Thursday, March 06, 2008

WHO'S GUN IS THIS?

Few years ago I was finishing my shift around six in the morning and I was heading home until this chic franticly waving at me in the middle of Connecticut Avenue near Military road like a mad person. It wasn't my plan to stop for her but the red traffic light didn't cooperate with me so she rushed towards me and made a failed attempt to open my locked doors. I rolled my front passenger window to listen to what she had to say and to tell her that I was off duty and I was driving my tired ass home.

CHIC: Can you please take me to National Airport?
MC: Sorry I am off duty! Just cross on the other side and flag another cab!
CHIC: Yellow Cab was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 and I am running late!
MC: Yellow are a bunch of losers you should have called Diamond.
CHIC: Can you please, please take me to National...Please?
MC: I am not trying to be an ass-hole but I am fucken tired?
CHIC: It's only a 15 minute ride this time of the morning, come on! please help me out, I am going to miss my flight and probably loose my job!

I felt sorry for her and besides, those set of balloons she had on hear chest closed the deal so I unlocked the doors and let her in. I flipped an impressive u-turn heading south bound on Connecticut Avenue and warned her not be a backseat driver by pressuring me to speed because her hurry ass would be back out on Connecticut Avenue standing again. I am not one of those idiot cab drivers who zig zag in and out of traffic doing 90mph so that you can make your flight on time! Fuck you and your $5 tip! My drivers license is my meal ticket and I have to protect it.

We just traveled about five blocks and when we got to Nebraska Avenue all hell broke loose! She screamed, "Get me out of hear NOW! Pull over! I will get out right here!" I was confused about what happened all of a sudden to make her snap like that, so I pulled up to the Exxon station at the corner to let her out and she didn't even gave me a chance to ask her why she turned hysterical, she got out and kept on running down Connecticut Avenue bouncing those voluptuous boobs without shutting the door.

It's when I got out of the cab to shut the passenger door that I noticed a loaded gun was sitting on the left side of the passenger seat! I freaked out as well! Who left that gun? I had given a ride to all kind of shady characters all night long, It had to be one of those fine citizens. Without touching the gun I drove straight to the 2nd District Police Station on Idaho Avenue and explained what happened to the cops. They took the gun, copied my manifest for that shift, asked me a few questions and sent my ass home.

Washington DC enforces one of the toughest gun laws in the country by denying firearms to law biding citizens to protect themselves from thugs like the one who left his piece in the backseat of my taxicab. As some of you may know, the case District of Columbia vs Heller is heading to the Supreme Court and I hope the justices will agree with U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit which struck down this stupid ass law.

I am not a NRA gun fanatic and I will never illegally or legally own a gun because I am a big pussy but I like the fact that the case is presented as a Second Amendment right and I think it should be interpreted that way. Listen, I don't need to tell you how many gunshot victims I have seen lying on the streets of Washington DC over the years of night driving, and that tells me the unconstitutional DC law is not working to keep illegal unlicensed guns off the street. I can go out in DC tonight and buy all the illegal guns I want and invade the State of Vermont first thing in the morning! So what's the purpose of this law? The problem goes beyond the guns and I am not going to bore you with it. All I can tell you is Shawn Taylor would have been playing for the Washington Redskins next season if he had a gun in his bedroom that tragic night.

Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow. Damn. Well said man.

Anonymous said...

D.C. cabbies are some of the worst people on earth. This morning I hailed a cab, he drove me three blocks and then told me to get out because I "smelled like garlic." I am a 31 year old woman, a business professional - who took a shower this morning, like every morning and haven't been near garlic all week. I was on my way to work on Eye Street from Georgetown. I had minor surgery earlier this week and am having trouble walking - which is why I needed the cab. The horrible driver kicked me out and was incredibly verbally and physically rude to me. I really cannot tell you how much I hate cabbies right now. You are just awful people - cheating passengers and being rude. Go to hell, all of you.

Anonymous said...

Why hate Mad Cabbie because some other idiot threw you out of the cab?

Pete.

june in florida said...

Wow, i think your it's a draw, one anonymous cancels out the other.

Bridal Bird said...

I got shitty service in a restaurant the other night. I didn't take the time to go online, find a blog written by a waiter and then tell him he's awful.

How's that strategy working out for you, Anon 12:15?

Uncle Keith said...

I believe that big-breasted woman dumped that gun. She probably had just killed her boyfriend. It was all a ruse, but at least you got to see her mambo-jambos bouncing around.

It does seem a little strange that honest law-abiding citizens can't own a gun to protect themselves.

I know that the stats say that you are likely to get killed by your own gun, but if someone breaks into my house I'd like the choice of being able to protect myself, rather have the government decide for me that I'm not allowed to protect myself.

Lugosi said...

Most I've ever found in the backseat of my cab is a cellphone. Guess things are just boring out here in Fairfax.

Roy, Dublin Taxi Driver said...

crazy story! still prefer our system though citizens cannot carry handguns.

Peggy said...

I hate guns! They scare the shit out of me.

Anonymous said...

Not to be a dick but its Sean Taylor not Shawn Taylor. I love your blog by the way.

johnnypeepers said...

Good post Mad. Dig man, all these murders going down (various school shootings, Auburn and UNC murders, flipped out crazies in malls, etc) are being perpetrated by the shadow government. The goal is to make the citizens so afraid and fearful of gun violence that they will willingly give up their gun rights. Considering the S/C is about to hear this case, it is very odd timing for all this shit to be going down.

It is like that Times Square bomb attacks. "They" want us to believe that the best footage of the bicycle rider is across the street with all that Betamax looking shit resolution? Times Square has hundreds of hi-res cameras watching your every move. They don't want images of this cat to get out because it was an inside job.

How come the FBI impounded all the footage (over 80 tapes) from convenience stores, hotels, government buildings right after the Pentagon attack? Maybe cuz it might make some jokers wake up if they saw it. Some shit is going down Mad.

Anonymous said...

Sean Taylor was shot in Florida, not DC. If he wanted a gun, he could've gotten one.

aliza said...

A little late to this, but Sean Taylor was on probation for a gun incident (when his ATVs were stolen), and was not legally allowed to have a gun. It's extremely sad and unfortunate, but he lost his life b/c he followed the law.

Anonymous said...

Well, you know, if you don't want our tips, you should really let us know in advance. How about posting signs in the cab: "Fuck you and your $5 tip!" That would save me from wasting a lot of extra money in the future.

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