Monday, April 06, 2009


I think my old man is looking out for me from were ever he is it was amazing what happened last Thursday. Like I told you guys, both my registration and my inspection sticker have expired and my first stop was at the inspection station. For those of you who are not familiar with the DC motor vehicle inspection, it is the last place you want to be! Especially for cabs, I don't care if you take a brand new vehicle, they will find an unwritten rule to fail your ass. Don't forget some of the inspectors are used to getting bribes from cabbies and I remember few years ago one of the porters came to my window and told me that if I handed him a fifty dollar bill he will get one of his boys inside have me pass with flying colors, but I told him to go fuck himself and I was too loud too.

I tell you, this has to be a record! When I pulled up at the inspection station line it was 11:30 and by the time I passed the inspection, rushed to the DMV and got a new registration it was 1:10pm. What I encountered at the DMV was shocking, first of all the person who waited on me was a hot black chic, they never have hot chics at DC DMV, usually they are big ass mean looking women who could bitch slap you at any given moment. Second she said HELLO to me! Normally it's the "what the fuck do you want?" look and third she smiled and asked if I wanted a 1 year or a 2 year registration? WHAT? They never do a two year registration for cabs! For some silly reason we have to go over this shit every single year. I thought she was making a mistake but never hesitated to get the 2 year registration. As soon as I paid her and got my 2 year registration card, I dashed out of the building like a mental patient because I was afraid that she might realize her mistake and have the security guard stop my ass.

I was running down M street SW when Hassan an old time driver and fleet owner at Diamond Cab Company stopped me and asked me why am I running and sweating my ass off? and I said "Hassan I got to go man, I think DMV issued me a 2 year registration by mistake! I got to split, have a nice day old man!" Hassan shook his head in disgust and said "You stupid idiot! They have been issuing multi-year registration for cabs for almost a year now you dumb ass! You are getting dumber and dumber every time I see you. All cab drivers are STUPID! Finally you cut your stupid hair and now you look like a sissy ass boy! and when are you going to quit cab driving?" And he kept on going the opposite direction laughing and yelling to himself.

Hassan is a Syrian man in his mid sixty's, he's been driving a cab for forty years and he is the loudest person you can ever meet. He also have a bunch of cabs that he rents out so he deals with a lot of drivers. He's daily mantra is always "Cab drivers are the most stupid people on this planet!" and you can never satisfy this guy. First time I met Hassan years and years ago and when I told him I left a good paying job at NOAA to be a cab driver, even though we just met for the first time he didn't back out to call my then fragile ass the king of all stupids. I really wanted to kick his ass but later I found out that he calls everyone in the fleet stupid. One thing I will never forget is that when I suggested to him that my cab driving is temporary gig for a few month until I move on to something else, he laughed his ass off and said that I will die as an old cab driver inside my cab holding my steering wheel. Now every time this motherfucker sees me for the last eighteen years the first thing out of his mouth is "When are you going to quit driving a cab asshole?" Man I Love Hassan!

I sat in my cab for a while to catch my breath staring at my new registration card and said to myself, "Maybe Hassan is right after all, am I going to do something else after all these years?" Who gives a shit now! I got my meal ticket for another two years so I have couple years to think about my dynamic career.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.


John said...

UP and at'm.
I am waiting to get my tax clearence cert to have my car passed out and renew my licence. I wrote a cheque last month and never heard anything back from the tax office. So I phoned them, after much time they asked for the number of the check.
I had used my wife's book., I thought what is mine is hers,,,but she tells me the opposite is not true. She has hidden my check book in case I buy a vintage Ford Mustang. 1968 with low mileage with her money.

So I wrote another check, got her to sign it and now its down to the wire to have the car passed out before the licence expires. If I fail to renew in time the charge is e400

DMV stinks.

Looking forward to you hitting the streets again

JC said...

Somebody once told me bloggers are the dumbest people on the planet.

Go figure.

Anonymous said...

Hehehe one of my best friends here in NY is part Syrian Jewish part Puerto Rican - she has a heavy Brooklyn accent and laughs like Fran Drescher from the nanny. She doesn't speak either she always YELLS. Can't even invite her over to my apt cuz she keeps the gay Brazilain man who lives next door up at night. Glad to see your back and rollin :)
Thanks for the well wishes too MadCabbie

Red said...


Mad Cabbie said...

I thought we have it bad here John, I hope you get your clearance on time. A late fee of e400? I think you have Jesse James running things over there!

JC: I am told cabbies are the dumbest and you telling me bloggers are dumb I guess that makes me a multi-dummy!

Dee, that's some interesting hood you live in. By the way I did check out your video blog and besides presenting your case very well you are a very attractive woman.

Red, my dad always begged me to cut my hair and about a couple month a go I woke up from bed drove to a saloon my friend worked on Woodmont Ave in Bethesda and BANG! I put a big smile on may dad's face. Even though it was painful to watch myself in the mirror first, I like what I see now.

Anonymous said...

I know what you mean about the hair. When I was in my late teens I wanted a second piercing on my ears but my mum said "I know my daughter wouldn't do that" . I still have only one pierce on each ear. And I know I will do that as long as my mum is alive.

I am sure you made your dad very happy when you did that.


Anonymous said...

Mad, you really lucked out my man. I never passed inspection at the first shot. It's the Ethiopians who corupt those inspectors and the rest of us suffer!

Diamond 888

Leslie in Adams Morgan said...

glad you are back. i missed your sense of humour.

Anonymous said...

I used to rent a cab from Hassan, that man is crazy. After 3 weeks I couldn't take his bullshit anymore. I was with Diamond for over 15 years I left because Diamond don't believe in technology. I am with Yellow Cab now and we are kicking ass, it is a matter of time until Diamond goes out of bussiness. Mad Cabbie I still couldn't figure out who you really are?????? Is this that you Chris?

brokemoto said...

'You are stoobidd ahsshole tahksee driver!!!! Tahksee driver no good stoobidd Ahfrikkan shimbanzee why you break my car????!!!!! Why you doan bay rehnt ahsshole tahksee driver?!?!?!?!?!!! Chahvee no good, Chrsylah Ahfrikkan proof!!!!!! No good ahsshole tahksee driver, I smack you!!!!! Snatch the car!!!!'

Ah the Senor, Diamond will never be the same without you.

And to Anonymous, Yellow is 'kicking ass' in one department only: the accounts downtown at night. As far as showing up for the people who live here, Yellow STILL has the worst reputation. That computer has made it easier for a driver not to cover a job. If you see something that you think that you like better on the street, you just tell the computer that nobody is there and the stupid computer just believes you. At Schaeffer and Diamond, there is still a human being to call a driver on his B.S. No wonder some drivers like the computer. No one likes to be called on his B.S. A computer is too stupid to do that.

A hip, cracker-jack dispatcher, on the other hand, knows all about a cab driver's nonsense and is quick to call him on it. I , as well as other good dispatchers, am quick to call a driver on his garbage. This accounts for some drivers' very vocal statements/campaigns against me to Diamond management. It has happened before, and will happen again. Still, no driver who has ever started a campaign against me has ever won, in the end.

If you are a voucher hound, Yellow is the place for you. They have the accounts, no doubt about it. Vaughn did do that smart thing with Andy Schaeffer's money; hiring a salesman.

The problem with the satellite is that none of the 400 or 100 frequency equipment that is out there is currently set up for the 'constant on' that data transmission requires. They are set up for 'constant duty', which AIN'T the same as 'constant on'. The satellite dispatch was originally set up for the 800 frequencies, the micro-waves. The manufacturers designed the equipment for the 'constant on' that data transmission requires. This in one reason why commercial microwave transmission and reception equipment is so damned expensive. I know Vaughn's radio man; the sailin' AIN'T all that smooth over yonder on Bladensburg Road. The alternative is to rent repeater space, but that has its problems. You never get failures at Ten-Fifteen in the morning on Tuesday, you always get them at Ten-Thirty P.M. on the Friday of a three day weekend. I have seen it happen at a cab company in Massachusetts.

Still, given the calibre of driver that you get these days, the satellite is the way to go. It seems to be more difficult even to find a trainable dispatcher, anymore. Schaeffer's solution has been to train operators to dispatch. They can get calls off a computer screen, maybe, but they can not EFFIN' dispatch. The drivers there know it, too. Luckett may give them a hard time, they may say that they have a hard time understanding Dingle, but they would rather have either of those two than those operators. Truthfully, I never had problems with Luckett and I easily understood Dingle when I was at Schaeffer.

Even I, a Luddite, understand that technology is not stoppable; the technology just AIN'T quite at the right price and place, yet, for the cab business in the City.

You should do more posts on the characters who make up, and, made up, Diamond, Madmeister. Senor and I are two, but there are more.

Welcome back and I am sorry to learn of your loss.


Anonymous said...

I agree with Hassan, people that can; should find work that furthers their intellect and education, even if it pays less than physical labor. Once you get used to the money its hard to go back to a less paying rocket scientist job.

Mad Cabbie, I hope you take Hassan's advice, I hope you find your dream job soon.

Work is very noble, and is very important to human dignity, but no one pictures themselves 20 or 40 years from now still driving a cabbie. We all think it is temporary.

What are you gonna do when the Mexicans learn to drive, speak, and blog? (yes its a long shot, Jose the Gardiner + Spanish GPS + voice translator = Jose the Cabbie)

Its sad to realize that America is full of jobs that were intended as summer jobs or an interim basis, but some has latched on to them and gave up their profession or dream career because of the money. A 50 yr old man should not have 30 years experience working as a "Shift supervisor at McDonald" and should not plan to retire at 65 from the same Job; But sadly it is.

I wish there was enough jobs for everyone, young and old. America is full of hard workers, I just wish we go back to inventing stuff and let China manufacture for the rest of the world!

Keep up the good work.

Anonymous said...

Ah, This is exactly what I was looking for! Dispells
a few misnomers I've heard