Sunday, September 07, 2008


After a couple of nights in New York and a week in Ocean City, I got back last Sunday so I can beat the Labor Day traffic. I spent another week here local just hanging out and working on my apartment in DC. BTW If anyone out there who is interested in renting a spacey one bedroom apartment four blocks from the Dupont metro, it will be available 10/1/08. It has a big ass bedroom that you can pull off a foursome without getting crowded, huge closets where you could hide your boyfriends when your hubby walks in and one assigned parking space! $1800+ utilities or $1650+ utilities without the parking space ($25 application fee and $1800 security deposit). If interested email me at

The first night after break was action less until I picked up this drunk guy with attitude in his fifties in front of the Camelot Club .

GUY: I am already pissed off so don't piss me off!
ME: I won't, where're we going tonight?
GUY: Wheaton, Maryland.
ME: Where in Wheaton?
Guy: There is only one Wheaton!

I started to get annoyed because Wheaton has to be at least ten square miles and this guy was being a smart ass by telling me there is only one Wheaton.

ME: If you are not willing to tell me exactly where you're going I don't think I can help you my friend!
GUY: You better start driving! You are pissing me off and I am not your friend!!
ME: Sir this ride is over I need you to get out of the cab...
GUY: I am not getting out of this cab! Take me to Connecticut and Randolph in Wheaton, that's where I am going! Are you fucking happy now?

The motherfucker was drunk and I wasn't in the mood to deal with his ass on the first night back so I tried to get out of it by asking the fare money upfront. It didn't work, I asked for $30 and he handed me that amount.

The ride was dead silent, he was making all kind of movement in the backseat and he really made me cautious and extra alert. I pulled out my sorry ass iron pipe from underneath my seat and placed it on the front passenger seat for a potential combat action. I asked if he was alright but he ignored me and started mumbling to himself. Sometimes I feel like wearing a football helmet for protection while driving in this kind of tricky situation.

When we got to his hood the fare was $21.25 and I was very quick to put the car on gear to free both of my hands, if he tried any stupid ass move I was ready to deliver some nice ass whopping. While I was counting some cash to give him his change, he interrupted me by saying "Don't worry about the change, here is another $10 and thanks for the ride man!" and he exited the cab without any drama.

I wasted all that energy on thinking how to defend myself and shit but he ended up tipping me almost 100% instead. I tell you, cab driving could be a funny ass business sometimes you know! So I put back that old rusty sorry ass iron pipe where it belonged. Under my seat!

"What's up with that Micky Mouse iron pipe shit! You better start packing heat like those Jamaican drivers Mad!"

What ever dude and please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.


smokey eyes said...

I think he finally realized he was being an asshole and went on a guilt-trip.

The Royal Oak tc said...

It reminds me of that scene in taxi after Judd Hearst got robbed.
The next fair he pick up was two nuns. after questioning them he threw them out and as he drove away he said " boy that was close".
I pickeds up Judd in London some years ago and refused to take any money for the fair. I told him, I thought the program Taxi was the best sit com ever and probably the reason I drive a Cab.

Taylor Wray said...

How many drivers do you think will opt for hand-held firepower now that handguns will be sold in the District?

Mad Cabbie said...

I agree with Smokey Eyes BTW the title of your blog is very interesting but no entries yet!

Royal Oak, Taxi was an ok sit-com but if you really want a flic with a real cab driver's experience, rent a movie called "Hell Cab" A well written and a well made movie. I watch it every Christmas season!

Taylor, I know few cabbies who pack heat..#1 It's illegal even if you buy the gun legally #2 It's not going to help the driver because the would be thug is sitting behind pointing a gun to the driver's head already. I was robbed at gun-point before, if I messed around trying to grab my gun, I wouldn't be alive to write this blog today! So I don't think the new law would encourage more drivers to carry guns.

Peggy said...

I'm so glad he didn't hurt you. Don't you guys have a panic button or something when a fare goes special on you?

Mad Cabbie said...

This is DC Peggy! We just got introduced to meters, Panic buttons are about 100 years away!

Anonymous said...

Mad, I think hanging out with your Ethiopian buddies paid off. They were the ones who bought the Washington real estate when nobody was buying in the 80's and the early 90's!


Anonymous said...

Hey welcome back from vacation Mad!

How come you DC cabbies don't have those protective screens between the front and back seats?

Glad that whole scenario worked out for you.

Good luck renting out that apt, too.


Mad Cabbie said...

It got nothing to do with the Ethiopians #888! In 1991 I happened to have a desperate person who wanted to sell in my back seat, $5000 in savings, a bank that trusted me and a little bit of luck.

Mad Cabbie said...

Thanks Rob, In DC those protective screens are optional...One of these days I think I should put them in!

Xtreme English said...

wonder wot he was doing? maybe looking for his wallet to give you the extra $10?? glad you have an iron pipe to help enforce the rules....

welcome back from your vacation. did you have a great time?

peggy's mom

King of New York Hacks said...

Yo Mad Cabbie welcome back brother. I myself go into combat mode too when I feel the situation is necessary whether they have an Armani Suit or Tommy Hilfiger Gear on....and either can be VERY RUDE and THREATENING at times...However Melissa Plaut (aka.NY Hack) in her book spoke some true shit about defense because in NYC if we have an iron pipe under our seat , our licensed gets revoked forever. No Shit Bro. No Weapons allowed,period. So , in her book some Romanian dispatcher dude told her any sign of trouble , buckle up, slam into a walll, tree, whatever hopefully near the police and exit the cab while the mofo revives....and if he don't ACCIDENT ...F--insurance---F--cab---You are still riding the chariot to live another day.

Peace out my brother.

M@ said...

That was an uplifting story, somehow!


"you can pull off a foursome without getting crowded"

--Good selling point you might mention... You're like Deniro selling a used car in that movie, as a former mobster.

"Plenty of room in the trunk. You can fit THREE bodies in there!"

John said...

So glad you didn't whack him there and then, empty his pockets,put John McKains laundry receipt into his pocket and drive off.
I also hate the shifty guy...

brokemoto said...

Welcome back, hope that you enjoyed it.

I have a partition.

The drawbacks:

1. It takes away leg room from the back seat.

2. The driver's seat is jammed up against the steering wheel.

3. It restricts the flow of air. This is not critical in the winter, spring or fall, but in the summer, it can be brutal for the customer. Some guys run ductwork to the floors, but that is only a partial solution, as cold air does not rise. Holes in the partition are no help. I solve the problem by suspending a fan in the opening. It draws the supercool air from the driver's compartment into the passenger compartment.

4. It creates an echo chamber such that when the fan and the two way radio are on, it is difficult to hear what the passenger is saying.


1. It does create a barrier between you and the thug. As more than one study on urban crime will tell you, even the slightest barrier between a criminal and a potential target makes that target less inviting.

2. It has discouraged more than one thug from even getting in. I have had more than one thug get in, see it and say "s'aaah-eyet, Ah duzzint wanna' go". This happens frequently at the Greyhound. Of course, the police at the Doggies are more interested in why the cab drivers do not want to pick up the thugs than running the thugs out of there. More than once I have had a cop stop me as I was pulling away and ask me why I did not pick up the thugs. I always have a smart answer. First, I tell him that the thug(s) (and I use that word) decided that they did not want to go. Then, I will add something like 'instead of worrying about me, why don't you ask the thugs why they are wearing greatcoats in the middle of July?'

I hate the Doggies. I do not hang around there, but sometimes the thugs try to get in when you are dropping off someone there.

Mad Cabbie said...

Hi Peggy's mom, vacation was ok...rained for a couple of days in Ocean City...I read a few books, nothing exciting!

What's up King, I was in your neck of the hood...I met a homeless dude around Times Square, He said that he drove NY Yellow Cab in the seventies. I spent an interesting 20 minutes with him. You know, they probably have the same law in DC regarding the iron pipe, I don't know. But who gives a shit, we got to do what we got to do!

Matt, that was one of the best Di Nero lines....I have another bad ass Quentin Tarantino line for you from Pulp Fiction, "DID YOU NOTICE A SIGN IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE THAT SAYS DEAD NIGGER STORAGE?"

John, it's very hard to figure out how to react when people are pissed at you, especially when you are inches apart!

Well said Phil! BTW Robby is back dispatching and I am loving it, he knows that I don't like airport jobs so he sends me all the shitty jobs other drivers hate. I saw him the other day and he is about nine month pregnant! what's up with that?

Lugosi said...

Whenever I encounter an uncomfortable situation I just start telling jokes. They get so disgusted with my lame attempts at humor that they flee the cab.

Mad Cabbie said...

Lug, I heard some of your passengers change their minds and cancel the call when they find out that's you in their driveway!

brokemoto said...

Yeah, I heard about Jones. I rarely worked with him because I never could make any money with him.

I'm glad you like him. How long do you think that he will last this time?

Lugosi said...

Hmmmm.... That would explain a lot.

Lyla Lou said...

Wow, am so glad I stumbled upon your blog, it's great!!

Mad Cabbie said...

Thanks Lyla!