Monday, May 28, 2007

THE 100 METER DASH

Some people get in to my cab and instruct me to "go straight!" when I ask them where they want to go. Either you're watching too much movies or you have to be a retard to jump in a cab and not tell the driver your destination, of course not all of you know the exact address of where you going but the least you can do is come up with cross streets or some kind of land mark like "The crack house next to Janet's Whore House" or some shit like that so I can get my gyros aligned and fill out my manifest properly. This is what happened couple of nights ago when I picked up some idiot around 3rd and Massachusetts Avenue NE few minutes after midnight.

IDIOT: Keep going straight
MC: Ok, but can you tell me where you want to be dropped off?
IDIOT: Just drive straight man.
MC: I need to fill out my log can you please tell me where you going?
IDIOT: You can write down the "White House"
MC: But are you going to the White House?
IDIOT: No, I want you to go straight!
MC: Who are you? A fucken comedian?
IDIOT: What the fuck did you say?
MC: You know what? This ride is over, I need you to get out of my cab!
IDIOT: Fuck you! by law you have to take me anyplace I want!
MC: I am fucken serious, I need you to get the fuck out of here!
IDIOT: What the fuck are you going to do if I don't?

My mentor Pastor Joe had taught me a trick to do in this kind of situation long time ago so I grabbed the iron pipe I carry under my seat, I popped my trunk, I got out of the cab and started banging on the rim of the spare tire loudly with the iron pipe quite a few times and when I started walking towards his side of the door, the jackass was out of the cab doing the 100 meter dash towards Union Station trying to save his life from a psycho cab driver! yelling "You're a crazy nigger! You're a crazy motherfucker! I am going to report your ass!"

I laughed my ass off and moved on, and few blocks away three hot chics flagged me down around 12th and K street and they wanted to go to Wisconsin and M and we laughed more together on the way to Georgetown when I told them what just happened.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

28 comments:

Peggy said...

You really see a variety of people in your cab!

If I ever get into your cab, I'll only ever ask you to take me to my mom's.

Mad Cabbie said...

Your mom's place is a good enough landmark for me Peggy, and then we will go in and eat the rest of her leftovers.

Eryn said...

Ooh! Ooh! Can I come??

I wonder what the nurse's equivalent of banging on the hubcap would be?

june in florida said...

Wtg Mad. Eryn too bad you dont have metal bedpans anymore, that would be as good.

Mad Cabbie said...

Eryn, I think you all need to come down to DC and we will have one big ass party at Peggy's mom's place and have the neighbors call the cops on us due to loud noise, June you are invited as well and we will party Floridian style!

Claire said...

You'll need someone to spin your favorite songs.... If I may be of service?

Uncle Keith said...

I wonder if the people who invented iron pipe realized what a utilitarian tool it would turn out to be.

Great story! You need to write a book.

Red said...

Way to go MC! Don't take no crap!

Oh... and I want an invite to the party too!

Eryn said...

I love the idea of bashing someone upside the head with a metal bedpan. Heh. You know, in a cartoon with special sound effects kind of way.

As for the party, I'm all about it. New Year's anyone?

Mad Cabbie said...

Claire, you will be our designated DJ and I hope you will spin some cool stuff!

Uncle Kieth, that iron pipe kept me out from a lot of trouble, fortunately I didn't have to use it (yet!). I don't know about writing a book Uncle Kieth, look at the way I write? my 11 year old niece can do a better job even though my vocabulary have risen from 200 words to 206 words with in the last year!

Red, You know how we do it here in DC, it's a jungle out here. You are definitely invited to the party! we need some veteran booty shakers like yourself who could teach us few moves.

Eryn, I think you are up to something...maybe I should throw some wild ass bloggers party! which includes my night entourages of strippers, cross dressers, pimps and hookers! and not to forget the midget tossing and wet t-shirt contest! all this in Peggy's mom apartment! poor woman!!!

Peggy said...

Naw she'd be up for it! She rocks!

Anonymous said...

Yo mad can I come to the party to I am a regular here :) its been a while since I have been of any where of intrest it sounds like fun haha.
(MJ06)

Anonymous said...

mad cabbie, you r such a funny guy. if peggy is sayin' her momma rocks, i think peggy's been havin' her nose in the jar, as the irish would say.

i am a cranky, bitter, old deaf woman and no fun at all. i don't even have any leftovers.

peggy's mom

Eryn said...

Sorry, PM. Not buying it. You are too cool for school and you know it. But we'll bring our own leftovers if you insist. ;)

Lugosi said...

People not giving their destination is one of my biggest pet peeves. I've actually refused to take people because they refuse to tell me.

For me, the biggest issue I have with this is safety. If I'm driving in the right lane, and you tell me at the last possible second to "make a left here," I won't do it. Cutting across traffic lanes of traffic like that is dangerous and causes accidents.

Claire said...

I think Yogi Berra said 'If you don't know where you're going you won't get there.' Passengers who don't know where they're going will lead you on a wild goose chase and true, as you say, could get you to have an accident.

Would you all mind collecting money and ordering pizza, catering trays, some beers, some cokes, bottled water, etc.? I've done this at work many a time. I could help...

J-Funk said...

I like the idea of banging on something with an iron pipe. I think I'm going to try that next chance I get. Hopefully I don't get arrested.

kilgorsky said...

Mad, I'm borrowing your idea. I'm going to get an iron pipe and take it to school.

Lugosi said...

Actually, I kind of like the idea of a lead pipe, too. If nothing else, I can threaten to stick it up people's butts and turn them into popsicles.

crescent222 said...

You know, you're a lot funnier and more clever than newyorkhack.blogspot.com, and she got a book deal out of all this.

Anonymous said...

Crescent222 I agree with you! and New York Hack is not even a real cab driver but she is a smart girl who can write and took advantage of what she had in front of her and ran away with it.

Mad is clever, honest and kick ass funny.

Tammy:)

Red said...

I agree everyone puts in their two cents and brings something (Pot Luck). This way All Peggy's Mom needs to do is prep her place for the blogger chaos.

You know I could have used that pipe trick for when I did the online dating thing. It could have saved me a few times.

John said...

Good to have you back and kickin ASS.
Look I will bring a case of best Irish whiskey when I come to your welcome back to the world party.
Just back from my first all nighter in quite a while. Oh the joy of empty roads, driving at 60 breaking red lights. I am a born again nightman.
Good luck

Eryn said...

I'll make homemade chocolate truffles if you let me bring Wesley. :)

Bronwyn said...

Hey there, Mad Cabbie. Really like your blog. Among other things, it's a great resource for people who are thinking about driving a cab. You show them what the job's really like.

I run a blog about workforce development and job training issues, and I'm going to have a post about cabbie blogs tomorrow. it will include a link to the Diary of a DC Mad Cabbie.

joann said...

Not sure if I could get away with that - might?

roy said...

Hey
This is the content I used on my sit www.dublintaxi.net (also just added your pic)
I've added a section for taxidrivers around the world and your it for DC.
If you'd like to add a comment to your thread that would be great, some of the girls on there think you're hot.
my name should link directly to the thread

John said...

Can Roy mke cmplte snnntseses.
and its dublintaxi.blogspot.com