Italy won the world cup yesterday so every passenger I had last night claimed to be Italian, even some Chinese dude said he is Italian, why do I care? I go along with the bullshit. This is an interesting conversation I had with some drunk asshole I picked up from Georgetown going a few blocks to Glover Park. (I call it the white Ghetto)
AHOLE: Viva Italy, take me 23** 39th street in Glover Park.
ME : Okay!
AHOLE: My people won the world cup dude, I am excited.
ME : Congratulations man, I had a lot of Italians like you in my cab today!
AHOLE: Are you trying to say I am not Italian?
ME : You said that! I didn't.
AHOLE: You're full of shit, you know that?
ME : No, I don't know that.
AHOLE: I am much smaller than you are and I can kick your ass!
And this guy is like 5' 6" 130lbs little punk.
ME : I think you are right, you can kick my ass!
AHOLE: We can step outside right now if you want, I will whip your ass!
ME : You don't have to prove shit, I said you can kick my ass!
AHOLE: I know you're one of those cab drivers who thinks you're too good for the job.
ME : No, I am one of those drivers who thinks that I am lucky to be a cab driver!
AHOLE: I still think you are full of shit, but you know what? I love you anyways.
ME : I love you too.
In the meanwhile he was trying to lean across the seat and hug me, and I was trying to get away from the bad liquor and cigarette breath and drive at the same time.
AHOLE: Stop right here this is my apartment. How much I owe you?
ME : $8.80
AHOLE: Thanks for putting up with my bullshit, take this twenty its all yours.
ME : Thank you.
AHOLE: You know that I am full of shit?
ME : Yes, I know you're full of shit.
AHOLE: Good night.
ME : So long!
I saw him stumbling away towards his apartment while tapping myself on the shoulder admiring my people skills, cooling down a guy who wanted to kick my ass to tipping me over 100%. "Come on Mad Cabbie you're just full of it, the guy was shit faced, he would have tipped Osama Biladin 100%!"