Wednesday, October 04, 2006

BE THE FLY ON THE WALL

Let me show you what a typical night shift of mine looks like and this is from last night, nothing out of the ordinary but I would like people to know the shit we have to put up with night after night.

Depending on my mood I leave home between 9 and 10pm but definitely it has to be dark, I am like a fucking vampire, I only function productively after sun set. My usual route to work from Columbia is 95 south to 495 west exit at Connecticut avenue south through Chevy Chase in to our great nation's capital where our congressmen protect their own sexual predator. So I wrote a few journal with my daily manifest for you last night.

Fare #1 at 9:38pm: Picked up two chicks, they wanted to go to the Front Page in DuPont, They smelled real nice and I asked what kind of perfume but I forgot what they said, sorry! But I did feel some movement in my pants so that was good start for the night.

Fare #2 at 10:04pm: Some dude who overstayed his happy hour wanted to go home to Old Town Alexandria and started fighting with his girlfriend on the cell phone. He hanged up the phone after he called her "a two faced bitch!" I mentioned to him that it wasn't a nice thing to say to his woman but he said they love each other and that's why they fight all the time. I said okay!

Fare #3 at 10:51pm: It was a dispatched call, Reuters News have an account with Diamond Cab Co. So it was one of our regular riders who goes to North Bethesda off Tuckerman street. This dude doesn't say anything at all which is fine by me but he always stares at one spot and stay motionless for almost half an hour until he gets to his place and that's real creepy.

Fare #4 at 11:42pm: Picked up a group of four AU students from Wisconsin and Jennifer going back to campus, this is a sweet ride it paid $13 for a ride which took six minutes if you calculate that per year it comes around $260,000 but it doesn't happen constantly in real life otherwise all DC lawyers will become cab drivers.

Around mid night I received my nightly call from my mother, she always calls me right before she goes to bed to remind me not to pick up dangerous people, poor woman! but I love her to death. And at the same time our mid night dispatcher Robby brought his fat ass to work.

Fare #5 at 00:18am: Picked up a dispatched call from Sibley Hospital going to the Vanness South apartments. A guy in his 30's who was treated at the ER after irregular heart beat, He said he works hard late hours and travels a lot and doesn't have much of a social life. I asked him if he has a girlfriend and he replied that he doesn't have time for chicks but I did advice him to get laid every now and then!

Fare #6 at 00:37am: another dispatched call from 2501 Porter street a high rise building, some Japanese dude going back to his hotel in Crystal City. I couldn't understand shit of what he was saying but I kept saying okay and I laugh when he laughs and stop when he does. When we got to his hotel he said I am a good man and paid me generously.

Fare #7 at 01:19am: Some drunk freak who kept yelling "You're the man!" at me probably a hundred times all away to Duke street in Virginia. God! that idiot was annoying me I wanted to strangle him and hide him in my trunk!

On my way back to the city I got a call from our pimp friend:
PIMP: Woch' you doin' Mad?
ME: I am driving my cab!
PIMP: Nigger don't be a smart ass bitch! What time you're guys going to the cafe?
ME: I don't know yet, I have to call Pastor Joe.
PIMP: Yeah, tell that cracker to bring back my "Big Butt Bounce 5" DVD!
ME: What the fuck! I am not your water boy, you tell him yourself!
PIMP: Calm down bitch! Let me know what time you losers want to hook up!
ME: Later!

Fare #8 at 02:08am: A dispatched call from a law firm at 1001 Pennsylvania, a paralegal chick who complained about working hard, I listened to her whining but thanks God she wasn't going too far. I dropped her at 20th and Columbia and I rolled down 18th street in Adams Morgan but it was too slow so my experience tells me to go to Capitol Hill and hustle.

Fare #9 at 02:37am: Dispatched to 400 block of 6th street in south east and picked up some hot chick who had some sex. I can tell if someone just got laid most of the time, you know the smell of sex, the messed up hair, the faded lipstick and the exhaustion. People! People! please if you have to go out some where after sex, don't just wash your thing and go, you have to take a serious shower and leave fresh. I know you are tired and just want to go home and crash but be considerate to your cabbie. I dropped her in Cleveland Park and now it's time for a break!

At 03:05am we all got together at our usual hang out place that I don't want to say where because I don't want any of you freaks come and stalk my ass especially after one disturbing email months back! So after some bullshit with the pimp, Pastor Joe, Ali two fingers and Wall street Tom until 4:00am I was back in action. By the way Pastor Joe did return that "Big Butt Bounce 5" DVD to the pimp! I could have borrowed the DVD but I am not an ass man, if it was "Big Boobs Bounce 5" I might have.

Fare #9 at 04:30am: A dispatched time call from 49th street in Spring Valley, a suite and tie going to Dulles Airport and we talked about how Bush sucks and his pending divorce "The bitch is forcing me in to a homeless shelter!" that was his quote.

Fare #10 at 05:45am: A dispatched time call for a trip to National Airport from Legation street in Chevy Chase, some stuck up middle aged woman with a bad make up.

Fare #11 at 07:15am: Another call going to National Airport from Macomb street and this time an older couple who are going to celebrate their 40th weeding anniversary in the islands. The way they communicated was like as if they were going on a first date, I strongly believe that they did have a fabulous 40 years.

Fare #12 at 08:02am: From the Holiday Inn in Georgetown, two Indian dudes going to Union Station to catch their train. It was so funny because one of the guys was turning around to look and check out every woman who was passing by the street and I said "You're a horny dude man!" and he replied by saying "Don't tell that to my wife because she thinks I am lazy in bed! who wants to eat fucken' mashed potatoes every single night!"

It was a slow night but now it's time for Mr. Mad Cabbie to go back home and Detox himself, I drove up to North Capitol street in to New Hampshire avenue back to 95 north.

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

11 comments:

MJ06 said...

So it seems you get about 2 fares an hour give or take. I wondered about that.
I like fare #2 we love each other so we fight all the time.

Cabbie X said...

MC, I may just do the exact same post on mine so we can compare! I like the idea of showing an entire night, whether the rides are good, bad or indifferent.

Mad Cabbie said...

Mj, Most of the runs were long out of city fares which I am not crazy about. I like doing locals which you I can run 3-4 runs an hour but it was a slow tuesday night.

Cabbie X, I think you should do that soon and I look forward to read that post. I hope you are doing well!

Flat Stan said...

May have been just another night for you but it was a interesting read.

Tell the Pimp to start a blog...haha

Anonymous said...

MAD...
Can I ride shot gun one of these nights? Nice read again.Keep it coming..

CrazyEth

kilgorsky said...

A slow night? Mad, you could turn your life into a book and make some serius dough, bro.

You make this job sound so interesting, I hope it really is.

Twoste said...

Respect. Cool shit.
Don't be too hard on those Reuters guys. They work long hours staring at bad copy on a computer screen and have to deal with passive aggressive editors. Don't forget the journalists! We deserve kindness.

legal alien said...

MC i totally think that a book about ur night vampire-life would be a great bestseller.

Everyone would love to be a cabbie if u write this book. Trust me

L.A.

Anonymous said...

Damned if I care if I was the disturbing email, I don't hang with the lowlifes and the riffraff and....lowlifes said it. You get dispatched, how pathetic. Just kidding, I thought you was freelance, no you are corporate, you are part of the machine. The sex tip was nice of you, shows you like sharing. Too bad your advice is like 3 years to late but right on time.

Mad Cabbie said...

Stan, trust me it was a boring slow night and I will pass the message to the pimp to start his own blog but I don't think he will, he is busy dispatching chicks!

Crazy Ethiopian: Anytime dude, you can ride shot gun with me, but don't bring a real shot gun with you, I know what you Ethiopian did to the Italians at the "Battle of Adowa" about 100 years ago!

Kilg: you know sooner or later I will have to walk away from hacking, and I know there would not be a job as interesting as the last 16 years of my cab driving adventure.

Twoste: I am not being too hard on journalists, as a matter a fact you guys are owed a lot of respect but my man from Reuters was a little off. I have to turn around and look and see if he was still alive.

Legal: my writting sucks man and who would by this garbage anyways?

Anonymous: Just by the way you write I knew who you are. It's okay if you don't want to hang out with a low life like me! three years too late? Does that mean it was three years ago you got laid? you need to polish up your game dude! by the way what's up with your old college? What do you think? I could get you laid you know, but you too good to hang out with the pastor and myself! take care bro!

Anonymous said...

Mad Cabbie, My old college is living in the past. They had a huge "World Changing" protest 20 years ago and they are trying to reclaim that glory, not to mention that politicized drama being communicated in Sign Language leads to at least a week of postponments, no class, no homework, doesnt sound all that bad. As for relationships I look for something permanent. Later Mad