Friday, August 14, 2015

HELLO THERE!

What's up bitches! Is there anyone out there? Hello!

I know there has to be few people reading this crap, even after I stopped blogging I got few hundred thousands of hits and still coming. So I am going to give it a try one more time. Why today? I was talking to my dear friend K yesterday and she talked about picture blogging about stuff! I said to myself, you know what, I haven't been doing this shit for a while and I have all kind of bullshit to talk about, and here I am.


LAST COUPLE OF YEARS IN A NUTSHELL.

I put on hold my prestigious high profile cab driving occupation in DC and found a gig working for NGO. My friend Sara hooked me up with a guy who ran a clean water project all over the shitholes on this planet. When they hired me on the spot I thought I was someone special, I patted myself on my back telling my self  "You go Mad Cabbie, finally you found people who understood how smart you are! That's what's up nigger!"

Basically what they needed was a body, any breathing retard who was willing to go to a part of Afghanistan where the Talibans vacation and chill when the fighting season slows down. After I accepted the offer, the chics in the lobby were laughing and giggling their asses off, pointing at my ass. Damn, I thought those white bitches were into me or something. But anyhow, at the time, the violence against cab drivers in DC was on the rise, so I felt Afghanistan was a much acceptable place for my safety.

Afghanistan, to my surprise has a beautiful countryside and great people besides what they show you on TV here in the States. I shitted in my pants here and there every time I heard a round of AK-47. Afghans like to shoot their weapons up in the air for some celebrations. Our local guide was like "You big negro man please! Calm your ass down! Don't act like you've never heard these pops before in southeast DC muddafukka!" 

I traveled back and forth few times to different countries doing different humanitarian missions. The last gig was in Jordan near the Syrian border until that operation was suspended due to security concerns. I returned back to DC, finished up my contract and never got a call so far. When I left abroad I returned my taxi tags confirming that I can get it back when I return, they call it the H tags. Last time I asked for the tags upon my return, they refused to give me the H tag back. Reason being that I was away too long! Even though I still have my taxi hack license, all the equipments and the skills to drive a cab, no luck. As an American citizen, native of DC who drove a cab in this city for over twenty years, now I can not be in a freakin cab business because the clowns at the DC taxicab commission refused to give back my H tags. For all of you motherfuckers around the world who want to come to America, please avoid Washington DC by all cost, it's worse than the country you coming from! Try Mississippi or something!  

WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW 

Few months ago I was picking my nose sitting at a cafe in DuPont Circle when I saw Andre the Russian walked in. I haven't seen his ass in a year, he lost a few pounds and few hair, started wearing eyeglasses.

Andre: What'z up Mad, I thought you're z dead or somezing, maybe ISIS cut z head!
MadCabbie: I am still alive bitch, what's up with you and your shady operations?
Andre: Alwayz making z money! whatz you doing?
MadCabbie: Dude, I am living off my savings.......

I told him about my situation with DC Taxicab Commission, and we discussed the idea I have about starting my own car service with a wild twist. The thing is I can't get an L tag either for the car service.....and here comes Andre for the rescue!

Andre: Look, fuck z DC goverment, I will get you z Deleware tags
MadCabbie: Delware? are you out your fucken mind?
Andre: We incorporate z buiznezz in Delaware get z tagz and no taxz bitch!
MadCabbie: Look Andre, I don't want to go to prison motherfucker!
Andre: All z rich corporation do it, you know, like Warren z Buffett!
MadCabbie: Do I look like a fucken corporation to you?
Andre: Don't be scared nigger, I will get you Delaware limo tagz!
MadCabbie: By the way, since when you start wearing glasses?
Andre: They're fake you mother bitch, I had some important meeting with z chinks from Shanghai!

........to be continued.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.
     
    

10 comments:

Red said...

About time!

Tim Fasano said...

Thinking of you the other day

Anonymous said...

Welcome back.

Yes, they stopped giving out H-plates a few years back. For a while, they were giving them to corporations, but now, even they are not getting them. Recently, the People's Taxikab Kommissariat did hold some hearings on re-issuing H-plates, but no one knows if it will, ever. The last rumour was that it was going to issue two hundred, but that rumour has never been substantiated. If they were to do that, there would be a camp-out line for blocks up Shannon Place for at least a month prior to the application date.

You can not find a rental cab, anywhere. The one exception to this might be an accessible party-waggon from Schaeffer. Those things drink so much gasolene, though, that you might spend everything that you earn in rent and fuel. The General Manager over at Schaeffer told me that several prospective rental drivers, given a choice of the party waggon or nothing, chose "nothing". The People's Taxikab Kommissariat issued all sorts of new faces a year, or so, back, but told the new drivers that they could not own, they could rent, only. Thus, the market is flooded with drivers seeking rentals. I am surprised that some of these fleet owners have not started to shift their cabs. That practice ended here in the 1950s, or so, but if the DCTC continues to issue faces, it will return.

Get your Delaware plates and drive Uber Black. You could drive Uber SUV or UberXL, depending on what you buy. I am doing both Uber Taxi and UberX. I do UberX only enough to stay in the game, though, as there is no money in it. The net-to-driver is about eighty cents per mile: 1979 cab rates. You are no doubt aware that Hassan finally sold off or junked his fleet. He did not want to pay for all of that electronic garbage that the DCTC now requires. He is driving UberXL, the last that I heard. He did keep one taxi for himself, at least so I understand.

Oh, and something that I meant to mention to you the next time that I saw/heard from you about an old post:
the Harassmen-ER-uh-HACK inspector with the armed robbery conviction. It seems that a number of years back, the Demokratik People's Republik or New Kolumbia removed the prohibition on hiring people convicted of felonies and other similar heinous crimes. The catch is that these people can not fill a job that "involves public safety". The District Government, in its Infinite Wisdom and Mercy, has decided that being a Hack Inspector does not involve Public Safety.

Anonymous said...

Take a look at the Taxicab Commission website. They just posted the report from the hearings on new H-plates. It appears that they are recommending just under two-hundred and to individuals, only. The corporations are going to ask for some for them, and, may or may not get them.

I expect that as more people receive licences, we will go to shifted cabs, again.

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Anonymous said...

You proba ly dont know what uber is

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John said...

About time you came back.
Old cabbies never die
they just loose their way.

Welcome back

Airport Taxi Service said...

Got a post from you after a long period of time. Welcome back. Hope to get updates regularly.

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