Monday, September 18, 2006


I pretty much can drive you to any shit hole address in Washington DC without getting lost but every now and then at night some passengers want to go far in to Maryland and Virginia. I know most of the surrounding suburban neighbourhoods of Washington but there are places that I am not used to, and getting out of some of these places after I drop my passengers could be real tricky. Most experienced cab drivers have a built in compass in their heads, they drop people at places where they have to make all kind of lefts and rights and drive back to the main roads with no confusions.

I have two tricks: 1) I start to count my lefts and rights and the streets in between when I am ready to drop off to unfamiliar neighbourhood and do the reverse count until I get to the main road. Easy! 2) I am an overnight driver so I always look for the brighter skies because usually the main roads are well lighted so I follow the fucken light like the three wise men until I find the street I know.

Mad, in case you didn't know 2300 B.C the Babylonians came up with an invention that can help you with directions and it's been improved and still in use for almost the last 5000 years, you can buy it at your local 7-11 and it's call a MAP you retard! what's this following the stars and street lights bullshit?

Fuck you! you think I don't know that? I have all kind of maps in my bag but I won't make myself vulnerable parked at dark side street checking my map out in a place that I don't know, so you can sneak up on me to rob and shoot my ass. Can you imagine the headline in the Washington Post metro section the next morning? It wouldn't look sexy: "LOST CABBIE SHOT KILLED WHILE LOOKING AT HIS MAP". Other pro cabbies like Lugosi will have a field day with that sorry ass news.

That's what I did last night after I dropped off some drunk chick in Kensington. We zig zaged about seven turns from Connecticut avenue to get to her house at some dead end street behind the Mormon church. After I saw her stumbled her way in to her house safe, I just followed the church's bright light towards Kensington parkway and I knew how to pick up Connecticut avenue from there, and off to the nation's capital. My navigation skills may be thousands of years old but the trick still works fine.

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.


wil said...

Daniel Boone once said:

"I ain't never been lost. Been a might confused for two or three days, but never lost."

Anonymous said...

thanks for a good laugh, Mad Cabbie.

i'd say you're pretty Zen, being as tuned into your surroundings as you are.

the lost-cabbie-with-the-maps gig does sound like an invitation to trouble.

smart boy!

safe driving!

Peggy's Mom

Peggy said...

You know, I could be a cabbie. I have never been lost. Taking a wrong turn doesn't count. There is this freakish inner compass that I've got and I can always:
1. Find my way back from where I've been.
2. Find the place again once I've been there once.

You know about what London cabbies have to pass to get a full hack license? The Knowledge? Grim but it keeps the crap and stupid guys off the street.

Legal Alien said...

great sense of direction cabbie ,

Keep the great work.


Mad Cabbie said...

That's a good one Wil, I will use it in case a passanger ask that worrisome question "are you lost ?" I will answer "No I am not lost, I am just confused!"

Peggy's mom, you never want to get caught with your pants down! right?

Peggy, If we had London's "The knowledge" test here in DC for cab drivers, there will only be 10 drivers left.

What's up LA! Glad to hear from you ! are you getting any Canadian poon tang lately? You've got get busy kid!

MJ06 said...

Thank God for Light Pollution.
I like that method really I think looking in the sky for the more well lit areas is really not a bad trick.

lugosi said...

You should try getting lost out here in the boonies where there are no bright lights.
Just don't ask the banjo players sitting up in the trees for directions.

Anonymous said...

Would a GPS system be of any use for your work?


DC Cab Rider said...

Surrender Dorothy!

lugosi said...

Incidentally, you know how I keep from getting lost in DC? I just keep driving in the same direction, and sooner or later I always hit the Beltway.