Friday, June 22, 2007

A CAB DRIVER'S PROFILE

After careful and extensive analysis here are the top ten reasons why someone becomes a cab driver in America:

1-Your country doesn't want to hear from you anymore.

2-You are on your 20th year still working on your first degree by going to school at night and all the janitors know you by name.

3-You are a loner and want to live in your own little world until something better comes along and nothing better shows up and finally they find you dead inside your cab.

4-You are pissed off at the world and you all you need is just money for food, shelter and for your fashion appetite from the local thrift store from time to time.

5-You are a serial killer who never got caught and you just want something to do during your down time until your next masterpiece.

6-You hate to be confined working at the same desk and you drive around checking out booties while getting paid.

7-You are a fucken retard and don't know shit besides driving a cab.

8-You are on the run from the law enforcement.

9-You are a fine law biding citizen who believes in hard long hours of work and support your family and send your kids to college so they don't have to experience what you went through.

10-You have a physics and mathematics degree from a very good school, you worked for a federal agency for two years and you woke up one morning and decided to be a cab driver and gave your supervisor a thirty days notice.

MC: Mr Garrison I am leaving by the end of this month sir!
MR G: I hate to see you go kid, did they offer you that position at NSA?
MC: No they didn't but I want to do something else.
MR G: I know you are not happy here but you need patience, you are just a kid out of college, what else do you want to do? are you going back to school?
MC: No, I think I want to drive a cab for a while until I figure things out!
MR G: WHAT? DRIVE A CAB? are you going crazy? (laughing his lungs out) let me tell you something kid...


That thirty days notice didn't mean jack because they escorted me out of the building through the boiler room like a criminal the next day and the last I heard Mr Garrison is still laughing his ass off.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

P.S I forgot my old uncle's reason for driving a cab!

11- You are retired from the goverment and you want to get away from that nagging old crow wife of yours sitting on the kitchen chair!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

Mad, I think I fit in #8!

Yellow 47.

Peggy said...

Cool!

I hope you know that working for The Man sucks big ass! I think I'd much rather drive a cab myself.

Eryn said...

Mad, I knew you were a smart man. I hope that you love your job. And if you don't, I hope you get that one fare that offers you the job of a lifetime. You deserve it.

Mad Cabbie said...

Yellow 47, I knew that there is something shady about you! I don't know how people trust you and get in your cab! By the way Pastor was looking for you yesterday, give him a call. You two are match made in heaven!

Peggy, no regrets at all, I love my life. I am just a cabbie who still enjoys to experiment with complex mathematics and sometimes uses that skill to give the correct change to my passengers.

Thanks Eryn, over the years I had all kind of help and offers from my passengers, most of them are bullshitters some are sincere but for now I am happy where I am.

june in florida said...

# 6 and seemed like a fun job, go in broke and go home with cash.I am a gambler and cabbing is gambling, never know if the next fare is going around the corner or two states away.

Mad Cabbie said...

June, I think driving a cab in Florida should be fun...for a guy like me, looking at half naked tanned hot chicks walking down Miami streets makes the job interesting. Here in DC all you see is chicks wearing flip flops with bad feet.

Anonymous said...

I got real balls to do what you did mad! I wish I can walk away from my job and do what I love to do! but I don't have the guts to do it.

Kathy.

Claire said...

Here, in California, there are very good and inexpensive beauty shops that do pedicures for nothing. Maybe those women with the flip flops should spend some time here. Also waxing is done, eyebrow waxing especially. As for cab drivers, in America, we take so many professions that take finesse for granted. In Europe a baker is a master of his art. So is a chocolateer, etc. Cabbies are right up there with policemen, firemen, and ambulance drivers. You can't have a dummy doing those jobs!Thanks, Cabbie for sticking with your chosen proffession!

Lugosi said...

WOW!!! At least 5 of those apply to me.... And numbers 9 & 10 aren't among them.

Roy said...

I left a good well paid but very stressful executive job to start driving a taxi in Dublin , best thing I ever did, I love my job..... could never see myself "working" for a living again

DC Cab Rider said...

From the back seat, I would add

11. Waiting for the mother ship to return and pick you up.

kilgorsky said...

I could copy most of this list and name the post: Ten Top Reasons Why You Want To Become a Teacher.

G.S. said...

12 - Hey, here's a way to listen to the radio and get paid for it.

Anonymous said...

Mad, I don't know if you read this old ass comments because this post is like a year old now. But I fit number 10 almost, except the degrees are slightly different. Not a cab driver yet, but I want to--I'm just holding back to try to chase larger paper so I don't end up as a #9 hacking away.

Michael

michael_3653 _at_ hotmail.com

Mad Cabbie said...

Mike do what your gut tells you! If you live in the DC area, Washington is the best place to drive a cab! BUT I really don't recommend this job for a young person who just started a family!

Good luck.