Wednesday, November 29, 2006

KINKINESS GONE WRONG

When I picked up this dude in his forties in front of an office building in Chinatown at two in the morning I knew exactly where he has been. The old building has a few offices of shady injury lawyers, mom and pop accounting firms, so called Import export companies with one phone line, a fax and a soda machine, you know shit like that, but everything closes that time in the morning with exception of suite 207.

Suite 207 is occupied with few dominatrix chicks and transvestites we know who keeps us busy all night from time to time, in fact I have a few of them on my speed dial in case my stressful passengers need some relaxing time by getting some good time whipping. So this dude with suite and tie gets in to my cab and tells me he wants to go to Dorset avenue in Chevy Chase but wants to make a stop by the 24hrs CVS drug store at DuPont Circle. He had a black eye and a small cut on his upper lip and he was very uncomfortable and nervous. For a moment I thought maybe the dominatrix chicks didn't over dominate him, what if it was a robbery attempt or something? So a concerned citizen that I am, I asked.

ME: What the fuck happened to you man?
HIM: Some motherfucker with a gun tried to rob me and I had to fight and at some point we fell on the ground, I guess that's when I hurt myself...
ME: That wasn't smart dude, but I am glad that you are okay, Did you call the cops?
HIM: Thanks man I just want to stop at that CVS to pick up stuff and go home, fuck the cops they're not going to do shit! Just take me home!

He didn't feel like talking too much because he was lying to me and the minute he opened his mouth I knew he was bullshitting me. In DC if you fight an armed thug you are pretty much a dead meat, they will smoke your ass even if you don't fight them and on top of that I checked out his suit when he was walking to the CVS and not a single dirt or wrinkle, I guess it was a clean fight uh? Something definitely went wrong at suite 207 because I pick up some fine gentlemen all the time from there but never with a noticeable wound!

But you know what? If I visited a dominatrix and she kicks the shit out of me and somehow gave me a black eye, would I share the story with some stupid ass cab driver? hell no! I think I would be embarrassed just to admit that I am paying some chick to slap me around. I guess I am not a powerful white man, they say usually white men with money and power fit the description of men who pay a frequent visit to these macho chics. I can testify for that fact because when I dropped him off it was in front of a house on Dorset avenue could easily cost in the millions and I hope he didn't wake his wife up when he sneaked in the bedroom.

One of these days Mad Cabbie will hook up with a dominatrix and I don't want some 5'2" 100lbs skinny white chic just playing the part, I want some 6'4" 300lbs sista who can rough me up and kick my ass! I hope my dad is not reading this shit.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

10 comments:

Twoste said...

Amazing! This building is at the corner of what and what?

NurseWhoLvdMe said...

What? You don't think a 5'2, 100 lb white girl could kick your ass?
Didn't your momma ever tell you that dynamite comes in small packages?

june in florida said...

Bet Pastor knows just the SISTA for you Mad. Maybe you might want to rethink that idea,lol.

Anonymous said...

I will rough you up anytime honey:D
You bad boy! Come back to Mama!

Venus!

Anonymous said...

Mad, I have been in your cab before and I think you're hot...To bad you don't like skinny white hotties!

p.s it's me who emailed you the green eye pic in case you don't open your mails.

KS

LIAM said...

I have had guys who got a beating, get into my cab before, but not like this by any means!

It's funny how we know our fares are lying to us. I get it all the time.

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www.taxihome.blogspotcom

Mad Cabbie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mad Cabbie said...

Twoste, I will pay anything to those chics so they could give you some extra whipping, as a matter of fact I know some other joint not too far from you work on C street NE, I can have them come to your office and push you around, they do house calls you know!

My momma told me a lot of things including making sure to marry a girl from the south, I here you southern ladies are gentle at the same time tough but you are off the shelf Eryn, and I sure won't mess with a tough southern cookie like you because you might slap me around if I don't behave myself:)

June, how did you know that? Pastor's Rolodex is full of SISTAS, He's in to that jungle fever you know! every now and then his yellow fever symptoms kicks in!

Hmmmmmmm Venus!

KS, Just by looking at those green eyes I think I know who you are! Does your address start with 2500? and you work late in Georgetown right? and I agree you're smoking hot! Check your email babe!

Liam, the thing is when your passengers start to bullshit you they don't think you've heard that same crap 2000 times before. I will make sure to read your blog, I love you Canadians man!

Saint John Cabbie said...

thanks Mad!

Claire said...

Hey Mad Cabbie,

If you want some real ass-kickin', I suggest you buy a Hewlett-Packard printer at Fry's Electronics. It won't work and it will eat up your paper and it will laugh at you. Oh, I tell you, I am just miserable. It's past the 30 days too. Sorry to be off-topic, but you are scaring me! Where's the sweet, wise Cabbie we all know? Have you been watching that movie that was on TV the other night, Sid and Nancy? Or picking up too many shady fares? Yes the Southern belles are called Steele Magnolias but being strong and just being violent are different things. You need someone who's going to be in your corner, that's what strength is.

Peace & Hugs,

Claire