HOME AGAIN

Thanks to everyone who left me those nice emails and comments to wish me well during my vacation in Ethiopia.

My friends, the time spent in Ethiopia was an experience of a life time that I will never forget for the rest of my life. I can not possibly write about my journey in a single post but I will try to sum it up during the next couple of posts without boring you or loosing the identity of the blog.

I was having such a great time I had to pay $150 penalty and extended my departure from last Wednesday and stay for a few extra days to be a part of this private party I had to go last Friday night hosted by some well known dude who knows how to throw wild ass parties and I was personally invited so I couldn’t resist staying for more fun.

I just got back to the States this morning so let me catch up with some sleep and I will talk to you soon.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE LAST RUN

Last night I had to drive my friend Ms T aka the one legged hooker to one of her client’s residence in Potomac, Maryland around Democracy and Falls roads. The way it works is, depending on the period of time they require her services either I wait for her few blocks away or I just drive back to town hustle a few fares and I will go back and pick her up and go to the next stop and believe me this chick is busy making shit load of cash.

This client in Potomac is one freak motherfucker, he doesn’t want her with her prosthetic leg so she has to remove her fake leg and use her crutches to help her walk, I think he gets off on watching her hopping with one leg or something. So whenever I drop her off at this jerk’s place I put her pretty amazingly real looking expensive prosthetic leg in my trunk and go on my business back to Washington, DC.

When I got back to the city it was around three in the morning, I took River road hang left on Willard and a right on Wisconsin Avenue towards Friendship Heights and when I came to the traffic light on Western avenue I saw some dude waving at me to my left so I made that turn and pulled over for him.

“I am glad you came by because I was getting worried and can you please pull over to the driveway of the Embassy Suites Hotel please? my wife and kids are in the lobby waiting and we want to go to National Airport! Thank you sir!”

Usually I am not too crazy about driving long trips to the airport and that’s one of the reasons why I drive at night, driving to the airport especially to Dulles and BWI are 45 minutes trips and that’s too long, it’s like getting married to the passengers and usually business folks who do these kind of trips are boring people who take themselves too seriously, I prefer my loud night passengers who throw up on me once in a while.

So as soon I pulled up in front of the hotel the kids ran towards my cab with their little bags when they saw their dad with me and the wife followed with one of the suitcases towards the trunk. When I popped the trunk I heard one of the girls screaming her lungs out as soon as she saw that prosthetic leg sitting in my trunk, at first I didn’t know what was going on until the dad yelled “what the hell is that?”

I just completely forgot about the pale white fake leg in the trunk! I am not used to putting shit in my trunk because I barely drive people to the airports and never expected to open my trunk and who the fuck wants to go to National Airport at three in the fucking morning? So don’t blame me for scaring the shit of those little girls! So while in route to the airport I just told them the leg belongs to my girlfriend and calmed them down a little bit but I can see the mother in my rear view mirror glued to her kids in horror and the dad giving me that strange look. I wonder what he was thinking? He was probably asking himself and wondering…

“I thought these niggers were in to fat white chicks? And now they are going to take away our one legged white chicks from us? I had it with these brothaaazzz, it’s time to send them back to Africa!”

And that’s exactly what I am doing, going back to Africa! I picked up my visa from the Ethiopian embassy today and yours truly will be flying out to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia tomorrow and will be on vacation until the 19th of September.

I will see you when I get back and I love you all.

And always please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

A SORE SHOULDER

As a veteran cab driver whenever I have someone who is completely drunk and out of it in my cab I make sure I get the complete address from the passenger before I even move or there won't be a ride at all. I go as far as checking the address on the driver's license if I think they are going to pass out as soon as they enter the cab. That's what happened last night when this toasted dude in his 40's was escorted by couple of bartenders and thrown in my backseat in front of Washington harbor in Georgetown.

The guy was so fucked up he couldn't even put two sentences together but I managed to copy his address from his driver's license and started to head north towards Deerwood in Montgomery county Maryland. My man was knocked out in the backseat and when we arrived at his place after about thirty minutes ride there was no sign of life at all in fact he started snoring so I had to carry him over my shoulder and started banging on the door of this pricey house of his. There was light on couple of the rooms upstairs to suggest that his wife or kids were still up and few seconds later couple of dogs started to bark, lights came on and a fairly good looking middle aged blond opened the door and that's when all hell broke loose.

She was screaming "Take this idiot where you picked him up from! That drunk you have on your shoulder is my ex husband and he doesn't live here anymore! Go away before I call the cops!" and the fucken dogs won't stop barking and on top of that my legs were starting to get weak, the guy weighed at least 170lbs and a drunk 170lbs is much heavier than what you would think.

When the tone of his wife got angrier and louder I started to turn around and walk towards my car and that's when the dogs started chasing my ass and I started running with the motherfucker on my shoulder while dragging one of the dogs across the driveway who got of hold of my army boots with his teeth until he let go when I kicked him in the balls or something. I managed to throw the guy in the back of my cab and ran for the front seat and I got out of that neighborhood packing 90mph and that's when the jackass woke up confused and started to ask me if I was kidnapping him.

To make a long story short I managed to get his current address from him which was three minutes away and five blocks from the pick up point in Georgetown which was at 31st and O streets instead of the 52 mile round trip and an hour and half drama I went through. When he realized what happened he was apologetic and paid me the full fare of the trip without arguing after we stopped by an ATM machine and it turned out to be the most expensive and longest five block trip ever and I am not complaining at all besides this aching shoulder and hopefully I will be fine in a couple of days.

But why would he still use his ex wife's address on the driver's license?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

ETHIOPIA HERE I COME

It's official! I am heading to Addis Ababa, Ethiopia on the 29th of this month and will be back on 19th of September. I can't say how excited I am because this trip is different in all kind of ways. I am going to be among millions of people over there who're going to celebrate Ethiopian new millennium or the year 2000 next month.

Thanks to my friend Mr Girma, he has all kind of activities and tours planed out so there won't be any boring moment. I am thrilled that I will be visiting the old church of Lalibela located few hundred miles north of the city. I used to hear a lot about this ancient wonder from fellow Ethiopian cab drivers and being there in person this time is cool and who knows maybe I will be back as a holy person after this visit.

You may disagree with me but I think Ethiopian chicks are one of the most beautiful women on this planet and they tell me that I haven't seen nothing yet in comparison between the Ethiopian women that I see here in the Washington area and the chicks back in Addis Ababa so we will see if Mad Cabbie comes back with his new African bride and a big smile on his face.

"Mad! don't even think any hot Ethiopian girl would be bothered to look at your ugly ass, they are like those Jewish chicks who only prefer their own men!"

That's what you say but my sources in Ethiopia tell me that this chick is singing about Mad Cabbie and she can't wait any longer until I go over there and sweep her off her feet! Enjoy this video from Ethiopa.


Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

ANN COULTER

I remember back in the days watching Ann Coulter who is the so called pin up beauty and a reckless loudmouth of the Republican party lived in DC do her morning jog without the makeup on and she used to scare the shit out of me, of course in those days she wasn't that famous and she didn't give a shit if she looked like one of those chicks with dicks in Dupont. But look at her on TV these days! and those makeups do wonders and all the tricks and I wonder how many hours does it take the artist to transform Ann Coulter to look like a woman? trying to hide those Adams apples should take hours man!

Last night I was driving some idiot to Lincoln Park while listening to my favorite overnight radio talk show "Coast to Coast AM", the jackass kept interrupting me by telling me annoying stories about Ann Coulter on how smarter and more beautiful she is than Hillary Clinton. When I suggested to him that I think Ann is some ugly dude who pretends to be a woman, he didn't like that at all and he kept quite for the rest of the way and when I dropped him off he made sure he counted his change and paid the exact amount with zero tip but I didn't mind at all because I managed to listen to the rest of the interview on the radio without a lecture about Ann Coulter.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

OSCAR IN THE AIR

Let me get this out of the way first! the second date with Kate was full of fun but again nothing happened beside few make out session here and there, I am not going to lie to you and write about steamy love making episodes but sorry to disappoint you. I am invited back to Maine though, Is Maine in the United States? or do I need a passport to travel over there? Can someone please check and get back to me on that? I hear that there are not too many brothas in Maine!

Sorry for the disappearing act again! As you may know I am involved in a couple of homeless shelters in DC and Baltimore and this time of the year a lot of the volunteers go on vacation and we go short handed and I have been doing all kind of extra shit I don't even have time to fart!

On top of all this for the last few months some film producers got a hold of me and they want to do a documentary piece on taxi-cabs (I can't say in regards exactly about what at this time) for a major production company. So it's only talks at this point nothing concrete yet but lots of meetings and traveling, God! I feel sorry for you guys who have to sit in these kind of meetings all the time, they had to wake me up quite a few times whenever I doze off.

So already I am dreaming about the documentary winning a Grammy and...

"OSCAR! you idiot it's not a Grammy."

Whatever dude, all I know is some of the cab drivers like Lugosi getting jealous and pissed and throwing beer bottles at their TV sets when they see Mad Cabbie accepting his award from Halle Barry while squeezing her ass and making my typical rapper style acceptance speech.

"...I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ who's been always there for me, I thank my Grandmother who raised me while my old man was in the joint for life, I thank my babies mamas all twenty three of you! I also want to thank the motherfucker who robbed me and decided not to shoot me about ten years ago, I would like to thank the redneck cracker who is also my best friend Pastor Joe for his spiritual guidance, I would like to thank Mr Ghost and Mr Hook for keeping my passengers happy during their time of needs, I also would like to thank the one legged hooker for keeping me busy running me around all over the place, finally I would like to thank all the cab drivers in the world who have the balls big enough to drive around fucken strangers in this twisted world of ours day in and day out, night in and night out and still making it home to your families and for those cabbies who didn't make home, rest in peace hommies!"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MAD'S NIGHT OUT

Yes that's right cab drivers go out and have fun too! you have a problem with that?
Tuesday night (July 4th eve) when I was getting prepared to go out I was telling myself that I HAVE to get laid that night because it has been almost two month for me and I was real horny and I was on a mission.

My friend Sarah had her two of her old girlfriends visiting from Maine staying at her apartment in Dupont and she was having a small get together party. So the plan was to stop by her party and see if I can hook up with one of her friends and sneak out of there and go out for more drinks and dancing and see what happens.

I live 30 miles north of DC in Columbia, Maryland so I drove to my parents house to leave my car there since they live only a couple of miles outside the city. I bullshitted with my old man for a few minutes and I took a Barwood cab to stop by at "the Dancing Crab on Wisconsin Avenue and have a few drinks and say hello to my bartender friends, I left the Dancing Crab around 11 and took another cab to Dupont to attend Sarah's party.

The room was full of chicks, It was like a paradise for guys, there were about 30 people in the party and I will say about only ten guys. I was dressed all black and simple but nice. I pulled Sarah over and I asked to be introduced to her friends from Maine and she did, both of them were attractive but my eyes were on Kate, she is tall maybe 5'9"-5'10" and and very outgoing. The party was boring and lame (sorry Sarah!) but I even told her then. You see Sarah works in Capitol Hill and all her friends are the young congressional aide types and they were just standing against the wall and sipping on their drinks and engaging in boring conversation to be carried on at a party! I am all for stimulating and intelligent conversation but give me a fucken break it's the July 4th weekend I don't want to hear about the failed immigration bill.

I called my man Ghost and he said he was at the 1223 club chilling and I asked him to wait for me and hanged up the phone. I then turned around and asked Kate and her friend if they wanted to hang out with me and party, they wanted to but later in the night so I gave them my number and I left.

I walked a few blocks to 1223 and the line to get in was packed around the block, while some of you motherfuckers were waiting to get in, Mad Cabbie hugged and hi-fived the bouncer, chit chatted a little bit and went right in leaving your sorry ass behind. Ghost and Co.were setting in one of the VIP rooms so I relaxed and had more drinks with them but since my objective for the night was to get laid I had to move on and split from that party again but I was beginning to get toasted.

I left 1223 a little after one o'clock and hopped on a cab towards Adams Morgan and my phone rang and it was Angry Dan! I know Angry Dan through Wall Street Tom (God bless his soul) Dan was also Italian who grew up in Brooklyn with Tom. He is always angry about something but always proud to mention that he has a huge dick by saying "Even niggers pray to have my Italian dick!"

DAN: Yo Zebra, what you doing nigger? are you working
MC: What's up Angry, No I am not working, I am on my way to Adams Morgan!
DAN: What the fuck are you doing in Adams Morgan?
MC: I am trying to get laid tonight man, I am going to hit the clubs!
DAN: Are you turning in to a rookie? Fuck Adams Morgan! get your ass here to the Bunker ASAP bitch! It's a full house tonight and Pastor Joe is on the way!

I told my cabbie that there was a change of plans and he detoured and gave me a ride to the Bunker. I threw in an extra $10 on top of the fare and my Afghani driver was asking himself "When did these niggers start tipping like this?" but he didn't know that I am a fellow driver. When I take cabs it means that I am drinking or drunk and when I am having a good time I don't like to talk about the cab business with a fellow driver by letting him know I drive a cab as well so I always like to be a regular drunk passenger and talk shit, like this driver was rapping about his family opium farm back in Afghanistan and what it was like growing up working in the farm back in the days! It was an interesting ride.

The BUNKER is at an undisclosed location like Dick Chaney so I can't talk about that. It's like an after hour members only social club and when I say members only it's not like you carry a members ID but they have to know you to let you in. I was one of the first regulars when this Russian chick started the joint over ten years ago and it's open until 6am. There are all kind of finger foods and boozes you want but there is no check or bill, technically the food and drinks are free for legal reasons but there is a big ass jar where you can leave a tip for the service. (You get it?)

When I entered the dimly lighted room I saw a group of hookers I knew over the years as they were playing cards and I stopped by their table and said hello. Sitting alone next to them was J, a very hot young hooker maybe 20 or 21 smoking a cigarette and looking very depressed so I sat with her for a while and cheered her up a little. That is one girl I really want to save out of that life style but it is a very hard thing to do because she is making way too much money for her age. I walked over to the other room and there were bunch of area bartenders having good times and to my left I walked towards Angry Dan, Pastor Joe, Mr Hook, Fox the Cabbie, some guy I don't know and three biker chics who were Pastor's guests. I pulled a chair and sat and introduced myself to the chicks and boy I don't know where Pastor found these old chicks, they look 80 or something and at my drunken stage my chick age limit is 70 or 75 but 80 is pushing it boys and girls.

Around 3:30am my phone rang and I was completely toasted at that point, It was Kate the chick from Maine calling, she said Sarah's party was over and everyone was tired but she still has few energy left and that was music to my ears since I gave up the idea of getting laid to that point. I called a Diamond Cab for her to pick her up from Dupont and bring her to the Bunker and 45 minutes later here she was showing off her long legs. I met her outside and held her hands and guided her inside and by the look of her eyes she was kind of shocked to see all the shady creatures having a good time 4:30 in the morning.

She had couple of more drinks and was getting tipsy but we had a great conversation and lots of laughters and sitting next to her and watching those legs and feeling them mad my pipe overextended. I was enjoying her company but she was tired and we left the place around 5:30am and I didn't want to try a fast one and mess it up so we took a cab back to Dupont but we did make out a little bit in the lobby and said good bye. We do have plans to hook up again Saturday before she leaves on Sunday back home and I know Pastor and the rest of you are thinking that I am a pussy because I didn't close the deal but I know what I am doing so shut the fuck up.

By the time the cab dropped my drunk ass off in front of my parents house it was close to 7am, so I sneaked in to the basement and crashed until I sobered up.

"What a fucken looser you are Mad! you're too fucken old to sneak in to your parents basement drunk you idiot!!!"

Whatever man, all I know is I had some difficulty sleeping while my dick was yelling at me telling me what a pussy I was not letting him have some action that night and this story is to be continued....

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

DENNIS KUCINICH FOR PRESIDENT

Few years ago I gave a ride to a group of young toasted congressional aides from a bar in Capitol Hill and they were talking about some rumors going around that then the single congressman Kucinich is packing a well endowed pipe in his pants. I didn't make much of it then until I looked up the papers today and read about last night's democratic presidential debates, and I checked out a picture of the congressman and his young hottie wife Elizabeth Harper who is half his age and probably a foot taller and very smart as well.

You guys keep telling me size doesn't matter but I think differently! If your chick is trying to tell you that it's either she is trying to be polite looking at your peanut size dick in disgust, or she is trying to comfort herself for settling for a small wiener. If that rumor is true, look at what my man got himself on his side. Fuck it man! Forget Hillary, I am voting for congressman Dennis Kucinich for president, he is my new hero now.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

A CAB DRIVER'S PROFILE

After careful and extensive analysis here are the top ten reasons why someone becomes a cab driver in America:

1-Your country doesn't want to hear from you anymore.

2-You are on your 20th year still working on your first degree by going to school at night and all the janitors know you by name.

3-You are a loner and want to live in your own little world until something better comes along and nothing better shows up and finally they find you dead inside your cab.

4-You are pissed off at the world and you all you need is just money for food, shelter and for your fashion appetite from the local thrift store from time to time.

5-You are a serial killer who never got caught and you just want something to do during your down time until your next masterpiece.

6-You hate to be confined working at the same desk and you drive around checking out booties while getting paid.

7-You are a fucken retard and don't know shit besides driving a cab.

8-You are on the run from the law enforcement.

9-You are a fine law biding citizen who believes in hard long hours of work and support your family and send your kids to college so they don't have to experience what you went through.

10-You have a physics and mathematics degree from a very good school, you worked for a federal agency for two years and you woke up one morning and decided to be a cab driver and gave your supervisor a thirty days notice.

MC: Mr Garrison I am leaving by the end of this month sir!
MR G: I hate to see you go kid, did they offer you that position at NSA?
MC: No they didn't but I want to do something else.
MR G: I know you are not happy here but you need patience, you are just a kid out of college, what else do you want to do? are you going back to school?
MC: No, I think I want to drive a cab for a while until I figure things out!
MR G: WHAT? DRIVE A CAB? are you going crazy? (laughing his lungs out) let me tell you something kid...

That thirty days notice didn't mean jack because they escorted me out of the building through the boiler room like a criminal the next day and the last I heard Mr Garrison is still laughing his ass off.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

P.S I forgot my old uncle's reason for driving a cab!

11- You are retired from the goverment and you want to get away from that nagging old crow wife of yours sitting on the kitchen chair!

SHORTAGE OF CABS IN SEPTEMBER?

The DC cab industry is dominated by the Ethiopians, there are about 8000 legal and licensed cabs in DC and more than half is operated by Ethiopian drivers. I am probably one of the last American born drivers in existence, most of the remaining native born drivers are so old they are driving around with their own coffin in the trunk in case they drop dead.

Most Ethiopian drivers I know are going back to Ethiopia to celebrate the year 2000 back home. Ethiopians use different Coptic calendar and maybe the only country to do so, so they are seven years behind us and they are going to party big time in to the year 2000 and strangely September 11th is their new year's day!

My dear friend Mr Girma has invited me to go to Addis Ababa with him and his family, he has built a big ass mansion back home like every Ethiopian cabbies in Washington. I think $1 US is like $1billion Ethiopian dollars or some shit because most of them have big houses in Addis Ababa. So all I have to worry about is my plane ticket only according to Mr Girma and I am seriously thinking about it. I always wanted to visit Ethiopia, it's a unique African country and rich in history, my father's generation growing up looked up to Ethiopia and Emperor Haileselassie because at the time that was the only free black country on the planet that white people didn't fuck with. (with an exception of brief period of the Italian invasion during the second world war) And who knows I can hook up with a hot Ethiopian chick over there.

So ladies and gentlemen, you can bet your life that flagging a cab in Washington DC will be a little harder than usual in August and September because there will be thousands of cabs with their "OFF DUTY" signs parked for a month or so and even Mr Mad Cabbie may party in Ethiopia as if it's 1999.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

PAIN...PAIN...PAIN.....

Check out my sexy size 13 foot! You know what they say about men with big hands and big feet right? Look at my big toe all bruised and a cracked toe nail!

Last week some dumb ass at the gym dropped a 20lb iron weight on my foot by accident and I was crying like a baby for three days. It was amazing that the x-ray results didn't show any broken bone, but it was painful even though it felt better after a gallon of brandy. I was walking around wearing some big ass sneakers looking like a freaken clown because my regular size shoe wouldn't fit in but now everything is normal besides those nagging pains here and there.

I hope your week was better than mine was.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE 100 METER DASH

Some people get in to my cab and instruct me to "go straight!" when I ask them where they want to go. Either you're watching too much movies or you have to be a retard to jump in a cab and not tell the driver your destination, of course not all of you know the exact address of where you going but the least you can do is come up with cross streets or some kind of land mark like "The crack house next to Janet's Whore House" or some shit like that so I can get my gyros aligned and fill out my manifest properly. This is what happened couple of nights ago when I picked up some idiot around 3rd and Massachusetts Avenue NE few minutes after midnight.

IDIOT: Keep going straight
MC: Ok, but can you tell me where you want to be dropped off?
IDIOT: Just drive straight man.
MC: I need to fill out my log can you please tell me where you going?
IDIOT: You can write down the "White House"
MC: But are you going to the White House?
IDIOT: No, I want you to go straight!
MC: Who are you? A fucken comedian?
IDIOT: What the fuck did you say?
MC: You know what? This ride is over, I need you to get out of my cab!
IDIOT: Fuck you! by law you have to take me anyplace I want!
MC: I am fucken serious, I need you to get the fuck out of here!
IDIOT: What the fuck are you going to do if I don't?

My mentor Pastor Joe had taught me a trick to do in this kind of situation long time ago so I grabbed the iron pipe I carry under my seat, I popped my trunk, I got out of the cab and started banging on the rim of the spare tire loudly with the iron pipe quite a few times and when I started walking towards his side of the door, the jackass was out of the cab doing the 100 meter dash towards Union Station trying to save his life from a psycho cab driver! yelling "You're a crazy nigger! You're a crazy motherfucker! I am going to report your ass!"

I laughed my ass off and moved on, and few blocks away three hot chics flagged me down around 12th and K street and they wanted to go to Wisconsin and M and we laughed more together on the way to Georgetown when I told them what just happened.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAXI FARE INCREASE

The District of Columbia Taxicab commission approved $1.00 fare increase per ride due to the rising cost of gasoline effective yesterday. Some of my passengers were bitching and moaning when they found out about the new fare and I can feel your pain but you have to understand that besides the rising fuel costs, my insurance, vehicle repair, dispatch fee, license & registration, the bribes at the inspection station and my hooker bills are going up also. So let's help a brother out and when you get in to my cab stop crying on my ass and pay the full fare please.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE HOLOCAUST NEVER HAPPENED

"These blood sucking fucken Jews got us in this heat and now we can't get out of this Iraq mess!"

That was the angry response from my thoughtful passenger last night after he listened to the BBC radio station I had on while they were doing some analysis about the Iraq war. I think some white people feel comfortable bashing Jews in front of a black person because they automatically assume every African American is anti-Jewish and would clap and echo their views with them. I can tell you I have heard it all from my riders both black and white folks, holding the Jewish conspiracy responsible for the cost of high DC cab zone fares, the out come of the American Idol, the death of Anna Nichol Smith, and all the way to the 9-11 tragedy.

What strike me about this person was that he is not your usual average dump ass idiot who gets his information from the fatso pill popping Rush Limbaugh, Micheal Savage and alike. He is a WASP in his 60's maybe 70's who just retired from George Washington University as a professor and I hope he wasn't a history professor because he wouldn't answer when I repeatedly asked what he taught at GWU but he kept on lecturing me how the holocaust is an exaggerated myth created by the Jews to gain sympathy from the rest of the world and he suggested that I check out the Nizkor Project for a start and mentioned all kind of books written by other academics. He didn't like my sarcastic question when I asked if the genocide in Rwanda and the slavery in the United States had ever happened? that's when he stretched from the back seat and whispered in my years "You need to educate yourself young man! and be ready when the time comes!"

Be ready for what? but I was ready to get paid though when we got to his crib around the Watergate. He paid me and gave me the "You stupid no good son of a bitch!"look and said good bye and I cruised on into the darkness of Rock Creek Parkway thinking about how this one big happy family we are living on this freak of nature we call our planet.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HAMBURGER! FELLATIO ON THE SIDE

DC Cafe is located at corner of 21st and P streets in Dupont circle and that's our stomping ground when cab business slows down at night. We made a quick visit for a burger last night with a friend and I shared this story I am about to tell you with him.

About a couple years ago Pastor Joe and I were chilling and having coffee around 3 in the morning at DC Cafe. There were couple of gay dudes sitting and enjoying their burgers at the next table. They were drunk, loud and obnoxious but being in Dupont circle that wasn't out of the norm so we ignored them and continued with our own bullshit. Few minutes later and all of a sudden there was silence, one of the guy was still eating his burger and the other we didn't know were he went at first until the guy who was eating started to moan and the table started to shake. His friend was sucking his dick under the table while he was chopping down his burger.

If you are a heterosexual male, a dude giving another dude a blow job is not some shit you want to see so we got out of there quick. I was more amazed by the guy's state of relaxation when eating his food while some dude was blowing him. I think he is probably the only dude on this planet who eat and gets a blow job at the same time.

Please don't let this scare you off, DC cafe is still a great place to eat after hours and they are open 24 hrs a day, very nice atmosphere and people are friendly or too friendly I shall say.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE CHINA BUS

This is a snap shot I took last night in Chinatown at the corner of 7th & I streets near the Verizon Center, all bright, lovely and people walking around having a good time with a peace of mind that there is a strong police patrol checking out half naked booties.
And look at this bus parked in some shady ass dark alley just half a block away on I street between 7th and 6th street, where nobody will hear you if you scream your ass off when you get mugged.

This is one of the five different spots in town where these so called "China Bus" pick up their passengers who line up for a super cheap $30 round trip ride to New York city! How the fuck do they make money charging those fares? and sometimes they are not even half full. The word from the street is that these buses are owned by the Chinese mafia in New York! and please note that I didn't come up with that assessment because I don't want those Chinese brothers do a Jackie Chan on my ass.

So next time you ride with these buses please don't be surprised if your luggage is mixed up with few Kilos of coke or some shit but in the meanwhile I will stick with my old fashioned Greyhound Bus for a few dollars more.

By the way I would like to thank all of you who emailed to check on me because you were concerned about my sudden disappearance from the blog world, I am sorry that I didn't respond, I was little down for couple of month but I am feeling energized and ready now so please forgive me.

And as usual please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

DC TAXICAB COMISSION

DC Taxicab commission oversees any vehicle for hire which operates in Washington, DC and handles all the complaints. There are I think five overpaid commissioners who do nothing but have meetings just to decide on when to have the next meeting. The last final ruling they made was July of last year, at least that was the final ruling they have posted on their website.

The commissioner pulls in about $100K a year and his deputies not too far behind him and not an ounce of guilt on stealing the check from the city.

"Mad, are you crazy? Now that they know who you are, good luck on renewing your Taxi ID this year! How dare you criticize them openly like this? They will probably take you to their basement and rough you up a little bit!"

They can kiss my ass! If they try to intimidate me or pull some shit, I can defend myself, they better understand that I used to watch a lot of Court TV and I am very knowledgeable about my legal rights.

So Mr commissioner, now that congress and the President gave you the green light to make your decision to change the DC zone system in to meters or not, how about looking at that GWU taxi meter study results you had months ago and pass on your recommendation to the city? so that old fossil Carol Schwartz can sit on it for another year or so!

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

IT'S NOT THE SAME ANYMORE

Sorry again for the slow update for anyone out there who cared to check this blog from time to time. Lately cab driving is not as fun as used to be anymore, two of my dearest friends walked away from hacking to do something else and that sucks! My mentor Pastor Joe and the coolest Pakistani cabbie of all times Ali two fingers called it quits few weeks ago.

I am happy that both of them came to a point in going forward toward their dreams of owning their own businesses which I will talk about in the future but for the first time ever that It felt like I am going to work when ever I back out my driveway to start my shift. All these years I always looked forward to go to work every night because it was fun mainly because of these guys, the times we meet up at DC Cafe at three in the morning and bull shit I am really going to miss. The only upside to this is I took over all of Pastor Joe's shady clients and add those to my dysfunctional regular riders list, I am making shit load of money, I don't even have time for regular street work. If you are out there trying to flag Mad Cabbie at night, unless you flash your boobs or something the chances are I got some transvestite hooker in the back seat who is in a hurry to be dropped off at one of your senator's residence and I can't jeopardize our national security by pulling over for you.

I always think about quiting this shit myself because I really don't want to be an old gray haired cab driver that some of you jack asses are going to make fun of in the future. Right now I am in control of things in side my cab, Not even you K street big shots or some bad ass nigger in the ghetto intimidate me because I think I can take care of myself and I don't give a rats ass of who you are. But when you get old, things change and people start taking advantage of you and I don't want to put myself in that situation so I think my own shelf life as a cab driver is coming to an end pretty soon.

"So what the fuck you're going to do Mad? NASA is looking for few good rocket scientist! and with your impressive resume as a career cab driver they might be interested in your fume soaked brain you retard!"

Thanks for putting me down you jackass! and for your own information I can work for the DC government pulling $100K/year for scratching my balls and doing nothing and I don't have to speak English either and if you don't believe me check out the DMV sometime soon.

And as always please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

THERE ARE NICE PEOPLE OUT THERE

For some of you dumb asses out there who think every DC cab driver is out to get you, I would like to share this email I received from Natalie:


From:
"Natalie ******" <********@hotmail.com>

To:
madcabby@comcast.net
Subject:
There are nice people out there
Date:
Monday, February 26, 2007 12:29:12 PM

I want to share a great act of kindness from one of your fellow taxi
drivers.

This past Saturday I was shopping with a friend in Georgetown when we hailed
down a cab to take us to Frontpage in Dupont. At Frontpage, as I reached for
my ID to order a drink, I realized my wallet was missing. I had it seconds
before I entered the cab so I assumed the only place it could be (after
checking the curb outside the restaurant) was in the cab I road. Panic
struck as I had no idea the cab number I had road in, let alone even what
company it was. I immediately thought okay, time to cancel my credit cards
but thought I'd give it a chance and call some cab companies to see if
anyone turned it in.

I really only know of two cab companies in DC off the top of my head, so
this was not going to be easy. I called Diamond first. The lady who answered
the phone thought I was nuts and gave me a nice lecture on how unsafe it is
to not know what kind of cab you get into. She said to call back in 15
minutes. I called two other companies I looked up on Yahoo yellow pages in
the mean time, both laughed at me and basically said f-you. Just when I
thought it was gone forever, I called Diamond back and sure enough they had
it!!!

I was put in contact with the driver and he came to my apartment to drop it
off. He said he even looked for me at Frontpage when he noticed it was left
behind.

I can not begin to tell you how grateful I am to this nice man for going the
extra mile to return my wallet. Such a deed should not go unnoticed. In a
world were everyone is only looking out for themselves, this is quite a
shocker. He really made me believe once again that there are nice people out
there.

I will definitely "pay it forward" and keep this gentleman's good nature
alive.

Unfortunately, I am not sure of his name or cab number (I know, how could I
not look the second time). If you hear anything about this story or this
man, please give him my thanks again!

Best,
Natalie

I thank Natalie for sharing this story with us and most DC cab drivers are responsible good people with the exception of Pastor Joe of course.

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

WASHINGTON CAN EAT YOU ALIVE

There is this chic who lives in the Mount Pleasant section of Washington, very bright, busy and attractive. She moved to Washington as a part of staff for a newly elected congressman from the Midwest few years ago and works in Capitol Hill. She usually calls our cab company around 1:am and goes to a well known bar in Georgetown. The word on the street is that there is some dude who hangs out at the bar and around the rest rooms at this bar/club she visits and supply his coke, crack and weed to his customers. She usually goes in and come out quick and make the cab wait for her to take her back home.

Most of the cabbies know that she is hooked on that shit and lately she is going down to that bar more frequently than before. I think she is trying and working beyond hard to advance her career and reputation in Capitol Hill, she is involved in too many projects than she can possibly handle, the help of narcotics is catching up with here and I can see that she is falling apart but unfortunately she doesn't know it yet and maybe she thinks she is ahead of the game. I can tell you as a person who is around homeless people all the time for many years, life stories I hear from most homeless people are pretty much alike, they start out as well functioning citizens in their own rights until their ill faithed encounter with drugs and become a victim when it runs it's course and takes over their lives to the point of no return.

And she reminds me of something that I read somewhere...

"When a man comes to Washington...It's because he wants something. And I know that as a rule he's not going to get it; that he will stay and try for another and won't get that; the same luck with the next and next, and keeps on till he strikes bottom, and is too poor and ashamed to go back... and at last his heart breaks and they take up a collection and burry him"

By Mark Twain from Colonel Sellers.

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie