see you. All cab drivers are STUPID! Finally you cut your stupid hair and now you look like a sissy ass boy! and when are you going to quit cab driving?" And he kept on going the opposite direction laughing and yelling to himself.

Hassan is a Syrian man in his mid sixty's, he's been driving a cab for forty years and he is the loudest person you can ever meet. He also have a bunch of cabs that he rents out so he deals with a lot of drivers. He's daily mantra is always "Cab drivers are the most stupid people on this planet!" and you can never satisfy this guy. First time I met Hassan years and years ago and when I told him I left a good paying job at NOAA to be a cab driver, even though we just met for the first time he didn't back out to call my then fragile ass the king of all stupids. I really wanted to kick his ass but later I found out that he calls everyone in the fleet stupid. One thing I will never forget is that when I suggested to him that my cab driving is temporary gig for a few month until I move on to something else, he laughed his ass off and said that I will die as an old cab driver inside my cab holding my steering wheel. Now every time this motherfucker sees me for the last eighteen years the first thing out of his mouth is "When are you going to quit driving a cab asshole?" Man I Love Hassan!

I sat in my cab for a while to catch my breath staring at my new registration card and said to myself, "Maybe Hassan is right after all, am I going to do something else after all these years?" Who gives a shit now! I got my meal ticket for another two years so I have couple years to think about my dynamic career.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Friday, April 03, 2009


I really thank everyone sincerely for the condolences and the nice words that you left on my last post. I am quite surprised that some of you are still checking up on me after six months of my absence. So now I feel like I am in debt to you guys to get my ass to work and post some interesting stuff and I will do so.

Thank you to the lovely Ms Red (Few months ago I saw you flying down 90mph on Rockville Pike while I was listening to the radio about a bank robbery in progress and I felt like giving out your description to the cops), Bill Harshaw, Thruhike98, Sarah, Alex Mullineaux, Qbubbles, Silver Spring Penguin, Peggy's Mom (I heard she is a gangsta now in her new Petworth neighborhood!) VM,JC, Petunia (all away from Africa), Peggy (Scottish Chic pretending to be an American), My man John (cheers mate!), Diedra Michelle (Good luck honey! Hang in there!), Moi, Diamond 888 (The night hustler), Officer L (Fine DC police officer who doesn't pay his gambling debt! Where is my money BITCH!!!) and all of the anonymous fans who had nice words to say.

And special thanks for the shout out to my peeps at DCBLOGS and FAMOUSDC.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

Wednesday, April 01, 2009


Last September while reading his Sunday paper my dad felt kind of dizzy and checked in a hospital. After a short battle with cancer on March 4th around 9:08pm with all his children by his side, my father passed away peacefully at home few minutes after he asked us to play one of Wes Montgomery's CD.

The last six month was sad and sweet for me. I spent every single day with him crying, laughing and rewinding our lives. I think it was the most unforgettable time of my life and I am hoping that I come out as a much better individual out of this experience.

I don't know, it is still kind of painful to talk about this and maybe I will write some kind of tribute to my dad in the future. I am not even sure if anyone is reading this blog anymore, it's been so long since I posted we even have a new president in the White House. I haven't worked in six month I think my savings is down to $4 or some shit so I need to get back to work real quick. Unfortunately I got all kind of stuff that are expired! My taxi registration and my inspection sticker are both no good, that means I have to deal with those clowns downtown first thing in the morning. GOOD LUCK!!!

I am hoping to get back on the street by Saturday night, life goes on I guess!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.