Friday, August 27, 2010


It used to take me about 35 minutes to come to work when I lived in Maryland, coming to work wasn't bad but going back home was painful sometimes, especially when I was tired. Now all I have to do is just go downstairs and pick up my first drunk from the bar across the street.

The other night I picked this dude just right around the corner from where I live. The very second he sat in my cab I smelt a combination of odor of vomit, fresh shit and a Tommy Hilfiger cologne.

MAD: "Dude, I hope you're going home, you smell like shit!"
GUY: "Sorry man I had too many to drink, I had to evacuate few pints!"
MAD: "Where to?"
GUY: "Take me to 3883 Connecticut Ave, that's my girl's apartment."
MAD: "I bet she can't wait to see you!"

After a couple of minutes I just couldn't take the smell anymore and I had to turn off the air-conditioner and roll up all the windows and let the hot and humid outside air circulate. My head was sticking outside the window like an excited dog while I was driving at the same time and the smelly jackass was on the phone telling his lucky sweetheart that he's only ten minutes away.

Right after I dropped the motherfucker, I drove up to the Exxon at Connecticut and Nebraska to buy an odor fighting spray. As soon as I pull up, the driver of Diamond 282 was coming out of the store and walking towards my cab to say hi. Cab 282 "Tom" is fast talking Jamaican who is a very good night hustler.

TOM: "What's up Mad...Oh Jesus you smell like SHIT!"
MAD: "But Tom...
TOM: "What's the matter with you MAAN?"
MAD: "Listen...
TOM: "Don't tell me to listen MAAN, you need to wipe your ass MOTHAFAKKA!"
MAD: "You don't understand....
TOM: "Yes I don't understand how you torture passengers with that funky smell!"

Tom ran to his cab without giving me a chance to explain myself and drove off. Next time I see that motherfucker I am going to bitch-slap his Jamaican ass! How dare he accuses me of shitting in my cab?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.


Anonymous said...

Tom is from St Lucia not Jamaica.

Anonymous said...

Welcome back, that was LOL funny

brokemoto said...

That was one advantage of living on the Drag Strip: you were at work once you put your key into the door.

People in your building learn that you drive and they want your services. People in the neighbourhood also learn that you drive and want you to drive them. That is grand when you are actually planning to go to work, but when I was in line at the Soviet Safeway or at Berose buying beer or half drunk in Fox and Hounds, I was not interested in hauling a fare. People did not always understand that.