Thursday, January 03, 2008
PLEASE DON'T MARCH OUT
That time of the year again at every gym in America, gyms full of new members and their new year's resolution to loose weight. Here at my gym we call them the "March Outs", they march in January and out in March and never to show up again making the gym operators rich by signing long time contracts. Even Hustle Man Charles signed his fat ass to a gym yesterday!
If I stop driving a cab today, I think I am capable of being a knowledgeable personal trainer tomorrow. I have been working out consistently for over twenty years and I thank my dad Mr Army-Man for guiding me on how to develop a work out routine and strong discipline. Over the years I experimented with all kind of workout tricks and techniques for maximum result without getting injured and helped a lot of people along the way. After my sister had her baby it took me less than a year to get her back in to her pre-pregnancy shape even though I made her cry like a baby doing so.
Listen, If you have to wait until new year to start getting your lazy ass in shape, you are doomed to fail. It's like making an appointment to learn how to breath the freaken free air for God's sakes! and please don't go out and run and sign up gym membership cause being in a gym doesn't mean jack unless you have the mind set and the strong will to dedicate lots of time around the gym equipments. To be honest with you, you really don't need a gym membership at first, what you need is to train yourself to adapt to a simple work out plan and a day by day eating habit.
Try the following first and you will be amazed by the results:
1-Throw your TV in the garbage
2-Don't buy in to the diet bullshit, just slowly reduce your portion to the smallest possible but never starve yourself and keep fried food and your sugar intake to a minimum. NEVER DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO EAT! but don't go crazy and make it a habit.
3-Start with a 15 minutes of walk three to four times a week and try to raise it to 60 minutes with in the next six months to five to six times a week.
4-Stairs are your best friends, use them when ever you can.
5-Since your TV is in the garbage, get in to some activity that can help you burn some calories at the same time, like helping out at a homeless kitchen, volunteer at a hospital or old age home or walk around L street at night picking up some hookers, anything that make you work.
6-Don't waste your money on beverages just buy a filter for your tap water and enjoy. Bottled waters are for suckers.
7-Loose all of your lazy friends and associate yourself with people who want to change for the better like yourself.
8-After six month try to read up on some stretching techniques and start stretching without injuring your fat ass.
9-The last six month of the year go online and learn on how to do light exercises that you can do around the house with out using any equipment three times a week for thirty minutes on top of your waking routine.
10-Don't be a dumb-ass and set unreachable and discouraging goals like "I will drop 400 lbs by the end of the year!". Remember, if you are a person who never worked out before, the first year should be always about tricking your brain to adapt, I don't care what every personal trainer try to bullshit you or the so called experts try tell you while pushing their products that never work at the same time.
If you are a 200lb woman who managed to execute the above and dropped 12 pounds by the end of the year, that would be a great success. It means that you taught yourself sticking to a plan without spending a dime and lost about a pound a month on the way. That also means you will be ready to join a gym next year and start doing the hard stuff and I guarantee you will have a 99% chance that you will reach your goal without giving up because you already trained yourself not to fail.
Did I say Happy New Year?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Posted by Mad Cabbie at 12:20 PM