JAMES CARVILLE

As a cab driver in one of the most important city in the world I get to meet people from all over the planet, I even met someone from North Dakota the other night. During the tourist season it feels like the whole world is in Washington and sometimes communicating with foreign passengers in English could be a very tricky proccess. Americans in general, we are idiots when it comes to trying to learn a second language but my years of experience at interacting with vast number of foreign drivers and passengers had given me the opportunity to understand different thick accents from different countries. The most difficult time I ever had communicating with a passenger though didn't come from a Latino who just got off the bus, but from a well connected American they call James Carville. As you may know this cat used to be one of the master minds who ran Bill Clinton's presidential bid in 1992 and he is still milking-off from that successful gig.

Few years ago he got in to my cab and asked to be driven to the Palm Restaurant, I had to ask him about three times before I understood what his destination was. This guy is as creepy looking as they come man! It was in the middle of the football season and he was talking some shit about Michael Vick for almost ten minutes and I didn't understand a word he said but I just kept saying "That's right! That's right" like an idiot until I got rid of him quick.

By the way, John Edwards is going to endorse Barack Obama right before the Pennsylvania primaries! You heard it here first at Mad Cabbie, your Washington insider.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

BRIBING HOURS.

Here is the posted bribing hours at the DC Inspection Station in case you need to know and you are running short on cash to get your car repaired. They hate my guts here because I make all kind of noises about their shady operation, so I am usually in and out with my inspection sticker within no time. The less they keep me at the station the less bashing I do, so it's to their advantage that they get rid of my ugly ass quick.

Few years ago FBI busted them when they used to be at the old inspection station in NE for taking bribes from shady cab drivers and things got kosher for a while. But for the last five years or so those cockroaches are getting out of hand again. I have heard of stories of some cab drivers pushing their no good cabs in to the station and rolling out of the station with an inspection sticker good for six month. All you need is leave a C note in the ashtray and you will be on your way to easy street with your new sticker while praying for your brakes to stop at the next red light.

Don't be alarmed when you step in my cab, I drive a very clean and powerful 1996 SS LT1 that is in a top condition. Even wannabe rap stars offer me all kind of cash to buy my cab whenever I stop by their hood to do some crack shopping with my passengers.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE URGE TO EJACULATE.

When the story of the disgraced New York's ex governor Eliot Spitzer broke I wasn't surprised at all. It's not that I knew about his rendezvous with high priced hookers, but it's due to my long experience of driving hookers to men with and without power. Let me break it down for you ladies, if you have been together with your man for over ten years or so there is a 99% chance that your hubby had cheated on you, the other 1% lied their asses off. You need to be equipped with a dick to understand this concept. So the relationship between married clean cut powerful men and hookers, high priced or otherwise is a no shocking matter.

"Mad Cabbie! what the fuck is wrong with you nigger? You are breaking the code motherfucker! Why do you have to go there? Thanks to you, now I can't bullshit my wife with those lame ass dozen roses, boxes of chocolates and the I Love You cards. And by the way, that young whore you hooked me up with last week, that shit was tight boy! I already told my wife that I am going to work late tonight(wink! wink!) so I will give you a call later you dumb ass!"

"Shut up you idiot! Don't ever butt in my blog like this again, I didn't break any codes, smart women have known this for years! Now I have a story to tell, do you mind?"

I have know this guy from the state of ** for years, he is a frequent visitor of Washington. He is a married man in his late forties with two teen daughters and doing very well in life, he is not a household name but he is a guy you see on TV being interviewed from time to time who is powerful and confident. But it is at his weakest moment whenever he is in my cab, during a desperate emotional roller coster to conquer a new hired pussy. One thing what makes this guy different is, unlike other men he never wants to see the same hooker again which makes him more vulnerable to be recognized by a hooker who could be a frequent viewer of cable news.

We were en route from his hotel to another low profile motel last night when he started to discuss why he fucks around behind his wife's back with hookers. All these years I never ask and he never discusses and that's why he likes me and pays me very well, and on top of that he thinks I am a loyal dumb ass cabbie who doesn't know who he is. I am out here just to get paid so I just play along with people's bullshit as long as they don't cross my space. He tells me getting a blow job from a hooker is not cheating, he is just fulfilling his sexual urge to ejaculate without getting emotionally involved with a woman. He believes he is very much in love with his wife of sixteen years and never had an affair with another woman and he wants to keep it that way. I wanted to ask him what would he feel if his wife started to blow off different boy toys without any emotional attachment but I didn't want to short-change myself from the usual big tip I get.

We pulled in front of room # *** at the motel, I saw him entering the room in to the welcoming hands of a twenty something blond hottie. I backed up in to the parking area to wait for his ass and take him back downtown while he was getting a nice lube job. Forty-five minutes later my man came back with a happy face and we talked about the falling US Dollar the rest of the way.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

DONNA IS NO PRIMA DONNA

I pulled up at this expensive condo early this morning in Wesley Heights to pick up some chick who wanted to go to National Airport. While I was waiting for her in the driveway another lady approached towards my cab from the lobby, and I asked her if she was from apartment XYZ, but she wasn't the person that I was supposed to pick up. She told me that the concierge booked a Diamond Cab for her and the cab failed to show up on time and had only an hour to catch her plane to Miami from National Airport.

Her face looked too familiar and it didn't take me too long to figure out who she was. She was Donna Shalala who used to be the U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary under President Bill Clinton and the current President Of University of Miami. People who're running late to catch a plane like some of you VIP wanna be usually scream and bitch especially if it is the cab company's fault. But as an accomplished and a well connected woman as she is, she was calm, civil and didn't try to blame anyone. To make the long story short I managed to take them both to National Airport.

Whenever I encounter celebrities I always try to act like I don't know them so that they may open up and talk shit. Since she had company in the back seat with her I never had the opportunity to chat with her so all the conversation was between her and the other chic while I played a fly on the wall. No skinny to tell you about but Donna was talking about a conversation she had with Nancy Pelosi yesterday and that they are confident a democrat will take over the White House, stem cell and AIDS research will be funded full force and NIH will get a shit load of money. Nothing juicy!

But here at Mad Cabbie is where you get your Washington insider information fuck that stupid ass Matt Drudge!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CABBIES DOUBLE DIPPING?

Dear Mad DC Cabbie,

I have a question I'm hoping you can answer, because I can't find an answer anywhere and it's driving me nuts! What's the rule in DC for passengers that get out of the cab at 2 different locations?

A few nights ago I got into a cab at 28th & Calvert NW with my husband and a friend. My friend got out at 10th & M, and me and my husband got out 7 blocks later at 10th & E. The driver insisted that we all pay full fare from 28th & Calvert - my friend paid $9.80 when she got out, and then he made us pay an additional $11.30 when we got out! So the driver actually got paid twice for the first part of the trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M), and made $21.10 for a 2-zone trip. This seemed like a huge rip-off to us, and we tried to argue that it didn't make sense, but the driver told us he out-ranked us so what could we do?

After reading the rules posted on the DC Taxi Cab Commission website, I think the correct calculation should have been $9.80 for the 2-zone trip + $3 for the 2 additional passengers + $1 for making a stop along the way - a one-time charge of $13.80, due at the end of the ride.

Or, if the driver insisted on treating it like 2 separate trips (which I still think is a rip-off), the only way it makes sense is if he charges the first passenger $12.80 for the frist 2-zone trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M, with 3 passengers in the cab), and then charges me and my husband $7.50 for the second 1-zone trip (from 10th & M to 10th & E). That's still $20.30 for a 2-zone ride . . . I don't think that's what the DC Taxi Cab Commission intended when it wrote the rules, but it makes a LITTLE bit more sense than pretending it was 2 separate trips from 28th & Calvert and charging us twice.

If you could help me understand this, I would really appreciate it!

Becca

Hi Becca,

It's a very good question and you are not the only one! It drives lots of people nuts! I do have a surprise answer for you. Your driver is right!

The driver actually was completely honest with you guys! The DCTC law states that if passengers have different destination it is considered two separate fares starting from the ORIGINAL PICKUP POINT. The driver is 100% correct by charging your friend the full $9.80 (Two zones to 10th and M) and also charged you and your husband $11.30 (Two zones plus extra passenger surcharge) and the total of $21.10 is exactly right.

It is set up that way so people can't take advantage and abuse the flat based zone system by riding in groups and have the driver drop them all over the place with in the same zone for just an extra $1.50 per passenger. Let me give you a scenario: Let's say you and your four other friends were picked up from 28th and Calvert by Mad Cabbie (God Forbid) after a party and all five of you have 5 different destination; first fare: 21st and Mass, 2nd fare: 19th and E, 3rd fare: 15th and K , 4th fare:10th and E and the 5th fare ends up near Union Station....All of these drop off points are within a second zone even though I was all over downtown! And if this run is considered one run it will only pays me $15.80 ($9.80 plus $6.00 for four extra passenger surcharge) since we don't have a running meter to account for all those time consuming detours. That is the reason why different destination are separate fares. But as long as you have the same pickup point and same destinations, no matter the size of the group it is one fare plus the extra passenger surcharge.

I know it's a pain in the ass but that's how it is, DC cabbies dream of these kind of fares especially during the weekends where group rides with different stops are plenty. Passengers feel that they are being ripped off, but legally I can charge $49 (9.80 times 5 passengers) for the above scenario I created.

The fare calculator doesn't have the program to calculate multiple leg trips, thats why you got the incorrect fare total. Pretty soon we all don't have to worry about the zones anymore although I doubt they will manage to have all DC cabs equipped with meters by April 6th. The inefficient DC goverment don't have any private shops certified yet for the meter installment process.

I hope I have answered your question.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

CABBIE KICKED ME OUT!

"D.C. cabbies are some of the worst people on earth. This morning I hailed a cab, he drove me three blocks and then told me to get out because I "smelled like garlic." I am a 31 year old woman, a business professional - who took a shower this morning, like every morning and haven't been near garlic all week. I was on my way to work on Eye Street from Georgetown. I had minor surgery earlier this week and am having trouble walking - which is why I needed the cab. The horrible driver kicked me out and was incredibly verbally and physically rude to me. I really cannot tell you how much I hate cabbies right now. You are just awful people - cheating passengers and being rude. Go to hell, all of you."

By an anonymous commenter from my last post.

During my cab driving experience I had my share of stinking passengers, but only once I had to kick out a passenger out of my cab. This dude I picked up smelled like a toilet, It felt like I was transporting a pile of shit and that smelly jackass wanted to go all the way to Springfield, Va. I managed about couple of minutes of driving but I couldn't take the torture anymore, so I kicked his ass out at 14th and Pennsylvania. It was a very cold night but I had to drive with all of my windows rolled down freezing my ass off to let the shitty smell out. Even after I did all that my next passenger said my cab smelled like shit!

My theory on this woman is: There is no way the cabbie would kick her out without a reason on that particular run. The run from Georgetown to I street is an easy 5 minutes, short two zones ride that pays $9.80 which is a dream run for a DC cabbie. Why would he shortchange himself from a lucrative fare unless her breath really smelled real bad? Most people with bad breath problems don't know that they have the condition unless someone with iron balls like the cabbie she had yesterday tell them so.

Maybe it's a wakeup call for our showered and clean 31 year old business professional woman to see her doctor and get her garlic breath checked out. I hope she will read this post! But at the same time the cab driver should have taken that awful smell for five minutes and drove her ass to her office and made that easy money!

What's your theory?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

WHO'S GUN IS THIS?

Few years ago I was finishing my shift around six in the morning and I was heading home until this chic franticly waving at me in the middle of Connecticut Avenue near Military road like a mad person. It wasn't my plan to stop for her but the red traffic light didn't cooperate with me so she rushed towards me and made a failed attempt to open my locked doors. I rolled my front passenger window to listen to what she had to say and to tell her that I was off duty and I was driving my tired ass home.

CHIC: Can you please take me to National Airport?
MC: Sorry I am off duty! Just cross on the other side and flag another cab!
CHIC: Yellow Cab was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 and I am running late!
MC: Yellow are a bunch of losers you should have called Diamond.
CHIC: Can you please, please take me to National...Please?
MC: I am not trying to be an ass-hole but I am fucken tired?
CHIC: It's only a 15 minute ride this time of the morning, come on! please help me out, I am going to miss my flight and probably loose my job!

I felt sorry for her and besides, those set of balloons she had on hear chest closed the deal so I unlocked the doors and let her in. I flipped an impressive u-turn heading south bound on Connecticut Avenue and warned her not be a backseat driver by pressuring me to speed because her hurry ass would be back out on Connecticut Avenue standing again. I am not one of those idiot cab drivers who zig zag in and out of traffic doing 90mph so that you can make your flight on time! Fuck you and your $5 tip! My drivers license is my meal ticket and I have to protect it.

We just traveled about five blocks and when we got to Nebraska Avenue all hell broke loose! She screamed, "Get me out of hear NOW! Pull over! I will get out right here!" I was confused about what happened all of a sudden to make her snap like that, so I pulled up to the Exxon station at the corner to let her out and she didn't even gave me a chance to ask her why she turned hysterical, she got out and kept on running down Connecticut Avenue bouncing those voluptuous boobs without shutting the door.

It's when I got out of the cab to shut the passenger door that I noticed a loaded gun was sitting on the left side of the passenger seat! I freaked out as well! Who left that gun? I had given a ride to all kind of shady characters all night long, It had to be one of those fine citizens. Without touching the gun I drove straight to the 2nd District Police Station on Idaho Avenue and explained what happened to the cops. They took the gun, copied my manifest for that shift, asked me a few questions and sent my ass home.

Washington DC enforces one of the toughest gun laws in the country by denying firearms to law biding citizens to protect themselves from thugs like the one who left his piece in the backseat of my taxicab. As some of you may know, the case District of Columbia vs Heller is heading to the Supreme Court and I hope the justices will agree with U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit which struck down this stupid ass law.

I am not a NRA gun fanatic and I will never illegally or legally own a gun because I am a big pussy but I like the fact that the case is presented as a Second Amendment right and I think it should be interpreted that way. Listen, I don't need to tell you how many gunshot victims I have seen lying on the streets of Washington DC over the years of night driving, and that tells me the unconstitutional DC law is not working to keep illegal unlicensed guns off the street. I can go out in DC tonight and buy all the illegal guns I want and invade the State of Vermont first thing in the morning! So what's the purpose of this law? The problem goes beyond the guns and I am not going to bore you with it. All I can tell you is Shawn Taylor would have been playing for the Washington Redskins next season if he had a gun in his bedroom that tragic night.

Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

EXTRA PASSENGER FEE IS BACK

Thanks to all of the Diamond Cab Co. drivers who participated in the meeting with the commissioner at the DC Taxicab Commission this past Wednesday. Even though those strike happy drivers group wouldn't cooperate with us, we still got it made and got the eliminated $1.50 per extra passenger surcharge back.

They still insist that there is going to be $19.00 fare celling for fares traveling with in the District of Columbia, the last time I checked we don't live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public. I have some lawyers telling me that we can legally challenge that and stay tuned to watch Mayor Fenty and Mad Cabbie in front of "Judge Judy".

The extra passenger surcharge is no picnic in the park, for the average driver it could translate in to $3000-$6000 of extra income per year. You need to understand we are still the cheapest cab ride comparing to the surrounding counties so I don't need to hear anymore crying from you guys.

Special thanks to Mr. Essayas and Mr Abebe, fine Ethiopian drivers from Diamond Cab Co. for sticking up for the cause, and this fight is not over yet! We want the meters but it has to be with livable wages and we are looking forward to have our meters ready by April 6th.

I got to go now, I have every hooker in town calling me wanting to go somewhere and it's going to be a busy Saturday! Washingtonians are HORNY tonight!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

FRUSTRATED IN ADAMS MORGAN

Hello Mr. Mad Cabbie,
First off, just discovered the blog, great stuff, really interesting.

Given your profession, I'm wondering if you can answer me a question. Every weekend I wait tables in Adams Morgan. Every weekend I take a cab home. Almost every weekend I have to argue with the cabbie about the price. I've heard the cost is x from the nicer cabbies but I'd like to know once and for all from someone in the know and objective to the situation. I never seem to have this problem when I work on Wed PM and it's the exact same route. Given Adams Morgan on the weekends, maybe they think I'm some dumb drunk girl and whatnot, but as I'm sure you know, after a night of working, the last thing you want to do is argue, you just want to go home. There have been nights when I've gotten into the cab and when I give him the address he says "12.00". I say "ok see ya" and get out. One night, I did this no less than 3 times. You can see how this can get old.

The route is 18th/Belmont, NW area to 1st and North Carolina Avenue, SE (at the corner). My understanding is that D st, SE, the next street over from NC Ave, is the zone line so the trip is 8.80 (well 9.80 with the gas surcharge). Is this correct?

Thanks so much in advance and keep up the good writing! What your doing is really unique to the rest of the blahblahblah that's out there for DC blogs.

Best-
Ms E from Capitol Hill

Hi Ms E, I am sorry you have to deal with those clowns. Your fare should be two zones which is $9.80 including the gas surcharge, as long as you are within the boundary of E street to the south and 2nd street to the east (make sure you get off north of E street). Thats how you should explain your driver who supposed to know this anyways. But you have to understand that half of the cabbies you see in Adams Morgan especially during weekends and last call rush hours are illegal out of state drivers with phony licenses out there to make a quick buck by ripping off people and most of them don't know the zone system.

You should never get out of the cab but instead warn the driver that you will call the police and demand that the driver shows you his taxi license. There is no reason to be a dishonest cab driver in DC, we can make a good living without stealing from people who work very hard like yourself. Again I feel your pain and sorry that you have to deal with this crap but at the same time you have the responsibility to fight back by calling the law enforcement.

Better luck next time and thank you for reading my blog.

Mad Cabbie.

I get questions like this every now and then, so if you have any cab related questions that I can help you out with please email me at maddccabbie@yahoo.com and if I think it can be helpful to others I will post them with my answers without revealing your name and your email.

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

HIGH-TECH BEN

Ben is one of the few Jewish cabbies still driving in Washington and he looks like Rick Moranis from the movie "Honey I shrunk The Kids". He left the cab biz about three years ago after he got robbed at gun point. Ben is a strange guy, no one knows about his personal life because he doesn't say much and he is a loner. He used to be fascinated with latest technology, guns and World War-II and I always thought he would be a good candidate to be a serial killer, in fact when we had those Washington area random shootings and killings by those two freaks few years ago, we kind of suspected Ben was the trigger man at one point and we even had are own dumb ass investigation until we cleared him.

As soon as a new technology hit the streets Ben had it! He used to have the most wired cab in town. You could be in Ben's cab running your mouth while your image is being stored at his home server in Rockville. The first time I saw a GPS was in his cab and I think he dropped something like $1500 back then. If you thought you were whispering some conversation with a friend while riding in his cab and you think he is not listening, good luck! The chances are he probably heard all your kinky stories with his surveillance gear.

No driver liked Ben because he doesn't say hello or engaged in any conversation with other drivers but for some reason he likes to hang out with me even though he barley says a word. I tolerate his mood swings and to me he is a very fascinating character and whenever we hang out at the Taste Diner in Bethesda with other drivers, he shows up, takes a seat and stares at us with a little nod and orders the same dumb shit every time! French toast and hot tea.

Three years ago Ben picked up some dudes on East Capitol street and after a few minutes ride they pulled up a gun around 4th and Florida NE and they had him pull up behind one of those wholesale warehouses and robbed his money and all of his gadgets. After a few pistol whippings they threw him in the trunk and took off with his cab with Ben in the trunk. Their first stop? Wendy's drive through at New York and Florida! While they were ordering their shit the motherfuckers were arguing what to do with Ben. If you are wondering why Ben didn't scream for his life? He claims he doesn't remember much and he thinks he might have passed out.

Luck was on Ben's side that night, as soon as they pulled out of the Wendy's parking lot they got involved with a fender bender and they took off running leaving Ben shitting in his pants until the DC cops showed up and rescued his ass. We got the word that night that he was taken to Howard University Hospital so me, Pastor and couple of other drivers rushed to the hospital and what we saw wasn't pretty. They messed up his face real bad but he was lucky to be alive and later helped police to identify those thugs after they got caught the same night. Ben walked away from cab driving and that was the last time I saw him until...

Last Thursday around three in the morning I was chilling at one of our usual spot with couple of Diamond drivers and guess who showed up and our jaws dropped! The legendary High-Tech Ben! and as if he met us the night before he just gave us his usual nod and sat next to me without saying anything. He still ordered the same old French toast and hot tea shit and started staring outside looking at bunch of construction crew.

Welcome back to hacking Ben!

Don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

BLOGGER OF THE MONTH

I am honored for being the "Blogger of The Month" by Marc Fisher of the Washington Post in his Raw Fisher series. This means a lot to me coming from a professional writer like Marc. I read a lot of local blogs and there are lots of excellent bloggers with great writing skills unlike myself. Even though my vocabulary is limited to 200 words, I always try to deliver interesting posts as possible and I really do appreciate the recognition.

My niece who is in the 5th grade has agreed to edit my stories before I post them so don't be surprised if you notice some quality writings in the future.

I would like to say this: Marc Fisher is probably the only local media figure who sticks up for DC cab drivers even though it's very unpopular to do so these days, and him and I don't agree about the meters vs zone argument and go check out this post of his and read some of personal attacks (including some jackass wishing bad things to happen to Marc and his family) he gets from some of you idiots. Most of you out there are riding the bandwagon of "DC cabbies are the scum of the earth" route, but DC cabbies don't have any more bad apples than lawyers, congressmen or doctors, we are just easy targets to be criticized because we are at the bottom of the food chain.

A couple of nights ago I picked up some drunk chic with a very bad makeup from 5th and Massachusetts Ave NE to Union Station and since we crossed 2nd street NE (Zone line) it is a two zone fare even though the entire ride is six blocks and it took about less than a minute. So two zones $8.80 plus fuel surcharge $1 her total bill was $9.80 and she went nuts calling me everything in the book! Is it expensive? Hell yeah! But what the fuck am I supposed to do? Like most of you out there she is shooting the messenger! When I told her the Capitol Police who was parked next to us could explain it to her since she didn't want to hear how I came with that figure she threw me a $10 bill and slammed my door. Bitch! There were no cabs at the station and people were waiting in line and the next passenger wanted to go all way to Mount Pleasant near Rock Creek Pkwy which is about a 15 minutes ride and paid the same two zones $9.80 even though the ride is much longer, and the guy happily paid his fare with tip! This is the shit we deal with every night and there is always going to be dissatisfied customers who feel that they got ripped off even though I never cheat my passengers like the rest of majority of fine DC cabbies. But those few dishonest motherfuckers gives the whole industry a bad rap, even people who never rode in a cab in their lives think that DC cabbies are crooks. And of course folks always comment about their bad experiences never the good stuff! Let me talk about the driver of Diamond cab #257, just the other day who had to track down his European passengers he picked in front of a building and had to return a bag with valuables including about 2000 Euros they left in his back seat! You think that driver is interested in cheating you out of couple of bucks?

Enough with my whining and let me make my "Blogger of The Month" acceptance speech!

"I thank my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, I thank my man Marc Fisher and the Washington Post, all the fans who read this blog, all my babies mamas all 13 of you even though I don't admit one of them, I thank my parole officer, all my posses, Pastor Joe, Ali Two fingers, Ghost, Mr. Hook, Hustleman Charles, Wall street Tom who isn't with us anymore and he's probably banging Anna Nicole Smith in heaven, High-Tech Ben, all fellow cabbies of the world, the guy I picked up at the corner of 19th and...."

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

$10,000/WEEK DRIVING A CAB!!!

Hi, I am Mad Cabbie! and I am here with an offer of a life time to my wonderful fans!!!

Do you hate your job? Are you doing the same dumb ass shit every day? dealing with that fat ugly boss of yours and slaving for peanuts! Do you want to spend more time with your family only working a few minutes a day while making $1,000, $5,000 even $10,000 per week? Do you want to wipe out your debts and retire by next Christmas? If you answered yes, Mad Cabbie has the answer for you.

I put together "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" home study guide. All you have to do is study the materials at your own pace and you will be on your way to your financial freedom. This study guide includes a couple of books, six part CD, 8 volume DVDs and a workbook. I will show you a step by step guide on how you to buy your first cab with no money, how to bribe and get your taxi license in a few hours and start making money the same day! The income is unlimited it just depends on how many minutes you want to drive your cab in a day. You will learn everything there is about to know about hacking and making sure that your passengers are happy.

I have done it for years and now I would like to share my secrets with you for this one time offer only. If you don't make $10,000 the first day after you receive my package you can return it for a full refund, In fact I will pay for the return postage and no question asked! You won't be disappointed and satisfaction is guaranteed! Please check out what some of my satisfied clients are saying!

"I live in a small Scottish village where people don't even take cabs at all but I still ordered "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" and the result was unbelievable, I made $1000 the minute the package arrived! Thank you Mad Cabbie, you are amazing!" Peggy from Scotland.

"When we found out that nobody would hire us to run their political campaign and became jobless, we turned to "Mad Cabbie's Fast Money Machine Technique" to be cab drivers in Washington,DC. We followed the step by step cab driving techniques and in a few days we started making shit load of cash and we moved in to this mansion in Potomac, Maryland....You're the greatest Mad Cabbie!" The retards who ran Rudy Giuliani's presidential campaign.

"I ordered Mad Cabbie's package from America to start training now while I am waiting for these bastards at the American Embassy in India to approve my visa. Mad Cabbie promised to have my cab ready** for work when I touch down at Dulles Airport, and so as soon as I arrive in America I will start counting my American Dollars! God bless you Mad Cabbie!" Amitabh Ragukhanimpalamachchabuchaci from Bombay.

Do I need to say more? Listen, When you call in 1-888-TAKEMYMONEY with in the next 30 minutes and order the package I will cut the price by 90% and for only two payments of $15.95 plus $500 shipping and handling I will send you the package plus the list of hot spots where you can pick up whores for your passengers AND for the first 200 callers I will throw in an address of a huge dominatrix chic who can bitch slap Shaquille O'Neal! and your freaky customers will throw money at you for this service.

What are you waiting for? Are you ready to make $10,000* a week? So get your ass up and dial that number! I know, I know, You may have been ripped off by those stock trade and real estate money making guides that didn't deliver but trust Uncle Mad, this time you got yourself a winner.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

*Results may vary, it may take up to ten years to make $10,000 thanks to Mayor Fenty and the new DC fare structure.
**Bribe at the inspection stations extra.

TAKE THIS ! FUCKEN DC CABS!

That's the big billboard ad I did for the 10th anniversary of the Verizon Center but there is a hidden message as the title of this post suggests for those striking DC cabbies today. Sorry! that big idiot Mad Cabbie is on strike as well, he is probably doing nothing but scratching his balls and staring at the wall of his basement so I am guest blogging for him today.

Most of you DC residents love me for fucking those DC cab drivers up don't you? Fuck them! who cares if they don't make a decent living off the new fare structure? They are the filth of society anyways so what's difference? All that time back in the days I couldn't get a DC cab to stop for me? It's payback time motherfuckers! Who's your daddy now bitch?

Yes that's right no more surcharge for extra passengers! I don't give a shit how many extra fat ass DC residents you have to haul all day long, the ride is free even though the rest of the surrounding counties let their cabs charge for extra passengers! I don't care how many times a year you have to replace your freaken shocks and how many thousands of extra fuel dollars you have to cough up because of the extra loads. And yes that's right, I grew up reading Karl Mark's literatures and that's why you can't charge over the $18.90 celling in my communist DC administration, no matter where you have to drive your passengers in the city! LONG LIVE THE REVOLUTION motherfuckers. I have to satisfy just the couple of thousands of emails I received from the whining public so I had to go overboard and slash the shit of your kids education! and who gives a shit that you have to buy your own health insurance! tell that crap to Hillary Clinton!

And who cares about all those 6000 DC cab drivers on strike? Majority of the drivers are those dumb ass Africans, sand niggers and some loser no good Americans like Mad Cabbie so fuck all them clowns man! You bitches strike all you want but right now I am on hold with the Afghani president Hamid Karzai see if he can send me a few thousand ex Mujahedeens I can put in DC cabs.

And I don't give a shit about the homeless, Fuck them!

Adrian "Starve The Cab Drivers" Fenty*




*Mayor Adrian M. Fenty did not participate in writing this post in any way. Written entirely by Mad Cabbie.

A VERY EXPENSIVE PUKE

Hustleman Charles called me last night crying over the phone that some chick puked in his cab, and that's one of the worst shit can happen to a cab driver. If someone throws up in my cab that means I am pretty much out of commission for the next 24 hours having the vomit cleaned and getting the stink out of the cab. So that means a loss of a one night income plus the clean up cost and usually a guy named Sam is our in house puke clean up expert.

Sam is an old timer who has been hanging around Diamond Cab Company for ages hustling cab drivers offering his clean up services. You throw Sammy a twenty dollar bill he will clean up a nuclear waste out of your car in minutes and runs to the liquor store and come back happy. I told hustleman Charles to stop crying on my ass and see Sam in the morning and take his losses since he was stupid enough to let the puking chick go home free without taking any financial responsibility. That can not happen in Mr. Mad Cabbie's cab!

The last vomiting passenger experience I had was about five years ago when I picked up this chick in front of the Third Edition in Georgetown. Her friends threw her in my cab and asked me to take her to one of the apartments around the National Zoo and paid for the ride in advance. She was fucken wasted and her breath smelled like shit, I could tell that she had been puking so I thought she was done and settled but still let her knew that if she got sick again and mess up my cab it could cost her $300 (There is a sign posted in my cab) and of course like any drunk ass person would respond she said, "No problem! No problem! I am ok! Just take me home!". Not even a minute after she gave me her words of confidence she sprayed her stink all over the back seat and I was on fucken fire!

When I demanded she owed $300 or face the cops (of course the cops can't do shit beside writing a report) she was scared and sorry and promised to pay me the next day. I took every information from her drivers license, got her phone number and her business card and left her ass in front of her building and I cut short my shift and went to my girlfriend's apartment for the night.

The next day was a Sunday and she wasn't responding to the few messages I left both on her home and cell phones and I was getting irritated, and at this point it's not even about the money anymore but she FUCKED with the wrong cab driver. I called her few more times while Sam was cleaning up her stink but never heard from her. Sam did an excellent work so I threw him a fifty and I got back to work Sunday night and a few minutes in to my shift her boyfriend called me to tell me not to harass her anymore and he offered me $20 for the clean up cost and I told him to go fuck himself and hanged up the phone.

The next morning I called her at her office and she picked up and warned me not to call her anymore or she will contact the police and file a complaint that I was trying to rip her off and that's when I drove straight to her office building at 2400 M street NW with a mission. She worked for a major financial institution as a financial adviser and when she saw me in front of her small office her jaw dropped to the floor, she was nervous and I was calm and I said, "I am ready to call the cops for you now and is this how you want to handle this?"

To make this already long ass story short we went down to the lobby together and she withdrew $300 from an ATM machine and handed me the cash and told me what a big ass-hole I was and everything else. I didn't give a shit, I took the cash with a big smile on my face and she saved herself from a huge embarrassment in front her colleagues so it was a win win situation for both of us.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

IS JP'S GONE?

JP’s was one of the few stripper night clubs left in DC, and the joint burned down last week leaving “Good Guys” which is located across the street on Wisconsin avenue a nude bar with no competition in Georgetown. I had quite a few stripper friends at JP’s and of course I go there because I enjoy the great gourmet food they serve, I don‘t pay attention to the girls with hot nude bodies with their boobies hanging out .

JP’s reminds me of a regular customer I used to have in Cleveland Park. A bolding short stocky built white man in his early fifties wearing heavy duty ugly glasses. He has been divorced for the last twenty years and never remarried. He is an accountant type but never talked about his job and all I knew was he worked for the federal government. He inherited this big ass house from his parents on Macomb street and lived alone and I remember one time he was so drunk I had to drag him in to his house and it was barley furnished or cleaned, I think I saw a copy of the Washington Post from 1979 laying on the floor.

What really disturbing was after I drop him at the JP’s, sometimes he used to have me wait as few as five minutes and have me take him right back to his house which was five minutes away and he kept moaning in the back seat of my cab while rubbing his crotch until we got to his crib. I remember him telling me that the only way he gets aroused was by watching a live naked body, and I guess that maybe the reason why he rushed home so that he finishes his business before he loses the erection of his pipe.

I hate to see JP’s go and I hope they will rebuild and come back for more booby shows because they a part of our night cab business while they keep you horny guys out there entertained at night until you moan your ass home.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

SISTER BLOG LAUNCHED.

To anyone who is interested to follow Tewdros's journey to fitness I have launched a sister blog called "SIX-PACK ABS IN PROGRESS"

Go check it out from time to time, you might learn a thing or two.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

RESUME IN PROGRESS

After reading my post titled "Don't March Out" an old Ethiopian friend of mine contacted me to help him out to get in shape. I haven't seen Tewdros in five years even though we live close to each other here in Columbia, Maryland.

Tewdros (Ethiopian version of Theodore) was an ex DC cabbie who got out of the business after he earned his electrical engineerings degree. Now he has been working for one of the major defense contractors for the last ten years and doing very well financially. So we hooked up over the weekend for drinks and caught up on what's going on in our lives. Everything is going well in his life with the exception of his physical appearance which makes hooking up with quality chicks very difficult. He is the nicest guy you can ever meet but the kind of ladies he is interested in wouldn't even look at him.

So we made a deal that I will be his personal trainer for the next year with the exchange that he will let me post the pictures of his progress every week without showing his face and the next day he joined my gym. So here is my friend Tewdros now:



This cat is going to be my bitch for the next year, I don't have any control on what he does outside the gym but he promised he will change his eating habits. We are going to start off very easy for the next few months and I will tell what we have done each week. His excuse for being out of shape is the same lame old story of the rest of you lazy ass fat motherfuckers come up with... "I don't have the time...My kids...My job...My DNA...My bla,bla,bla!" Listen, I hate sounding like a dick but there are 168 hours in a week and if you can't dedicate about 6 hours a week to live a healthy life style, then you deserve all the heart-attacks in the world. I know a girl in my gym who is a single mother of two and she is making all the sacrifices to show up three times a week. So I didn't buy any of Tewdros's excuses and I don't want to hear about it anymore.

Follow the pictures in this little project of mine on how I can help transform this ugly ass gut into a hard rock six pack ab by chopping off about 10 inches off his waist from 42" to 32" and drop his weight from 212 pounds to around 160 pounds by next year. Since I can't make a decent living anymore driving a cab in DC thanks to mayor Fenty, maybe this will be my resume in progress so you guys can hire me next year as your personal trainer so I can turn you in to a hot sexy chick or a fine strong hunk.

Tewdros I am looking forward to see you this Friday and get ready to cry like a bitch my brother.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAKE A PAY CUT AS WELL MR. MAYOR

First of all let me be clear that I was one of the troopers responsible for getting Mayor Fenty elected by going door to door in ward 7 and ward 8, since most of his supporters (in some cases even himself) were pussies to walk around those neighborhoods. And you all know that if you don't carry those wards you can't be a mayor in DC. I supported him because I have seen him speak about the homeless crisis in the city and I liked what he had to say and so far it's lip service but I will give him a chance.

The mayor reveled the new fare structure for taxicabs in DC yesterday and I have a problem with it. If you have been reading this blog for a while you know that I am a reasonable guy who always supported the meter system. During the 60-day request for comment period the city received about 2,100 comments and majority of those are dissatisfied of the proposed $4.00 base rate few months ago. I completely agree that the $4.00 base rate was too high even though Montgomery county cabs charge that much. So they reduced it by a $1.00 to $3.00 base rate, the problem is they didn't stop there, so they also eliminated the extra passenger surcharge. Now DC cabs are the only ones that don't have the surcharge for extra passengers in the metropolitan DC area and not with in area industry standard. More passengers means more consumption of gas, more tear and wear on the vehicle and more boring and painful conversations that passengers carry on amongst each other that the driver has to listen to. Let me give you a few examples how DC cabs got the short end of the stick comparing to area surrounding counties:


BASE FARE- Arlington Co.-$2.75 Fairfax Co.-$2.75 Montgomery Co.-$4.00 DC CABS-$3.00

PER-MILE- Arlington Co.-$1.80 Fairfax Co.-$1.80 Montgomery Co.-$1.60 DC CABS-$1.50

EXTRA PASSR-Arlington Co.-$1.00 Fairfax Co.-$1.00 Montgomery Co.-$1.00 DC CABS-None

TRAFFIC TIME Arlington Co.-$22.50/hr Fairfax Co.-$22.50/hr Montgomery Co.-$24.00/hr DC CABS-$15.00/hr

...and on top of that, please don't laugh, you can hire Mad cabbie and drag him all over DC and lets say from Chevey Chase during morning rush hour all the way to Bowling Air force Base which is about a 13 mile trip, according to the new fare structure I can not charge you over $18.90 no matter how long the trip takes and in this scenario it may take an hour or so. What is this? the old Soviet Union or a modern day slavery? Oh! I forgot, we are mostly foreigners and niggers driving cabs so it's okay! right Mr Mayor?

"I think this will meet the needs of the drivers and also the riding public," Fenty said after the announcement. MEET THE NEEDS OF THE DRIVERS???? are you out of your freaken mind Mr. Mayor? What planet are you living in? How could you say that after you slashed about 20% of a poor cab driver's income to satisfy the lobbyists on K street and the lawyers on Pennsylvania Avenue. You gave yourself and your peeps a pay raise (which you rejected when you were a councilman by the way and that's another story) and if I am not wrong you make about $200,000 so how about taking a $40,000 pay cut? that's exactly what you did for a group who supported you in the most part.

The out come of this would be long working hours for drivers and less maintained cabs that could put passenger safety at risk. I don't want to hear about more driver's strike, it doesn't work besides pissing off the riding public and the riding public is our friend not the enemy, and the mayor can make a single phone call to Bangladesh and import 6000 drivers while we are striking. The best way to approach this to have our own email campaign and find a way to communicate with the city to at least to bring back the extra passenger surcharge in to place.

Please don't forget the homeless and the way I see things there is going to be more homeless cab drivers.

Mad Cabbie.

P.S This post will be emailed to the mayor's office.

MAD'S HOOKER INDEX

I was reading the editorial page of the Washington Post yesterday and the one titled “To Blunt a Recession” got my attention. They have been talking about recession creeping up ever since Bill Clinton left office. Some of the warnings were politically motivated and some are just miscalculation and others were planted by wall street to stimulate trading volumes and suckers like me and you buy in to these phony artificially inflated or deflated numbers game. Unemployment, consumer confidence, trade deficit, inflation, the decline of the US dollar and bla bla bla…..

But this time it’s for real kids, because my own MHI gauge tells me the fundamentals of the US economy is so shaky it’s not even funny, I even heard of some lawyers doing part time gigs delivering pizza at night. You may ask what the fuck is the MHI gauge? You probably went to Wharton School of business and never heard of it! No sir, this sophisticated economic indicator they don’t teach you in school.

MHI stands for Mad’s Hooker Index: As a professional DC cab driver and an ex-mathematician I have created my own way of weighing in the country’s state of the economy by the frequency of rides I offer to my hooker clients and their customers. Things are so bad out there even the highly in demand lovely friend of mine the one legged hooker is not keeping me busy lately and on the other side of the coin, armed robberies are way up, you just don’t read about them unless somebody gets hurt. I am talking about robberies all over the city including Georgetown, Adams Morgan, Chevy Chase and Tenelytown.

They say sex always sells but there comes a point that some fine gentlemen stash away that extra hooker appointed cash for the coming rainy days and instead they are forced to downgrade their hooker level to $50 blow-jobs on L street or forced to make love to their wives or they go down the basement and jerk-off watching Angelica Houston movies.

Mad! What’s up with you and your fixation with Angelica Houston? Isn’t she like a hundred years old? You are fucken sick Mad!

Leave me alone dude! I am trying to talk about the economy stupid! and I also think Angelica Houston is smoking hot. I am in to old chicks now, You have a problem with that jackass?

The Editorial ends the article by stating that the Bush administration might find an excuse for another tax rebate and more tax cuts and the sad thing is economist like Martin Feldstein who I admire is suggesting the cuts as well if unemployment continues to rise for the next three months. Isn’t that like borrowing from Jack to pay Joe? In my world Jack will stab your ass if he doesn’t get paid back his money quick but in the fairy world of Washington future generations of tax payers are stuck with the bill even though the wealthy few benefit from it now.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

OBAMA AND THE BLACK VOTE

I was surprised how well Senator Obama performed in Iowa and the overwhelming support that he is enjoying in New Hampshire. For some reason until the last minute I thought Hillary Clinton would win by good margin but the white folks in Iowa said give us Obama or else.

There is something I noticed during interaction with my African American passengers, before he won Iowa most of the comment I heard was "America is not ready for a black president!" or "I am not going to waste my vote on Obama because he can't possibly win the general election!" but the last couple of nights brothers are fired up and motivated to throw their support to senator Obama. If that's the case around all of America, the huge black support base that Bill Clinton built up in the 90's can disappear real quick for Hillary Clinton and without a chunk of the black vote it could be very difficult to win the Democrat party nomination.

If Obama wins New Hampshire this coming Tuesday the shit is going to hit the fan for Hillary and Company because some states are not going to get any easier. She may need to change her strategy big time, the "I am more experienced" chant is not working at all in fact it may have turned off some potential Hillary votes.

I leave you with something interesting that a twenty something black bouncer I had in my cab last night said when I asked him who he would vote for between Obama and Hillary:

"...I am tired of those niggers man! (referring to Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton) I am tired of hearing about that we are victims man...Didn't Bill Clinton looked the other way when 500,000 niggers got smoked in Rwanda while he was getting his dick sucked in the White House by what's her name? Fuck Bill Clinton and his wife man! I am voting for this nigger quick and I hope he wins!... and how much is my fare motherfucker?"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.