HELLO THERE!

What's up bitches! Is there anyone out there? Hello!

I know there has to be few people reading this crap, even after I stopped blogging I got few hundred thousands of hits and still coming. So I am going to give it a try one more time. Why today? I was talking to my dear friend K yesterday and she talked about picture blogging about stuff! I said to myself, you know what, I haven't been doing this shit for a while and I have all kind of bullshit to talk about, and here I am.

LAST COUPLE OF YEARS IN A NUTSHELL.

I put on hold my prestigious high profile cab driving occupation in DC and found a gig working for NGO. My friend Sara hooked me up with a guy who ran a clean water project all over the shitholes on this planet. When they hired me on the spot I thought I was someone special, I patted myself on my back telling my self  "You go Mad Cabbie, finally you found people who understood how smart you are! That's what's up nigger!"

Basically what they needed was a body, any breathing retard who was willing to go to a part of Afghanistan where the Talibans vacation and chill when the fighting season slows down. After I accepted the offer, the chics in the lobby were laughing and giggling their asses off, pointing at my ass. Damn, I thought those white bitches were into me or something. But anyhow, at the time, the violence against cab drivers in DC was on the rise, so I felt Afghanistan was a much acceptable place for my safety.

Afghanistan, to my surprise has a beautiful countryside and great people besides what they show you on TV here in the States. I shitted in my pants here and there every time I heard a round of AK-47. Afghans like to shoot their weapons up in the air for some celebrations. Our local guide was like "You big negro man please! Calm your ass down! Don't act like you've never heard these pops before in southeast DC muddafukka!" 

I traveled back and forth few times to different countries doing different humanitarian missions. The last gig was in Jordan near the Syrian border until that operation was suspended due to security concerns. I returned back to DC, finished up my contract and never got a call so far. When I left abroad I returned my taxi tags confirming that I can get it back when I return, they call it the H tags. Last time I asked for the tags upon my return, they refused to give me the H tag back. Reason being that I was away too long! Even though I still have my taxi hack license, all the equipments and the skills to drive a cab, no luck. As an American citizen, native of DC who drove a cab in this city for over twenty years, now I can not be in a freakin cab business because the clowns at the DC taxicab commission refused to give back my H tags. For all of you motherfuckers around the world who want to come to America, please avoid Washington DC by all cost, it's worse than the country you coming from! Try Mississippi or something!  

WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW 

Few months ago I was picking my nose sitting at a cafe in DuPont Circle when I saw Andre the Russian walked in. I haven't seen his ass in a year, he lost a few pounds and few hair, started wearing eyeglasses.

Andre: What'z up Mad, I thought you're z dead or somezing, maybe ISIS cut z head!

MadCabbie: I am still alive bitch, what's up with you and your shady operations?

Andre: Alwayz making z money! whatz you doing?

MadCabbie: Dude, I am living off my savings.......

I told him about my situation with DC Taxicab Commission, and we discussed the idea I have about starting my own car service with a wild twist. The thing is I can't get an L tag either for the car service.....and here comes Andre for the rescue!

Andre: Look, fuck z DC goverment, I will get you z Deleware tags

MadCabbie: Delware? are you out your fucken mind?

Andre: We incorporate z buiznezz in Delaware get z tagz and no taxz bitch!

MadCabbie: Look Andre, I don't want to go to prison motherfucker!

Andre: All z rich corporation do it, you know, like Warren z Buffett!

MadCabbie: Do I look like a fucken corporation to you?

Andre: Don't be scared nigger, I will get you Delaware limo tagz!

MadCabbie: By the way, since when you start wearing glasses?

Andre: They're fake you mother bitch, I had some important meeting with z chinks from Shanghai!

........to be continued.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

     

    

NEW YEARS EVE PARTY

I got to the Bunker few minutes after midnight and I met Pastor Joe and "Wheel Chair Jerrome" smoking cigarettes outside. You all know my best and dysfunctional friend Pastor Joe, there is no need to introduce him. My man Jerrome is an old friend and a computer geek on a wheel chair for the last fifteen years. The story goes that some pissed off nigger shot his ass when he found out that Jerrome was fucking his woman and his sister. That ended  Jerrome's famous break dancing skill for good because Jerrome ended up being paralyzed from the waist down. If you ask me, that's the best thing that has ever happened to Jerrome because he was extremely smart but a no good motherfucker who was going to end up dead or locked up in prison. Instead he decided to go to college and earn a couple of degrees and now he is in to network security field and making a good living.

I left those clowns outside and proceeded to the shady ass entrance of the Bunker. I knocked on the door and Al the bouncer let me in after he yelled at me for the reason I didn't know, when Al gets drunk no one understands what the fuck he says, so I just high fived him and moved on inside the social club!

The Bunker is a hidden place in the middle of nowhere where the night owls meet, like the bartenders after they close their bars, where hookers stop by between their tricks, where dancers go after they're done with their gigs and where some of DC's shady ass characters assemble. Don't try to google this joint, you won't find it, it's like a members only country club for creepy ass motherfuckers. Last call in this joint is when the fucken sun rises and drinks are technically free you just have to make a reasonable donation for this dump's historic site preservation fund.

The place was packed and more people were pouring in. I met friends I haven't seen for years, I was happy to see Andre, a Russian dude who did time for few years for pretending to be an immigration lawyer. I remember few years back I drove couple of Russian immigrants to his office, I thought he was a real lawyer, even though he was sharing an office space next to a used tire shop, that didn't alarm me at all. Andre said prison wasn't that bad, he killed time by reading hate mails from some of his deported Russian clients in Moscow.

As soon I was getting comfortable Pastor Joe dragged my ass outside so that we can carry Jerrome and his wheelchair in the club since the fucken death trap establishment is not wheelchair accessible. Jerrome looked like a proud Egyptian King Tut carried by two retards when he made his grand entry to the club, it was a pretty funny scene. Then I run into Fred who was rushing to get out of there and I said, "What the fuck Fred, the party just started, where the fuck are you going?" He said "I got to roll Mad Cabbie, I have a car hooked up on my tow truck and I have to drop it at the lot, happy new year motherfucker! and don't worry I will be back later on" and he rushed out. Later I learned that he repossessed a jeep earlier in southwest and just stopped by the club to pick up some weeds. Talking about weeds, there was this dude wearing a Santa hat walking around with a small diaper bag full of weeds and passing them out like cookies, that place was wicked man!

I described these people because unfortunately we all ended up in the same pickup truck when the party came to an end. It was a great party, everyone had a good time and everything went without a glitch until it was time to go and the nephew with a van that supposed to pick up Wheelchair Jerrome didn't show up because it overheated! The area we were at, let alone wheelchair accessible cabs, even cops don't show up if you cry out for help so we need to do quick thinking to transport Jerrome. Fred was climbing on his pickup truck (came back with the pickup truck after he dropped off the tow-truck) and I had to beg him for a  ride after I explained our situation with Jerrome. To my surprise Fred agreed to give us a ride! Wheelchair Jerrome lives all way out in Virginia off the Dulles toll road to be near his work, he pretty much wheel himself to his office. So that was really nice of Fred to do that for us, he even refused to accept gas money.

Fred had his girlfriend and another chic sat in the front with him. The rest of us sorry ass drunks, Pastor Joe, Russian Andre, Wheelchair Jerrome and I sat outside on the bed of the truck! Boy it was freaken cold and we looked like fucken migrant farm workers huddled up and holding tight to that wheelchair so that Jerrome don't fly his crippled ass all over route 66 west.

The forty minutes trip felt like forty days, everyone that passed us on the road were laughing their asses off! Even couple of Virgina State Police couldn't stop laughing when they saw us at the toll both. Finally we got to Jerrome's place, threw his drunk ass on his bed and we took off. Fred was nice enough to drop us off in DuPont and he moved along in to PG county Maryland with his ladies to enjoy that weed he stashed at home.

Andre, Pastor and I, three fucking frozen losers with no women on a new years morning, walked to my apartment and crashed! But you know what? It is going to be a GREAT year, I am feeling it!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.