Monday, July 10, 2006

ITALIAN FOR THE MOMENT

Italy won the world cup yesterday so every passenger I had last night claimed to be Italian, even some Chinese dude said he is Italian, why do I care? I go along with the bullshit. This is an interesting conversation I had with some drunk asshole I picked up from Georgetown going a few blocks to Glover Park. (I call it the white Ghetto)

AHOLE: Viva Italy, take me 23** 39th street in Glover Park.
ME : Okay!
AHOLE: My people won the world cup dude, I am excited.
ME : Congratulations man, I had a lot of Italians like you in my cab today!
AHOLE: Are you trying to say I am not Italian?
ME : You said that! I didn't.
AHOLE: You're full of shit, you know that?
ME : No, I don't know that.
AHOLE: I am much smaller than you are and I can kick your ass!


And this guy is like 5' 6" 130lbs little punk.

ME : I think you are right, you can kick my ass!
AHOLE: We can step outside right now if you want, I will whip your ass!
ME : You don't have to prove shit, I said you can kick my ass!
AHOLE: I know you're one of those cab drivers who thinks you're too good for the job.
ME : No, I am one of those drivers who thinks that I am lucky to be a cab driver!
AHOLE: I still think you are full of shit, but you know what? I love you anyways.
ME : I love you too.


In the meanwhile he was trying to lean across the seat and hug me, and I was trying to get away from the bad liquor and cigarette breath and drive at the same time.

AHOLE: Stop right here this is my apartment. How much I owe you?
ME : $8.80
AHOLE: Thanks for putting up with my bullshit, take this twenty its all yours.
ME : Thank you.
AHOLE: You know that I am full of shit?
ME : Yes, I know you're full of shit.
AHOLE: Good night.
ME : So long!


I saw him stumbling away towards his apartment while tapping myself on the shoulder admiring my people skills, cooling down a guy who wanted to kick my ass to tipping me over 100%. "Come on Mad Cabbie you're just full of it, the guy was shit faced, he would have tipped Osama Biladin 100%!"

Mad Cabbie.

11 comments:

Crabbie said...

"You know I'm full of shit, right?" is my favorite of all the questions drunk people ask me. And the great thing is that they always love it when you tell them "yes"

kilgorsky said...

Mad Cabbie, I've been reading you for a while and I think the blog is awesome. Plus, today's story slayed me for real.

Red said...

People are so funny when they're drunk. I guess that's a majority of your fares, huh?

I'm enjoying being a fly on the wall in your cab. Glad your back.

Mad Cabbie said...

You know the drill Crabbie, if they want to be a full of shit let them have it!

Thanks for the love Kilgorsky! By the way Kil, I was one of those losers in high school begging to get in to a band to get some chicks, I was a bass player who really sucked at it.

Mad Cabbie said...

Is that really you on the pic red?
If so, thats nice set of racks Red!

Red said...

Yeah that's really me Mad!
Are you really Rasputin?

bob said...

Drunks are always my new best pal and want to tell me their life story lots of times very slowly

Mad Cabbie said...

Wow Red, usually good looking chicks are annoying, they are not funny like you are.
Me, I feel like I was Rasputin in my past life. He is an interesting character I read a lot about so I chose him as my net pic!

Mad Cabbie said...

Sorry abought England Bob! There is always next four years right!!

Red said...

I'm blushing cause you think I'm funny. Thanks Dude!

Rasputin? In a past life? A therapist could have a field day with that one.

I was once told of Vikings in my past life. Not digging that one but I think it had something to do with my red hair. Hmmmm

kilgorsky said...

LOL! There are almost as many jokes about bass players, as about drummers. Do you know this one: How can you tell the bass player is playing out of tune? -- His fingers are moving.

Have an eventful shift.