When I pulled over at the corner of 21st and P streets to pick up this chubby Latino dude, I started to ask myself "Where do I know him?" because his face looked very familiar. One of the skills I acquired over the years is to study a person's face with in a very short period of time and recall that moment if I ever see that person again. But I struggled with this fella, I couldn't pin point where or how we met before but as soon as he sat down and asked me "Where are you from my friend?" with a thick Hispanic accent I knew exactly who he was.
The last time I gave him a ride was six years ago but he has been in my cab quite a few times before that, every time he gets in my cab the first thing he says is "Where are you from my friend?" and then talks about his family's little farm in El Salvador, I heard the same story about ten times but I always listen to him attentively. On the way to Irving street in Columbia Heights I asked why I haven't seen him in long time and he told me that he had been deported from the U.S couple of times since then but managed to sneak back across the boarder again.
I admire people like him, even though he is breaking the law he is dedicated to work hard and better himself by risking his life crossing those boarders and more power to him until ICE gets a hold of him again. Americans just hate to admit it but this country needs people like him to keep this country going because we live in a lazy ass society where working hard is considered being ignorant lately.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Saturday, November 24, 2007
SPEACIAL THANKSGIVING
People who keep and maintain their cars with high mileages for lots of years tend to have long lasting marriages! I heard that sometime ago and it's true in my parent's case. My dad bought his Mercedes in 1990 and the car has almost 400,000 miles and he still does the 3000 mile oil changes like a clock work and the same thing with my mother even though she doesn't do a lot of driving lately.
My parents got married exactly fifty years ago and they had a great marriage and raised five kids and sent everyone of us to college.
"Hey Mad! I think your education at the University of Maryland paid off so well you belong to one of the elite group of DC cab drivers you idiot! I feel so sorry for your parents"
Fuck you! you jackass! Both of my parents are proud of me regardless, stop putting me down because I offer great transportation services to the fine hookers of the District of Columbia. I consider myself as a successful individual and don't forget I was the "DRIVER OF THE MONTH" for the month of June in 1996! How do you like me now motherfucker?
Enough about my success! It was a very special Thanksgiving and tonight we are celebrating my parents 50th weeding anniversary at a local hotel and all of my siblings and close relatives are in town for this special occasion. I am so proud of my parents for having a successful life together especially for beating the odds as an interracial couple during the 60's and 70's. Congratulations mom and dad!
I wonder if my mother is going to give my dad any action tonight after the party? Let me visualize that thought for a second...
Please don't forget the homeless while I go to the bathroom and throw up.
Mad Cabbie.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
EARLY MORNING FIGHT
I was trying to drop off two stripper roommates on Harrison street in Friendship Heights around four this morning but couple of blocks away from their house we were blocked by a couple of yellow cabs. The cab drivers were out throwing punches at each other, I think one of the dudes was bleeding but fighting fiercely. Normally I would go out there bitch slap them and break the fight but I am not strong enough yet to do that kind of shit and get my ass kicked so I let my stripper girls take a couple of digital shots of the idiots fighting and then I backed up, drove around the block and dropped them off.
That's one reason why you should not call Yellow Cab of Washington DC, unless you want some motherfuckers beating each other to death in front of your door because one of the morons was trying to steal the fare from the other jackass. Please call us here at Diamond Cab 202-387-6200! We offer comfortable rides, knowledgeable drivers of hooker hot spots, our brakes work about 68% of the time which is a DC record for cabs and for your personal entertainment, besides giving you a foot massage we play the latest Pakistani hits.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
That's one reason why you should not call Yellow Cab of Washington DC, unless you want some motherfuckers beating each other to death in front of your door because one of the morons was trying to steal the fare from the other jackass. Please call us here at Diamond Cab 202-387-6200! We offer comfortable rides, knowledgeable drivers of hooker hot spots, our brakes work about 68% of the time which is a DC record for cabs and for your personal entertainment, besides giving you a foot massage we play the latest Pakistani hits.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
HUSTLEMAN CHARLES
My man “Hustle Man Charles” is back again driving a cab. I was so delightful to see him last night because my night entourages are running thin since pastor Joe and Ali two fingers left the cab business and the death of Wall Street Tom.
Charles is a brother from Nigeria and every sixth month he walks away from cab driving to do something better but his ass always comes right back to the driver’s seat of a taxicab. The thing I like about Charles is, he goes out there and hustle and keep trying and he is not like most cab drivers like the rest of us who keep planning of something better and think that the cab driving gig is temporary business, and the next you know? You are celebrating your 50th year in the business and a few days later they drag your body out of the taxicab at the Union Station line after you passed away of old age. I don’t think Charles would end up like that because every chance he gets he goes out there and gives it his best shot and one of these days his master plan is going to work.
Charles is a real hustler, he can sell you a smelly old sneaker and you’ll go home happy with the garbage he just bought. He got skills but the ingredient he lacked was patience and maturity. I talked to him for a few minutes and I saw a different Charles this time who is calm and focused but still funny, I think his new IRS chick got something to do with his transformation. He talked about her a lot, he might have gotten pussy whipped or something. Hey Charles, you better pay up your taxes on time motherfucker! Those IRS agents don’t fucken play, you might end up locked in her basement doing her laundries for life.
I remember back in the days he was trying to get me to invest $5000 in some kind of shit I really didn’t understand so I ended up investing only five shares for five bucks just to get him off my back and the start up company failed and Charles was hiding from the neighborhood loan sharks, no nonsense brothers from Benning Heights who staked out his apartment every night with loaded guns. He had to come back and start driving his cab again wearing a fake mustache and a Rasta hat working twenty three hours a day sleeping at shady ass motels where they charged you by the hour and the cockroaches know you by name. Finally he paid off his debt and returned to his apartment without looking over his shoulders.
Welcome back Hustle Man but I am still waiting for my return on my $5 IPO investment you jackass, your shit better work this time otherwise I still have those trigger happy brothers from Benning Heights on my speed-dial.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Charles is a brother from Nigeria and every sixth month he walks away from cab driving to do something better but his ass always comes right back to the driver’s seat of a taxicab. The thing I like about Charles is, he goes out there and hustle and keep trying and he is not like most cab drivers like the rest of us who keep planning of something better and think that the cab driving gig is temporary business, and the next you know? You are celebrating your 50th year in the business and a few days later they drag your body out of the taxicab at the Union Station line after you passed away of old age. I don’t think Charles would end up like that because every chance he gets he goes out there and gives it his best shot and one of these days his master plan is going to work.
Charles is a real hustler, he can sell you a smelly old sneaker and you’ll go home happy with the garbage he just bought. He got skills but the ingredient he lacked was patience and maturity. I talked to him for a few minutes and I saw a different Charles this time who is calm and focused but still funny, I think his new IRS chick got something to do with his transformation. He talked about her a lot, he might have gotten pussy whipped or something. Hey Charles, you better pay up your taxes on time motherfucker! Those IRS agents don’t fucken play, you might end up locked in her basement doing her laundries for life.
I remember back in the days he was trying to get me to invest $5000 in some kind of shit I really didn’t understand so I ended up investing only five shares for five bucks just to get him off my back and the start up company failed and Charles was hiding from the neighborhood loan sharks, no nonsense brothers from Benning Heights who staked out his apartment every night with loaded guns. He had to come back and start driving his cab again wearing a fake mustache and a Rasta hat working twenty three hours a day sleeping at shady ass motels where they charged you by the hour and the cockroaches know you by name. Finally he paid off his debt and returned to his apartment without looking over his shoulders.
Welcome back Hustle Man but I am still waiting for my return on my $5 IPO investment you jackass, your shit better work this time otherwise I still have those trigger happy brothers from Benning Heights on my speed-dial.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, November 09, 2007
THEORY ON BISEXUALITY
It was my first night out to work in about three months last night and it feels so good, it was not busy for me at all, I think I made like two dollars or some shit like that but just being out there in my cab driving around Washington DC was worthwhile. Besides loosing a bunch of weight I feel good and healthy again. You see, I am one of those idiots who lives in a gym and who talks about muscles to other idiots like myself in the weight room so the idea of loosing weight and muscle made me so insecure and scared I thought each person who got inside my cab last night was going to kick my sorry ass. I look like a fucken ghost to be honest with you, but give me a few months I should be back right on track and start yelling at my passengers again.
It was a non eventful night but I had one interesting hot chick I picked up in southwest by the waterfront, she had a few to drink and on our way to Adams Morgan she was lecturing me on how everyone on this planet is born bisexual but majority of us don’t admit it and in between her comments she called a couple of people and left a message to a guy first and some chick on the second call and she leaned on the back of my seat and she whispered “Who ever calls me first is going to get laid tonight!” and she started laughing. I dropped her in front of the "Angry Inch" and wished her luck.
I don’t know, Is everyone really born bisexual? Don’t count me in because all I think about is boobs and…
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie"
It was a non eventful night but I had one interesting hot chick I picked up in southwest by the waterfront, she had a few to drink and on our way to Adams Morgan she was lecturing me on how everyone on this planet is born bisexual but majority of us don’t admit it and in between her comments she called a couple of people and left a message to a guy first and some chick on the second call and she leaned on the back of my seat and she whispered “Who ever calls me first is going to get laid tonight!” and she started laughing. I dropped her in front of the "Angry Inch" and wished her luck.
I don’t know, Is everyone really born bisexual? Don’t count me in because all I think about is boobs and…
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie"
Thursday, November 01, 2007
STRIKE FOR WHAT?
I just had an extended vacation at two different local hospitals, besides not remembering what happened for three days during my stay I am grateful for the medical crew who saved my life even though the first bunch screwed up big time. I wanted to bring a lawsuit but for some reason Johnny Cochran is not returning my phone calls so I just settled for future free flu shot coupons and a free autopsy which expires by December 31st 2007 if I don’t use it by then, I think I did well.
Thanks to everyone who wished me well and all the misfits of society who came to check me out at the hospital. At one point my mother with a horror look on her face said “Oh my God! where do you know these people?” and I heard the hospital had to install a temporary metal detectors and hire more security personnel to accommodate my guests.
I am back at home now and all I hear about is yesterday’s DC cabbie strike! You idiots need to shut the fuck up and move on with the mayor’s decision which could put more money in your pockets. I have never heard of a strike for refusing to make more money by changing a fucked up zone system to a fare meter system that could bring in more people to sit in your back seat. Unless you have been ripping off people there is no reason why DC cab drivers should be upset about the metered system and I know some of you are worried about the implication of the new system inviting larger companies and putting independent drivers out of business but as long as you don’t sell your licenses to those companies which the license is worth less than a toilet paper at this point you have nothing to worry about. What ever is yours now will be yours in the future, if the District government limit the number of cabs in the city under pressure of big companies in the future, the DCTC license (medallion) you paid $33.50 for now would be worth something and you might have a retirement in your hand! Have you checked what a taxi medallion cost in New York city lately? So when I come back to work next week I don’t want to hear no more crying, the public wanted meters and let them have it and we will make out good so bring it on.
To be honest with you the meter/zone thing doesn’t affect me at all because I barely pick up random people off the street or take radio calls anymore. I work in an underground night life that most of you don’t have the slightest idea that exists in DC. My regular riders call me and I take them where ever they want to go and they pay me what ever they want. They pay me in cash, bag of weeds, lottery tickets, food stamps, blow jobs, you name it I am a very flexible businessman but no credit cards accepted at Mad Cabbie's empire.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thanks to everyone who wished me well and all the misfits of society who came to check me out at the hospital. At one point my mother with a horror look on her face said “Oh my God! where do you know these people?” and I heard the hospital had to install a temporary metal detectors and hire more security personnel to accommodate my guests.
I am back at home now and all I hear about is yesterday’s DC cabbie strike! You idiots need to shut the fuck up and move on with the mayor’s decision which could put more money in your pockets. I have never heard of a strike for refusing to make more money by changing a fucked up zone system to a fare meter system that could bring in more people to sit in your back seat. Unless you have been ripping off people there is no reason why DC cab drivers should be upset about the metered system and I know some of you are worried about the implication of the new system inviting larger companies and putting independent drivers out of business but as long as you don’t sell your licenses to those companies which the license is worth less than a toilet paper at this point you have nothing to worry about. What ever is yours now will be yours in the future, if the District government limit the number of cabs in the city under pressure of big companies in the future, the DCTC license (medallion) you paid $33.50 for now would be worth something and you might have a retirement in your hand! Have you checked what a taxi medallion cost in New York city lately? So when I come back to work next week I don’t want to hear no more crying, the public wanted meters and let them have it and we will make out good so bring it on.
To be honest with you the meter/zone thing doesn’t affect me at all because I barely pick up random people off the street or take radio calls anymore. I work in an underground night life that most of you don’t have the slightest idea that exists in DC. My regular riders call me and I take them where ever they want to go and they pay me what ever they want. They pay me in cash, bag of weeds, lottery tickets, food stamps, blow jobs, you name it I am a very flexible businessman but no credit cards accepted at Mad Cabbie's empire.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, October 26, 2007
MAD UPDATE
I am sorry for not being upfront about the condition of Mad Cabbie, I was confused myself I didn't know what to tell you because his condition was seriously bad at one point and the next thing you know he is cracking up with the nurses and a few days later he got violently ill again and was back at the hospital for the second time.
But anyhow I am happy to say I picked up MC today from the hospital and brought him home and he will chill out with me for a few days and I will send him packing to his crib. It was supposed to be a simple routine surgery but MC responded with some kind of allergic reaction to some medication which almost killed him. MC survived because of his good spirit and the good physical condition that he is in, if it was me I would of been buried a few days ago.
When he was checking out of the hospital everyone on that floor were hugging him it was like a farewell tour. An old patient next to him was in tears when she saw him leaving, even during his darkest moments he made everyone smile.
MC will recover 100% and he thanks everyone who wished him well and appreciates all of you who stopped by at the hospital and visited him.
MC is resting well after a few sleeping pills and I am on the way out to get my refund for the used coffin I bought for him.
So long and MC will take over soon.
Take care,
Pastor Joe.
But anyhow I am happy to say I picked up MC today from the hospital and brought him home and he will chill out with me for a few days and I will send him packing to his crib. It was supposed to be a simple routine surgery but MC responded with some kind of allergic reaction to some medication which almost killed him. MC survived because of his good spirit and the good physical condition that he is in, if it was me I would of been buried a few days ago.
When he was checking out of the hospital everyone on that floor were hugging him it was like a farewell tour. An old patient next to him was in tears when she saw him leaving, even during his darkest moments he made everyone smile.
MC will recover 100% and he thanks everyone who wished him well and appreciates all of you who stopped by at the hospital and visited him.
MC is resting well after a few sleeping pills and I am on the way out to get my refund for the used coffin I bought for him.
So long and MC will take over soon.
Take care,
Pastor Joe.
Friday, October 19, 2007
THE BACKSEAT SEX
For some of you folks out there fucking in a back seat of a taxicab after a night out and few drinks is a thrilling adventure that you can talk about the next morning at the office water fountain. Unless you are an exhibitionist or a freak who’s trying to torture your cab driver by making him helplessly horny, getting laid in a backseat of a car is not a comfortable mission at all, in fact it hurts all the joints unless it’s a roomy limo or van otherwise you might get almost killed like Pastor Joe.
Few years ago I used to have a regular passenger and let’s call her Julie. Julie was a thirty something cute face big blond and when I say big I am talking about 5’ 11” and 280lb or more heavyweight and I am a skinny ass 5’ 9” a buck fifty, when you see me walking next to Mad Cabbie I look like a fucken starving midget. After driving her a few weeks late at night from the law firm she worked in downtown DC to her home in east Silver Spring our conversation grew more intense and personal.. She was a married woman who’s having problems with her husband who calls her “fat” all the time. She told me she ballooned from 155 lbs to where she was after having three kids and her weight got out control and the husband didn’t want to touch her at all. She got emotionally attached because I listened and I wanted to get in to her extra large sized pants! You hate me? Fuck you! What am I supposed to do? I was a desperate horny cab driver who wasn’t getting any.
To make a long story short, one night we were parked at a parking lot of a church on Wayne avenue in Silver Spring and started to make out as usual but this time we were both in the back seat and that was the night for the Pastor to make his move and it worked. Clothing were coming off and I was on top of her struggling to…you know what right? The next thing I know I slipped and fell on the floor between the front and the backseat and she fell on top of me and got stuck, she was struggling to pull herself off me and I was fighting for my life trying to push her away from me. This went on for a good one minute and it felt like a long fucken year and I thought I was going to die of brain damage.
That was my last attempt of a backseat booty and I started to take her to some cheap ass Silver Spring Motel on Georgia avenue, I think it’s a Montgomery College building now that motel doesn’t exists anymore. Even back in the days in high school when I dated my ex-wife who was skinny we did it quite a few times in my back seat and never was good for me and didn’t like it at all.
But whenever you freaks start to do the nasty in my cab, I see dollar signs and I demand at least $40 up front and 99% of the time guys don’t care whenever pussy is on the line, they are happy to cough up that extra $40.
Take care,
Pastor Joe.
Few years ago I used to have a regular passenger and let’s call her Julie. Julie was a thirty something cute face big blond and when I say big I am talking about 5’ 11” and 280lb or more heavyweight and I am a skinny ass 5’ 9” a buck fifty, when you see me walking next to Mad Cabbie I look like a fucken starving midget. After driving her a few weeks late at night from the law firm she worked in downtown DC to her home in east Silver Spring our conversation grew more intense and personal.. She was a married woman who’s having problems with her husband who calls her “fat” all the time. She told me she ballooned from 155 lbs to where she was after having three kids and her weight got out control and the husband didn’t want to touch her at all. She got emotionally attached because I listened and I wanted to get in to her extra large sized pants! You hate me? Fuck you! What am I supposed to do? I was a desperate horny cab driver who wasn’t getting any.
To make a long story short, one night we were parked at a parking lot of a church on Wayne avenue in Silver Spring and started to make out as usual but this time we were both in the back seat and that was the night for the Pastor to make his move and it worked. Clothing were coming off and I was on top of her struggling to…you know what right? The next thing I know I slipped and fell on the floor between the front and the backseat and she fell on top of me and got stuck, she was struggling to pull herself off me and I was fighting for my life trying to push her away from me. This went on for a good one minute and it felt like a long fucken year and I thought I was going to die of brain damage.
That was my last attempt of a backseat booty and I started to take her to some cheap ass Silver Spring Motel on Georgia avenue, I think it’s a Montgomery College building now that motel doesn’t exists anymore. Even back in the days in high school when I dated my ex-wife who was skinny we did it quite a few times in my back seat and never was good for me and didn’t like it at all.
But whenever you freaks start to do the nasty in my cab, I see dollar signs and I demand at least $40 up front and 99% of the time guys don’t care whenever pussy is on the line, they are happy to cough up that extra $40.
Take care,
Pastor Joe.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
FAREWELL TO ZONE SYSTEM
After 30 years of debates and bureaucracies the District government, thanks to mayor Fenty made the final decision to install meters in DC cabs and bring us back to civilization. The present zone system which could be very confusing to most passengers is going to be a thing from the past. In a zone fare system you could end up paying much more for short rides than those long rides which can take double amount of time. In another word people who ride those short trip are subsidizing the longer rides.
If you ask yourself the question what kind of passengers who typically ride these two types of fares, my twenty plus years of experience as a cab driver in Washington points out that it all boils down to racial and income line. Majority of the DC residents are African Americans and majority of those are low income and when you look at the white demographics it’s completely the opposite as you may know already, I am probably the only poor white person in Washington who doesn’t have a trust fund. Those expensive short rides are frequented by professional white passengers and majority of those longer relatively inexpensive trips are made by low income African Americans who can’t afford to tip their drivers.
So what’s the outcome is going to be from the mayor’s decision? People can have the feeling that they are not getting ripped off by some dishonest cab drivers even though they are going to end up more for their fares in most cases because of the combination of the time and distance meters and Washington’s hell traffic. I really don’t understand the dumb ass cab drivers who object to the idea of meters because the cab drivers are those who are going to come up as winners as the new system brings in a higher mileage rate, getting paid for sitting in traffic and more passengers who didn’t trust the zone system before. The losers? Low income African Americans who work in the city and live across the bridge in south east or deep north east who can not afford the meter which calculates distance and time like their white counterparts can. Is it fare? I don’t know! but what I know for sure is it’s not the responsibility of the private cab industry to bring affordable transportation to some city residents.
Fortunately or unfortunately we live in the capitalist mecca of the world we call the United States of America and we don’t give a shit about our poor, elderly or the sick. So people in Anacostia, I can understand that you might be pissed off at mayor Fenty but at the same time I would start flipping over those bus schedule again because there is nothing you or the cab drivers strike can do anymore, It’s pretty much a done deal.
And for you whittie transplant DC resident who were crying over the zone system all these years, I am pretty sure even with the meters installed you will find something to cry about! Like “You took me the long way!” "Is that meter working correctly?” “I don’t like the cologne you wearing!” because most of you out there are natural born cry babies! We shall see and time will tell us all.
Take care,
Pastor Joe.
If you ask yourself the question what kind of passengers who typically ride these two types of fares, my twenty plus years of experience as a cab driver in Washington points out that it all boils down to racial and income line. Majority of the DC residents are African Americans and majority of those are low income and when you look at the white demographics it’s completely the opposite as you may know already, I am probably the only poor white person in Washington who doesn’t have a trust fund. Those expensive short rides are frequented by professional white passengers and majority of those longer relatively inexpensive trips are made by low income African Americans who can’t afford to tip their drivers.
So what’s the outcome is going to be from the mayor’s decision? People can have the feeling that they are not getting ripped off by some dishonest cab drivers even though they are going to end up more for their fares in most cases because of the combination of the time and distance meters and Washington’s hell traffic. I really don’t understand the dumb ass cab drivers who object to the idea of meters because the cab drivers are those who are going to come up as winners as the new system brings in a higher mileage rate, getting paid for sitting in traffic and more passengers who didn’t trust the zone system before. The losers? Low income African Americans who work in the city and live across the bridge in south east or deep north east who can not afford the meter which calculates distance and time like their white counterparts can. Is it fare? I don’t know! but what I know for sure is it’s not the responsibility of the private cab industry to bring affordable transportation to some city residents.
Fortunately or unfortunately we live in the capitalist mecca of the world we call the United States of America and we don’t give a shit about our poor, elderly or the sick. So people in Anacostia, I can understand that you might be pissed off at mayor Fenty but at the same time I would start flipping over those bus schedule again because there is nothing you or the cab drivers strike can do anymore, It’s pretty much a done deal.
And for you whittie transplant DC resident who were crying over the zone system all these years, I am pretty sure even with the meters installed you will find something to cry about! Like “You took me the long way!” "Is that meter working correctly?” “I don’t like the cologne you wearing!” because most of you out there are natural born cry babies! We shall see and time will tell us all.
Take care,
Pastor Joe.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
JET
Back in the early 90’s Washington DC was labeled “The Murder Capital of the World” due to the alarming rate of murders among crack hustlers fighting over territories. Driving a cab during the night was a dangerous business especially in deep south east and north east DC but I didn’t give a shit at all, nothing scared me because I was an angry white man who was mad at the world so getting shot and killed was a blessing in disguise for me and there were times that I prayed for some kid to take me out of my misery by smoking my ass but at the same time I was making a shit load driving a cab cruising through neighborhoods where cops are scared to go to. Everyone was my friend, they were happy to see a cab in their hoods picking up people and most hustlers preferred to take a cab to move around town.
They used to call him "Jet”! he was a black kid from the projects who dropped out during the 9th grade to hustle the streets of Washington and had a dream of being a drug king-pin. In those days pagers were the high tech way to communicate and I used to get quit a few pages every night from him and drive him around where ever he wanted to go. He used to tell me that I was a “crazy white man with a nigger’s heart” for having the balls to show up in his hood, I didn’t care all I wanted was his money and he used to carry thousands and thousands of dollars in his pocket, I don’t think they had banks in his hood, all the banking transactions were made in liquor stores where you can find them at every block.
It was the September of 1992, I picked Jet up from the section 8 apartments he shares with his mother and three other siblings. It was a slow night for me and I was happy to get a page from him to pick him up, I desperately needed some cash to pay up my bookie who could be trigger happy at times. I drove him all over the place and spent a good three hours with him and some other thugs and finally I dropped him off at his girlfriends apartment in Capitol Heights but for the first time ever he didn’t had the cash to pay me and I was fucken pissed because I was expecting at least a couple of hundred dollars from that trip, he tried to calm me down by giving me the “Scarface“ VHS movie he carries with him where ever he goes, he tells me he watches that movie at least three times a day. So I didn’t have any choice but to wait for a couple of days for my cash and I moved on to my next job with a freaken Al Pacino flick as a partial payment.
A week passed without getting paid, he wasn’t responding to my pages and I was getting annoyed. So one day I dropped of some mental-case at St Elizabeth’s hospital and made a quick stop at Jet’s apartment since he lived a few block away from the hospital. When his mother opened the door the apartment was full of cigarette smoke and little kids running around and she was watching the re-run of “Miami Vice”.
Mother: “What the fuck you want? Who are you?”
Pastor: “I am Joe can I talk to Jet?”
Mother: “Are you a cop?”
Pastor: “No I am cab driver!”
Mother: “A cab driver! I didn’t call for no fucking cab!”
Pastor: “No I came her to see Jet, is he around?”
Mother: “No Jet is dead!”
Pastor: “What the fuck you mean he is dead?”
Mother: “He got killed last week OK! Now leave me alone!”
And she slammed the door on me. To be honest with you, at the time I was more pissed that I won’t be able to collect my couple of hundred dollars than him being shot and killed because I really didn’t give a shit about him. I admit that I was a complete ass-hole but what can I say? that is the nature of night driving, you have to be a ruthless motherfucker to survive, there is no room for cry babies at night shift.
Later I found out that he died the same night I dropped him off in Capitol Heights, they shot and killed both him and his girlfriend while they were walking back to her apartment from a 24 hr Chinese food carry-out joint.
To this day I still have that “Scarface” movie in my basement and “In the memory of Jet” written on the cover. There are quite a few of my passengers who had gone six feet under but Jet is the only one who comes to my thoughts from time to time! Or is it the devil side of my mind thinking about that $200 I didn’t collect?
Take care!
Pastor Joe
They used to call him "Jet”! he was a black kid from the projects who dropped out during the 9th grade to hustle the streets of Washington and had a dream of being a drug king-pin. In those days pagers were the high tech way to communicate and I used to get quit a few pages every night from him and drive him around where ever he wanted to go. He used to tell me that I was a “crazy white man with a nigger’s heart” for having the balls to show up in his hood, I didn’t care all I wanted was his money and he used to carry thousands and thousands of dollars in his pocket, I don’t think they had banks in his hood, all the banking transactions were made in liquor stores where you can find them at every block.
It was the September of 1992, I picked Jet up from the section 8 apartments he shares with his mother and three other siblings. It was a slow night for me and I was happy to get a page from him to pick him up, I desperately needed some cash to pay up my bookie who could be trigger happy at times. I drove him all over the place and spent a good three hours with him and some other thugs and finally I dropped him off at his girlfriends apartment in Capitol Heights but for the first time ever he didn’t had the cash to pay me and I was fucken pissed because I was expecting at least a couple of hundred dollars from that trip, he tried to calm me down by giving me the “Scarface“ VHS movie he carries with him where ever he goes, he tells me he watches that movie at least three times a day. So I didn’t have any choice but to wait for a couple of days for my cash and I moved on to my next job with a freaken Al Pacino flick as a partial payment.
A week passed without getting paid, he wasn’t responding to my pages and I was getting annoyed. So one day I dropped of some mental-case at St Elizabeth’s hospital and made a quick stop at Jet’s apartment since he lived a few block away from the hospital. When his mother opened the door the apartment was full of cigarette smoke and little kids running around and she was watching the re-run of “Miami Vice”.
Mother: “What the fuck you want? Who are you?”
Pastor: “I am Joe can I talk to Jet?”
Mother: “Are you a cop?”
Pastor: “No I am cab driver!”
Mother: “A cab driver! I didn’t call for no fucking cab!”
Pastor: “No I came her to see Jet, is he around?”
Mother: “No Jet is dead!”
Pastor: “What the fuck you mean he is dead?”
Mother: “He got killed last week OK! Now leave me alone!”
And she slammed the door on me. To be honest with you, at the time I was more pissed that I won’t be able to collect my couple of hundred dollars than him being shot and killed because I really didn’t give a shit about him. I admit that I was a complete ass-hole but what can I say? that is the nature of night driving, you have to be a ruthless motherfucker to survive, there is no room for cry babies at night shift.
Later I found out that he died the same night I dropped him off in Capitol Heights, they shot and killed both him and his girlfriend while they were walking back to her apartment from a 24 hr Chinese food carry-out joint.
To this day I still have that “Scarface” movie in my basement and “In the memory of Jet” written on the cover. There are quite a few of my passengers who had gone six feet under but Jet is the only one who comes to my thoughts from time to time! Or is it the devil side of my mind thinking about that $200 I didn’t collect?
Take care!
Pastor Joe
Friday, October 12, 2007
PASTOR CHECKING IN
When I met Mad Cabbie for the first time 16 years ago at a Seven-Eleven in Georgetown, he looked like a confused kid just out of high school wondering around a college campus not knowing where to go. We started a casual conversation walking toward our cabs and we’ve been best friends ever since. He was a rookie cab driver the very first day on the job bitching about not making any money after ten hours on the road and hungry for information on how to be a skilled cab driver.
So that evening we ended up having a dinner together and had a long conversation about the taxi business and I gave MC a few tips on how to hustle the streets of Washington DC even though deep down inside me at that time felt MC wouldn’t make it as a cab driver because he was so clean cut and straight forward good person. You have to be a fearless asshole to be a money making cab driver especially if you are an overnight driver and I didn’t see that on MC at the time not knowing that he turned out to be a good student learning it from the master asshole.
After I lost my job as an air traffic controller twenty five years ago thanks to Ronald Regan and the last I heard he is burning in hell, and my divorce that followed, I was a loner who avoided people and would be friends and be miserable on my own and loved every minute of it. But there was something about MC that I could not explain, the minute you meet him he can suck you in and the next thing you know you are his buddy and you have him on your speed dial.
Even though I am a little older than he is I can say he is the best friend I ever had period. We are a complete odd couple when you see us walking down the street, a bolding red-neck and a metro-sexual brother! But we did all kind of wild shit together and worked well as a team. I taught MC how to hustle and make money and the bean counter that he is he taught me the most important skill, which is how to keep my cash and let it multiply.
When I came to the decision to give up cab driving and move on, the most difficult part of the decision was the idea of not hanging out with MC every night during the night shift even though we remain best friends and meet quit often outside the cab world. We still exchange some crazy ass old cab stories and laugh our asses off!
I will post some of my old cab stories as much as I can while Mad Cabbie is resting at his parents house after an emergency surgery. He is a strong kid and he will be all right and we will pray for his healthy return.
Pastor Joe.
So that evening we ended up having a dinner together and had a long conversation about the taxi business and I gave MC a few tips on how to hustle the streets of Washington DC even though deep down inside me at that time felt MC wouldn’t make it as a cab driver because he was so clean cut and straight forward good person. You have to be a fearless asshole to be a money making cab driver especially if you are an overnight driver and I didn’t see that on MC at the time not knowing that he turned out to be a good student learning it from the master asshole.
After I lost my job as an air traffic controller twenty five years ago thanks to Ronald Regan and the last I heard he is burning in hell, and my divorce that followed, I was a loner who avoided people and would be friends and be miserable on my own and loved every minute of it. But there was something about MC that I could not explain, the minute you meet him he can suck you in and the next thing you know you are his buddy and you have him on your speed dial.
Even though I am a little older than he is I can say he is the best friend I ever had period. We are a complete odd couple when you see us walking down the street, a bolding red-neck and a metro-sexual brother! But we did all kind of wild shit together and worked well as a team. I taught MC how to hustle and make money and the bean counter that he is he taught me the most important skill, which is how to keep my cash and let it multiply.
When I came to the decision to give up cab driving and move on, the most difficult part of the decision was the idea of not hanging out with MC every night during the night shift even though we remain best friends and meet quit often outside the cab world. We still exchange some crazy ass old cab stories and laugh our asses off!
I will post some of my old cab stories as much as I can while Mad Cabbie is resting at his parents house after an emergency surgery. He is a strong kid and he will be all right and we will pray for his healthy return.
Pastor Joe.
Monday, September 24, 2007
HOME AGAIN
Thanks to everyone who left me those nice emails and comments to wish me well during my vacation in Ethiopia.
My friends, the time spent in Ethiopia was an experience of a life time that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I can not possibly write about my journey in a single post but I will try to sum it up during the next couple of posts without boring you or loosing the identity of the blog.
I was having such a great time I had to pay $150 penalty and extended my departure from last Wednesday and stay for a few extra days to be a part of this private party I had to go last Friday night hosted by some well known dude who knows how to throw wild ass parties and I was personally invited so I couldn’t resist staying for more fun.
I just got back to the States this morning so let me catch up with some sleep and I will talk to you soon.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
My friends, the time spent in Ethiopia was an experience of a life time that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I can not possibly write about my journey in a single post but I will try to sum it up during the next couple of posts without boring you or loosing the identity of the blog.
I was having such a great time I had to pay $150 penalty and extended my departure from last Wednesday and stay for a few extra days to be a part of this private party I had to go last Friday night hosted by some well known dude who knows how to throw wild ass parties and I was personally invited so I couldn’t resist staying for more fun.
I just got back to the States this morning so let me catch up with some sleep and I will talk to you soon.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
THE LAST RUN
Last night I had to drive my friend Ms T aka the one legged hooker to one of her client’s residence in Potomac, Maryland around Democracy and Falls roads. The way it works is, depending on the period of time they require her services either I wait for her few blocks away or I just drive back to town hustle a few fares and I will go back and pick her up and go to the next stop and believe me this chick is busy making shit load of cash.
This client in Potomac is one freak motherfucker, he doesn’t want her with her prosthetic leg so she has to remove her fake leg and use her crutches to help her walk, I think he gets off on watching her hopping with one leg or something. So whenever I drop her off at this jerk’s place I put her pretty amazingly real looking expensive prosthetic leg in my trunk and go on my business back to Washington, DC.
When I got back to the city it was around three in the morning, I took River road hang left on Willard and a right on Wisconsin Avenue towards Friendship Heights and when I came to the traffic light on Western avenue I saw some dude waving at me to my left so I made that turn and pulled over for him.
“I am glad you came by because I was getting worried and can you please pull over to the driveway of the Embassy Suites Hotel please? my wife and kids are in the lobby waiting and we want to go to National Airport! Thank you sir!”
Usually I am not too crazy about driving long trips to the airport and that’s one of the reasons why I drive at night, driving to the airport especially to Dulles and BWI are 45 minutes trips and that’s too long, it’s like getting married to the passengers and usually business folks who do these kind of trips are boring people who take themselves too seriously, I prefer my loud night passengers who throw up on me once in a while.
So as soon I pulled up in front of the hotel the kids ran towards my cab with their little bags when they saw their dad with me and the wife followed with one of the suitcases towards the trunk. When I popped the trunk I heard one of the girls screaming her lungs out as soon as she saw that prosthetic leg sitting in my trunk, at first I didn’t know what was going on until the dad yelled “what the hell is that?”
I just completely forgot about the pale white fake leg in the trunk! I am not used to putting shit in my trunk because I barely drive people to the airports and never expected to open my trunk and who the fuck wants to go to National Airport at three in the fucking morning? So don’t blame me for scaring the shit of those little girls! So while in route to the airport I just told them the leg belongs to my girlfriend and calmed them down a little bit but I can see the mother in my rear view mirror glued to her kids in horror and the dad giving me that strange look. I wonder what he was thinking? He was probably asking himself and wondering…
“I thought these niggers were in to fat white chicks? And now they are going to take away our one legged white chicks from us? I had it with these brothaaazzz, it’s time to send them back to Africa!”
And that’s exactly what I am doing, going back to Africa! I picked up my visa from the Ethiopian embassy today and yours truly will be flying out to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia tomorrow and will be on vacation until the 19th of September.
I will see you when I get back and I love you all.
And always please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
This client in Potomac is one freak motherfucker, he doesn’t want her with her prosthetic leg so she has to remove her fake leg and use her crutches to help her walk, I think he gets off on watching her hopping with one leg or something. So whenever I drop her off at this jerk’s place I put her pretty amazingly real looking expensive prosthetic leg in my trunk and go on my business back to Washington, DC.
When I got back to the city it was around three in the morning, I took River road hang left on Willard and a right on Wisconsin Avenue towards Friendship Heights and when I came to the traffic light on Western avenue I saw some dude waving at me to my left so I made that turn and pulled over for him.
“I am glad you came by because I was getting worried and can you please pull over to the driveway of the Embassy Suites Hotel please? my wife and kids are in the lobby waiting and we want to go to National Airport! Thank you sir!”
Usually I am not too crazy about driving long trips to the airport and that’s one of the reasons why I drive at night, driving to the airport especially to Dulles and BWI are 45 minutes trips and that’s too long, it’s like getting married to the passengers and usually business folks who do these kind of trips are boring people who take themselves too seriously, I prefer my loud night passengers who throw up on me once in a while.
So as soon I pulled up in front of the hotel the kids ran towards my cab with their little bags when they saw their dad with me and the wife followed with one of the suitcases towards the trunk. When I popped the trunk I heard one of the girls screaming her lungs out as soon as she saw that prosthetic leg sitting in my trunk, at first I didn’t know what was going on until the dad yelled “what the hell is that?”
I just completely forgot about the pale white fake leg in the trunk! I am not used to putting shit in my trunk because I barely drive people to the airports and never expected to open my trunk and who the fuck wants to go to National Airport at three in the fucking morning? So don’t blame me for scaring the shit of those little girls! So while in route to the airport I just told them the leg belongs to my girlfriend and calmed them down a little bit but I can see the mother in my rear view mirror glued to her kids in horror and the dad giving me that strange look. I wonder what he was thinking? He was probably asking himself and wondering…
“I thought these niggers were in to fat white chicks? And now they are going to take away our one legged white chicks from us? I had it with these brothaaazzz, it’s time to send them back to Africa!”
And that’s exactly what I am doing, going back to Africa! I picked up my visa from the Ethiopian embassy today and yours truly will be flying out to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia tomorrow and will be on vacation until the 19th of September.
I will see you when I get back and I love you all.
And always please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Monday, August 20, 2007
A SORE SHOULDER
As a veteran cab driver whenever I have someone who is completely drunk and out of it in my cab I make sure I get the complete address from the passenger before I even move or there won't be a ride at all. I go as far as checking the address on the driver's license if I think they are going to pass out as soon as they enter the cab. That's what happened last night when this toasted dude in his 40's was escorted by couple of bartenders and thrown in my backseat in front of Washington harbor in Georgetown.
The guy was so fucked up he couldn't even put two sentences together but I managed to copy his address from his driver's license and started to head north towards Deerwood in Montgomery county Maryland. My man was knocked out in the backseat and when we arrived at his place after about thirty minutes ride there was no sign of life at all in fact he started snoring so I had to carry him over my shoulder and started banging on the door of this pricey house of his. There was light on couple of the rooms upstairs to suggest that his wife or kids were still up and few seconds later couple of dogs started to bark, lights came on and a fairly good looking middle aged blond opened the door and that's when all hell broke loose.
She was screaming "Take this idiot where you picked him up from! That drunk you have on your shoulder is my ex husband and he doesn't live here anymore! Go away before I call the cops!" and the fucken dogs won't stop barking and on top of that my legs were starting to get weak, the guy weighed at least 170lbs and a drunk 170lbs is much heavier than what you would think.
When the tone of his wife got angrier and louder I started to turn around and walk towards my car and that's when the dogs started chasing my ass and I started running with the motherfucker on my shoulder while dragging one of the dogs across the driveway who got of hold of my army boots with his teeth until he let go when I kicked him in the balls or something. I managed to throw the guy in the back of my cab and ran for the front seat and I got out of that neighborhood packing 90mph and that's when the jackass woke up confused and started to ask me if I was kidnapping him.
To make a long story short I managed to get his current address from him which was three minutes away and five blocks from the pick up point in Georgetown which was at 31st and O streets instead of the 52 mile round trip and an hour and half drama I went through. When he realized what happened he was apologetic and paid me the full fare of the trip without arguing after we stopped by an ATM machine and it turned out to be the most expensive and longest five block trip ever and I am not complaining at all besides this aching shoulder and hopefully I will be fine in a couple of days.
But why would he still use his ex wife's address on the driver's license?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
The guy was so fucked up he couldn't even put two sentences together but I managed to copy his address from his driver's license and started to head north towards Deerwood in Montgomery county Maryland. My man was knocked out in the backseat and when we arrived at his place after about thirty minutes ride there was no sign of life at all in fact he started snoring so I had to carry him over my shoulder and started banging on the door of this pricey house of his. There was light on couple of the rooms upstairs to suggest that his wife or kids were still up and few seconds later couple of dogs started to bark, lights came on and a fairly good looking middle aged blond opened the door and that's when all hell broke loose.
She was screaming "Take this idiot where you picked him up from! That drunk you have on your shoulder is my ex husband and he doesn't live here anymore! Go away before I call the cops!" and the fucken dogs won't stop barking and on top of that my legs were starting to get weak, the guy weighed at least 170lbs and a drunk 170lbs is much heavier than what you would think.
When the tone of his wife got angrier and louder I started to turn around and walk towards my car and that's when the dogs started chasing my ass and I started running with the motherfucker on my shoulder while dragging one of the dogs across the driveway who got of hold of my army boots with his teeth until he let go when I kicked him in the balls or something. I managed to throw the guy in the back of my cab and ran for the front seat and I got out of that neighborhood packing 90mph and that's when the jackass woke up confused and started to ask me if I was kidnapping him.
To make a long story short I managed to get his current address from him which was three minutes away and five blocks from the pick up point in Georgetown which was at 31st and O streets instead of the 52 mile round trip and an hour and half drama I went through. When he realized what happened he was apologetic and paid me the full fare of the trip without arguing after we stopped by an ATM machine and it turned out to be the most expensive and longest five block trip ever and I am not complaining at all besides this aching shoulder and hopefully I will be fine in a couple of days.
But why would he still use his ex wife's address on the driver's license?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Monday, August 13, 2007
ETHIOPIA HERE I COME
It's official! I am heading to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia on the 29th of this month and will be back on 19th of September. I can't say how excited I am because this trip is different in all kind of ways. I am going to be among millions of people over there who're going to celebrate Ethiopian new millennium or the year 2000 next month.
Thanks to my friend Mr Girma, he has all kind of activities and tours planed out so there won't be any boring moment. I am thrilled that I will be visiting the old church of Lalibela located few hundred miles north of the city. I used to hear a lot about this ancient wonder from fellow Ethiopian cab drivers and being there in person this time is cool and who knows maybe I will be back as a holy person after this visit.
You may disagree with me but I think Ethiopian chicks are one of the most beautiful women on this planet and they tell me that I haven't seen nothing yet in comparison between the Ethiopian women that I see here in the Washington area and the chicks back in Addis Ababa so we will see if Mad Cabbie comes back with his new African bride and a big smile on his face.
"Mad! don't even think any hot Ethiopian girl would be bothered to look at your ugly ass, they are like those Jewish chicks who only prefer their own men!"
That's what you say but my sources in Ethiopia tell me that this chick is singing about Mad Cabbie and she can't wait any longer until I go over there and sweep her off her feet! Enjoy this video from Ethiopa.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thanks to my friend Mr Girma, he has all kind of activities and tours planed out so there won't be any boring moment. I am thrilled that I will be visiting the old church of Lalibela located few hundred miles north of the city. I used to hear a lot about this ancient wonder from fellow Ethiopian cab drivers and being there in person this time is cool and who knows maybe I will be back as a holy person after this visit.
You may disagree with me but I think Ethiopian chicks are one of the most beautiful women on this planet and they tell me that I haven't seen nothing yet in comparison between the Ethiopian women that I see here in the Washington area and the chicks back in Addis Ababa so we will see if Mad Cabbie comes back with his new African bride and a big smile on his face.
"Mad! don't even think any hot Ethiopian girl would be bothered to look at your ugly ass, they are like those Jewish chicks who only prefer their own men!"
That's what you say but my sources in Ethiopia tell me that this chick is singing about Mad Cabbie and she can't wait any longer until I go over there and sweep her off her feet! Enjoy this video from Ethiopa.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
ANN COULTER
I remember back in the days watching Ann Coulter who is the so called pin up beauty and a reckless loudmouth of the Republican party lived in DC do her morning jog without the makeup on and she used to scare the shit out of me, of course in those days she wasn't that famous and she didn't give a shit if she looked like one of those chicks with dicks in Dupont. But look at her on TV these days! and those makeups do wonders and all the tricks and I wonder how many hours does it take the artist to transform Ann Coulter to look like a woman? trying to hide those Adams apples should take hours man!
Last night I was driving some idiot to Lincoln Park while listening to my favorite overnight radio talk show "Coast to Coast AM", the jackass kept interrupting me by telling me annoying stories about Ann Coulter on how smarter and more beautiful she is than Hillary Clinton. When I suggested to him that I think Ann is some ugly dude who pretends to be a woman, he didn't like that at all and he kept quite for the rest of the way and when I dropped him off he made sure he counted his change and paid the exact amount with zero tip but I didn't mind at all because I managed to listen to the rest of the interview on the radio without a lecture about Ann Coulter.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
Friday, August 03, 2007
OSCAR IN THE AIR
Let me get this out of the way first! the second date with Kate was full of fun but again nothing happened beside few make out session here and there, I am not going to lie to you and write about steamy love making episodes but sorry to disappoint you. I am invited back to Maine though, Is Maine in the United States? or do I need a passport to travel over there? Can someone please check and get back to me on that? I hear that there are not too many brothas in Maine!
Sorry for the disappearing act again! As you may know I am involved in a couple of homeless shelters in DC and Baltimore and this time of the year a lot of the volunteers go on vacation and we go short handed and I have been doing all kind of extra shit I don't even have time to fart!
On top of all this for the last few months some film producers got a hold of me and they want to do a documentary piece on taxi-cabs (I can't say in regards exactly about what at this time) for a major production company. So it's only talks at this point nothing concrete yet but lots of meetings and traveling, God! I feel sorry for you guys who have to sit in these kind of meetings all the time, they had to wake me up quite a few times whenever I doze off.
So already I am dreaming about the documentary winning a Grammy and...
"OSCAR! you idiot it's not a Grammy."
Whatever dude, all I know is some of the cab drivers like Lugosi getting jealous and pissed and throwing beer bottles at their TV sets when they see Mad Cabbie accepting his award from Halle Barry while squeezing her ass and making my typical rapper style acceptance speech.
"...I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ who's been always there for me, I thank my Grandmother who raised me while my old man was in the joint for life, I thank my babies mamas all twenty three of you! I also want to thank the motherfucker who robbed me and decided not to shoot me about ten years ago, I would like to thank the redneck cracker who is also my best friend Pastor Joe for his spiritual guidance, I would like to thank Mr Ghost and Mr Hook for keeping my passengers happy during their time of needs, I also would like to thank the one legged hooker for keeping me busy running me around all over the place, finally I would like to thank all the cab drivers in the world who have the balls big enough to drive around fucken strangers in this twisted world of ours day in and day out, night in and night out and still making it home to your families and for those cabbies who didn't make home, rest in peace hommies!"
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, July 07, 2007
MAD'S NIGHT OUT
Yes that's right cab drivers go out and have fun too! you have a problem with that?
Tuesday night (July 4th eve) when I was getting prepared to go out I was telling myself that I HAVE to get laid that night because it has been almost two month for me and I was real horny and I was on a mission.
My friend Sarah had her two of her old girlfriends visiting from Maine staying at her apartment in Dupont and she was having a small get together party. So the plan was to stop by her party and see if I can hook up with one of her friends and sneak out of there and go out for more drinks and dancing and see what happens.
I live 30 miles north of DC in Columbia, Maryland so I drove to my parents house to leave my car there since they live only a couple of miles outside the city. I bullshitted with my old man for a few minutes and I took a Barwood cab to stop by at "the Dancing Crab on Wisconsin Avenue and have a few drinks and say hello to my bartender friends, I left the Dancing Crab around 11 and took another cab to Dupont to attend Sarah's party.
The room was full of chicks, It was like a paradise for guys, there were about 30 people in the party and I will say about only ten guys. I was dressed all black and simple but nice. I pulled Sarah over and I asked to be introduced to her friends from Maine and she did, both of them were attractive but my eyes were on Kate, she is tall maybe 5'9"-5'10" and and very outgoing. The party was boring and lame (sorry Sarah!) but I even told her then. You see Sarah works in Capitol Hill and all her friends are the young congressional aide types and they were just standing against the wall and sipping on their drinks and engaging in boring conversation to be carried on at a party! I am all for stimulating and intelligent conversation but give me a fucken break it's the July 4th weekend I don't want to hear about the failed immigration bill.
I called my man Ghost and he said he was at the 1223 club chilling and I asked him to wait for me and hanged up the phone. I then turned around and asked Kate and her friend if they wanted to hang out with me and party, they wanted to but later in the night so I gave them my number and I left.
I walked a few blocks to 1223 and the line to get in was packed around the block, while some of you motherfuckers were waiting to get in, Mad Cabbie hugged and hi-fived the bouncer, chit chatted a little bit and went right in leaving your sorry ass behind. Ghost and Co.were setting in one of the VIP rooms so I relaxed and had more drinks with them but since my objective for the night was to get laid I had to move on and split from that party again but I was beginning to get toasted.
I left 1223 a little after one o'clock and hopped on a cab towards Adams Morgan and my phone rang and it was Angry Dan! I know Angry Dan through Wall Street Tom (God bless his soul) Dan was also Italian who grew up in Brooklyn with Tom. He is always angry about something but always proud to mention that he has a huge dick by saying "Even niggers pray to have my Italian dick!"
DAN: Yo Zebra, what you doing nigger? are you working
MC: What's up Angry, No I am not working, I am on my way to Adams Morgan!
DAN: What the fuck are you doing in Adams Morgan?
MC: I am trying to get laid tonight man, I am going to hit the clubs!
DAN: Are you turning in to a rookie? Fuck Adams Morgan! get your ass here to the Bunker ASAP bitch! It's a full house tonight and Pastor Joe is on the way!
I told my cabbie that there was a change of plans and he detoured and gave me a ride to the Bunker. I threw in an extra $10 on top of the fare and my Afghani driver was asking himself "When did these niggers start tipping like this?" but he didn't know that I am a fellow driver. When I take cabs it means that I am drinking or drunk and when I am having a good time I don't like to talk about the cab business with a fellow driver by letting him know I drive a cab as well so I always like to be a regular drunk passenger and talk shit, like this driver was rapping about his family opium farm back in Afghanistan and what it was like growing up working in the farm back in the days! It was an interesting ride.
The BUNKER is at an undisclosed location like Dick Chaney so I can't talk about that. It's like an after hour members only social club and when I say members only it's not like you carry a members ID but they have to know you to let you in. I was one of the first regulars when this Russian chick started the joint over ten years ago and it's open until 6am. There are all kind of finger foods and boozes you want but there is no check or bill, technically the food and drinks are free for legal reasons but there is a big ass jar where you can leave a tip for the service. (You get it?)
When I entered the dimly lighted room I saw a group of hookers I knew over the years as they were playing cards and I stopped by their table and said hello. Sitting alone next to them was J, a very hot young hooker maybe 20 or 21 smoking a cigarette and looking very depressed so I sat with her for a while and cheered her up a little. That is one girl I really want to save out of that life style but it is a very hard thing to do because she is making way too much money for her age. I walked over to the other room and there were bunch of area bartenders having good times and to my left I walked towards Angry Dan, Pastor Joe, Mr Hook, Fox the Cabbie, some guy I don't know and three biker chics who were Pastor's guests. I pulled a chair and sat and introduced myself to the chicks and boy I don't know where Pastor found these old chicks, they look 80 or something and at my drunken stage my chick age limit is 70 or 75 but 80 is pushing it boys and girls.
Around 3:30am my phone rang and I was completely toasted at that point, It was Kate the chick from Maine calling, she said Sarah's party was over and everyone was tired but she still has few energy left and that was music to my ears since I gave up the idea of getting laid to that point. I called a Diamond Cab for her to pick her up from Dupont and bring her to the Bunker and 45 minutes later here she was showing off her long legs. I met her outside and held her hands and guided her inside and by the look of her eyes she was kind of shocked to see all the shady creatures having a good time 4:30 in the morning.
She had couple of more drinks and was getting tipsy but we had a great conversation and lots of laughters and sitting next to her and watching those legs and feeling them mad my pipe overextended. I was enjoying her company but she was tired and we left the place around 5:30am and I didn't want to try a fast one and mess it up so we took a cab back to Dupont but we did make out a little bit in the lobby and said good bye. We do have plans to hook up again Saturday before she leaves on Sunday back home and I know Pastor and the rest of you are thinking that I am a pussy because I didn't close the deal but I know what I am doing so shut the fuck up.
By the time the cab dropped my drunk ass off in front of my parents house it was close to 7am, so I sneaked in to the basement and crashed until I sobered up.
"What a fucken looser you are Mad! you're too fucken old to sneak in to your parents basement drunk you idiot!!!"
Whatever man, all I know is I had some difficulty sleeping while my dick was yelling at me telling me what a pussy I was not letting him have some action that night and this story is to be continued....
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Tuesday night (July 4th eve) when I was getting prepared to go out I was telling myself that I HAVE to get laid that night because it has been almost two month for me and I was real horny and I was on a mission.
My friend Sarah had her two of her old girlfriends visiting from Maine staying at her apartment in Dupont and she was having a small get together party. So the plan was to stop by her party and see if I can hook up with one of her friends and sneak out of there and go out for more drinks and dancing and see what happens.
I live 30 miles north of DC in Columbia, Maryland so I drove to my parents house to leave my car there since they live only a couple of miles outside the city. I bullshitted with my old man for a few minutes and I took a Barwood cab to stop by at "the Dancing Crab on Wisconsin Avenue and have a few drinks and say hello to my bartender friends, I left the Dancing Crab around 11 and took another cab to Dupont to attend Sarah's party.
The room was full of chicks, It was like a paradise for guys, there were about 30 people in the party and I will say about only ten guys. I was dressed all black and simple but nice. I pulled Sarah over and I asked to be introduced to her friends from Maine and she did, both of them were attractive but my eyes were on Kate, she is tall maybe 5'9"-5'10" and and very outgoing. The party was boring and lame (sorry Sarah!) but I even told her then. You see Sarah works in Capitol Hill and all her friends are the young congressional aide types and they were just standing against the wall and sipping on their drinks and engaging in boring conversation to be carried on at a party! I am all for stimulating and intelligent conversation but give me a fucken break it's the July 4th weekend I don't want to hear about the failed immigration bill.
I called my man Ghost and he said he was at the 1223 club chilling and I asked him to wait for me and hanged up the phone. I then turned around and asked Kate and her friend if they wanted to hang out with me and party, they wanted to but later in the night so I gave them my number and I left.
I walked a few blocks to 1223 and the line to get in was packed around the block, while some of you motherfuckers were waiting to get in, Mad Cabbie hugged and hi-fived the bouncer, chit chatted a little bit and went right in leaving your sorry ass behind. Ghost and Co.were setting in one of the VIP rooms so I relaxed and had more drinks with them but since my objective for the night was to get laid I had to move on and split from that party again but I was beginning to get toasted.
I left 1223 a little after one o'clock and hopped on a cab towards Adams Morgan and my phone rang and it was Angry Dan! I know Angry Dan through Wall Street Tom (God bless his soul) Dan was also Italian who grew up in Brooklyn with Tom. He is always angry about something but always proud to mention that he has a huge dick by saying "Even niggers pray to have my Italian dick!"
DAN: Yo Zebra, what you doing nigger? are you working
MC: What's up Angry, No I am not working, I am on my way to Adams Morgan!
DAN: What the fuck are you doing in Adams Morgan?
MC: I am trying to get laid tonight man, I am going to hit the clubs!
DAN: Are you turning in to a rookie? Fuck Adams Morgan! get your ass here to the Bunker ASAP bitch! It's a full house tonight and Pastor Joe is on the way!
I told my cabbie that there was a change of plans and he detoured and gave me a ride to the Bunker. I threw in an extra $10 on top of the fare and my Afghani driver was asking himself "When did these niggers start tipping like this?" but he didn't know that I am a fellow driver. When I take cabs it means that I am drinking or drunk and when I am having a good time I don't like to talk about the cab business with a fellow driver by letting him know I drive a cab as well so I always like to be a regular drunk passenger and talk shit, like this driver was rapping about his family opium farm back in Afghanistan and what it was like growing up working in the farm back in the days! It was an interesting ride.
The BUNKER is at an undisclosed location like Dick Chaney so I can't talk about that. It's like an after hour members only social club and when I say members only it's not like you carry a members ID but they have to know you to let you in. I was one of the first regulars when this Russian chick started the joint over ten years ago and it's open until 6am. There are all kind of finger foods and boozes you want but there is no check or bill, technically the food and drinks are free for legal reasons but there is a big ass jar where you can leave a tip for the service. (You get it?)
When I entered the dimly lighted room I saw a group of hookers I knew over the years as they were playing cards and I stopped by their table and said hello. Sitting alone next to them was J, a very hot young hooker maybe 20 or 21 smoking a cigarette and looking very depressed so I sat with her for a while and cheered her up a little. That is one girl I really want to save out of that life style but it is a very hard thing to do because she is making way too much money for her age. I walked over to the other room and there were bunch of area bartenders having good times and to my left I walked towards Angry Dan, Pastor Joe, Mr Hook, Fox the Cabbie, some guy I don't know and three biker chics who were Pastor's guests. I pulled a chair and sat and introduced myself to the chicks and boy I don't know where Pastor found these old chicks, they look 80 or something and at my drunken stage my chick age limit is 70 or 75 but 80 is pushing it boys and girls.
Around 3:30am my phone rang and I was completely toasted at that point, It was Kate the chick from Maine calling, she said Sarah's party was over and everyone was tired but she still has few energy left and that was music to my ears since I gave up the idea of getting laid to that point. I called a Diamond Cab for her to pick her up from Dupont and bring her to the Bunker and 45 minutes later here she was showing off her long legs. I met her outside and held her hands and guided her inside and by the look of her eyes she was kind of shocked to see all the shady creatures having a good time 4:30 in the morning.
She had couple of more drinks and was getting tipsy but we had a great conversation and lots of laughters and sitting next to her and watching those legs and feeling them mad my pipe overextended. I was enjoying her company but she was tired and we left the place around 5:30am and I didn't want to try a fast one and mess it up so we took a cab back to Dupont but we did make out a little bit in the lobby and said good bye. We do have plans to hook up again Saturday before she leaves on Sunday back home and I know Pastor and the rest of you are thinking that I am a pussy because I didn't close the deal but I know what I am doing so shut the fuck up.
By the time the cab dropped my drunk ass off in front of my parents house it was close to 7am, so I sneaked in to the basement and crashed until I sobered up.
"What a fucken looser you are Mad! you're too fucken old to sneak in to your parents basement drunk you idiot!!!"
Whatever man, all I know is I had some difficulty sleeping while my dick was yelling at me telling me what a pussy I was not letting him have some action that night and this story is to be continued....
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, June 29, 2007
DENNIS KUCINICH FOR PRESIDENT
Few years ago I gave a ride to a group of young toasted congressional aides from a bar in Capitol Hill and they were talking about some rumors going around that then the single congressman Kucinich is packing a well endowed pipe in his pants. I didn't make much of it then until I looked up the papers today and read about last night's democratic presidential debates, and I checked out a picture of the congressman and his young hottie wife Elizabeth Harper who is half his age and probably a foot taller and very smart as well.You guys keep telling me size doesn't matter but I think differently! If your chick is trying to tell you that it's either she is trying to be polite looking at your peanut size dick in disgust, or she is trying to comfort herself for settling for a small wiener. If that rumor is true, look at what my man got himself on his side. Fuck it man! Forget Hillary, I am voting for congressman Dennis Kucinich for president, he is my new hero now.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, June 22, 2007
A CAB DRIVER'S PROFILE
After careful and extensive analysis here are the top ten reasons why someone becomes a cab driver in America:
1-Your country doesn't want to hear from you anymore.
2-You are on your 20th year still working on your first degree by going to school at night and all the janitors know you by name.
3-You are a loner and want to live in your own little world until something better comes along and nothing better shows up and finally they find you dead inside your cab.
4-You are pissed off at the world and you all you need is just money for food, shelter and for your fashion appetite from the local thrift store from time to time.
5-You are a serial killer who never got caught and you just want something to do during your down time until your next masterpiece.
6-You hate to be confined working at the same desk and you drive around checking out booties while getting paid.
7-You are a fucken retard and don't know shit besides driving a cab.
8-You are on the run from the law enforcement.
9-You are a fine law biding citizen who believes in hard long hours of work and support your family and send your kids to college so they don't have to experience what you went through.
10-You have a physics and mathematics degree from a very good school, you worked for a federal agency for two years and you woke up one morning and decided to be a cab driver and gave your supervisor a thirty days notice.
MC: Mr Garrison I am leaving by the end of this month sir!
MR G: I hate to see you go kid, did they offer you that position at NSA?
MC: No they didn't but I want to do something else.
MR G: I know you are not happy here but you need patience, you are just a kid out of college, what else do you want to do? are you going back to school?
MC: No, I think I want to drive a cab for a while until I figure things out!
MR G: WHAT? DRIVE A CAB? are you going crazy? (laughing his lungs out) let me tell you something kid...
That thirty days notice didn't mean jack because they escorted me out of the building through the boiler room like a criminal the next day and the last I heard Mr Garrison is still laughing his ass off.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
P.S I forgot my old uncle's reason for driving a cab!
11- You are retired from the goverment and you want to get away from that nagging old crow wife of yours sitting on the kitchen chair!
1-Your country doesn't want to hear from you anymore.
2-You are on your 20th year still working on your first degree by going to school at night and all the janitors know you by name.
3-You are a loner and want to live in your own little world until something better comes along and nothing better shows up and finally they find you dead inside your cab.
4-You are pissed off at the world and you all you need is just money for food, shelter and for your fashion appetite from the local thrift store from time to time.
5-You are a serial killer who never got caught and you just want something to do during your down time until your next masterpiece.
6-You hate to be confined working at the same desk and you drive around checking out booties while getting paid.
7-You are a fucken retard and don't know shit besides driving a cab.
8-You are on the run from the law enforcement.
9-You are a fine law biding citizen who believes in hard long hours of work and support your family and send your kids to college so they don't have to experience what you went through.
10-You have a physics and mathematics degree from a very good school, you worked for a federal agency for two years and you woke up one morning and decided to be a cab driver and gave your supervisor a thirty days notice.
MC: Mr Garrison I am leaving by the end of this month sir!
MR G: I hate to see you go kid, did they offer you that position at NSA?
MC: No they didn't but I want to do something else.
MR G: I know you are not happy here but you need patience, you are just a kid out of college, what else do you want to do? are you going back to school?
MC: No, I think I want to drive a cab for a while until I figure things out!
MR G: WHAT? DRIVE A CAB? are you going crazy? (laughing his lungs out) let me tell you something kid...
That thirty days notice didn't mean jack because they escorted me out of the building through the boiler room like a criminal the next day and the last I heard Mr Garrison is still laughing his ass off.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
P.S I forgot my old uncle's reason for driving a cab!
11- You are retired from the goverment and you want to get away from that nagging old crow wife of yours sitting on the kitchen chair!
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