THE 100 METER DASH

Some people get in to my cab and instruct me to "go straight!" when I ask them where they want to go. Either you're watching too much movies or you have to be a retard to jump in a cab and not tell the driver your destination, of course not all of you know the exact address of where you going but the least you can do is come up with cross streets or some kind of land mark like "The crack house next to Janet's Whore House" or some shit like that so I can get my gyros aligned and fill out my manifest properly. This is what happened couple of nights ago when I picked up some idiot around 3rd and Massachusetts Avenue NE few minutes after midnight.

IDIOT: Keep going straight
MC: Ok, but can you tell me where you want to be dropped off?
IDIOT: Just drive straight man.
MC: I need to fill out my log can you please tell me where you going?
IDIOT: You can write down the "White House"
MC: But are you going to the White House?
IDIOT: No, I want you to go straight!
MC: Who are you? A fucken comedian?
IDIOT: What the fuck did you say?
MC: You know what? This ride is over, I need you to get out of my cab!
IDIOT: Fuck you! by law you have to take me anyplace I want!
MC: I am fucken serious, I need you to get the fuck out of here!
IDIOT: What the fuck are you going to do if I don't?

My mentor Pastor Joe had taught me a trick to do in this kind of situation long time ago so I grabbed the iron pipe I carry under my seat, I popped my trunk, I got out of the cab and started banging on the rim of the spare tire loudly with the iron pipe quite a few times and when I started walking towards his side of the door, the jackass was out of the cab doing the 100 meter dash towards Union Station trying to save his life from a psycho cab driver! yelling "You're a crazy nigger! You're a crazy motherfucker! I am going to report your ass!"

I laughed my ass off and moved on, and few blocks away three hot chics flagged me down around 12th and K street and they wanted to go to Wisconsin and M and we laughed more together on the way to Georgetown when I told them what just happened.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAXI FARE INCREASE

The District of Columbia Taxicab commission approved $1.00 fare increase per ride due to the rising cost of gasoline effective yesterday. Some of my passengers were bitching and moaning when they found out about the new fare and I can feel your pain but you have to understand that besides the rising fuel costs, my insurance, vehicle repair, dispatch fee, license & registration, the bribes at the inspection station and my hooker bills are going up also. So let's help a brother out and when you get in to my cab stop crying on my ass and pay the full fare please.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE HOLOCAUST NEVER HAPPENED

"These blood sucking fucken Jews got us in this heat and now we can't get out of this Iraq mess!"

That was the angry response from my thoughtful passenger last night after he listened to the BBC radio station I had on while they were doing some analysis about the Iraq war. I think some white people feel comfortable bashing Jews in front of a black person because they automatically assume every African American is anti-Jewish and would clap and echo their views with them. I can tell you I have heard it all from my riders both black and white folks, holding the Jewish conspiracy responsible for the cost of high DC cab zone fares, the out come of the American Idol, the death of Anna Nichol Smith, and all the way to the 9-11 tragedy.

What strike me about this person was that he is not your usual average dump ass idiot who gets his information from the fatso pill popping Rush Limbaugh, Micheal Savage and alike. He is a WASP in his 60's maybe 70's who just retired from George Washington University as a professor and I hope he wasn't a history professor because he wouldn't answer when I repeatedly asked what he taught at GWU but he kept on lecturing me how the holocaust is an exaggerated myth created by the Jews to gain sympathy from the rest of the world and he suggested that I check out the Nizkor Project for a start and mentioned all kind of books written by other academics. He didn't like my sarcastic question when I asked if the genocide in Rwanda and the slavery in the United States had ever happened? that's when he stretched from the back seat and whispered in my years "You need to educate yourself young man! and be ready when the time comes!"

Be ready for what? but I was ready to get paid though when we got to his crib around the Watergate. He paid me and gave me the "You stupid no good son of a bitch!"look and said good bye and I cruised on into the darkness of Rock Creek Parkway thinking about how this one big happy family we are living on this freak of nature we call our planet.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HAMBURGER! FELLATIO ON THE SIDE

DC Cafe is located at corner of 21st and P streets in Dupont circle and that's our stomping ground when cab business slows down at night. We made a quick visit for a burger last night with a friend and I shared this story I am about to tell you with him.

About a couple years ago Pastor Joe and I were chilling and having coffee around 3 in the morning at DC Cafe. There were couple of gay dudes sitting and enjoying their burgers at the next table. They were drunk, loud and obnoxious but being in Dupont circle that wasn't out of the norm so we ignored them and continued with our own bullshit. Few minutes later and all of a sudden there was silence, one of the guy was still eating his burger and the other we didn't know were he went at first until the guy who was eating started to moan and the table started to shake. His friend was sucking his dick under the table while he was chopping down his burger.

If you are a heterosexual male, a dude giving another dude a blow job is not some shit you want to see so we got out of there quick. I was more amazed by the guy's state of relaxation when eating his food while some dude was blowing him. I think he is probably the only dude on this planet who eat and gets a blow job at the same time.

Please don't let this scare you off, DC cafe is still a great place to eat after hours and they are open 24 hrs a day, very nice atmosphere and people are friendly or too friendly I shall say.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE CHINA BUS

This is a snap shot I took last night in Chinatown at the corner of 7th & I streets near the Verizon Center, all bright, lovely and people walking around having a good time with a peace of mind that there is a strong police patrol checking out half naked booties.
And look at this bus parked in some shady ass dark alley just half a block away on I street between 7th and 6th street, where nobody will hear you if you scream your ass off when you get mugged.

This is one of the five different spots in town where these so called "China Bus" pick up their passengers who line up for a super cheap $30 round trip ride to New York city! How the fuck do they make money charging those fares? and sometimes they are not even half full. The word from the street is that these buses are owned by the Chinese mafia in New York! and please note that I didn't come up with that assessment because I don't want those Chinese brothers do a Jackie Chan on my ass.

So next time you ride with these buses please don't be surprised if your luggage is mixed up with few Kilos of coke or some shit but in the meanwhile I will stick with my old fashioned Greyhound Bus for a few dollars more.

By the way I would like to thank all of you who emailed to check on me because you were concerned about my sudden disappearance from the blog world, I am sorry that I didn't respond, I was little down for couple of month but I am feeling energized and ready now so please forgive me.

And as usual please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.