Wednesday, January 05, 2011


I got to the Bunker few minutes after midnight and I met Pastor Joe and "Wheel Chair Jerrome" smoking cigarettes outside. You all know my best and dysfunctional friend Pastor Joe, there is no need to introduce him. My man Jerrome is an old friend and a computer geek on a wheel chair for the last fifteen years. The story goes that some pissed off nigger shot his ass when he found out that Jerrome was fucking his woman and his sister. That ended  Jerrome's famous break dancing skill for good because Jerrome ended up being paralyzed from the waist down. If you ask me, that's the best thing that has ever happened to Jerrome because he was extremely smart but a no good motherfucker who was going to end up dead or locked up in prison. Instead he decided to go to college and earn a couple of degrees and now he is in to network security field and making a good living.

I left those clowns outside and proceeded to the shady ass entrance of the Bunker. I knocked on the door and Al the bouncer let me in after he yelled at me for the reason I didn't know, when Al gets drunk no one understands what the fuck he says, so I just high fived him and moved on inside the social club!

The Bunker is a hidden place in the middle of nowhere where the night owls meet, like the bartenders after they close their bars, where hookers stop by between their tricks, where dancers go after they're done with their gigs and where some of DC's shady ass characters assemble. Don't try to google this joint, you won't find it, it's like a members only country club for creepy ass motherfuckers. Last call in this joint is when the fucken sun rises and drinks are technically free you just have to make a reasonable donation for this dump's historic site preservation fund.

The place was packed and more people were pouring in. I met friends I haven't seen for years, I was happy to see Andre, a Russian dude who did time for few years for pretending to be an immigration lawyer. I remember few years back I drove couple of Russian immigrants to his office, I thought he was a real lawyer, even though he was sharing an office space next to a used tire shop, that didn't alarm me at all. Andre said prison wasn't that bad, he killed time by reading hate mails from some of his deported Russian clients in Moscow.

As soon I was getting comfortable Pastor Joe dragged my ass outside so that we can carry Jerrome and his wheelchair in the club since the fucken death trap establishment is not wheelchair accessible. Jerrome looked like a proud Egyptian King Tut carried by two retards when he made his grand entry to the club, it was a pretty funny scene. Then I run into Fred who was rushing to get out of there and I said, "What the fuck Fred, the party just started, where the fuck are you going?" He said "I got to roll Mad Cabbie, I have a car hooked up on my tow truck and I have to drop it at the lot, happy new year motherfucker! and don't worry I will be back later on" and he rushed out. Later I learned that he repossessed a jeep earlier in southwest and just stopped by the club to pick up some weeds. Talking about weeds, there was this dude wearing a Santa hat walking around with a small diaper bag full of weeds and passing them out like cookies, that place was wicked man!

I described these people because unfortunately we all ended up in the same pickup truck when the party came to an end. It was a great party, everyone had a good time and everything went without a glitch until it was time to go and the nephew with a van that supposed to pick up Wheelchair Jerrome didn't show up because it overheated! The area we were at, let alone wheelchair accessible cabs, even cops don't show up if you cry out for help so we need to do quick thinking to transport Jerrome. Fred was climbing on his pickup truck (came back with the pickup truck after he dropped off the tow-truck) and I had to beg him for a  ride after I explained our situation with Jerrome. To my surprise Fred agreed to give us a ride! Wheelchair Jerrome lives all way out in Virginia off the Dulles toll road to be near his work, he pretty much wheel himself to his office. So that was really nice of Fred to do that for us, he even refused to accept gas money.

Fred had his girlfriend and another chic sat in the front with him. The rest of us sorry ass drunks, Pastor Joe, Russian Andre, Wheelchair Jerrome and I sat outside on the bed of the truck! Boy it was freaken cold and we looked like fucken migrant farm workers huddled up and holding tight to that wheelchair so that Jerrome don't fly his crippled ass all over route 66 west.

The forty minutes trip felt like forty days, everyone that passed us on the road were laughing their asses off! Even couple of Virgina State Police couldn't stop laughing when they saw us at the toll both. Finally we got to Jerrome's place, threw his drunk ass on his bed and we took off. Fred was nice enough to drop us off in DuPont and he moved along in to PG county Maryland with his ladies to enjoy that weed he stashed at home.

Andre, Pastor and I, three fucking frozen losers with no women on a new years morning, walked to my apartment and crashed! But you know what? It is going to be a GREAT year, I am feeling it!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.


Anonymous said...

Welcome back mad and happy new year. I would be too paranoid to leave a drunk handicapped person alone. I hope Jerrome is still alive, it's a very funny story MC.


Pastor Joe said...

Yo Zebra, I don't think our night was a wash out because we didn't get laid. It was great times man, if we weren't baby sitting that crippled motherfucker you could have gone home with that freaky ass scary chic! What is she? About 6' 5" or something? I was staring at her boots all night long, they must have wasted couple of cows just to make those pairs!

Anonymous said...

"...even though he was sharing an office space next to a used tire shop, that didn't alarm me at all."

That killed me Mad! You should write a script brother! Very funny!

Blue Eyes.

FamousDC said...

Keep on keepin' on Mad. Happy 2011!

When are you going to answer a few questions for a Famous 5 interview?

Robert said...

We had nights like that way back when. Just as many motherfuckers (My Friends). There was Pussy's at 4 1/2 School St, and three or four other joints, open all night. Back then,
you could not stand up and drink in a legal bar In the fifties and sixties. Or we could go to 16th and R N.W. and play cards in some motherfuckers basement. Shooting out street lights at the DC resevoir. Or the Crossroads to see Blsze Starr or Don Rickles do his routine featuring "The man with the glass head" we had some happenings back then Great blog Mad Cabbie, Wish I could fuck up now and then.....

Anonymous said...

This is the best shit I've read all year.