Wednesday, January 30, 2008

A VERY EXPENSIVE PUKE

Hustleman Charles called me last night crying over the phone that some chick puked in his cab, and that's one of the worst shit can happen to a cab driver. If someone throws up in my cab that means I am pretty much out of commission for the next 24 hours having the vomit cleaned and getting the stink out of the cab. So that means a loss of a one night income plus the clean up cost and usually a guy named Sam is our in house puke clean up expert.

Sam is an old timer who has been hanging around Diamond Cab Company for ages hustling cab drivers offering his clean up services. You throw Sammy a twenty dollar bill he will clean up a nuclear waste out of your car in minutes and runs to the liquor store and come back happy. I told hustleman Charles to stop crying on my ass and see Sam in the morning and take his losses since he was stupid enough to let the puking chick go home free without taking any financial responsibility. That can not happen in Mr. Mad Cabbie's cab!

The last vomiting passenger experience I had was about five years ago when I picked up this chick in front of the Third Edition in Georgetown. Her friends threw her in my cab and asked me to take her to one of the apartments around the National Zoo and paid for the ride in advance. She was fucken wasted and her breath smelled like shit, I could tell that she had been puking so I thought she was done and settled but still let her knew that if she got sick again and mess up my cab it could cost her $300 (There is a sign posted in my cab) and of course like any drunk ass person would respond she said, "No problem! No problem! I am ok! Just take me home!". Not even a minute after she gave me her words of confidence she sprayed her stink all over the back seat and I was on fucken fire!

When I demanded she owed $300 or face the cops (of course the cops can't do shit beside writing a report) she was scared and sorry and promised to pay me the next day. I took every information from her drivers license, got her phone number and her business card and left her ass in front of her building and I cut short my shift and went to my girlfriend's apartment for the night.

The next day was a Sunday and she wasn't responding to the few messages I left both on her home and cell phones and I was getting irritated, and at this point it's not even about the money anymore but she FUCKED with the wrong cab driver. I called her few more times while Sam was cleaning up her stink but never heard from her. Sam did an excellent work so I threw him a fifty and I got back to work Sunday night and a few minutes in to my shift her boyfriend called me to tell me not to harass her anymore and he offered me $20 for the clean up cost and I told him to go fuck himself and hanged up the phone.

The next morning I called her at her office and she picked up and warned me not to call her anymore or she will contact the police and file a complaint that I was trying to rip her off and that's when I drove straight to her office building at 2400 M street NW with a mission. She worked for a major financial institution as a financial adviser and when she saw me in front of her small office her jaw dropped to the floor, she was nervous and I was calm and I said, "I am ready to call the cops for you now and is this how you want to handle this?"

To make this already long ass story short we went down to the lobby together and she withdrew $300 from an ATM machine and handed me the cash and told me what a big ass-hole I was and everything else. I didn't give a shit, I took the cash with a big smile on my face and she saved herself from a huge embarrassment in front her colleagues so it was a win win situation for both of us.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

27 comments:

yellow 47 said...

Zebra, I had that experience once and a DC police officer assisted me collecting $200...people don't understand what it takes to get a cab ready after a nice pool of vomit...the funny thing is she puked while giving a head to her boyfriend and he wasn't too happy either.

See you tonight MC:

Yellow 47

Mad Cabbie said...

Hey Y47,

Dinner at Cafe Milano? $200
Take her dancing? $50
8 shots of drinks to get in to her pants? $55
Your honey puking on your balls in a back seat of a taxicab? PRICELESS!

See you later buddy!

Peggy said...

Man! I will NEVER puke in your cab!

Trish said...

I once got sick in a d.c cab and volunteered and paid him an extra $50 for his trouble and he let me go.

june in florida said...

Not in a taxi but the funniest puke story i heard was that car show on PBS radio.Guy had his great dane sitting in the front seat of his Lexus and the dog puked onto the dash, all down the heating vents etc.The recommendation was to junk the car!

Sean Robertson said...

Never threw up in a cab - always managed to make it home and get to the bathroom first. LOL

Lugosi said...

I'll give you a call the next time I come down with a stomach virus.

Anonymous said...

That bitch was stupid for giving you $300 bucks five yars ago. Its obvious you are Madd for money taking advantage of people who can't control their bodily functions. $300 is a lot of money, you are the cab driver from hell. Do you know how much work we have to do for $300 in the real world. You basically took the law in your own hands, kidnapped, stalked, and extorted that chick, hence the big smile on ur face.

Anonymous said...

To Anon:

There is a fucking disclaimer in the car. Sitting down in that fucking seat you are accepting all the stipulations of doing so.

It was a legal contract.

Mad Cabbie said...

Peggy, you can puke anytime in my cab, I will probably preserve it and sell it on ebay!

That's real funny June, but I would tear apart that Lexus to the ground and clean it up! how do you junk a Lexus?

Sean, you are a pro my friend!

Lug, you probably lock your puking passenger in your basement until you get paid!

Anonymous #1, Let me come to your office and drop a load of vomit on your desk because I over drunk irresponsibly and see how you feel! You're supposed to do all your puking before you get in to a cab! and why should I bite the expense of clean up and a loss of income on a Saturday night? and I don't care what you have to do in your world to make $300, I didn't come up with that figure out of the blues, It's what it costs my friend. And that chick was smart to pay up before the cops showed up at her office, It could have been more expensive for her If I took it to small claims court and I would have...Did I kidnap, stalk, and extort her? no, no and no! Am I a cab driver from hell? You may be correct on that one!

Anonymous #2, I am glad I have smart readers like you and thanks for your legal clarification, usually I depend on other cab drivers who watch lots of Court TV when I am in need of legal advices!

Uncle Keith said...

I'd let the drunk people ride in the trunk. You could make up a little rhyme, "If you're drunk, ride in the trunk!"

Mad, I don't blame you. Losing a day's pay because someone didn't know when to stop, seems a little much.

Mad Cabbie said...

You maybe up to something Uncle Keith! "IF YOU'RE DRUNK RIDE IN THE TRUNK!" I should get tons of bumper stickers made and sell it to cab drivers all over the country! What do you think?

Anonymous said...

I love hot sex ... hot sex with chicks! Mad Cabbie ain't got nuthin on my G thingggggg ... Sex, Sex with chicks! I love to have sex! With chicks!

Anonymous said...

Madd and your whole 'yes' team, whatever guys. If that's how you choose to make your bread and butter go ahead, I guess the facts of life have to be learned and digested. Yall do not know what the fuck you all are saying, maybe rich people have it right. He that dies with the most toys wins. Exactly, huh?

Lucy said...

Vomit is the worst thing in the world to clean out of a car. You practically have to hold an exorcism to get rid of it. If you ask me, $300 is a great deal.

Kyt Dotson said...

Eugh. What a story!

For Madd:

I certainly would avoid throwing up in thy cab. If nothing else, frankly, because puking is no fun for anyone involved.

I will now have to really think about using this fact in one of my Vexations stories.

To our dissenter:

A drunk person would be responsible if they damaged any other type of property -- like if they were to stumble around an expensive crystal store because they were unable to control their gait (another bodily function.) Why shouldn't they be responsible for causing damage to a cab?

Cabdrivers are not known for being rich, so I totally do not see any merit in the "rich people have it right" comment. Go troll someplace else.

The (Tall finely groomed) Troll said...

Kyt Dotson, kiss my ass dude, I was personally invited to this blog, I don't know about you. Why I'm not cheering and smiling along with Madd, I have my reasons. I guess peace can be made between myself and this blog, if the chick blames her friends for putting her in the cab or any cab, because it seems she was not ready to be in the cab. That is not Madd's problem, but it doesn't hurt to really dig deeper to as to who is responsible for the chick to have to pay an exuberant amount of money for a cab ride. It's senseless dude for a ride home. You can do a lot of more luxurious traveling for $300, that is where my goose is gotten. When she was passed out on the sidewalk it never occured to her that she was going to have to pay $300 for what was going to take place over the next 15 minutes. Let's see if we arrive at any more stories like this so I can work out whatever issue that Im having.

OJ said...

If you hadn't called the police on me that night, you probably would have been assed out.

I would have given you a fake name and number. If I lived in an apartment, you'd have had no idea which one...

Anonymous said...

you're an asshole Mad Cabbie. $300? I've never puked in cab before but if I ever did, I sure as hell wouldn't give him 3 bills. You know what, it's your job that you choose. You don't people puking in your cab? Start working the day shift...

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
John said...

Soiling charge here in Dublin is e125.
I know of a driver who poured paint stripper all over 3 cars parked in a drive belonging to a non paying puker.
Bad behavior on both sides.

Anonymous said...

I feel better about the story since this woman was partying in Georgetown and worked in a high-priced office downtown. Obviously she could afford the green and just didn't want to take responsibility for her own actions (drunk or not, you're still legally bound to follow the rules of whichever private place of business you wish to patronize). Grown professional people still getting out-of-control wasted like that is pathetic and I feel sorry for the company she works for as well as her clients.

Don't worry about the haters. These people going on about you being a tyrant are probably the same type of spoiled, self-absorbed, self-righteous asswipes that unfortunately infect too much of our fine little burg already. Mad, you would've been within your rights to get the police involved that night and had her arrested for public drunkenness, never mind just confronting her at her workplace. Good for you and stay strong, brother! For myself and many others, I have been thankful for you guys being around many a late night in Adams Morgan, Georgetown, Downtown and Dupont Circle without taking advantage.

Anonymous said...

A really hot chick threw up my cab a few weeks ago after giving a BJ to her date in the back---she gave me a C note plus the fare when we got to her place. I was able to clean it up pretty quick, so it worked out ok.

Anonymous said...

Hey, brother! This is MadCabbieJan from Madison, WI! Great to see this page! You're my hero for wrestling the 300.00 from the drunk chick. Rock on!

Anonymous said...

This is the most erroneous thing I have ever heard. First off the cab driver is accepting the liability that a person might puke in their cab when they pick up a drunk fuck. If you don't want to take on that liability then don't pick them up. Is it really that hard? Going around shaking people down for $300 bucks so you can go visit your girlfriend is unacceptable behavior. If anything that women should have called the police on you. Don't like driving drunk people then get a new job or don't pick them up.

Anonymous said...

Il semble que vous soyez un expert dans ce domaine, vos remarques sont tres interessantes, merci.

- Daniel

Anonymous said...

I am a cabbie from Miami. Here is an insight for those who disagree with the collection of $300. I had 2 black girls refused to pay me the cab fare and the puking fee. They got out and begin to leave. I followed them wherever they went and called the cops. Their refusal to pay me in the presence of the cops landed them in jail. After spending the night in jail they probably will pay more in court costs/fines than what I had asked them. Some people learn the hard way. The girl who paid $300 was definitely smarter than the 2 I sent to jail. Peace.