WALL STREET TOM 1964-2006

Wall street Tom was a typical macho good looking Italian dude who grew up in Brooklyn. He moved to the DC area from New York during the late eighties after his firm assigned him to work as a salesman/broker to one of their branch offices in town. He did very well until he got greedy and tried to get involved with some Nigerian con men. When he kept the communication open with the Nigerians even after his boss alerted him not to, the firm canned him. Not only that he got fired he also lost his privilege to trade for other people in the U.S and to this day we don't know what exactly those motherfucken Nigerians did but we get the idea.

After few different and frustrating gigs in sales he found himself behind a steering wheel of a taxi cab. Like most cab drivers he started hacking temporally until something comes up, but 99% of the time that "something" doesn't materialize and like the rest of us he ended up falling in love with his cab. You see, cab driving is like prostitution it's hard to get away from it, the freedom and cash money every day is addictive like drug and that's why you see a lot of over qualified people for the job description turn in to career cab drivers. Besides all this Tom was too ashamed and proud to go back home to New York and start working with his father in the family business. His father didn't know that his son was a cabbie in DC until about six years ago when he came here to visit Tom in the hospital after an emergency surgery, his father was angry at him not because he was a cab driver but due to the fact that he was lying for all those years, but the good thing was his relationship with his dad improved after that visit.

I owe Tom a lot, besides being a great friend he is one of those people who changed my life for the better. During the hay days of the tech stock boom he gave me a sound advice in some strong financial moves which made my life smoother and stress free, he always helped us turn the pennies we make driving cabs in to a few dollars by spreading his "always up to date" knowledge about the financial markets. The sad thing is like Pastor Joe have said, the last five years was absolutely positive for Tom finance wise, especially the last year or so he wasn't much of a cab driver because he was doing so well trading for himself he really didn't have to bust his ass hacking and a few month ago he bought a newly built house in Ashburn VA and he was telling us something funny that his neighbours weren't too excited to see his cab in his drive way every day destroying their image, it's like "what the fuck is this cab driver doing in our lovely neighbourhood!"

Let me leave you with this funny story about Tom. Tom was a sweet talking ladies man and couple of years ago he was fucking around with a woman who is married to a guy who is a lawyer for the Department of Justice. They met about a couple of times a month during her lunch break at Tom's old condo on Massachusetts avenue for about a year and finaly she got pregnant(not by Tom) and they stopped seeing each other. During the affair we made a friend of a friend make a crank phone call pretending to be the woman's angry husband who found out about the affair and coming to kill him. Tom was shaking in his boots while he was talking to the guy and he said in one of his classiest and funniest nervous tone "...Sir I swear to you on my life! We are just friends! I am a homosexual man and all we do is eat and talk about stocks!"

Tom, I am not going to judge you on what you have done to yourself because I am fucking confused right now but I know it's going to be depressing looking at that empty chair during poker nights. This coming Saturday Mr Hook and the whole crew are going to your favorite bar in DuPont and will get shit faced and exchange old "Wall street Tom" stories, even Ali Two Fingers is coming out of his drinking retirement for this occasion and please give us a sign to let us know that you are looking down and enjoying the party! a flying Vodka bottle will be nice.

Rest in peace and like you always say CIAO.

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

NOT A GOOD START

I would like to thank my nigger Mad Cabbie aka Zebra aka Rasputin aka CB for allowing me to use this stage....and bla! bla! bla!bla!
Hey, hey, hey!#@* Stop it okay! I am not a racist redneck, my civil right records include living with a black stripper for two kinky years and trust me when I tell you I am blacker than your pussy Mad Cabbie, don't let my blue eyes and blond bolding hair fool you. I can call Mr Mad Cabbie whatever I want to call him so keep quite.

When MC asked me to do this blog shit I wasn't sure if I was up for it, but after reading all 71 MC's post over the weekend I was inspired by some of the stories and I wanted to fill in the blanks and post some cab tales as much as I can. I wanted to write sooner but we are going through some tough times due to the tragic suicide of our fellow driver and friend "Wall street Tom". We just didn't see it coming man! this is a guy who have been through hard times during the early nineties but started to turn things around for himself the last five years. Tom just moved in to his brand new house a couple of month ago and threw some crazy ass party and seemed to be happy but who knew what he was going through in his mind! "Fuck, Tom! when I see you in hell in a few years I am going to kick the shit out of you bitch! you had a bunch of great friends who would have done any shit for you, all you had to do was talk man!"

I am sorry that my first post is a downer but I have to let it out some how. All of us including MC are taking this shit hard to the stomach but we do understand that life goes on and we will try to celebrate his life by thinking about the great times we had together and sadly so that's all we can do at this point.

Rest in peace Tommy.

Pastor Joe.

QUICK NOTE

My dear red neck friend Pastor Joe has agreed to a one year $1 deal to contribute to the DIARY OF A MAD DC CABBIE blog. Financial analyst are saying that this could free up some extra time for Mr Mad Cabbie to get laid and which could result a high revenue for the downtown prostitution business, and due to this news the Dow Jones is expected to to cross the 12000 mark today after the market closes.

This writing blog stuff is not an easy shit to do, at least for me it's not, because I am not a writer and I suck, my vocabulary is limited to 300 words maybe 308 on a good day so I needed another retard with something to say to help me out and who else could it be than the holy man himself. If you think I have a foul mouth I think you are mistaken but I did advice him to tone it down a bit and which I doubt that he will do. He agreed to do this shit on the condition that I don't edit his stuff which never was my intention in the first place.

I hope you will keep enjoying reading this blog, we don't advertise and try to sell crap in this joint, we are just here to share our experiences at night driving cabs and entertain you at the same time and please don't take some of our observation personal because we don't give a fuck.

But I do give a fuck if you don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

911 FOR NO RESCUE

I picked up a bartender from one of the bars in Georgetown who wanted to go home after a slow night. By the way I love you bartenders man, you really take care of your cabbies including this dude. I have driven him to his apartment in Arlington before, he is a cool guy from Morocco and we always have great conversations and some how we end up talking about chicks all the time.

But last night my man was real pissed off after a short phone conversation with his wife. He was talking in Arabic so I didn't know what the hell he was yelling all about, but he said something interesting and also disturbing at the same time when he was done arguing with his wife. He talked about how the system in the United States over protect women and that men don't have any rights at all. "I can't even touch her unless I want to spend the night in jail. She is just driving me crazy and I don't know what to do!" and after a long pause he kept on saying, "But you know what? we're going on vacation together for a trip back home coming this January and I can't wait for that day to arrive! as soon as we land in Morocco I am going to punch her around like a mad man and then we will see how her dial 911 is going to help her over there bitch!!!"

Is this guy really serious? Don't cops care in Morocco when a woman is beaten? I hope he will calm down by then because I am pretty sure his wife is also looking forward for this exciting vacation in January to reunite with her family but she doesn't know what's coming unfortunately. And any of you macho assholes out there please don't get any devilish idea of booking your next vacation to Casablanca with your wives, alright?

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

THE TWENTY CENTS TIP

The Mad Cabbie, Pastor Joe, CNN poll indicates that black women are the worst tippers if they ever tip at all. Don't get me wrong one of the best tips I ever made was from a black woman from Chicago, and all I did was helped her out to load a couple of boxes from Kinko and took her to her hotel at two in the morning and for $8.80 fare she paid me $50 almost 600% tip. But in general you black chicks suck when it comes to tipping, Come on ladies let's get with the programme, it's the 21st century!

"Mr. Mad Cabbie that is a racist comment and we have a bunch of angry black leaders and role models on the phone on hold and would like to talk to your ass. We have Jessie Jackson on line 1, Al Sharpton on line 2 and Louis Farrakhan on line 3. Are you available to take these calls now Mad?"

"What do you mean it's a racist comment? Don't forget that I am black man and I can say what ever I want about black people, if it was a white dude who made these comments, then it could be classified as a racist statement, do you understand? that's the way it is! And I don't have any black leaders and my role model is Mr T not those hypocrite motherfuckers who you have on hold and while you got them on the phone tell them to get a real job like the rest of us!"

Couple of weeks ago I picked up a black woman from a house in Chevy Chase (one of the richest neighbourhood in DC) she is the mother of a congressman and I don't want to say his name because I don't want to piss him off and probably get some sexually explicit emails from him, you never know how our congressmen react these days. But I will give you a clue, back in the days his dad was also a congressman. I did have a good conversation with her and I learned a lot about her son from her, that his ass smell like roses and he is running for the senate seat presently. Of course she is a mom and have the right to brag about her son's accomplishment but did she had to tip me a whopping twenty cents for a $24.80 fare to National airport? I think those polls are accurate.

I know that I probably pissed off some of you folks out there, if you don't like what I have to say, fuck you! and go read another blog! as a matter of fact go read my good friend Jamy's blog, she is my agent and also handles the compliant department, she will also teach you how to date and get laid, so come back and see me after she calms your ass down.

"Hey Mad, I think you really pushed it this time because there are some angry black men out there banging on your door and they are going to kick the shit out of you, and you know what? they are wearing a suit and a bow tie, I believe these brothers are from the nation of Islam and you better start saying your prayers you pussy!"

Guys! I got to split and run through the back door and please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

MR HOOK AND THE G SPOT

I met my pimp friend aka Mr. Hook about twelve years ago, he showed up for my 30th birthday party by tagging along with another friend I invited and we've been friends ever since.

"Mad, aren't you going to tell us about your weekend trip to San Francisco? What happened dude? are we being uneasy here already? I don't like where this is going MC!"

Listen, nobody cares and this blog is about cab drivers and their pathetic street lives not about... You know what? why am I explaining this to you? you retard!!!

Sorry guys, this jackass keeps butting in and he wouldn't leave me alone.

I am going to write a few stories about my pimp friend in the future but from now on I would like to address him as Mr. Hook because to me he is not just another pimp, he is a very good friend I can count on. Even though the way he makes his living is questionable for some people, I hate to keep calling him the pimp because he is much bigger than that.

Mr. Hook is not your everyday pimp you see on the street, he runs his sophisticated escort service out of his Dell laptop with army of hot chicks and their blueberries. No office, no cheesy website, no newspaper add, just a word to mouth networking among the very well to do old horny men. You wouldn't believe what these guys spend for a good time but you see these girls are real hot and they are from all over the place, Russian, Polish, Brazilians, Mexicans and of course Americans and more. He treats these girls very well and it's all business so it's not that stereotype "Where is my money bitch?" kind of relationship. For you cops who's reading this shit, Hook runs an escort service not a prostitution ring, what the girls do after they meet their clients, he has no control of and you guys tried to bust him a few times but the judges laughed at your ass and threw away all the cases and now he is a respected businessman in the community hahahaha.

Years ago while sitting at an all night cafe bull shitting as usual, Mr Hook was bragging about how well hung he was and the unusual shape of his penis. He started to draw the figure of his penis on a piece of napkin and it sure looked like a hook to us and we started calling him Mr Hook ever since. He claims that the shape of his penis easily helps him to hit the G spot every time he has sex but me personally I did my own expedition like Indiana Jones to locate the G spot on a woman to no success so I think the existence of the G spot is just a myth. I talk to a lot of girls in my cab and the answer I get is some say it's there and some say it doesn't and all they want is their men to pay attention to the C spot instead.

It's always nice to be back home and I am going to see Mr Hook and the crew tonight and I am not looking forward to it because I have a feeling that they are going to grill me tonight. By the way for any of you ugly losers with no woman and a high school reunion on your calendar approaching, you might wanna contact Mr Hook and he can fix you up with a 6 feet blond for that night so you can impress your friends and their fat wives. That's what this dude did a couple month ago and the girl played the part very well.

Don't forget the homeless while I try to locate the G spot.

Mad Cabbie

A QUICK TRIP

I will be catching a plane to San Francisco in a few hours, This is a planed trip to visit my woman Kim. I have known Kim who is a divorced single mother of one girl ever since our days in high school, and after years and years of booty calls we've been talking some serious stuff for the past couple of years but neither of us were willing to relocate. But lately she is caving in to the idea of moving back to the Washington area and start a new life with me.

"Kim! are you fucking crazy? you have a great career and an amazing lifestyle in San Francisco, and you wanna move back here and marry some stupid ass cab driver who hang out with pimps? Kim don't do it! Don't do it Kim!"

Fuck you man! I am proud of what I accomplished as a cab driver! And don't you write some shit in this post anymore! this is my blog, go get your own blog you jealous freak!

Well my friends there are some issues we need to address before we make things happen so stay tuned. I have been to San Francisco quite a few times and it's a beautiful city and I am looking forward to a fun weekend with Kim.

Maybe I will run in to my blogger cabbie friend Joann at SFO, hey Joann if you see this tall black dude picking his nose in the cab line at the airport, that would be yours truly so pick him up please he is a harmless pussy!

I will be back Monday night and don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

BE THE FLY ON THE WALL

Let me show you what a typical night shift of mine looks like and this is from last night, nothing out of the ordinary but I would like people to know the shit we have to put up with night after night.

Depending on my mood I leave home between 9 and 10pm but definitely it has to be dark, I am like a fucking vampire, I only function productively after sun set. My usual route to work from Columbia is 95 south to 495 west exit at Connecticut avenue south through Chevy Chase in to our great nation's capital where our congressmen protect their own sexual predator. So I wrote a few journal with my daily manifest for you last night.

Fare #1 at 9:38pm: Picked up two chicks, they wanted to go to the Front Page in DuPont, They smelled real nice and I asked what kind of perfume but I forgot what they said, sorry! But I did feel some movement in my pants so that was good start for the night.

Fare #2 at 10:04pm: Some dude who overstayed his happy hour wanted to go home to Old Town Alexandria and started fighting with his girlfriend on the cell phone. He hanged up the phone after he called her "a two faced bitch!" I mentioned to him that it wasn't a nice thing to say to his woman but he said they love each other and that's why they fight all the time. I said okay!

Fare #3 at 10:51pm: It was a dispatched call, Reuters News have an account with Diamond Cab Co. So it was one of our regular riders who goes to North Bethesda off Tuckerman street. This dude doesn't say anything at all which is fine by me but he always stares at one spot and stay motionless for almost half an hour until he gets to his place and that's real creepy.

Fare #4 at 11:42pm: Picked up a group of four AU students from Wisconsin and Jennifer going back to campus, this is a sweet ride it paid $13 for a ride which took six minutes if you calculate that per year it comes around $260,000 but it doesn't happen constantly in real life otherwise all DC lawyers will become cab drivers.

Around mid night I received my nightly call from my mother, she always calls me right before she goes to bed to remind me not to pick up dangerous people, poor woman! but I love her to death. And at the same time our mid night dispatcher Robby brought his fat ass to work.

Fare #5 at 00:18am: Picked up a dispatched call from Sibley Hospital going to the Vanness South apartments. A guy in his 30's who was treated at the ER after irregular heart beat, He said he works hard late hours and travels a lot and doesn't have much of a social life. I asked him if he has a girlfriend and he replied that he doesn't have time for chicks but I did advice him to get laid every now and then!

Fare #6 at 00:37am: another dispatched call from 2501 Porter street a high rise building, some Japanese dude going back to his hotel in Crystal City. I couldn't understand shit of what he was saying but I kept saying okay and I laugh when he laughs and stop when he does. When we got to his hotel he said I am a good man and paid me generously.

Fare #7 at 01:19am: Some drunk freak who kept yelling "You're the man!" at me probably a hundred times all away to Duke street in Virginia. God! that idiot was annoying me I wanted to strangle him and hide him in my trunk!

On my way back to the city I got a call from our pimp friend:
PIMP: Woch' you doin' Mad?
ME: I am driving my cab!
PIMP: Nigger don't be a smart ass bitch! What time you're guys going to the cafe?
ME: I don't know yet, I have to call Pastor Joe.
PIMP: Yeah, tell that cracker to bring back my "Big Butt Bounce 5" DVD!
ME: What the fuck! I am not your water boy, you tell him yourself!
PIMP: Calm down bitch! Let me know what time you losers want to hook up!
ME: Later!

Fare #8 at 02:08am: A dispatched call from a law firm at 1001 Pennsylvania, a paralegal chick who complained about working hard, I listened to her whining but thanks God she wasn't going too far. I dropped her at 20th and Columbia and I rolled down 18th street in Adams Morgan but it was too slow so my experience tells me to go to Capitol Hill and hustle.

Fare #9 at 02:37am: Dispatched to 400 block of 6th street in south east and picked up some hot chick who had some sex. I can tell if someone just got laid most of the time, you know the smell of sex, the messed up hair, the faded lipstick and the exhaustion. People! People! please if you have to go out some where after sex, don't just wash your thing and go, you have to take a serious shower and leave fresh. I know you are tired and just want to go home and crash but be considerate to your cabbie. I dropped her in Cleveland Park and now it's time for a break!

At 03:05am we all got together at our usual hang out place that I don't want to say where because I don't want any of you freaks come and stalk my ass especially after one disturbing email months back! So after some bullshit with the pimp, Pastor Joe, Ali two fingers and Wall street Tom until 4:00am I was back in action. By the way Pastor Joe did return that "Big Butt Bounce 5" DVD to the pimp! I could have borrowed the DVD but I am not an ass man, if it was "Big Boobs Bounce 5" I might have.

Fare #9 at 04:30am: A dispatched time call from 49th street in Spring Valley, a suite and tie going to Dulles Airport and we talked about how Bush sucks and his pending divorce "The bitch is forcing me in to a homeless shelter!" that was his quote.

Fare #10 at 05:45am: A dispatched time call for a trip to National Airport from Legation street in Chevy Chase, some stuck up middle aged woman with a bad make up.

Fare #11 at 07:15am: Another call going to National Airport from Macomb street and this time an older couple who are going to celebrate their 40th weeding anniversary in the islands. The way they communicated was like as if they were going on a first date, I strongly believe that they did have a fabulous 40 years.

Fare #12 at 08:02am: From the Holiday Inn in Georgetown, two Indian dudes going to Union Station to catch their train. It was so funny because one of the guys was turning around to look and check out every woman who was passing by the street and I said "You're a horny dude man!" and he replied by saying "Don't tell that to my wife because she thinks I am lazy in bed! who wants to eat fucken' mashed potatoes every single night!"

It was a slow night but now it's time for Mr. Mad Cabbie to go back home and Detox himself, I drove up to North Capitol street in to New Hampshire avenue back to 95 north.

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.