Saturday, January 12, 2008

MAD'S HOOKER INDEX

I was reading the editorial page of the Washington Post yesterday and the one titled “To Blunt a Recession” got my attention. They have been talking about recession creeping up ever since Bill Clinton left office. Some of the warnings were politically motivated and some are just miscalculation and others were planted by wall street to stimulate trading volumes and suckers like me and you buy in to these phony artificially inflated or deflated numbers game. Unemployment, consumer confidence, trade deficit, inflation, the decline of the US dollar and bla bla bla…..

But this time it’s for real kids, because my own MHI gauge tells me the fundamentals of the US economy is so shaky it’s not even funny, I even heard of some lawyers doing part time gigs delivering pizza at night. You may ask what the fuck is the MHI gauge? You probably went to Wharton School of business and never heard of it! No sir, this sophisticated economic indicator they don’t teach you in school.

MHI stands for Mad’s Hooker Index: As a professional DC cab driver and an ex-mathematician I have created my own way of weighing in the country’s state of the economy by the frequency of rides I offer to my hooker clients and their customers. Things are so bad out there even the highly in demand lovely friend of mine the one legged hooker is not keeping me busy lately and on the other side of the coin, armed robberies are way up, you just don’t read about them unless somebody gets hurt. I am talking about robberies all over the city including Georgetown, Adams Morgan, Chevy Chase and Tenelytown.

They say sex always sells but there comes a point that some fine gentlemen stash away that extra hooker appointed cash for the coming rainy days and instead they are forced to downgrade their hooker level to $50 blow-jobs on L street or forced to make love to their wives or they go down the basement and jerk-off watching Angelica Houston movies.

Mad! What’s up with you and your fixation with Angelica Houston? Isn’t she like a hundred years old? You are fucken sick Mad!

Leave me alone dude! I am trying to talk about the economy stupid! and I also think Angelica Houston is smoking hot. I am in to old chicks now, You have a problem with that jackass?

The Editorial ends the article by stating that the Bush administration might find an excuse for another tax rebate and more tax cuts and the sad thing is economist like Martin Feldstein who I admire is suggesting the cuts as well if unemployment continues to rise for the next three months. Isn’t that like borrowing from Jack to pay Joe? In my world Jack will stab your ass if he doesn’t get paid back his money quick but in the fairy world of Washington future generations of tax payers are stuck with the bill even though the wealthy few benefit from it now.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mad, are you a real cab driver or you are bullshitting us? Most the cab drivers I know don't even speak English!

Victor in G'TOWN

Lugosi said...

Fifty bucks for a blow job on L Street!?!? Hell, I've been paying too much up on P Street!

Oh, and I think I'm offended by that comment from "anonymous."

Peggy said...

I like your MHI. It is a good benchmark. I am reminded of they lyrics to Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend.

"He's your guy
When stocks are high,
But beware when they start to descend.

It's then that those louses
Go back to their spouses."

It proves that older women have had that number for quite some time. No wonder you're attracted to older women. It shows that your brain is working!

Xtreme English said...

thanks for writing this post, Mad. nobody else seems to realize that when raisin-nut bread starts going for $6.29 a loaf,and milk is almost $5 a half gallon, we're heading for serious trouble. That's about twice what these items were last year at this time. That means the purchasing power of the salary of everyone who is not an overpaid CEO has been cut in half.

Xtreme English said...

p.s. betcha anonymous can't speak more than one language, UNLIKE the cabbies i ride with, who can all speak at least TWO languages.

Uncle Keith said...

MHI...that makes perfect sense. If all politics is local, it makes sense that the economy is local as well. I like what you have to say, and am interested in more of your literature.

jeepgirl said...

Mad, I was up in No. VA/DC area last week for a meeting and I have to say you are brave as hell. Those motherfuckers can't drive for shit. You deserve a medal every night you go out on those streets!

johnnypeepers said...

Great post Mad. I gotta say though, we is gonna face some harsh times ahead and it ain't by accident. The Fed been artificially manipulating our interest rates and currency since 1913. They create booms and busts to benefit certain stake-holders, meanwhile the little man is always screwed out of his mortgage, retirement, or good paying job.

We gotta cut them bitches off at the knees, get back to the gold standard, and suffer for a minute until we can retake the reins.

Dinosaur Mom said...

You are now my favorite political economist. Let me know if you want a Seal of Approval for your blog. Roar!

John said...

Do you know that you are beginning to sound like Jackie Mason.
Thats not a bad thing either.
Happy new year.

Lucky 327 said...

the MHI definitely a good one. finally the economy on real terms.

nate said...

Mad,
I'm a big fan, first time commentor, and now an even bigger fan of your economic theory.

One of the funniest parts of the presidential campaign to me is that Mike Huckabee is going around talking about taxing the pimps and prostitutes. He has said this in at least 2 debates in context of promoting the flat tax, and it is apparently now part of his stump speech. He gets 60 seconds to talk in the debate, and there he goes again, talking about pimps and prostitutes.

If a "consumption" tax like this was ever enacted, the Mad Hooker Index would surely go mainstream. You ought to go ahead and patent it now.