Mad Cabbie has been busy the whole month trying to help the Catholic Church and the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to merge together since they have one thing in common.
"That's not funny at all Mad! We know you come from a Catholic family, Is there some childhood issues and bitterness you want to address?"
I will see you all on Monday and there are tons of stuff to talk about and I owe a lot of people all kind of responses to some of the good email questions I have been asked.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, May 03, 2008
Friday, April 04, 2008
JAMES CARVILLE
As a cab driver in one of the most important city in the world I get to meet people from all over the planet, I even met someone from North Dakota the other night. During the tourist season it feels like the whole world is in Washington and sometimes communicating with foreign passengers in English could be a very tricky proccess. Americans in general, we are idiots when it comes to trying to learn a second language but my years of experience at interacting with vast number of foreign drivers and passengers had given me the opportunity to understand different thick accents from different countries. The most difficult time I ever had communicating with a passenger though didn't come from a Latino who just got off the bus, but from a well connected American they call James Carville. As you may know this cat used to be one of the master minds who ran Bill Clinton's presidential bid in 1992 and he is still milking-off from that successful gig.Few years ago he got in to my cab and asked to be driven to the Palm Restaurant, I had to ask him about three times before I understood what his destination was. This guy is as creepy looking as they come man! It was in the middle of the football season and he was talking some shit about Michael Vick for almost ten minutes and I didn't understand a word he said but I just kept saying "That's right! That's right" like an idiot until I got rid of him quick.
By the way, John Edwards is going to endorse Barack Obama right before the Pennsylvania primaries! You heard it here first at Mad Cabbie, your Washington insider.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Monday, March 31, 2008
BRIBING HOURS.
Here is the posted bribing hours at the DC Inspection Station in case you need to know and you are running short on cash to get your car repaired. They hate my guts here because I make all kind of noises about their shady operation, so I am usually in and out with my inspection sticker within no time. The less they keep me at the station the less bashing I do, so it's to their advantage that they get rid of my ugly ass quick. Few years ago FBI busted them when they used to be at the old inspection station in NE for taking bribes from shady cab drivers and things got kosher for a while. But for the last five years or so those cockroaches are getting out of hand again. I have heard of stories of some cab drivers pushing their no good cabs in to the station and rolling out of the station with an inspection sticker good for six month. All you need is leave a C note in the ashtray and you will be on your way to easy street with your new sticker while praying for your brakes to stop at the next red light.
Don't be alarmed when you step in my cab, I drive a very clean and powerful 1996 SS LT1 that is in a top condition. Even wannabe rap stars offer me all kind of cash to buy my cab whenever I stop by their hood to do some crack shopping with my passengers.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
THE URGE TO EJACULATE.
When the story of the disgraced New York's ex governor Eliot Spitzer broke I wasn't surprised at all. It's not that I knew about his rendezvous with high priced hookers, but it's due to my long experience of driving hookers to men with and without power. Let me break it down for you ladies, if you have been together with your man for over ten years or so there is a 99% chance that your hubby had cheated on you, the other 1% lied their asses off. You need to be equipped with a dick to understand this concept. So the relationship between married clean cut powerful men and hookers, high priced or otherwise is a no shocking matter.
"Mad Cabbie! what the fuck is wrong with you nigger? You are breaking the code motherfucker! Why do you have to go there? Thanks to you, now I can't bullshit my wife with those lame ass dozen roses, boxes of chocolates and the I Love You cards. And by the way, that young whore you hooked me up with last week, that shit was tight boy! I already told my wife that I am going to work late tonight(wink! wink!) so I will give you a call later you dumb ass!"
"Shut up you idiot! Don't ever butt in my blog like this again, I didn't break any codes, smart women have known this for years! Now I have a story to tell, do you mind?"
I have know this guy from the state of ** for years, he is a frequent visitor of Washington. He is a married man in his late forties with two teen daughters and doing very well in life, he is not a household name but he is a guy you see on TV being interviewed from time to time who is powerful and confident. But it is at his weakest moment whenever he is in my cab, during a desperate emotional roller coster to conquer a new hired pussy. One thing what makes this guy different is, unlike other men he never wants to see the same hooker again which makes him more vulnerable to be recognized by a hooker who could be a frequent viewer of cable news.
We were en route from his hotel to another low profile motel last night when he started to discuss why he fucks around behind his wife's back with hookers. All these years I never ask and he never discusses and that's why he likes me and pays me very well, and on top of that he thinks I am a loyal dumb ass cabbie who doesn't know who he is. I am out here just to get paid so I just play along with people's bullshit as long as they don't cross my space. He tells me getting a blow job from a hooker is not cheating, he is just fulfilling his sexual urge to ejaculate without getting emotionally involved with a woman. He believes he is very much in love with his wife of sixteen years and never had an affair with another woman and he wants to keep it that way. I wanted to ask him what would he feel if his wife started to blow off different boy toys without any emotional attachment but I didn't want to short-change myself from the usual big tip I get.
We pulled in front of room # *** at the motel, I saw him entering the room in to the welcoming hands of a twenty something blond hottie. I backed up in to the parking area to wait for his ass and take him back downtown while he was getting a nice lube job. Forty-five minutes later my man came back with a happy face and we talked about the falling US Dollar the rest of the way.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
"Mad Cabbie! what the fuck is wrong with you nigger? You are breaking the code motherfucker! Why do you have to go there? Thanks to you, now I can't bullshit my wife with those lame ass dozen roses, boxes of chocolates and the I Love You cards. And by the way, that young whore you hooked me up with last week, that shit was tight boy! I already told my wife that I am going to work late tonight(wink! wink!) so I will give you a call later you dumb ass!"
"Shut up you idiot! Don't ever butt in my blog like this again, I didn't break any codes, smart women have known this for years! Now I have a story to tell, do you mind?"
I have know this guy from the state of ** for years, he is a frequent visitor of Washington. He is a married man in his late forties with two teen daughters and doing very well in life, he is not a household name but he is a guy you see on TV being interviewed from time to time who is powerful and confident. But it is at his weakest moment whenever he is in my cab, during a desperate emotional roller coster to conquer a new hired pussy. One thing what makes this guy different is, unlike other men he never wants to see the same hooker again which makes him more vulnerable to be recognized by a hooker who could be a frequent viewer of cable news.
We were en route from his hotel to another low profile motel last night when he started to discuss why he fucks around behind his wife's back with hookers. All these years I never ask and he never discusses and that's why he likes me and pays me very well, and on top of that he thinks I am a loyal dumb ass cabbie who doesn't know who he is. I am out here just to get paid so I just play along with people's bullshit as long as they don't cross my space. He tells me getting a blow job from a hooker is not cheating, he is just fulfilling his sexual urge to ejaculate without getting emotionally involved with a woman. He believes he is very much in love with his wife of sixteen years and never had an affair with another woman and he wants to keep it that way. I wanted to ask him what would he feel if his wife started to blow off different boy toys without any emotional attachment but I didn't want to short-change myself from the usual big tip I get.
We pulled in front of room # *** at the motel, I saw him entering the room in to the welcoming hands of a twenty something blond hottie. I backed up in to the parking area to wait for his ass and take him back downtown while he was getting a nice lube job. Forty-five minutes later my man came back with a happy face and we talked about the falling US Dollar the rest of the way.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
DONNA IS NO PRIMA DONNA
I pulled up at this expensive condo early this morning in Wesley Heights to pick up some chick who wanted to go to National Airport. While I was waiting for her in the driveway another lady approached towards my cab from the lobby, and I asked her if she was from apartment XYZ, but she wasn't the person that I was supposed to pick up. She told me that the concierge booked a Diamond Cab for her and the cab failed to show up on time and had only an hour to catch her plane to Miami from National Airport.
Her face looked too familiar and it didn't take me too long to figure out who she was. She was Donna Shalala who used to be the U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary under President Bill Clinton and the current President Of University of Miami. People who're running late to catch a plane like some of you VIP wanna be usually scream and bitch especially if it is the cab company's fault. But as an accomplished and a well connected woman as she is, she was calm, civil and didn't try to blame anyone. To make the long story short I managed to take them both to National Airport.
Whenever I encounter celebrities I always try to act like I don't know them so that they may open up and talk shit. Since she had company in the back seat with her I never had the opportunity to chat with her so all the conversation was between her and the other chic while I played a fly on the wall. No skinny to tell you about but Donna was talking about a conversation she had with Nancy Pelosi yesterday and that they are confident a democrat will take over the White House, stem cell and AIDS research will be funded full force and NIH will get a shit load of money. Nothing juicy!
But here at Mad Cabbie is where you get your Washington insider information fuck that stupid ass Matt Drudge!
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Monday, March 10, 2008
CABBIES DOUBLE DIPPING?
Dear Mad DC Cabbie,
I have a question I'm hoping you can answer, because I can't find an answer anywhere and it's driving me nuts! What's the rule in DC for passengers that get out of the cab at 2 different locations?
A few nights ago I got into a cab at 28th & Calvert NW with my husband and a friend. My friend got out at 10th & M, and me and my husband got out 7 blocks later at 10th & E. The driver insisted that we all pay full fare from 28th & Calvert - my friend paid $9.80 when she got out, and then he made us pay an additional $11.30 when we got out! So the driver actually got paid twice for the first part of the trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M), and made $21.10 for a 2-zone trip. This seemed like a huge rip-off to us, and we tried to argue that it didn't make sense, but the driver told us he out-ranked us so what could we do?
After reading the rules posted on the DC Taxi Cab Commission website, I think the correct calculation should have been $9.80 for the 2-zone trip + $3 for the 2 additional passengers + $1 for making a stop along the way - a one-time charge of $13.80, due at the end of the ride.
Or, if the driver insisted on treating it like 2 separate trips (which I still think is a rip-off), the only way it makes sense is if he charges the first passenger $12.80 for the frist 2-zone trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M, with 3 passengers in the cab), and then charges me and my husband $7.50 for the second 1-zone trip (from 10th & M to 10th & E). That's still $20.30 for a 2-zone ride . . . I don't think that's what the DC Taxi Cab Commission intended when it wrote the rules, but it makes a LITTLE bit more sense than pretending it was 2 separate trips from 28th & Calvert and charging us twice.
If you could help me understand this, I would really appreciate it!
Becca
Hi Becca,
It's a very good question and you are not the only one! It drives lots of people nuts! I do have a surprise answer for you. Your driver is right!
The driver actually was completely honest with you guys! The DCTC law states that if passengers have different destination it is considered two separate fares starting from the ORIGINAL PICKUP POINT. The driver is 100% correct by charging your friend the full $9.80 (Two zones to 10th and M) and also charged you and your husband $11.30 (Two zones plus extra passenger surcharge) and the total of $21.10 is exactly right.
It is set up that way so people can't take advantage and abuse the flat based zone system by riding in groups and have the driver drop them all over the place with in the same zone for just an extra $1.50 per passenger. Let me give you a scenario: Let's say you and your four other friends were picked up from 28th and Calvert by Mad Cabbie (God Forbid) after a party and all five of you have 5 different destination; first fare: 21st and Mass, 2nd fare: 19th and E, 3rd fare: 15th and K , 4th fare:10th and E and the 5th fare ends up near Union Station....All of these drop off points are within a second zone even though I was all over downtown! And if this run is considered one run it will only pays me $15.80 ($9.80 plus $6.00 for four extra passenger surcharge) since we don't have a running meter to account for all those time consuming detours. That is the reason why different destination are separate fares. But as long as you have the same pickup point and same destinations, no matter the size of the group it is one fare plus the extra passenger surcharge.
I know it's a pain in the ass but that's how it is, DC cabbies dream of these kind of fares especially during the weekends where group rides with different stops are plenty. Passengers feel that they are being ripped off, but legally I can charge $49 (9.80 times 5 passengers) for the above scenario I created.
The fare calculator doesn't have the program to calculate multiple leg trips, thats why you got the incorrect fare total. Pretty soon we all don't have to worry about the zones anymore although I doubt they will manage to have all DC cabs equipped with meters by April 6th. The inefficient DC goverment don't have any private shops certified yet for the meter installment process.
I hope I have answered your question.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
I have a question I'm hoping you can answer, because I can't find an answer anywhere and it's driving me nuts! What's the rule in DC for passengers that get out of the cab at 2 different locations?
A few nights ago I got into a cab at 28th & Calvert NW with my husband and a friend. My friend got out at 10th & M, and me and my husband got out 7 blocks later at 10th & E. The driver insisted that we all pay full fare from 28th & Calvert - my friend paid $9.80 when she got out, and then he made us pay an additional $11.30 when we got out! So the driver actually got paid twice for the first part of the trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M), and made $21.10 for a 2-zone trip. This seemed like a huge rip-off to us, and we tried to argue that it didn't make sense, but the driver told us he out-ranked us so what could we do?
After reading the rules posted on the DC Taxi Cab Commission website, I think the correct calculation should have been $9.80 for the 2-zone trip + $3 for the 2 additional passengers + $1 for making a stop along the way - a one-time charge of $13.80, due at the end of the ride.
Or, if the driver insisted on treating it like 2 separate trips (which I still think is a rip-off), the only way it makes sense is if he charges the first passenger $12.80 for the frist 2-zone trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M, with 3 passengers in the cab), and then charges me and my husband $7.50 for the second 1-zone trip (from 10th & M to 10th & E). That's still $20.30 for a 2-zone ride . . . I don't think that's what the DC Taxi Cab Commission intended when it wrote the rules, but it makes a LITTLE bit more sense than pretending it was 2 separate trips from 28th & Calvert and charging us twice.
If you could help me understand this, I would really appreciate it!
Becca
Hi Becca,
It's a very good question and you are not the only one! It drives lots of people nuts! I do have a surprise answer for you. Your driver is right!
The driver actually was completely honest with you guys! The DCTC law states that if passengers have different destination it is considered two separate fares starting from the ORIGINAL PICKUP POINT. The driver is 100% correct by charging your friend the full $9.80 (Two zones to 10th and M) and also charged you and your husband $11.30 (Two zones plus extra passenger surcharge) and the total of $21.10 is exactly right.
It is set up that way so people can't take advantage and abuse the flat based zone system by riding in groups and have the driver drop them all over the place with in the same zone for just an extra $1.50 per passenger. Let me give you a scenario: Let's say you and your four other friends were picked up from 28th and Calvert by Mad Cabbie (God Forbid) after a party and all five of you have 5 different destination; first fare: 21st and Mass, 2nd fare: 19th and E, 3rd fare: 15th and K , 4th fare:10th and E and the 5th fare ends up near Union Station....All of these drop off points are within a second zone even though I was all over downtown! And if this run is considered one run it will only pays me $15.80 ($9.80 plus $6.00 for four extra passenger surcharge) since we don't have a running meter to account for all those time consuming detours. That is the reason why different destination are separate fares. But as long as you have the same pickup point and same destinations, no matter the size of the group it is one fare plus the extra passenger surcharge.
I know it's a pain in the ass but that's how it is, DC cabbies dream of these kind of fares especially during the weekends where group rides with different stops are plenty. Passengers feel that they are being ripped off, but legally I can charge $49 (9.80 times 5 passengers) for the above scenario I created.
The fare calculator doesn't have the program to calculate multiple leg trips, thats why you got the incorrect fare total. Pretty soon we all don't have to worry about the zones anymore although I doubt they will manage to have all DC cabs equipped with meters by April 6th. The inefficient DC goverment don't have any private shops certified yet for the meter installment process.
I hope I have answered your question.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
Friday, March 07, 2008
CABBIE KICKED ME OUT!
"D.C. cabbies are some of the worst people on earth. This morning I hailed a cab, he drove me three blocks and then told me to get out because I "smelled like garlic." I am a 31 year old woman, a business professional - who took a shower this morning, like every morning and haven't been near garlic all week. I was on my way to work on Eye Street from Georgetown. I had minor surgery earlier this week and am having trouble walking - which is why I needed the cab. The horrible driver kicked me out and was incredibly verbally and physically rude to me. I really cannot tell you how much I hate cabbies right now. You are just awful people - cheating passengers and being rude. Go to hell, all of you."
By an anonymous commenter from my last post.
During my cab driving experience I had my share of stinking passengers, but only once I had to kick out a passenger out of my cab. This dude I picked up smelled like a toilet, It felt like I was transporting a pile of shit and that smelly jackass wanted to go all the way to Springfield, Va. I managed about couple of minutes of driving but I couldn't take the torture anymore, so I kicked his ass out at 14th and Pennsylvania. It was a very cold night but I had to drive with all of my windows rolled down freezing my ass off to let the shitty smell out. Even after I did all that my next passenger said my cab smelled like shit!
My theory on this woman is: There is no way the cabbie would kick her out without a reason on that particular run. The run from Georgetown to I street is an easy 5 minutes, short two zones ride that pays $9.80 which is a dream run for a DC cabbie. Why would he shortchange himself from a lucrative fare unless her breath really smelled real bad? Most people with bad breath problems don't know that they have the condition unless someone with iron balls like the cabbie she had yesterday tell them so.
Maybe it's a wakeup call for our showered and clean 31 year old business professional woman to see her doctor and get her garlic breath checked out. I hope she will read this post! But at the same time the cab driver should have taken that awful smell for five minutes and drove her ass to her office and made that easy money!
What's your theory?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
By an anonymous commenter from my last post.
During my cab driving experience I had my share of stinking passengers, but only once I had to kick out a passenger out of my cab. This dude I picked up smelled like a toilet, It felt like I was transporting a pile of shit and that smelly jackass wanted to go all the way to Springfield, Va. I managed about couple of minutes of driving but I couldn't take the torture anymore, so I kicked his ass out at 14th and Pennsylvania. It was a very cold night but I had to drive with all of my windows rolled down freezing my ass off to let the shitty smell out. Even after I did all that my next passenger said my cab smelled like shit!
My theory on this woman is: There is no way the cabbie would kick her out without a reason on that particular run. The run from Georgetown to I street is an easy 5 minutes, short two zones ride that pays $9.80 which is a dream run for a DC cabbie. Why would he shortchange himself from a lucrative fare unless her breath really smelled real bad? Most people with bad breath problems don't know that they have the condition unless someone with iron balls like the cabbie she had yesterday tell them so.
Maybe it's a wakeup call for our showered and clean 31 year old business professional woman to see her doctor and get her garlic breath checked out. I hope she will read this post! But at the same time the cab driver should have taken that awful smell for five minutes and drove her ass to her office and made that easy money!
What's your theory?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, March 06, 2008
WHO'S GUN IS THIS?
Few years ago I was finishing my shift around six in the morning and I was heading home until this chic franticly waving at me in the middle of Connecticut Avenue near Military road like a mad person. It wasn't my plan to stop for her but the red traffic light didn't cooperate with me so she rushed towards me and made a failed attempt to open my locked doors. I rolled my front passenger window to listen to what she had to say and to tell her that I was off duty and I was driving my tired ass home.
CHIC: Can you please take me to National Airport?
MC: Sorry I am off duty! Just cross on the other side and flag another cab!
CHIC: Yellow Cab was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 and I am running late!
MC: Yellow are a bunch of losers you should have called Diamond.
CHIC: Can you please, please take me to National...Please?
MC: I am not trying to be an ass-hole but I am fucken tired?
CHIC: It's only a 15 minute ride this time of the morning, come on! please help me out, I am going to miss my flight and probably loose my job!
I felt sorry for her and besides, those set of balloons she had on hear chest closed the deal so I unlocked the doors and let her in. I flipped an impressive u-turn heading south bound on Connecticut Avenue and warned her not be a backseat driver by pressuring me to speed because her hurry ass would be back out on Connecticut Avenue standing again. I am not one of those idiot cab drivers who zig zag in and out of traffic doing 90mph so that you can make your flight on time! Fuck you and your $5 tip! My drivers license is my meal ticket and I have to protect it.
We just traveled about five blocks and when we got to Nebraska Avenue all hell broke loose! She screamed, "Get me out of hear NOW! Pull over! I will get out right here!" I was confused about what happened all of a sudden to make her snap like that, so I pulled up to the Exxon station at the corner to let her out and she didn't even gave me a chance to ask her why she turned hysterical, she got out and kept on running down Connecticut Avenue bouncing those voluptuous boobs without shutting the door.
It's when I got out of the cab to shut the passenger door that I noticed a loaded gun was sitting on the left side of the passenger seat! I freaked out as well! Who left that gun? I had given a ride to all kind of shady characters all night long, It had to be one of those fine citizens. Without touching the gun I drove straight to the 2nd District Police Station on Idaho Avenue and explained what happened to the cops. They took the gun, copied my manifest for that shift, asked me a few questions and sent my ass home.
Washington DC enforces one of the toughest gun laws in the country by denying firearms to law biding citizens to protect themselves from thugs like the one who left his piece in the backseat of my taxicab. As some of you may know, the case District of Columbia vs Heller is heading to the Supreme Court and I hope the justices will agree with U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit which struck down this stupid ass law.
I am not a NRA gun fanatic and I will never illegally or legally own a gun because I am a big pussy but I like the fact that the case is presented as a Second Amendment right and I think it should be interpreted that way. Listen, I don't need to tell you how many gunshot victims I have seen lying on the streets of Washington DC over the years of night driving, and that tells me the unconstitutional DC law is not working to keep illegal unlicensed guns off the street. I can go out in DC tonight and buy all the illegal guns I want and invade the State of Vermont first thing in the morning! So what's the purpose of this law? The problem goes beyond the guns and I am not going to bore you with it. All I can tell you is Shawn Taylor would have been playing for the Washington Redskins next season if he had a gun in his bedroom that tragic night.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
CHIC: Can you please take me to National Airport?
MC: Sorry I am off duty! Just cross on the other side and flag another cab!
CHIC: Yellow Cab was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 and I am running late!
MC: Yellow are a bunch of losers you should have called Diamond.
CHIC: Can you please, please take me to National...Please?
MC: I am not trying to be an ass-hole but I am fucken tired?
CHIC: It's only a 15 minute ride this time of the morning, come on! please help me out, I am going to miss my flight and probably loose my job!
I felt sorry for her and besides, those set of balloons she had on hear chest closed the deal so I unlocked the doors and let her in. I flipped an impressive u-turn heading south bound on Connecticut Avenue and warned her not be a backseat driver by pressuring me to speed because her hurry ass would be back out on Connecticut Avenue standing again. I am not one of those idiot cab drivers who zig zag in and out of traffic doing 90mph so that you can make your flight on time! Fuck you and your $5 tip! My drivers license is my meal ticket and I have to protect it.
We just traveled about five blocks and when we got to Nebraska Avenue all hell broke loose! She screamed, "Get me out of hear NOW! Pull over! I will get out right here!" I was confused about what happened all of a sudden to make her snap like that, so I pulled up to the Exxon station at the corner to let her out and she didn't even gave me a chance to ask her why she turned hysterical, she got out and kept on running down Connecticut Avenue bouncing those voluptuous boobs without shutting the door.
It's when I got out of the cab to shut the passenger door that I noticed a loaded gun was sitting on the left side of the passenger seat! I freaked out as well! Who left that gun? I had given a ride to all kind of shady characters all night long, It had to be one of those fine citizens. Without touching the gun I drove straight to the 2nd District Police Station on Idaho Avenue and explained what happened to the cops. They took the gun, copied my manifest for that shift, asked me a few questions and sent my ass home.
Washington DC enforces one of the toughest gun laws in the country by denying firearms to law biding citizens to protect themselves from thugs like the one who left his piece in the backseat of my taxicab. As some of you may know, the case District of Columbia vs Heller is heading to the Supreme Court and I hope the justices will agree with U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit which struck down this stupid ass law.
I am not a NRA gun fanatic and I will never illegally or legally own a gun because I am a big pussy but I like the fact that the case is presented as a Second Amendment right and I think it should be interpreted that way. Listen, I don't need to tell you how many gunshot victims I have seen lying on the streets of Washington DC over the years of night driving, and that tells me the unconstitutional DC law is not working to keep illegal unlicensed guns off the street. I can go out in DC tonight and buy all the illegal guns I want and invade the State of Vermont first thing in the morning! So what's the purpose of this law? The problem goes beyond the guns and I am not going to bore you with it. All I can tell you is Shawn Taylor would have been playing for the Washington Redskins next season if he had a gun in his bedroom that tragic night.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, March 01, 2008
EXTRA PASSENGER FEE IS BACK
Thanks to all of the Diamond Cab Co. drivers who participated in the meeting with the commissioner at the DC Taxicab Commission this past Wednesday. Even though those strike happy drivers group wouldn't cooperate with us, we still got it made and got the eliminated $1.50 per extra passenger surcharge back.
They still insist that there is going to be $19.00 fare celling for fares traveling with in the District of Columbia, the last time I checked we don't live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public. I have some lawyers telling me that we can legally challenge that and stay tuned to watch Mayor Fenty and Mad Cabbie in front of "Judge Judy".
The extra passenger surcharge is no picnic in the park, for the average driver it could translate in to $3000-$6000 of extra income per year. You need to understand we are still the cheapest cab ride comparing to the surrounding counties so I don't need to hear anymore crying from you guys.
Special thanks to Mr. Essayas and Mr Abebe, fine Ethiopian drivers from Diamond Cab Co. for sticking up for the cause, and this fight is not over yet! We want the meters but it has to be with livable wages and we are looking forward to have our meters ready by April 6th.
I got to go now, I have every hooker in town calling me wanting to go somewhere and it's going to be a busy Saturday! Washingtonians are HORNY tonight!!!
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
They still insist that there is going to be $19.00 fare celling for fares traveling with in the District of Columbia, the last time I checked we don't live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public. I have some lawyers telling me that we can legally challenge that and stay tuned to watch Mayor Fenty and Mad Cabbie in front of "Judge Judy".
The extra passenger surcharge is no picnic in the park, for the average driver it could translate in to $3000-$6000 of extra income per year. You need to understand we are still the cheapest cab ride comparing to the surrounding counties so I don't need to hear anymore crying from you guys.
Special thanks to Mr. Essayas and Mr Abebe, fine Ethiopian drivers from Diamond Cab Co. for sticking up for the cause, and this fight is not over yet! We want the meters but it has to be with livable wages and we are looking forward to have our meters ready by April 6th.
I got to go now, I have every hooker in town calling me wanting to go somewhere and it's going to be a busy Saturday! Washingtonians are HORNY tonight!!!
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
FRUSTRATED IN ADAMS MORGAN
Hello Mr. Mad Cabbie,
First off, just discovered the blog, great stuff, really interesting.
Given your profession, I'm wondering if you can answer me a question. Every weekend I wait tables in Adams Morgan. Every weekend I take a cab home. Almost every weekend I have to argue with the cabbie about the price. I've heard the cost is x from the nicer cabbies but I'd like to know once and for all from someone in the know and objective to the situation. I never seem to have this problem when I work on Wed PM and it's the exact same route. Given Adams Morgan on the weekends, maybe they think I'm some dumb drunk girl and whatnot, but as I'm sure you know, after a night of working, the last thing you want to do is argue, you just want to go home. There have been nights when I've gotten into the cab and when I give him the address he says "12.00". I say "ok see ya" and get out. One night, I did this no less than 3 times. You can see how this can get old.
The route is 18th/Belmont, NW area to 1st and North Carolina Avenue, SE (at the corner). My understanding is that D st, SE, the next street over from NC Ave, is the zone line so the trip is 8.80 (well 9.80 with the gas surcharge). Is this correct?
Thanks so much in advance and keep up the good writing! What your doing is really unique to the rest of the blahblahblah that's out there for DC blogs.
Best-
Ms E from Capitol Hill
Hi Ms E, I am sorry you have to deal with those clowns. Your fare should be two zones which is $9.80 including the gas surcharge, as long as you are within the boundary of E street to the south and 2nd street to the east (make sure you get off north of E street). Thats how you should explain your driver who supposed to know this anyways. But you have to understand that half of the cabbies you see in Adams Morgan especially during weekends and last call rush hours are illegal out of state drivers with phony licenses out there to make a quick buck by ripping off people and most of them don't know the zone system.
You should never get out of the cab but instead warn the driver that you will call the police and demand that the driver shows you his taxi license. There is no reason to be a dishonest cab driver in DC, we can make a good living without stealing from people who work very hard like yourself. Again I feel your pain and sorry that you have to deal with this crap but at the same time you have the responsibility to fight back by calling the law enforcement.
Better luck next time and thank you for reading my blog.
Mad Cabbie.
I get questions like this every now and then, so if you have any cab related questions that I can help you out with please email me at maddccabbie@yahoo.com and if I think it can be helpful to others I will post them with my answers without revealing your name and your email.
Please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie.
First off, just discovered the blog, great stuff, really interesting.
Given your profession, I'm wondering if you can answer me a question. Every weekend I wait tables in Adams Morgan. Every weekend I take a cab home. Almost every weekend I have to argue with the cabbie about the price. I've heard the cost is x from the nicer cabbies but I'd like to know once and for all from someone in the know and objective to the situation. I never seem to have this problem when I work on Wed PM and it's the exact same route. Given Adams Morgan on the weekends, maybe they think I'm some dumb drunk girl and whatnot, but as I'm sure you know, after a night of working, the last thing you want to do is argue, you just want to go home. There have been nights when I've gotten into the cab and when I give him the address he says "12.00". I say "ok see ya" and get out. One night, I did this no less than 3 times. You can see how this can get old.
The route is 18th/Belmont, NW area to 1st and North Carolina Avenue, SE (at the corner). My understanding is that D st, SE, the next street over from NC Ave, is the zone line so the trip is 8.80 (well 9.80 with the gas surcharge). Is this correct?
Thanks so much in advance and keep up the good writing! What your doing is really unique to the rest of the blahblahblah that's out there for DC blogs.
Best-
Ms E from Capitol Hill
Hi Ms E, I am sorry you have to deal with those clowns. Your fare should be two zones which is $9.80 including the gas surcharge, as long as you are within the boundary of E street to the south and 2nd street to the east (make sure you get off north of E street). Thats how you should explain your driver who supposed to know this anyways. But you have to understand that half of the cabbies you see in Adams Morgan especially during weekends and last call rush hours are illegal out of state drivers with phony licenses out there to make a quick buck by ripping off people and most of them don't know the zone system.
You should never get out of the cab but instead warn the driver that you will call the police and demand that the driver shows you his taxi license. There is no reason to be a dishonest cab driver in DC, we can make a good living without stealing from people who work very hard like yourself. Again I feel your pain and sorry that you have to deal with this crap but at the same time you have the responsibility to fight back by calling the law enforcement.
Better luck next time and thank you for reading my blog.
Mad Cabbie.
I get questions like this every now and then, so if you have any cab related questions that I can help you out with please email me at maddccabbie@yahoo.com and if I think it can be helpful to others I will post them with my answers without revealing your name and your email.
Please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
HIGH-TECH BEN
Ben is one of the few Jewish cabbies still driving in Washington and he looks like Rick Moranis from the movie "Honey I shrunk The Kids". He left the cab biz about three years ago after he got robbed at gun point. Ben is a strange guy, no one knows about his personal life because he doesn't say much and he is a loner. He used to be fascinated with latest technology, guns and World War-II and I always thought he would be a good candidate to be a serial killer, in fact when we had those Washington area random shootings and killings by those two freaks few years ago, we kind of suspected Ben was the trigger man at one point and we even had are own dumb ass investigation until we cleared him.
As soon as a new technology hit the streets Ben had it! He used to have the most wired cab in town. You could be in Ben's cab running your mouth while your image is being stored at his home server in Rockville. The first time I saw a GPS was in his cab and I think he dropped something like $1500 back then. If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.
No driver liked Ben because he doesn't say hello or engaged in any conversation with other drivers but for some reason he likes to hang out with me even though he barley says a word. I tolerate his mood swings and to me he is a very fascinating character and whenever we hang out at the Taste Diner in Bethesda with other drivers, he shows up, takes a seat and stares at us with a little nod and orders the same dumb shit every time! French toast and hot tea.
Three years ago Ben picked up some dudes on East Capitol street and after a few minutes ride they pulled up a gun around 4th and Florida NE and they had him pull up behind one of those wholesale warehouses and robbed his money and all of his gadgets. After a few pistol whippings they threw him in the trunk and took off with his cab with Ben in the trunk. Their first stop? Wendy's drive through at New York and Florida! While they were ordering their shit the motherfuckers were arguing what to do with Ben. If you are wondering why Ben didn't scream for his life? He claims he doesn't remember much and he thinks he might have passed out.
Luck was on Ben's side that night, as soon as they pulled out of the Wendy's parking lot they got involved with a fender bender and they took off running leaving Ben shitting in his pants until the DC cops showed up and rescued his ass. We got the word that night that he was taken to Howard University Hospital so me, Pastor and couple of other drivers rushed to the hospital and what we saw wasn't pretty. They messed up his face real bad but he was lucky to be alive and later helped police to identify those thugs after they got caught the same night. Ben walked away from cab driving and that was the last time I saw him until...
Last Thursday around three in the morning I was chilling at one of our usual spot with couple of Diamond drivers and guess who showed up and our jaws dropped! The legendary High-Tech Ben! and as if he met us the night before he just gave us his usual nod and sat next to me without saying anything. He still ordered the same old French toast and hot tea shit and started staring outside looking at bunch of construction crew.
Welcome back to hacking Ben!
Don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
As soon as a new technology hit the streets Ben had it! He used to have the most wired cab in town. You could be in Ben's cab running your mouth while your image is being stored at his home server in Rockville. The first time I saw a GPS was in his cab and I think he dropped something like $1500 back then. If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.
No driver liked Ben because he doesn't say hello or engaged in any conversation with other drivers but for some reason he likes to hang out with me even though he barley says a word. I tolerate his mood swings and to me he is a very fascinating character and whenever we hang out at the Taste Diner in Bethesda with other drivers, he shows up, takes a seat and stares at us with a little nod and orders the same dumb shit every time! French toast and hot tea.
Three years ago Ben picked up some dudes on East Capitol street and after a few minutes ride they pulled up a gun around 4th and Florida NE and they had him pull up behind one of those wholesale warehouses and robbed his money and all of his gadgets. After a few pistol whippings they threw him in the trunk and took off with his cab with Ben in the trunk. Their first stop? Wendy's drive through at New York and Florida! While they were ordering their shit the motherfuckers were arguing what to do with Ben. If you are wondering why Ben didn't scream for his life? He claims he doesn't remember much and he thinks he might have passed out.
Luck was on Ben's side that night, as soon as they pulled out of the Wendy's parking lot they got involved with a fender bender and they took off running leaving Ben shitting in his pants until the DC cops showed up and rescued his ass. We got the word that night that he was taken to Howard University Hospital so me, Pastor and couple of other drivers rushed to the hospital and what we saw wasn't pretty. They messed up his face real bad but he was lucky to be alive and later helped police to identify those thugs after they got caught the same night. Ben walked away from cab driving and that was the last time I saw him until...
Last Thursday around three in the morning I was chilling at one of our usual spot with couple of Diamond drivers and guess who showed up and our jaws dropped! The legendary High-Tech Ben! and as if he met us the night before he just gave us his usual nod and sat next to me without saying anything. He still ordered the same old French toast and hot tea shit and started staring outside looking at bunch of construction crew.
Welcome back to hacking Ben!
Don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
BLOGGER OF THE MONTH
I am honored for being the "Blogger of The Month" by Marc Fisher of the Washington Post in his Raw Fisher series. This means a lot to me coming from a professional writer like Marc. I read a lot of local blogs and there are lots of excellent bloggers with great writing skills unlike myself. Even though my vocabulary is limited to 200 words, I always try to deliver interesting posts as possible and I really do appreciate the recognition.
My niece who is in the 5th grade has agreed to edit my stories before I post them so don't be surprised if you notice some quality writings in the future.
I would like to say this: Marc Fisher is probably the only local media figure who sticks up for DC cab drivers even though it's very unpopular to do so these days, and him and I don't agree about the meters vs zone argument and go check out this post of his and read some of personal attacks (including some jackass wishing bad things to happen to Marc and his family) he gets from some of you idiots. Most of you out there are riding the bandwagon of "DC cabbies are the scum of the earth" route, but DC cabbies don't have any more bad apples than lawyers, congressmen or doctors, we are just easy targets to be criticized because we are at the bottom of the food chain.
A couple of nights ago I picked up some drunk chic with a very bad makeup from 5th and Massachusetts Ave NE to Union Station and since we crossed 2nd street NE (Zone line) it is a two zone fare even though the entire ride is six blocks and it took about less than a minute. So two zones $8.80 plus fuel surcharge $1 her total bill was $9.80 and she went nuts calling me everything in the book! Is it expensive? Hell yeah! But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like most of you out there she is shooting the messenger! When I told her the Capitol Police who was parked next to us could explain it to her since she didn't want to hear how I came with that figure she threw me a $10 bill and slammed my door. Bitch! There were no cabs at the station and people were waiting in line and the next passenger wanted to go all way to Mount Pleasant near Rock Creek Pkwy which is about a 15 minutes ride and paid the same two zones $9.80 even though the ride is much longer, and the guy happily paid his fare with tip! This is the shit we deal with every night and there is always going to be dissatisfied customers who feel that they got ripped off even though I never cheat my passengers like the rest of majority of fine DC cabbies. But those few dishonest motherfuckers gives the whole industry a bad rap, even people who never rode in a cab in their lives think that DC cabbies are crooks. And of course folks always comment about their bad experiences never the good stuff! Let me talk about the driver of Diamond cab #257, just the other day who had to track down his European passengers he picked in front of a building and had to return a bag with valuables including about 2000 Euros they left in his back seat! You think that driver is interested in cheating you out of couple of bucks?
Enough with my whining and let me make my "Blogger of The Month" acceptance speech!
"I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I thank my man Marc Fisher and the Washington Post, all the fans who read this blog, all my babies mamas all 13 of you even though I don't admit one of them, I thank my parole officer, all my posses, Pastor Joe, Ali Two fingers, Ghost, Mr. Hook, Hustleman Charles, Wall street Tom who isn't with us anymore and he's probably banging Anna Nicole Smith in heaven, High-Tech Ben, all fellow cabbies of the world, the guy I picked up at the corner of 19th and...."
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
My niece who is in the 5th grade has agreed to edit my stories before I post them so don't be surprised if you notice some quality writings in the future.
I would like to say this: Marc Fisher is probably the only local media figure who sticks up for DC cab drivers even though it's very unpopular to do so these days, and him and I don't agree about the meters vs zone argument and go check out this post of his and read some of personal attacks (including some jackass wishing bad things to happen to Marc and his family) he gets from some of you idiots. Most of you out there are riding the bandwagon of "DC cabbies are the scum of the earth" route, but DC cabbies don't have any more bad apples than lawyers, congressmen or doctors, we are just easy targets to be criticized because we are at the bottom of the food chain.
A couple of nights ago I picked up some drunk chic with a very bad makeup from 5th and Massachusetts Ave NE to Union Station and since we crossed 2nd street NE (Zone line) it is a two zone fare even though the entire ride is six blocks and it took about less than a minute. So two zones $8.80 plus fuel surcharge $1 her total bill was $9.80 and she went nuts calling me everything in the book! Is it expensive? Hell yeah! But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like most of you out there she is shooting the messenger! When I told her the Capitol Police who was parked next to us could explain it to her since she didn't want to hear how I came with that figure she threw me a $10 bill and slammed my door. Bitch! There were no cabs at the station and people were waiting in line and the next passenger wanted to go all way to Mount Pleasant near Rock Creek Pkwy which is about a 15 minutes ride and paid the same two zones $9.80 even though the ride is much longer, and the guy happily paid his fare with tip! This is the shit we deal with every night and there is always going to be dissatisfied customers who feel that they got ripped off even though I never cheat my passengers like the rest of majority of fine DC cabbies. But those few dishonest motherfuckers gives the whole industry a bad rap, even people who never rode in a cab in their lives think that DC cabbies are crooks. And of course folks always comment about their bad experiences never the good stuff! Let me talk about the driver of Diamond cab #257, just the other day who had to track down his European passengers he picked in front of a building and had to return a bag with valuables including about 2000 Euros they left in his back seat! You think that driver is interested in cheating you out of couple of bucks?
Enough with my whining and let me make my "Blogger of The Month" acceptance speech!
"I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I thank my man Marc Fisher and the Washington Post, all the fans who read this blog, all my babies mamas all 13 of you even though I don't admit one of them, I thank my parole officer, all my posses, Pastor Joe, Ali Two fingers, Ghost, Mr. Hook, Hustleman Charles, Wall street Tom who isn't with us anymore and he's probably banging Anna Nicole Smith in heaven, High-Tech Ben, all fellow cabbies of the world, the guy I picked up at the corner of 19th and...."
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, February 08, 2008
$10,000/WEEK DRIVING A CAB!!!
Hi, I am Mad Cabbie! and I am here with an offer of a life time to my wonderful fans!!!
Do you hate your job? Are you doing the same dumb ass shit every day? dealing with that fat ugly boss of yours and slaving for peanuts! Do you want to spend more time with your family only working a few minutes a day while making $1,000, $5,000 even $10,000 per week? Do you want to wipe out your debts and retire by next Christmas? If you answered yes, Mad Cabbie has the answer for you.
I put together "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" home study guide. All you have to do is study the materials at your own pace and you will be on your way to your financial freedom. This study guide includes a couple of books, six part CD, 8 volume DVDs and a workbook. I will show you a step by step guide on how you to buy your first cab with no money, how to bribe and get your taxi license in a few hours and start making money the same day! The income is unlimited it just depends on how many minutes you want to drive your cab in a day. You will learn everything there is about to know about hacking and making sure that your passengers are happy.
I have done it for years and now I would like to share my secrets with you for this one time offer only. If you don't make $10,000 the first day after you receive my package you can return it for a full refund, In fact I will pay for the return postage and no question asked! You won't be disappointed and satisfaction is guaranteed! Please check out what some of my satisfied clients are saying!
"I live in a small Scottish village where people don't even take cabs at all but I still ordered "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" and the result was unbelievable, I made $1000 the minute the package arrived! Thank you Mad Cabbie, you are amazing!" Peggy from Scotland.
"When we found out that nobody would hire us to run their political campaign and became jobless, we turned to "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" to be cab drivers in Washington,DC. We followed the step by step cab driving techniques and in a few days we started making shit load of cash and we moved in to this mansion in Potomac, Maryland....You're the greatest Mad Cabbie!" The retards who ran Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign.
"I ordered Mad Cabbie's package from America to start training now while I am waiting for these bastards at the American Embassy in India to approve my visa. Mad Cabbie promised to have my cab ready** for work when I touch down at Dulles Airport, and so as soon as I arrive in America I will start counting my American Dollars! God bless you Mad Cabbie!" Amitabh Ragukhanimpalamachchabuchaci from Bombay.
Do I need to say more? Listen, When you call in 1-888-TAKEMYMONEY with in the next 30 minutes and order the package I will cut the price by 90% and for only two payments of $15.95 plus $500 shipping and handling I will send you the package plus the list of hot spots where you can pick up whores for your passengers AND for the first 200 callers I will throw in an address of a huge dominatrix chic who can bitch slap Shaquille O'Neal! and your freaky customers will throw money at you for this service.
What are you waiting for? Are you ready to make $10,000* a week? So get your ass up and dial that number! I know, I know, You may have been ripped off by those stock trade and real estate money making guides that didn't deliver but trust Uncle Mad, this time you got yourself a winner.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
*Results may vary, it may take up to ten years to make $10,000 thanks to Mayor Fenty and the new DC fare structure.
**Bribe at the inspection stations extra.
Do you hate your job? Are you doing the same dumb ass shit every day? dealing with that fat ugly boss of yours and slaving for peanuts! Do you want to spend more time with your family only working a few minutes a day while making $1,000, $5,000 even $10,000 per week? Do you want to wipe out your debts and retire by next Christmas? If you answered yes, Mad Cabbie has the answer for you.
I put together "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" home study guide. All you have to do is study the materials at your own pace and you will be on your way to your financial freedom. This study guide includes a couple of books, six part CD, 8 volume DVDs and a workbook. I will show you a step by step guide on how you to buy your first cab with no money, how to bribe and get your taxi license in a few hours and start making money the same day! The income is unlimited it just depends on how many minutes you want to drive your cab in a day. You will learn everything there is about to know about hacking and making sure that your passengers are happy.
I have done it for years and now I would like to share my secrets with you for this one time offer only. If you don't make $10,000 the first day after you receive my package you can return it for a full refund, In fact I will pay for the return postage and no question asked! You won't be disappointed and satisfaction is guaranteed! Please check out what some of my satisfied clients are saying!
"I live in a small Scottish village where people don't even take cabs at all but I still ordered "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" and the result was unbelievable, I made $1000 the minute the package arrived! Thank you Mad Cabbie, you are amazing!" Peggy from Scotland.
"When we found out that nobody would hire us to run their political campaign and became jobless, we turned to "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" to be cab drivers in Washington,DC. We followed the step by step cab driving techniques and in a few days we started making shit load of cash and we moved in to this mansion in Potomac, Maryland....You're the greatest Mad Cabbie!" The retards who ran Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign.
"I ordered Mad Cabbie's package from America to start training now while I am waiting for these bastards at the American Embassy in India to approve my visa. Mad Cabbie promised to have my cab ready** for work when I touch down at Dulles Airport, and so as soon as I arrive in America I will start counting my American Dollars! God bless you Mad Cabbie!" Amitabh Ragukhanimpalamachchabuchaci from Bombay.
Do I need to say more? Listen, When you call in 1-888-TAKEMYMONEY with in the next 30 minutes and order the package I will cut the price by 90% and for only two payments of $15.95 plus $500 shipping and handling I will send you the package plus the list of hot spots where you can pick up whores for your passengers AND for the first 200 callers I will throw in an address of a huge dominatrix chic who can bitch slap Shaquille O'Neal! and your freaky customers will throw money at you for this service.
What are you waiting for? Are you ready to make $10,000* a week? So get your ass up and dial that number! I know, I know, You may have been ripped off by those stock trade and real estate money making guides that didn't deliver but trust Uncle Mad, this time you got yourself a winner.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
*Results may vary, it may take up to ten years to make $10,000 thanks to Mayor Fenty and the new DC fare structure.
**Bribe at the inspection stations extra.
Monday, February 04, 2008
TAKE THIS ! FUCKEN DC CABS!
That's the big billboard ad I did for the 10th anniversary of the Verizon Center but there is a hidden message as the title of this post suggests for those striking DC cabbies today. Sorry! that big idiot Mad Cabbie is on strike as well, he is probably doing nothing but scratching his balls and staring at the wall of his basement so I am guest blogging for him today.Most of you DC residents love me for fucking those DC cab drivers up don't you? Fuck them! who cares if they don't make a decent living off the new fare structure? They are the filth of society anyways so what's difference? All that time back in the days I couldn't get a DC cab to stop for me? It's payback time motherfuckers! Who's your daddy now bitch?
Yes that's right no more surcharge for extra passengers! I don't give a shit how many extra fat ass DC residents you have to haul all day long, the ride is free even though the rest of the surrounding counties let their cabs charge for extra passengers! I don't care how many times a year you have to replace your freaken shocks and how many thousands of extra fuel dollars you have to cough up because of the extra loads. And yes that's right, I grew up reading Karl Mark's literatures and that's why you can't charge over the $18.90 celling in my communist DC administration, no matter where you have to drive your passengers in the city! LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION motherfuckers. I have to satisfy just the couple of thousands of emails I received from the whining public so I had to go overboard and slash the shit of your kids education! and who gives a shit that you have to buy your own health insurance! tell that crap to Hillary Clinton!
And who cares about all those 6000 DC cab drivers on strike? Majority of the drivers are those dumb ass Africans, sand niggers and some loser no good Americans like Mad Cabbie so fuck all them clowns man! You bitches strike all you want but right now I am on hold with the Afghani president Hamid Karzai see if he can send me a few thousand ex Mujahedeens I can put in DC cabs.
And I don't give a shit about the homeless, Fuck them!
Adrian "Starve The Cab Drivers" Fenty*
*Mayor Adrian M. Fenty did not participate in writing this post in any way. Written entirely by Mad Cabbie.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
A VERY EXPENSIVE PUKE
Hustleman Charles called me last night crying over the phone that some chick puked in his cab, and that's one of the worst shit can happen to a cab driver. If someone throws up in my cab that means I am pretty much out of commission for the next 24 hours having the vomit cleaned and getting the stink out of the cab. So that means a loss of a one night income plus the clean up cost and usually a guy named Sam is our in house puke clean up expert.
Sam is an old timer who has been hanging around Diamond Cab Company for ages hustling cab drivers offering his clean up services. You throw Sammy a twenty dollar bill he will clean up a nuclear waste out of your car in minutes and runs to the liquor store and come back happy. I told hustleman Charles to stop crying on my ass and see Sam in the morning and take his losses since he was stupid enough to let the puking chick go home free without taking any financial responsibility. That can not happen in Mr. Mad Cabbie's cab!
The last vomiting passenger experience I had was about five years ago when I picked up this chick in front of the Third Edition in Georgetown. Her friends threw her in my cab and asked me to take her to one of the apartments around the National Zoo and paid for the ride in advance. She was fucken wasted and her breath smelled like shit, I could tell that she had been puking so I thought she was done and settled but still let her knew that if she got sick again and mess up my cab it could cost her $300 (There is a sign posted in my cab) and of course like any drunk ass person would respond she said, "No problem! No problem! I am ok! Just take me home!". Not even a minute after she gave me her words of confidence she sprayed her stink all over the back seat and I was on fucken fire!
When I demanded she owed $300 or face the cops (of course the cops can't do shit beside writing a report) she was scared and sorry and promised to pay me the next day. I took every information from her drivers license, got her phone number and her business card and left her ass in front of her building and I cut short my shift and went to my girlfriend's apartment for the night.
The next day was a Sunday and she wasn't responding to the few messages I left both on her home and cell phones and I was getting irritated, and at this point it's not even about the money anymore but she FUCKED with the wrong cab driver. I called her few more times while Sam was cleaning up her stink but never heard from her. Sam did an excellent work so I threw him a fifty and I got back to work Sunday night and a few minutes in to my shift her boyfriend called me to tell me not to harass her anymore and he offered me $20 for the clean up cost and I told him to go fuck himself and hanged up the phone.
The next morning I called her at her office and she picked up and warned me not to call her anymore or she will contact the police and file a complaint that I was trying to rip her off and that's when I drove straight to her office building at 2400 M street NW with a mission. She worked for a major financial institution as a financial adviser and when she saw me in front of her small office her jaw dropped to the floor, she was nervous and I was calm and I said, "I am ready to call the cops for you now and is this how you want to handle this?"
To make this already long ass story short we went down to the lobby together and she withdrew $300 from an ATM machine and handed me the cash and told me what a big ass-hole I was and everything else. I didn't give a shit, I took the cash with a big smile on my face and she saved herself from a huge embarrassment in front her colleagues so it was a win win situation for both of us.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
Sam is an old timer who has been hanging around Diamond Cab Company for ages hustling cab drivers offering his clean up services. You throw Sammy a twenty dollar bill he will clean up a nuclear waste out of your car in minutes and runs to the liquor store and come back happy. I told hustleman Charles to stop crying on my ass and see Sam in the morning and take his losses since he was stupid enough to let the puking chick go home free without taking any financial responsibility. That can not happen in Mr. Mad Cabbie's cab!
The last vomiting passenger experience I had was about five years ago when I picked up this chick in front of the Third Edition in Georgetown. Her friends threw her in my cab and asked me to take her to one of the apartments around the National Zoo and paid for the ride in advance. She was fucken wasted and her breath smelled like shit, I could tell that she had been puking so I thought she was done and settled but still let her knew that if she got sick again and mess up my cab it could cost her $300 (There is a sign posted in my cab) and of course like any drunk ass person would respond she said, "No problem! No problem! I am ok! Just take me home!". Not even a minute after she gave me her words of confidence she sprayed her stink all over the back seat and I was on fucken fire!
When I demanded she owed $300 or face the cops (of course the cops can't do shit beside writing a report) she was scared and sorry and promised to pay me the next day. I took every information from her drivers license, got her phone number and her business card and left her ass in front of her building and I cut short my shift and went to my girlfriend's apartment for the night.
The next day was a Sunday and she wasn't responding to the few messages I left both on her home and cell phones and I was getting irritated, and at this point it's not even about the money anymore but she FUCKED with the wrong cab driver. I called her few more times while Sam was cleaning up her stink but never heard from her. Sam did an excellent work so I threw him a fifty and I got back to work Sunday night and a few minutes in to my shift her boyfriend called me to tell me not to harass her anymore and he offered me $20 for the clean up cost and I told him to go fuck himself and hanged up the phone.
The next morning I called her at her office and she picked up and warned me not to call her anymore or she will contact the police and file a complaint that I was trying to rip her off and that's when I drove straight to her office building at 2400 M street NW with a mission. She worked for a major financial institution as a financial adviser and when she saw me in front of her small office her jaw dropped to the floor, she was nervous and I was calm and I said, "I am ready to call the cops for you now and is this how you want to handle this?"
To make this already long ass story short we went down to the lobby together and she withdrew $300 from an ATM machine and handed me the cash and told me what a big ass-hole I was and everything else. I didn't give a shit, I took the cash with a big smile on my face and she saved herself from a huge embarrassment in front her colleagues so it was a win win situation for both of us.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
Monday, January 28, 2008
IS JP'S GONE?
JP’s was one of the few stripper night clubs left in DC, and the joint burned down last week leaving “Good Guys” which is located across the street on Wisconsin avenue a nude bar with no competition in Georgetown. I had quite a few stripper friends at JP’s and of course I go there because I enjoy the great gourmet food they serve, I don‘t pay attention to the girls with hot nude bodies with their boobies hanging out .
JP’s reminds me of a regular customer I used to have in Cleveland Park. A bolding short stocky built white man in his early fifties wearing heavy duty ugly glasses. He has been divorced for the last twenty years and never remarried. He is an accountant type but never talked about his job and all I knew was he worked for the federal government. He inherited this big ass house from his parents on Macomb street and lived alone and I remember one time he was so drunk I had to drag him in to his house and it was barley furnished or cleaned, I think I saw a copy of the Washington Post from 1979 laying on the floor.
What really disturbing was after I drop him at the JP’s, sometimes he used to have me wait as few as five minutes and have me take him right back to his house which was five minutes away and he kept moaning in the back seat of my cab while rubbing his crotch until we got to his crib. I remember him telling me that the only way he gets aroused was by watching a live naked body, and I guess that maybe the reason why he rushed home so that he finishes his business before he loses the erection of his pipe.
I hate to see JP’s go and I hope they will rebuild and come back for more booby shows because they a part of our night cab business while they keep you horny guys out there entertained at night until you moan your ass home.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
JP’s reminds me of a regular customer I used to have in Cleveland Park. A bolding short stocky built white man in his early fifties wearing heavy duty ugly glasses. He has been divorced for the last twenty years and never remarried. He is an accountant type but never talked about his job and all I knew was he worked for the federal government. He inherited this big ass house from his parents on Macomb street and lived alone and I remember one time he was so drunk I had to drag him in to his house and it was barley furnished or cleaned, I think I saw a copy of the Washington Post from 1979 laying on the floor.
What really disturbing was after I drop him at the JP’s, sometimes he used to have me wait as few as five minutes and have me take him right back to his house which was five minutes away and he kept moaning in the back seat of my cab while rubbing his crotch until we got to his crib. I remember him telling me that the only way he gets aroused was by watching a live naked body, and I guess that maybe the reason why he rushed home so that he finishes his business before he loses the erection of his pipe.
I hate to see JP’s go and I hope they will rebuild and come back for more booby shows because they a part of our night cab business while they keep you horny guys out there entertained at night until you moan your ass home.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, January 25, 2008
SISTER BLOG LAUNCHED.
To anyone who is interested to follow Tewdros's journey to fitness I have launched a sister blog called "SIX-PACK ABS IN PROGRESS"
Go check it out from time to time, you might learn a thing or two.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Go check it out from time to time, you might learn a thing or two.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
RESUME IN PROGRESS
After reading my post titled "Don't March Out" an old Ethiopian friend of mine contacted me to help him out to get in shape. I haven't seen Tewdros in five years even though we live close to each other here in Columbia, Maryland.
Tewdros (Ethiopian version of Theodore) was an ex DC cabbie who got out of the business after he earned his electrical engineerings degree. Now he has been working for one of the major defense contractors for the last ten years and doing very well financially. So we hooked up over the weekend for drinks and caught up on what's going on in our lives. Everything is going well in his life with the exception of his physical appearance which makes hooking up with quality chicks very difficult. He is the nicest guy you can ever meet but the kind of ladies he is interested in wouldn't even look at him.
So we made a deal that I will be his personal trainer for the next year with the exchange that he will let me post the pictures of his progress every week without showing his face and the next day he joined my gym. So here is my friend Tewdros now:
This cat is going to be my bitch for the next year, I don't have any control on what he does outside the gym but he promised he will change his eating habits. We are going to start off very easy for the next few months and I will tell what we have done each week. His excuse for being out of shape is the same lame old story of the rest of you lazy ass fat motherfuckers come up with... "I don't have the time...My kids...My job...My DNA...My bla,bla,bla!" Listen, I hate sounding like a dick but there are 168 hours in a week and if you can't dedicate about 6 hours a week to live a healthy life style, then you deserve all the heart-attacks in the world. I know a girl in my gym who is a single mother of two and she is making all the sacrifices to show up three times a week. So I didn't buy any of Tewdros's excuses and I don't want to hear about it anymore.
Follow the pictures in this little project of mine on how I can help transform this ugly ass gut into a hard rock six pack ab by chopping off about 10 inches off his waist from 42" to 32" and drop his weight from 212 pounds to around 160 pounds by next year. Since I can't make a decent living anymore driving a cab in DC thanks to mayor Fenty, maybe this will be my resume in progress so you guys can hire me next year as your personal trainer so I can turn you in to a hot sexy chick or a fine strong hunk.
Tewdros I am looking forward to see you this Friday and get ready to cry like a bitch my brother.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Tewdros (Ethiopian version of Theodore) was an ex DC cabbie who got out of the business after he earned his electrical engineerings degree. Now he has been working for one of the major defense contractors for the last ten years and doing very well financially. So we hooked up over the weekend for drinks and caught up on what's going on in our lives. Everything is going well in his life with the exception of his physical appearance which makes hooking up with quality chicks very difficult. He is the nicest guy you can ever meet but the kind of ladies he is interested in wouldn't even look at him.
So we made a deal that I will be his personal trainer for the next year with the exchange that he will let me post the pictures of his progress every week without showing his face and the next day he joined my gym. So here is my friend Tewdros now:
This cat is going to be my bitch for the next year, I don't have any control on what he does outside the gym but he promised he will change his eating habits. We are going to start off very easy for the next few months and I will tell what we have done each week. His excuse for being out of shape is the same lame old story of the rest of you lazy ass fat motherfuckers come up with... "I don't have the time...My kids...My job...My DNA...My bla,bla,bla!" Listen, I hate sounding like a dick but there are 168 hours in a week and if you can't dedicate about 6 hours a week to live a healthy life style, then you deserve all the heart-attacks in the world. I know a girl in my gym who is a single mother of two and she is making all the sacrifices to show up three times a week. So I didn't buy any of Tewdros's excuses and I don't want to hear about it anymore.
Follow the pictures in this little project of mine on how I can help transform this ugly ass gut into a hard rock six pack ab by chopping off about 10 inches off his waist from 42" to 32" and drop his weight from 212 pounds to around 160 pounds by next year. Since I can't make a decent living anymore driving a cab in DC thanks to mayor Fenty, maybe this will be my resume in progress so you guys can hire me next year as your personal trainer so I can turn you in to a hot sexy chick or a fine strong hunk.
Tewdros I am looking forward to see you this Friday and get ready to cry like a bitch my brother.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, January 18, 2008
TAKE A PAY CUT AS WELL MR. MAYOR
First of all let me be clear that I was one of the troopers responsible for getting Mayor Fenty elected by going door to door in ward 7 and ward 8, since most of his supporters (in some cases even himself) were pussies to walk around those neighborhoods. And you all know that if you don't carry those wards you can't be a mayor in DC. I supported him because I have seen him speak about the homeless crisis in the city and I liked what he had to say and so far it's lip service but I will give him a chance.
The mayor reveled the new fare structure for taxicabs in DC yesterday and I have a problem with it. If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that I am a reasonable guy who always supported the meter system. During the 60-day request for comment period the city received about 2,100 comments and majority of those are dissatisfied of the proposed $4.00 base rate few months ago. I completely agree that the $4.00 base rate was too high even though Montgomery county cabs charge that much. So they reduced it by a $1.00 to $3.00 base rate, the problem is they didn't stop there, so they also eliminated the extra passenger surcharge. Now DC cabs are the only ones that don't have the surcharge for extra passengers in the metropolitan DC area and not with in area industry standard. More passengers means more consumption of gas, more tear and wear on the vehicle and more boring and painful conversations that passengers carry on amongst each other that the driver has to listen to. Let me give you a few examples how DC cabs got the short end of the stick comparing to area surrounding counties:
BASE FARE- Arlington Co.-$2.75 Fairfax Co.-$2.75 Montgomery Co.-$4.00 DC CABS-$3.00
PER-MILE- Arlington Co.-$1.80 Fairfax Co.-$1.80 Montgomery Co.-$1.60 DC CABS-$1.50
EXTRA PASSR-Arlington Co.-$1.00 Fairfax Co.-$1.00 Montgomery Co.-$1.00 DC CABS-None
TRAFFIC TIME Arlington Co.-$22.50/hr Fairfax Co.-$22.50/hr Montgomery Co.-$24.00/hr DC CABS-$15.00/hr
...and on top of that, please don't laugh, you can hire Mad cabbie and drag him all over DC and lets say from Chevey Chase during morning rush hour all the way to Bowling Air force Base which is about a 13 mile trip, according to the new fare structure I can not charge you over $18.90 no matter how long the trip takes and in this scenario it may take an hour or so. What is this? the old Soviet Union or a modern day slavery? Oh! I forgot, we are mostly foreigners and niggers driving cabs so it's okay! right Mr Mayor?
"I think this will meet the needs of the drivers and also the riding public," Fenty said after the announcement. MEET THE NEEDS OF THE DRIVERS???? are you out of your freaken mind Mr. Mayor? What planet are you living in? How could you say that after you slashed about 20% of a poor cab driver's income to satisfy the lobbyists on K street and the lawyers on Pennsylvania Avenue. You gave yourself and your peeps a pay raise (which you rejected when you were a councilman by the way and that's another story) and if I am not wrong you make about $200,000 so how about taking a $40,000 pay cut? that's exactly what you did for a group who supported you in the most part.
The out come of this would be long working hours for drivers and less maintained cabs that could put passenger safety at risk. I don't want to hear about more driver's strike, it doesn't work besides pissing off the riding public and the riding public is our friend not the enemy, and the mayor can make a single phone call to Bangladesh and import 6000 drivers while we are striking. The best way to approach this to have our own email campaign and find a way to communicate with the city to at least to bring back the extra passenger surcharge in to place.
Please don't forget the homeless and the way I see things there is going to be more homeless cab drivers.
Mad Cabbie.
P.S This post will be emailed to the mayor's office.
The mayor reveled the new fare structure for taxicabs in DC yesterday and I have a problem with it. If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that I am a reasonable guy who always supported the meter system. During the 60-day request for comment period the city received about 2,100 comments and majority of those are dissatisfied of the proposed $4.00 base rate few months ago. I completely agree that the $4.00 base rate was too high even though Montgomery county cabs charge that much. So they reduced it by a $1.00 to $3.00 base rate, the problem is they didn't stop there, so they also eliminated the extra passenger surcharge. Now DC cabs are the only ones that don't have the surcharge for extra passengers in the metropolitan DC area and not with in area industry standard. More passengers means more consumption of gas, more tear and wear on the vehicle and more boring and painful conversations that passengers carry on amongst each other that the driver has to listen to. Let me give you a few examples how DC cabs got the short end of the stick comparing to area surrounding counties:
BASE FARE- Arlington Co.-$2.75 Fairfax Co.-$2.75 Montgomery Co.-$4.00 DC CABS-$3.00
PER-MILE- Arlington Co.-$1.80 Fairfax Co.-$1.80 Montgomery Co.-$1.60 DC CABS-$1.50
EXTRA PASSR-Arlington Co.-$1.00 Fairfax Co.-$1.00 Montgomery Co.-$1.00 DC CABS-None
TRAFFIC TIME Arlington Co.-$22.50/hr Fairfax Co.-$22.50/hr Montgomery Co.-$24.00/hr DC CABS-$15.00/hr
...and on top of that, please don't laugh, you can hire Mad cabbie and drag him all over DC and lets say from Chevey Chase during morning rush hour all the way to Bowling Air force Base which is about a 13 mile trip, according to the new fare structure I can not charge you over $18.90 no matter how long the trip takes and in this scenario it may take an hour or so. What is this? the old Soviet Union or a modern day slavery? Oh! I forgot, we are mostly foreigners and niggers driving cabs so it's okay! right Mr Mayor?
"I think this will meet the needs of the drivers and also the riding public," Fenty said after the announcement. MEET THE NEEDS OF THE DRIVERS???? are you out of your freaken mind Mr. Mayor? What planet are you living in? How could you say that after you slashed about 20% of a poor cab driver's income to satisfy the lobbyists on K street and the lawyers on Pennsylvania Avenue. You gave yourself and your peeps a pay raise (which you rejected when you were a councilman by the way and that's another story) and if I am not wrong you make about $200,000 so how about taking a $40,000 pay cut? that's exactly what you did for a group who supported you in the most part.
The out come of this would be long working hours for drivers and less maintained cabs that could put passenger safety at risk. I don't want to hear about more driver's strike, it doesn't work besides pissing off the riding public and the riding public is our friend not the enemy, and the mayor can make a single phone call to Bangladesh and import 6000 drivers while we are striking. The best way to approach this to have our own email campaign and find a way to communicate with the city to at least to bring back the extra passenger surcharge in to place.
Please don't forget the homeless and the way I see things there is going to be more homeless cab drivers.
Mad Cabbie.
P.S This post will be emailed to the mayor's office.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
MAD'S HOOKER INDEX
I was reading the editorial page of the Washington Post yesterday and the one titled “To Blunt a Recession” got my attention. They have been talking about recession creeping up ever since Bill Clinton left office. Some of the warnings were politically motivated and some are just miscalculation and others were planted by wall street to stimulate trading volumes and suckers like me and you buy in to these phony artificially inflated or deflated numbers game. Unemployment, consumer confidence, trade deficit, inflation, the decline of the US dollar and bla bla bla…..
But this time it’s for real kids, because my own MHI gauge tells me the fundamentals of the US economy is so shaky it’s not even funny, I even heard of some lawyers doing part time gigs delivering pizza at night. You may ask what the fuck is the MHI gauge? You probably went to Wharton School of business and never heard of it! No sir, this sophisticated economic indicator they don’t teach you in school.
MHI stands for Mad’s Hooker Index: As a professional DC cab driver and an ex-mathematician I have created my own way of weighing in the country’s state of the economy by the frequency of rides I offer to my hooker clients and their customers. Things are so bad out there even the highly in demand lovely friend of mine the one legged hooker is not keeping me busy lately and on the other side of the coin, armed robberies are way up, you just don’t read about them unless somebody gets hurt. I am talking about robberies all over the city including Georgetown, Adams Morgan, Chevy Chase and Tenelytown.
They say sex always sells but there comes a point that some fine gentlemen stash away that extra hooker appointed cash for the coming rainy days and instead they are forced to downgrade their hooker level to $50 blow-jobs on L street or forced to make love to their wives or they go down the basement and jerk-off watching Angelica Houston movies.
Mad! What’s up with you and your fixation with Angelica Houston? Isn’t she like a hundred years old? You are fucken sick Mad!
Leave me alone dude! I am trying to talk about the economy stupid! and I also think Angelica Houston is smoking hot. I am in to old chicks now, You have a problem with that jackass?
The Editorial ends the article by stating that the Bush administration might find an excuse for another tax rebate and more tax cuts and the sad thing is economist like Martin Feldstein who I admire is suggesting the cuts as well if unemployment continues to rise for the next three months. Isn’t that like borrowing from Jack to pay Joe? In my world Jack will stab your ass if he doesn’t get paid back his money quick but in the fairy world of Washington future generations of tax payers are stuck with the bill even though the wealthy few benefit from it now.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
But this time it’s for real kids, because my own MHI gauge tells me the fundamentals of the US economy is so shaky it’s not even funny, I even heard of some lawyers doing part time gigs delivering pizza at night. You may ask what the fuck is the MHI gauge? You probably went to Wharton School of business and never heard of it! No sir, this sophisticated economic indicator they don’t teach you in school.
MHI stands for Mad’s Hooker Index: As a professional DC cab driver and an ex-mathematician I have created my own way of weighing in the country’s state of the economy by the frequency of rides I offer to my hooker clients and their customers. Things are so bad out there even the highly in demand lovely friend of mine the one legged hooker is not keeping me busy lately and on the other side of the coin, armed robberies are way up, you just don’t read about them unless somebody gets hurt. I am talking about robberies all over the city including Georgetown, Adams Morgan, Chevy Chase and Tenelytown.
They say sex always sells but there comes a point that some fine gentlemen stash away that extra hooker appointed cash for the coming rainy days and instead they are forced to downgrade their hooker level to $50 blow-jobs on L street or forced to make love to their wives or they go down the basement and jerk-off watching Angelica Houston movies.
Mad! What’s up with you and your fixation with Angelica Houston? Isn’t she like a hundred years old? You are fucken sick Mad!
Leave me alone dude! I am trying to talk about the economy stupid! and I also think Angelica Houston is smoking hot. I am in to old chicks now, You have a problem with that jackass?
The Editorial ends the article by stating that the Bush administration might find an excuse for another tax rebate and more tax cuts and the sad thing is economist like Martin Feldstein who I admire is suggesting the cuts as well if unemployment continues to rise for the next three months. Isn’t that like borrowing from Jack to pay Joe? In my world Jack will stab your ass if he doesn’t get paid back his money quick but in the fairy world of Washington future generations of tax payers are stuck with the bill even though the wealthy few benefit from it now.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, January 05, 2008
OBAMA AND THE BLACK VOTE
I was surprised how well Senator Obama performed in Iowa and the overwhelming support that he is enjoying in New Hampshire. For some reason until the last minute I thought Hillary Clinton would win by good margin but the white folks in Iowa said give us Obama or else. There is something I noticed during interaction with my African American passengers, before he won Iowa most of the comment I heard was "America is not ready for a black president!" or "I am not going to waste my vote on Obama because he can't possibly win the general election!" but the last couple of nights brothers are fired up and motivated to throw their support to senator Obama. If that's the case around all of America, the huge black support base that Bill Clinton built up in the 90's can disappear real quick for Hillary Clinton and without a chunk of the black vote it could be very difficult to win the Democrat party nomination.
If Obama wins New Hampshire this coming Tuesday the shit is going to hit the fan for Hillary and Company because some states are not going to get any easier. She may need to change her strategy big time, the "I am more experienced" chant is not working at all in fact it may have turned off some potential Hillary votes.
I leave you with something interesting that a twenty something black bouncer I had in my cab last night said when I asked him who he would vote for between Obama and Hillary:
"...I am tired of those niggers man! (referring to Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton) I am tired of hearing about that we are victims man...Didn't Bill Clinton looked the other way when 500,000 niggers got smoked in Rwanda while he was getting his dick sucked in the White House by what's her name? Fuck Bill Clinton and his wife man! I am voting for this nigger quick and I hope he wins!... and how much is my fare motherfucker?"
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, January 03, 2008
PLEASE DON'T MARCH OUT
That time of the year again at every gym in America, gyms full of new members and their new year's resolution to loose weight. Here at my gym we call them the "March Outs", they march in January and out in March and never to show up again making the gym operators rich by signing long time contracts. Even Hustle Man Charles signed his fat ass to a gym yesterday!
If I stop driving a cab today, I think I am capable of being a knowledgeable personal trainer tomorrow. I have been working out consistently for over twenty years and I thank my dad Mr Army-Man for guiding me on how to develop a work out routine and strong discipline. Over the years I experimented with all kind of workout tricks and techniques for maximum result without getting injured and helped a lot of people along the way. After my sister had her baby it took me less than a year to get her back in to her pre-pregnancy shape even though I made her cry like a baby doing so.
Listen, If you have to wait until new year to start getting your lazy ass in shape, you are doomed to fail. It's like making an appointment to learn how to breath the freaken free air for God's sakes! and please don't go out and run and sign up gym membership cause being in a gym doesn't mean jack unless you have the mind set and the strong will to dedicate lots of time around the gym equipments. To be honest with you, you really don't need a gym membership at first, what you need is to train yourself to adapt to a simple work out plan and a day by day eating habit.
Try the following first and you will be amazed by the results:
1-Throw your TV in the garbage
2-Don't buy in to the diet bullshit, just slowly reduce your portion to the smallest possible but never starve yourself and keep fried food and your sugar intake to a minimum. NEVER DEPRIVE YOURSELF OF SOMETHING YOU LIKE TO EAT! but don't go crazy and make it a habit.
3-Start with a 15 minutes of walk three to four times a week and try to raise it to 60 minutes with in the next six months to five to six times a week.
4-Stairs are your best friends, use them when ever you can.
5-Since your TV is in the garbage, get in to some activity that can help you burn some calories at the same time, like helping out at a homeless kitchen, volunteer at a hospital or old age home or walk around L street at night picking up some hookers, anything that make you work.
6-Don't waste your money on beverages just buy a filter for your tap water and enjoy. Bottled waters are for suckers.
7-Loose all of your lazy friends and associate yourself with people who want to change for the better like yourself.
8-After six month try to read up on some stretching techniques and start stretching without injuring your fat ass.
9-The last six month of the year go online and learn on how to do light exercises that you can do around the house with out using any equipment three times a week for thirty minutes on top of your waking routine.
10-Don't be a dumb-ass and set unreachable and discouraging goals like "I will drop 400 lbs by the end of the year!". Remember, if you are a person who never worked out before, the first year should be always about tricking your brain to adapt, I don't care what every personal trainer try to bullshit you or the so called experts try tell you while pushing their products that never work at the same time.
If you are a 200lb woman who managed to execute the above and dropped 12 pounds by the end of the year, that would be a great success. It means that you taught yourself sticking to a plan without spending a dime and lost about a pound a month on the way. That also means you will be ready to join a gym next year and start doing the hard stuff and I guarantee you will have a 99% chance that you will reach your goal without giving up because you already trained yourself not to fail.
Did I say Happy New Year?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, December 27, 2007
BRAVE WOMAN GONE
My friend Ali Two Fingers who is from Pakistan called me early this morning crying like a baby after learning that Pakistani opposition leader and former premier Benazir Bhutto was assassinated by some radical motherfuckers who want to rewind the earth's clock by 1000 years.
Sometimes I really hope for a huge ass asteroid to collide with this shit-hole planet of ours and wipe out man kind instantly, as temporary tenants we don't deserve to occupy this Earth because we are SELFISH.
That would be my wish for 2008 but in the mean time please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, December 22, 2007
HELP US OUT SANTA
For the die hard Washington Redskins fan like myself, even though the law of mathematics say something else we would like to believe that our beloved football team will make a run for the #6 spot as a wild card in the National Football Conference. Here is what needs to happen besides the planet Earth, Mars, Saturn and Jupiter perfectly aligned in parallel orbiting the sun.
Case 1
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Redskins beat the Cowboys, and
Eagles beat the Saints
Case 2
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Redskins beat the Cowboys, and
Bears beat the Saints
Case 3
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Redskins beat the Cowboys, and
Bills beat the Giants, and
Patriots beat the Giants
Case 4
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Cowboys beat the Panthers, and
Eagles beat the Saints, and
Bears beat the Saints, and
Broncos beat the Vikings
Is it possible? Of course it is possible! There is a possibility that I may win the Mega Million Lottery as well and according to my calculations there is an 8.813% that the Redskins might advance in to the post season. I think my friend Lugosi has a better chance pulling a threesome with two hot chicks in his taxicab tonight. But I have been a Redskins fan ever since I was 5 years old and when you're a die hard fan the realist in you disappears and you keep believing.
GO SKINS!!!
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad "the dreamer" Cabbie.
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
HUGH MASEKELA
I know some of you out there listen to music of accomplished legendary artist like Britteny Spears but when you get a chance please check out my man Hugh Masekela from South Africa. I was lucky enough to be at his concert in London years ago and it was out of this world.
His CD can be a great gift to someone who digs real Jazz/African-tunes/World music. Every time I play his album in my cab people want to know who he is and tips fly my way. I think I am going to post and talk about some of the music I like from time to time and next time I will have some Norwegian folk songs for you.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Monday, December 17, 2007
GREEN CARD IN THREE HOURS
Few years ago, few minutes after midnight I picked up this Latino dude from the Greyhound bus station in North East. With a broken heavy accent English he asked if I know where some Spanish dudes who sold fake green cards (a permanent resident ID card) People ask me for all kind shit but a fake green card was the first and I didn't know what to tell him. I really didn't want to get involved because I am scared to go to prison, but at the same time me being the predator of the streets I want to make some cash as well. So I called Pastor Joe:
MC: Hello Pastor, what's up?
PJ: What the fuck you want Zebra? I am trying to get laid!
MC: I thought you're out hustling Pastor?
PJ: Make it quick motherfucker, what is it?
MC: You know where I can get a Green Card?
PJ: I thought you're an American citizen?
MC: Not for me asshole, I have some dude in the back seat.
PJ: You call yourself a cabbie and don't know where to get a fucken green card?
MC: Stop bitching bitch and tell me were to go!
PJ: Drive him to Ontario and Columbia and when you get to...
I took my new Latino friend to Adams Morgan around Ontario and Columbia frequented by some young Colombian dudes roaming the streets all night long. I gave him my number so he can call me as soon as his green card gets approved and issued by the street thugs and I could give him a ride back to the bus station. My determined passenger had no fear at all, after I dropped him off he quickly disappeared in to the dark ally.
Over an hour passed and I didn't hear from him, I thought he was dead or something so I moved on and stopped by some joint to get an ice cream. Almost three hours later my phone rang and sure enough it was my man with a happy tone in his voice asking me if I can pick him up and drive him back to the station.
He showed me his new green card on our way to the Greyhound. I don't know man, it looked real and perfect to me, with his picture and everything. Next time I see my blogger friend Lizzie I will ask her to show me hers to see how a real green card looks like and compare!
Excuse me Mad! you fucken idiot, Lizzie is an American who was born and raised in Orange county, California! You are a typical ignorant jackass who thinks every Latin person in America is an immigrant.
Alright! alright! everyone calm down please, I didn't know that! To be honest with you Lizzie is whiter than the queen of England, I need to look in to her claim of being a Latina.
Finally I dropped my Norfolk bound happy Latino friend at the station and we said our good byes. I hope he is doing well now and got his shit straight. But later on I hear that hot spot in Adams Morgan used to be a well known shady corner visited by undocumented Latinos, Indians and Pastor's Russian girlfriends until the operation was busted by INS few years back.
Please no emails about how to get phony green cards, I don't want the SWAT team from ICE all over me and water-board my sorry ass in Guantanamo Bay.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
MC: Hello Pastor, what's up?
PJ: What the fuck you want Zebra? I am trying to get laid!
MC: I thought you're out hustling Pastor?
PJ: Make it quick motherfucker, what is it?
MC: You know where I can get a Green Card?
PJ: I thought you're an American citizen?
MC: Not for me asshole, I have some dude in the back seat.
PJ: You call yourself a cabbie and don't know where to get a fucken green card?
MC: Stop bitching bitch and tell me were to go!
PJ: Drive him to Ontario and Columbia and when you get to...
I took my new Latino friend to Adams Morgan around Ontario and Columbia frequented by some young Colombian dudes roaming the streets all night long. I gave him my number so he can call me as soon as his green card gets approved and issued by the street thugs and I could give him a ride back to the bus station. My determined passenger had no fear at all, after I dropped him off he quickly disappeared in to the dark ally.
Over an hour passed and I didn't hear from him, I thought he was dead or something so I moved on and stopped by some joint to get an ice cream. Almost three hours later my phone rang and sure enough it was my man with a happy tone in his voice asking me if I can pick him up and drive him back to the station.
He showed me his new green card on our way to the Greyhound. I don't know man, it looked real and perfect to me, with his picture and everything. Next time I see my blogger friend Lizzie I will ask her to show me hers to see how a real green card looks like and compare!
Excuse me Mad! you fucken idiot, Lizzie is an American who was born and raised in Orange county, California! You are a typical ignorant jackass who thinks every Latin person in America is an immigrant.
Alright! alright! everyone calm down please, I didn't know that! To be honest with you Lizzie is whiter than the queen of England, I need to look in to her claim of being a Latina.
Finally I dropped my Norfolk bound happy Latino friend at the station and we said our good byes. I hope he is doing well now and got his shit straight. But later on I hear that hot spot in Adams Morgan used to be a well known shady corner visited by undocumented Latinos, Indians and Pastor's Russian girlfriends until the operation was busted by INS few years back.
Please no emails about how to get phony green cards, I don't want the SWAT team from ICE all over me and water-board my sorry ass in Guantanamo Bay.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, December 14, 2007
TAXI UNIVERSITY
If I didn't run in to Pastor Joe six months in to my cab driving experience 16 years ago I would have quit the cab business for good and who knows what else could I have done in life. I always say that cab driving is not a rocket science by all means but to make a decent living as a cab driver requires skills and it could take up to five years of fucking up to achieve that craft.
The first six month was frustrating for me, when you attend the taxi school they don't teach you the business side of the coin. Here in DC they teach you the fucken zones and how to give the correct change back to the passenger and you graduate with flying colors and you don't even have to speak the English language either, I am not kidding. I used to do 12 hours of hard driving and take home pathetic $100 after expenses. When I met and told Pastor Joe that I was averaging that kind of bread, I think he threw up with disgust, and that's when he took me under his wings and got me enrolled in the "Pastor Joe's Advanced Studies for Urban Shady Hacking Techniques" Program.
When you're a cabbie at night you have to be very resourceful to your passengers with out crossing the thin lining of breaking any law, and that's where the art of hacking, my education under the master guru Pastor Joe and my experience comes in handy. A good cabbie can help you find any shit you couldn't locate on Google. I remember couple years ago some dude got in to may cab and asked me where he can find a very strong hashish called "The Flying Dutchman" and to make the long story short the last I heard that motherfucker is still stoned in his basement. You see requests like these could cost a hefty finder's fee, that mickey mouse DC zone fare shit is not going to cut it.
My dear readers by all means if you need anything at all, I mean ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to call uncle Mad. Did you find that trophy young chic and that old wife of yours is in the way? You want the old bag to disappear? I hear of some Latvian brothers do some great CSI proof work. Just let me know if you want it slow and painful or quick and painless.
The only thing I couldn't solve is the homeless crises in our city and it's getting cold out there people, so get involved and always please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie
The first six month was frustrating for me, when you attend the taxi school they don't teach you the business side of the coin. Here in DC they teach you the fucken zones and how to give the correct change back to the passenger and you graduate with flying colors and you don't even have to speak the English language either, I am not kidding. I used to do 12 hours of hard driving and take home pathetic $100 after expenses. When I met and told Pastor Joe that I was averaging that kind of bread, I think he threw up with disgust, and that's when he took me under his wings and got me enrolled in the "Pastor Joe's Advanced Studies for Urban Shady Hacking Techniques" Program.
When you're a cabbie at night you have to be very resourceful to your passengers with out crossing the thin lining of breaking any law, and that's where the art of hacking, my education under the master guru Pastor Joe and my experience comes in handy. A good cabbie can help you find any shit you couldn't locate on Google. I remember couple years ago some dude got in to may cab and asked me where he can find a very strong hashish called "The Flying Dutchman" and to make the long story short the last I heard that motherfucker is still stoned in his basement. You see requests like these could cost a hefty finder's fee, that mickey mouse DC zone fare shit is not going to cut it.
My dear readers by all means if you need anything at all, I mean ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to call uncle Mad. Did you find that trophy young chic and that old wife of yours is in the way? You want the old bag to disappear? I hear of some Latvian brothers do some great CSI proof work. Just let me know if you want it slow and painful or quick and painless.
The only thing I couldn't solve is the homeless crises in our city and it's getting cold out there people, so get involved and always please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie
Sunday, December 09, 2007
GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS
The good news is I had a $500 night last night. All kind of Christmas parties and people were moving around and getting shit faced in front of their bosses so it was a non stop cash printing session for cabbies.
The bad news is I opened up some financial news paper this morning and learned that the US dollar is still going down the toilet at a light speed, so that cash I made last night was worth like 10 Euros or some shit like that. I think I am going have to demand my passengers to pay me in Indian Rupees tonight!
I am heading to work now boys and girls and please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie.
The bad news is I opened up some financial news paper this morning and learned that the US dollar is still going down the toilet at a light speed, so that cash I made last night was worth like 10 Euros or some shit like that. I think I am going have to demand my passengers to pay me in Indian Rupees tonight!
I am heading to work now boys and girls and please don't forget the homeless.
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, December 08, 2007
MEET MY NEW FRIEND
"...Feel free to tell your buddies about JP, especially if they are of the female persuasion. Johnny spent a lot of time staring at pastel covered cinder-blocks and could use a little girlie interaction. 99% of the broads I hit up on Craiglist’s personal ads end up being twill-chompers aiming to impale my brown-eye. Nothing against the fruits, I just ain’t looking to relive the glory nights of non-consensual institutional coupling with 315 lb. sweaty broke-back uncut bears. Besides, I am still going through a new set of undies every week due to my inconvenient crimson drawer blotting. Enough of that shit - I know I ain’t gonna land no honeys galavanting down that memory lane."
That was an entry from one of the posts by my new fan Johnny Peepers who linked up this blog to his new master piece. Mad Cabbie attracts people from all walks of life and I also became an instant fan of yours Johnny! I think he has lots of shit to say and I have linked up his blog as well.
Any single chicks out there? Uncle Mad will hook you up!
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
SENATOR RICHARD SHELBY
Lot of people ask me if I had someone famous in my cab but DC is not Los angles or New York where people's favorite celebrities roam around the streets. Washington is a political town so our celebrities are usually congressmen, media guys and high profile lawyers you know shit like that. When I used to work late, late meaning until 9am I used to pick up senators and and representatives and most of them nobody even know if they walk down the street. Unless a senator is on the media spotlight caught in a men's bathroom trying to do the nasty you wouldn't differentiate between a senator from Idaho and a used car salesman. But I can tell you who the most polite law maker I had in my cab, drum roll please: That would be the gentleman from the great state of Alabama Richard Shelby! Yes this dude was always nice to me and next time he's up for re-election I think I am moving to Alabama just to vote for him. I used to pick him up in Georgetown and drive him to the Russell Senate Building and we carried on with great political conversation, even though I don't like his republican party I still enjoyed the 15 minutes ride and on top of that he over tipped the shit out of me.
Washington is a city of full of shit where everyone thinks that he or she is more important than God, even the young interns who work for free in Capitol Hill think that they are power brokers and try to flex their muscles when they run in to a cabbie like myself but they don't impress me so I normally ignore them and play the Best of Abdul from my usual Pakistani latest hits. The senator really didn't have to give me attention at all but he always did and I don't think the man is full of it like most others, at least that's what I think of him and for a guy in his seventies he is in an excellent shape.
But I am impressed by young Americans like this chick aka Petunia in Paradise who is in Southern Sudan doing some meaningful shit and people like her gets my attention and I won't torture them by playing one of my collections of Pakistani hits when they get into my cab.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie
Sunday, December 02, 2007
CHEVY CHASE POLICE
I think the most useless and good money wasted for institution on this planet has to be the Chevy Chase Police Department in Montgomery county Maryland. The police department covers about a whopping two square mile of real estate which half of it is the Chevy Chase country Club. I understand that the average cost of a house is well over a million dollars mostly occupied by middle aged rich farts. Trust me there is no drive by shootings in this neighborhood, the cops spend most of their time staring at their radar guns and scratching their fat asses on Connecticut Avenue between East-West Highway and the Chevy Chase Circle by the DC line and harass daily commuters especially DC cabs.
You see, DC cabs are easy targets for cops these days especially after 9-11, because of the intense background check and shit we go through they know that we are not a danger to their safety when they pull us over. Back in the days cabbies used to have an impressive criminal resume, I could bitch slap my passenger in the morning and go to the DC Taxicab Commission the same afternoon and get my taxi license renewed and get a free lolly-pop on my way out with no problem, and that was the good old days. These days they even count the skid marks in my pants before they give me my Taxi-ID! So cabbies are no threat to cops and everyone knows it except this Chevy Chase cop who needed to have two more cruisers to attend my ass.
I got pulled over on Connecticut avenue near Bradley Blvd by a Chevy Chase police cruiser around five this morning while I was driving back home. It was still dark and I was tired and eager to hit the sack but luck wasn't on my side. After I handed my driver's license to a very short police officer I made a quick phone call to my friend Officer L who is a DC cop and was also on duty at the time.
MC: I got pulled over on Connecticut avenue
OL: By one of our guys?
MC: No, on the Maryland side
OL: Why would they pull you over? I know you don't speed, you drive like my grandfather! Do you have a passenger?
MC: No I don't, I was heading home.
OL: Those motherfuckers are like mall guards! so give them some respect and make them feel good, you probably have a blown headlight or something. Just chill! Call me if they lock your ass up, I have to go now!
The next thing I know there were three cruisers behind me and the midget came back to ask me if I am the owner of the cab. Even though the name on my registration and my license was a match the idiot still wanted to know if I was the owner! politely I said yes and gave him my insurance information. After a good fifteen minutes the motherfucker came back with a warning ticket for a stupid non operating rear tag lights (My tag plate has two bulbs and only one wasn't working! what a joke!) and I was on my way.
I don't understand why Montgomery County Police Department which is a fine real police department can't handle Chevy Chase instead of wasting extra money on those idiots? Can some one tell me why and how these neighborhood Rent-a-Cop operation works?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
You see, DC cabs are easy targets for cops these days especially after 9-11, because of the intense background check and shit we go through they know that we are not a danger to their safety when they pull us over. Back in the days cabbies used to have an impressive criminal resume, I could bitch slap my passenger in the morning and go to the DC Taxicab Commission the same afternoon and get my taxi license renewed and get a free lolly-pop on my way out with no problem, and that was the good old days. These days they even count the skid marks in my pants before they give me my Taxi-ID! So cabbies are no threat to cops and everyone knows it except this Chevy Chase cop who needed to have two more cruisers to attend my ass.
I got pulled over on Connecticut avenue near Bradley Blvd by a Chevy Chase police cruiser around five this morning while I was driving back home. It was still dark and I was tired and eager to hit the sack but luck wasn't on my side. After I handed my driver's license to a very short police officer I made a quick phone call to my friend Officer L who is a DC cop and was also on duty at the time.
MC: I got pulled over on Connecticut avenue
OL: By one of our guys?
MC: No, on the Maryland side
OL: Why would they pull you over? I know you don't speed, you drive like my grandfather! Do you have a passenger?
MC: No I don't, I was heading home.
OL: Those motherfuckers are like mall guards! so give them some respect and make them feel good, you probably have a blown headlight or something. Just chill! Call me if they lock your ass up, I have to go now!
The next thing I know there were three cruisers behind me and the midget came back to ask me if I am the owner of the cab. Even though the name on my registration and my license was a match the idiot still wanted to know if I was the owner! politely I said yes and gave him my insurance information. After a good fifteen minutes the motherfucker came back with a warning ticket for a stupid non operating rear tag lights (My tag plate has two bulbs and only one wasn't working! what a joke!) and I was on my way.
I don't understand why Montgomery County Police Department which is a fine real police department can't handle Chevy Chase instead of wasting extra money on those idiots? Can some one tell me why and how these neighborhood Rent-a-Cop operation works?
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thursday, November 29, 2007
DEPORTED TWICE
When I pulled over at the corner of 21st and P streets to pick up this chubby Latino dude, I started to ask myself "Where do I know him?" because his face looked very familiar. One of the skills I acquired over the years is to study a person's face with in a very short period of time and recall that moment if I ever see that person again. But I struggled with this fella, I couldn't pin point where or how we met before but as soon as he sat down and asked me "Where are you from my friend?" with a thick Hispanic accent I knew exactly who he was.
The last time I gave him a ride was six years ago but he has been in my cab quite a few times before that, every time he gets in my cab the first thing he says is "Where are you from my friend?" and then talks about his family's little farm in El Salvador, I heard the same story about ten times but I always listen to him attentively. On the way to Irving street in Columbia Heights I asked why I haven't seen him in long time and he told me that he had been deported from the U.S couple of times since then but managed to sneak back across the boarder again.
I admire people like him, even though he is breaking the law he is dedicated to work hard and better himself by risking his life crossing those boarders and more power to him until ICE gets a hold of him again. Americans just hate to admit it but this country needs people like him to keep this country going because we live in a lazy ass society where working hard is considered being ignorant lately.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
The last time I gave him a ride was six years ago but he has been in my cab quite a few times before that, every time he gets in my cab the first thing he says is "Where are you from my friend?" and then talks about his family's little farm in El Salvador, I heard the same story about ten times but I always listen to him attentively. On the way to Irving street in Columbia Heights I asked why I haven't seen him in long time and he told me that he had been deported from the U.S couple of times since then but managed to sneak back across the boarder again.
I admire people like him, even though he is breaking the law he is dedicated to work hard and better himself by risking his life crossing those boarders and more power to him until ICE gets a hold of him again. Americans just hate to admit it but this country needs people like him to keep this country going because we live in a lazy ass society where working hard is considered being ignorant lately.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
SPEACIAL THANKSGIVING
People who keep and maintain their cars with high mileages for lots of years tend to have long lasting marriages! I heard that sometime ago and it's true in my parent's case. My dad bought his Mercedes in 1990 and the car has almost 400,000 miles and he still does the 3000 mile oil changes like a clock work and the same thing with my mother even though she doesn't do a lot of driving lately.
My parents got married exactly fifty years ago and they had a great marriage and raised five kids and sent everyone of us to college.
"Hey Mad! I think your education at the University of Maryland paid off so well you belong to one of the elite group of DC cab drivers you idiot! I feel so sorry for your parents"
Fuck you! you jackass! Both of my parents are proud of me regardless, stop putting me down because I offer great transportation services to the fine hookers of the District of Columbia. I consider myself as a successful individual and don't forget I was the "DRIVER OF THE MONTH" for the month of June in 1996! How do you like me now motherfucker?
Enough about my success! It was a very special Thanksgiving and tonight we are celebrating my parents 50th weeding anniversary at a local hotel and all of my siblings and close relatives are in town for this special occasion. I am so proud of my parents for having a successful life together especially for beating the odds as an interracial couple during the 60's and 70's. Congratulations mom and dad!
I wonder if my mother is going to give my dad any action tonight after the party? Let me visualize that thought for a second...
Please don't forget the homeless while I go to the bathroom and throw up.
Mad Cabbie.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
EARLY MORNING FIGHT
I was trying to drop off two stripper roommates on Harrison street in Friendship Heights around four this morning but couple of blocks away from their house we were blocked by a couple of yellow cabs. The cab drivers were out throwing punches at each other, I think one of the dudes was bleeding but fighting fiercely. Normally I would go out there bitch slap them and break the fight but I am not strong enough yet to do that kind of shit and get my ass kicked so I let my stripper girls take a couple of digital shots of the idiots fighting and then I backed up, drove around the block and dropped them off.
That's one reason why you should not call Yellow Cab of Washington DC, unless you want some motherfuckers beating each other to death in front of your door because one of the morons was trying to steal the fare from the other jackass. Please call us here at Diamond Cab 202-387-6200! We offer comfortable rides, knowledgeable drivers of hooker hot spots, our brakes work about 68% of the time which is a DC record for cabs and for your personal entertainment, besides giving you a foot massage we play the latest Pakistani hits.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
That's one reason why you should not call Yellow Cab of Washington DC, unless you want some motherfuckers beating each other to death in front of your door because one of the morons was trying to steal the fare from the other jackass. Please call us here at Diamond Cab 202-387-6200! We offer comfortable rides, knowledgeable drivers of hooker hot spots, our brakes work about 68% of the time which is a DC record for cabs and for your personal entertainment, besides giving you a foot massage we play the latest Pakistani hits.
Please don't forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
HUSTLEMAN CHARLES
My man “Hustle Man Charles” is back again driving a cab. I was so delightful to see him last night because my night entourages are running thin since pastor Joe and Ali two fingers left the cab business and the death of Wall Street Tom.
Charles is a brother from Nigeria and every sixth month he walks away from cab driving to do something better but his ass always comes right back to the driver’s seat of a taxicab. The thing I like about Charles is, he goes out there and hustle and keep trying and he is not like most cab drivers like the rest of us who keep planning of something better and think that the cab driving gig is temporary business, and the next you know? You are celebrating your 50th year in the business and a few days later they drag your body out of the taxicab at the Union Station line after you passed away of old age. I don’t think Charles would end up like that because every chance he gets he goes out there and gives it his best shot and one of these days his master plan is going to work.
Charles is a real hustler, he can sell you a smelly old sneaker and you’ll go home happy with the garbage he just bought. He got skills but the ingredient he lacked was patience and maturity. I talked to him for a few minutes and I saw a different Charles this time who is calm and focused but still funny, I think his new IRS chick got something to do with his transformation. He talked about her a lot, he might have gotten pussy whipped or something. Hey Charles, you better pay up your taxes on time motherfucker! Those IRS agents don’t fucken play, you might end up locked in her basement doing her laundries for life.
I remember back in the days he was trying to get me to invest $5000 in some kind of shit I really didn’t understand so I ended up investing only five shares for five bucks just to get him off my back and the start up company failed and Charles was hiding from the neighborhood loan sharks, no nonsense brothers from Benning Heights who staked out his apartment every night with loaded guns. He had to come back and start driving his cab again wearing a fake mustache and a Rasta hat working twenty three hours a day sleeping at shady ass motels where they charged you by the hour and the cockroaches know you by name. Finally he paid off his debt and returned to his apartment without looking over his shoulders.
Welcome back Hustle Man but I am still waiting for my return on my $5 IPO investment you jackass, your shit better work this time otherwise I still have those trigger happy brothers from Benning Heights on my speed-dial.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Charles is a brother from Nigeria and every sixth month he walks away from cab driving to do something better but his ass always comes right back to the driver’s seat of a taxicab. The thing I like about Charles is, he goes out there and hustle and keep trying and he is not like most cab drivers like the rest of us who keep planning of something better and think that the cab driving gig is temporary business, and the next you know? You are celebrating your 50th year in the business and a few days later they drag your body out of the taxicab at the Union Station line after you passed away of old age. I don’t think Charles would end up like that because every chance he gets he goes out there and gives it his best shot and one of these days his master plan is going to work.
Charles is a real hustler, he can sell you a smelly old sneaker and you’ll go home happy with the garbage he just bought. He got skills but the ingredient he lacked was patience and maturity. I talked to him for a few minutes and I saw a different Charles this time who is calm and focused but still funny, I think his new IRS chick got something to do with his transformation. He talked about her a lot, he might have gotten pussy whipped or something. Hey Charles, you better pay up your taxes on time motherfucker! Those IRS agents don’t fucken play, you might end up locked in her basement doing her laundries for life.
I remember back in the days he was trying to get me to invest $5000 in some kind of shit I really didn’t understand so I ended up investing only five shares for five bucks just to get him off my back and the start up company failed and Charles was hiding from the neighborhood loan sharks, no nonsense brothers from Benning Heights who staked out his apartment every night with loaded guns. He had to come back and start driving his cab again wearing a fake mustache and a Rasta hat working twenty three hours a day sleeping at shady ass motels where they charged you by the hour and the cockroaches know you by name. Finally he paid off his debt and returned to his apartment without looking over his shoulders.
Welcome back Hustle Man but I am still waiting for my return on my $5 IPO investment you jackass, your shit better work this time otherwise I still have those trigger happy brothers from Benning Heights on my speed-dial.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Friday, November 09, 2007
THEORY ON BISEXUALITY
It was my first night out to work in about three months last night and it feels so good, it was not busy for me at all, I think I made like two dollars or some shit like that but just being out there in my cab driving around Washington DC was worthwhile. Besides loosing a bunch of weight I feel good and healthy again. You see, I am one of those idiots who lives in a gym and who talks about muscles to other idiots like myself in the weight room so the idea of loosing weight and muscle made me so insecure and scared I thought each person who got inside my cab last night was going to kick my sorry ass. I look like a fucken ghost to be honest with you, but give me a few months I should be back right on track and start yelling at my passengers again.
It was a non eventful night but I had one interesting hot chick I picked up in southwest by the waterfront, she had a few to drink and on our way to Adams Morgan she was lecturing me on how everyone on this planet is born bisexual but majority of us don’t admit it and in between her comments she called a couple of people and left a message to a guy first and some chick on the second call and she leaned on the back of my seat and she whispered “Who ever calls me first is going to get laid tonight!” and she started laughing. I dropped her in front of the "Angry Inch" and wished her luck.
I don’t know, Is everyone really born bisexual? Don’t count me in because all I think about is boobs and…
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie"
It was a non eventful night but I had one interesting hot chick I picked up in southwest by the waterfront, she had a few to drink and on our way to Adams Morgan she was lecturing me on how everyone on this planet is born bisexual but majority of us don’t admit it and in between her comments she called a couple of people and left a message to a guy first and some chick on the second call and she leaned on the back of my seat and she whispered “Who ever calls me first is going to get laid tonight!” and she started laughing. I dropped her in front of the "Angry Inch" and wished her luck.
I don’t know, Is everyone really born bisexual? Don’t count me in because all I think about is boobs and…
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie"
Thursday, November 01, 2007
STRIKE FOR WHAT?
I just had an extended vacation at two different local hospitals, besides not remembering what happened for three days during my stay I am grateful for the medical crew who saved my life even though the first bunch screwed up big time. I wanted to bring a lawsuit but for some reason Johnny Cochran is not returning my phone calls so I just settled for future free flu shot coupons and a free autopsy which expires by December 31st 2007 if I don’t use it by then, I think I did well.
Thanks to everyone who wished me well and all the misfits of society who came to check me out at the hospital. At one point my mother with a horror look on her face said “Oh my God! where do you know these people?” and I heard the hospital had to install a temporary metal detectors and hire more security personnel to accommodate my guests.
I am back at home now and all I hear about is yesterday’s DC cabbie strike! You idiots need to shut the fuck up and move on with the mayor’s decision which could put more money in your pockets. I have never heard of a strike for refusing to make more money by changing a fucked up zone system to a fare meter system that could bring in more people to sit in your back seat. Unless you have been ripping off people there is no reason why DC cab drivers should be upset about the metered system and I know some of you are worried about the implication of the new system inviting larger companies and putting independent drivers out of business but as long as you don’t sell your licenses to those companies which the license is worth less than a toilet paper at this point you have nothing to worry about. What ever is yours now will be yours in the future, if the District government limit the number of cabs in the city under pressure of big companies in the future, the DCTC license (medallion) you paid $33.50 for now would be worth something and you might have a retirement in your hand! Have you checked what a taxi medallion cost in New York city lately? So when I come back to work next week I don’t want to hear no more crying, the public wanted meters and let them have it and we will make out good so bring it on.
To be honest with you the meter/zone thing doesn’t affect me at all because I barely pick up random people off the street or take radio calls anymore. I work in an underground night life that most of you don’t have the slightest idea that exists in DC. My regular riders call me and I take them where ever they want to go and they pay me what ever they want. They pay me in cash, bag of weeds, lottery tickets, food stamps, blow jobs, you name it I am a very flexible businessman but no credit cards accepted at Mad Cabbie's empire.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
Thanks to everyone who wished me well and all the misfits of society who came to check me out at the hospital. At one point my mother with a horror look on her face said “Oh my God! where do you know these people?” and I heard the hospital had to install a temporary metal detectors and hire more security personnel to accommodate my guests.
I am back at home now and all I hear about is yesterday’s DC cabbie strike! You idiots need to shut the fuck up and move on with the mayor’s decision which could put more money in your pockets. I have never heard of a strike for refusing to make more money by changing a fucked up zone system to a fare meter system that could bring in more people to sit in your back seat. Unless you have been ripping off people there is no reason why DC cab drivers should be upset about the metered system and I know some of you are worried about the implication of the new system inviting larger companies and putting independent drivers out of business but as long as you don’t sell your licenses to those companies which the license is worth less than a toilet paper at this point you have nothing to worry about. What ever is yours now will be yours in the future, if the District government limit the number of cabs in the city under pressure of big companies in the future, the DCTC license (medallion) you paid $33.50 for now would be worth something and you might have a retirement in your hand! Have you checked what a taxi medallion cost in New York city lately? So when I come back to work next week I don’t want to hear no more crying, the public wanted meters and let them have it and we will make out good so bring it on.
To be honest with you the meter/zone thing doesn’t affect me at all because I barely pick up random people off the street or take radio calls anymore. I work in an underground night life that most of you don’t have the slightest idea that exists in DC. My regular riders call me and I take them where ever they want to go and they pay me what ever they want. They pay me in cash, bag of weeds, lottery tickets, food stamps, blow jobs, you name it I am a very flexible businessman but no credit cards accepted at Mad Cabbie's empire.
Please don’t forget the homeless,
Mad Cabbie.
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