CAPITOL POLICE

 

No this picture is not from the 1940's Nazi check-point in Warsaw, it's in the paranoid capital of the free world Washington DC. Capitol Police is slowly becoming one of the worthless police force in the country, talking about wasting tax payer's money. These days they sank to a new low that their new job description is to pull over and harass every other cab driver in Capitol Hill for no apparent reason  because they ain't got shit to do. All they good at is to stare at congressional intern chic's asses all day long or sit in their police cruisers on Independence Avenue with their thumbs deep in their butts.

If you drive through Capitol Hill and Union Station, there are more cops than regular people. The overreaction to 9-11 left these surplus cops with nothing to do but intimidate law abiding retards like DC cabdrivers. 9-11 happened because of these different bureaucratic law-enforcement agencies failed to share information, and those towel-head motherfuckers got real real lucky!

"Who are you calling towel head? Nigger! I have bunch of nephews that drive cabs in DC and I will make sure they take care of your ass! You're dead Mad Cabbie, you're DEAD! By the way, is Ben's Chili Bowl still around? Way back in the days I had me a nice half smoke with chili and cheese that was dope. I have to go now Mad, one of those Predator drones is buzzing over my cave.

Yours truly,

Osama Bin Laden."

Relax Osama, I have a bunch of towel-head friends liked Ahmed, Hassan and Abdala and they all love me. I didn't know that Osama Bin laden used to roll at Ben's Chili Bowl in DC? I am sorry I got sidetracked by brother Osama!

As far as I know, the roll of Capitol Police is to guard congress folks and all the buildings, not regulating the city taxi code. If some real shit goes down at Congress building, good luck if you counting on Capitol Police! They will be the ones hiding behind the interns. I checked their website and found this....  

"The moment of transformation… when you slip into the uniform… put on the badge… and join our elite ranks, you’ll feel it. This is the moment you truly become a part of the dedication, the pride, and the legacy that makes the United States Capitol Police a force like no other."

A force like no other? A force like no other? I have bunch of friends who are DC cops and they address Capitol Police as "federal mall-cops" so please stop that "a force like no other" bullshit!

"Mad Cabbie, this is Captain Dick Shorty from the United States Capitol Police, we have traced this blog and we know that you are the driver of Diamond Cab #3514. I will make sure you pay for all this, bitch! You better not step a foot in Capitol Hill anymore! While I got you here Mad, is there a way you can hook me up with the one legged hooker?" 

I got to go now,


Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

*The writer has a 4th grade education from DC public school systems!

RICKI THE SINGING CAB DRIVER

I have known Ricki for a number of years, he is one of the old timers. You can say Ricki is the Brett Favre of cab drivers, he keeps coming back out of retirement. The first time he retired he wanted to settle in the Philippines and chill but that plan didn't work out so he came back. The second time he moved back in the woods, in Pennsylvania and that didn't last too long either.

I like Ricki, he is a good man and a very good cab driver. He is a dreamer but some times unfulfilled dreams catch up with us and turn in to our worst nightmares. Ricki and I have special relationship,

"Yo Mad, are you a homo or something? What's up with that special relationship man!"

Every time I see Ricki I used to force him cry by deliberately guiding our conversation about his ex-wife. His ex-wife left him for another dude years ago and he never got over it.

"Mad, do you blame her? Look at the way he sings!"

Come on man! Can we exercise a little sensitivity here? The man is hurting!

I haven't seen Ricki lately and I hope he is doing alright and NO I am not going to mention his ex-wife anymore when I see him. I am a matured gentleman now.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie. 

NEW TRANSMISSION

The shop I go to to get my cab fixed is a complete shit-hole, but my man Raul is one of the best transmission guy in town. There he is sitting next to my dead transmission while waiting for a small part to complete the job and you can see part of my cab on the lift. I always make sure to have a case of Heineken in the trunk for Raul so he can expedite the job. He is very effective when he is loaded.

They sell fried fish in the back of the shop if you're hungry. The fish has some rubbery taste for some reason but it's pretty good, I think. I enjoy watching the interaction among the mechanics. They are from Pakistan, India, Vietnam, El Salvador and Eritrea, and they accuse each other of not understanding English.

I took out my cab last night with the newly installed transmission, and it runs like a champ. Job well done Raul!

I ran in to this gal that I went to college with the other night at Whole Foods on P street, and we're going to hang out tonight. I was surprised that she never married because back in college every creep wanted to get in to her pants because she was hot and smart.

God! I think I need to go to the bathroom, it might be something I ate, I don't know!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MAD THE REPORTER

Earlier this morning I happened to pass by Senator Dianne Feinstein's crib and I saw all kind of DC cops all over her driveway. I said to myself WTF?, What happened to one of my favourite liberal chics in congress?

"Excuse me Mad, who you calling a chic? Isn't she is like 99 years old!"

What ever dude, I think she is hot, and please don't interrupt me! I am trying to concentrate motherfucker!

I slowed down and I assessed the situation, and the next think I saw was a handcuffed dark haired middle-aged woman escorted by a cop to the squad car. It wasn't the senator but I wonder who she was? She looked creepy and disoriented. I didn't stick around too long because I didn't want no secret service agent on my ass and end up in Guantanamo-Bay.

Can any of you media people tell us what happened this morning or do I have to do your freaken job for God's sakes?

By the way happy fucken 100th birthday Ronald Reagan! Thanks for single handedly  wiping out the middle class out of America. Oh, I forgot! You ended the cold-war as well right? It's like taking credit for shooting and killing a quadriplegic person with AIDS and liver cancer. The Soviet Union was a dying experiment ever since Lenin's 1917 Bolshevik revolution! I have never heard of  any over-rated President like Reagan. Republicans have orgasms when ever they hear the word "Ronald Reagan" thanks to Tip Oneill. The only thing I thank Reagan for is for all the young pun-tangs I was getting during his presidency, boy I was getting laid left and right man!

"Shut the fuck up Mad! Just stick to your day job driving that stupid ass cab and leave the politics to Sarah Palin you idiot!" 

You know what, I can't continue to write this post anymore while this retard keeps interrupting me!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAXI-METER SCAMS

A bunch of New York city cab drivers got busted few month ago for overcharging their passengers and most of them pleaded guilty. Check out this link: New York cabbies fare-boost scam.

Can this happen in Washington DC?

When you get in to a DC cab and the driver clicks the button, there are four rate options:

Rate-1: Regular DC rate from point A to point B with in the city limit and caps out at $19 thanks to our former Supreme Mayor, Comrade Kim IL Fenty as Phil the dispatcher calls him.

Rate-2: The same per-mile rate as rate 1 but used for any fare that crosses the DC line in to Virginia, Maryland or any state but there is no $19 cap. (All airports are Rate-2)

Rate-3: Snow emergency rate that charges 25% more than rate 1 and rate 2. This rate is active only when DC government declares snow emergency for the city.

Rate-4: Hourly rate that charges $25 per hour with in the city limits.Usually tourists hire cabbies to drive them around historical spots in Washington. 

There are so many illegal cabdrivers and out of state drivers doing illegal pick-up in DC, especially during the night. As a passenger you can't tell if the driver is a legal licensed driver or not, because everything looks legit, including the fake hack ID you see above the dash. Most of these drivers are not afraid to use Rate-3 and charge you 25% more because they don't have any Hack ID to protect in case they get caught. I am not trying to say all the legal drivers are innocent but the stake is too high to pull off some shit like that. If a driver is caught using Rate-3 illegally for the first time, it will be an automatic termination of his or her Hack ID.

Those retarded DC hack inspectors are busy harassing the legitimate cab drivers for minor shit instead of cracking down on the more serious public safety threat, the illegal cabdrivers! Besides getting ripped off,  if you get involved in a serious accident while riding these illegal cabs, I hope and pray you carry a very good insurance of your own, otherwise you will be out of luck.

If a driver clocked you at Rate-3 on a nice sunny day, just go ahead and hand him your wallet!

By the way what happened to my man King of New York hacks? He didn't post for a while. I hope he is not one of those NY cabbies who got busted, but I know he doesn't roll like that. If you see him, tell that bad ass motherfucker I am looking for him.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

BEN HAS A GIRLFRIEND

High-Tech Ben called me up last night and insisted that we meet because he had something important to tell me. I was rolling last night and I really didn't want to stop hacking but after his fifteenth phone call I gave up and agreed to to meet up at one of our overnight hang out spots around three in the morning.

When we usually meet up and chill, we hang for about an hour and he may talk for thirty seconds and I yap for the rest of fifty nine minutes and thirty seconds. Last night it was different, he was doing all the talking, Ben is in LOVE! How did he pulled it off? I have known Ben for many years and I have never seen him with a woman before, the last boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that he talks is about a blind girl he dated in high school and that was about a hundred years ago. Ben is a creepy guy and has  "A future serial killer" written all over his forehead but I like him, the only subjects that he talk about comfortably are about the latest electronic gadgets and World War II. Its easy to spot Ben because he likes to hack around the hookers corner at K and M streets downtown with his surveillance gears on board.

Ben comes from a wealthy family and he inherited one of his parent's paid off house in Rockville, but both of his well to do professional sisters broke off any communication with him for a reason that he don't like to talk about. Ben is also a very good cab driver, he has a way of hacking that he mastered to an exact science. I know cab driving is an honest living but there has to be some shit during our childhood that makes us hang on to this crazy profession as a career. I wonder what went wrong with Ben?

Mad: This better be good motherfucker, I was on a roll tonite until you slowed my ass down bitch, so whats up High-Tech?

Ben: I think I need you to check out this woman I like.

Mad: what makes you think I am an expert, I haven't get laid yet in 2011

Ben: She is blind and Jewish.

Mad: What the fuck is with you and these blind women? And why do you care whether she is Jewish or not? When is the last time you showed up at a synagogue ever since your bar mitzvah motherfucker?

Ben: This is no joke man, she is a good woman and she likes me.

Mad: Well at least she won't be able to see your creepy ass!

Few weeks ago Ben picked this blind woman with a see-eye-dog and drove her to the animal hospital on Brandywine street, she dropped her dog off and had Ben drive her back home. On the way home Ben mentioned that he dated a blind girl in high school and they ended up talking in his cab for two hours. I just cant imagine High-Tech Ben talking to another human being for two hours, I guess he really likes her. His plan was he wanted me to stay up late and drive little more so he can show me his girl this morning at her regular bus stop on her way to her federal job.

So it was early this morning that two retarded cab drivers parked at a street corner stalking a blind woman and her see-eye-dog at a bus stop. I was surprised man, she is one blind woman who really takes care of herself and I don't know why he needed my stamp of approval. As far as I am concerned he did well, he probably told her that he looks like George Clooney. He is going to take her to his house this weekend and he might get lucky too.

"Mad, what a pathetic life you have! Even the creepy ass High-Tech-Ben is going to get laid before you do this year you looser!"

Come on man, why beat on a brother when he's down?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MAN IN RED

When this guy with a dark suit wearing a red cowboy boots tried to flag me down around 7th and Constitution, I didn't know whether to stop for him or run over his ass. But I thought he may be one of those new tea-party member of congress and I didn't want to be charged with a federal offense if I did.

I was like "What's up with those red boots dude?" and with out saying anything he gave me the "What the fuck do you know about fashion you retard? Red boots are in!" look. Can someone please tell me if guys red boots are really in ? Because I still have my early eighty's flash dance ankle-top red boots stashed away somewhere.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

THE HOT BLACK CHIC

Few nights ago a hot black chic got in to my cab and the first words that came out of her mouth was, "Do you like to snuggle after sex?" That was a very strange question to ask a person you just met. This girl was pretty, smoking body and smelled real good. I said to my dumb self, "Mad Cabbie, finally after twenty years of hacking some hot chic wanna fuck you and she wants to make sure if you like to snuggle after sex!" and I didn't know what it was but something hard in my pants shifted from left to right.

Generally cab drivers we are chronic bullshitters, every cab driver has stories about a fare that ends up in a room at the Mayflower with a hot blond, a blow job in front of some chic's driveway or being a boy toy to an old widowed millionaire. Maybe I am way behind in my game but those scenarios never come my way, okay just once! She had few extra pounds though, like three hundred extra pounds! But this time it's a real hottie.

"You are such a looser Mad Cabbie, you disgusting pig!"

Shut up you jackass, can I finish my story please?

I didn't know how to respond to her question, so I answered by asking her the same question that she threw at me about snuggling. Her story was that she just hooked up with this dude after attending the pathetic Washington Wizards basketball game. After they finished having sex the guy buried her under his arm at a point she couldn't breath, and when she begged him to stop, he got annoyed and angry because she didn't like his post-sex snuggle ritual. That's when she ran out of his apartment and jumped in my cab and wanted to know what my preference after sex was and that's when what ever shifted in my pants returned to it's original place.

I dropped her off at her high-rise apartment on Porter street and we said our good-byes. A few minutes later I picked up a Latino kitchen help who accidentally sliced his finger, and I had to drive his bleeding ass to George Washington Hospital ER. He was crying, moaning and holding his dangling finger that was wrapped with a white towel, and I was thinking about that hot black chic. 

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CASH OR STEAK KNIVES ONLY PLEASE

"Hello Mad Cabbie,

I live in Georgetown and I do quite a lot of business travel. In most major cities the cabs accept credit card and it makes it really convenient for people like myself to use my company's credit account to expense all my travel costs. It really doesn't make any sense that majority of the cabs in one of the most important cities in the world (Washington, DC) don't accept credit cards. I know that there are cost associated with the card readers and commissions to the bank, but at the same time wouldn't be to the drivers interest not to carry a lot of cash and more passenger traffic because of the credit cards? It just doesn't make any business sense not to accept credit card these days! Please explain Mad Cabbie, you probably know somethings I don't.

Your blog rocks man, I thought you stopped writing, it just happened a friend of mine emailed me a link about your new years eve post which was one of your funniest post. Keep on blogging you might end up doing something great out of this blog.

Thanks,

CJ from Georgetown."

Thanks for your email CJ. I am one of those drivers that don't take plastics. In my case just for one reason and one reason only, COST! Majority of my night riders pay me in cash, okay maybe few in food stamps so I really don't want to spend money on equipment, commission and other wireless access fees, I am just a natural born bean counter. But if I drove during the day time and do a lot of airport runs I would definitely have one of those wireless CC scanners.

District of Columbia Taxicab Commission doesn't have a law that enforce taxis to accept credit cards, at least not yet so it's completely up to the driver to accept credit cards or not. Some drivers don't have good credit score and don't want to pay the higher commission rate to the banks, sometimes as high as 8% . The culture of paying cab rides with credit cards in DC is not really catching on yet, so some drivers are waiting until the demand justifies the cost.

People have creative ways paying  for their cab rides. I remember few years ago some dude offered me a set of steak knives he just stole from a store for a ride to Michigan Park and I took on his offer. I gave those same set as a weeding gift a year later. Of course there is that old bullshit story that every cab driver tell, "...she didn't have cash for the fare so I let her give me a blow-job!" That never happened to me so far and it will never will unless she is one toothless crack-head bitch.

CJ, unfortunately for the time being it's not going to be easy finding a DC cabbie that would accept your corporate credit card. Maybe in a couple of years or so but for now you have a better chance of paying for your fare by carrying a set of steak knives in your brief-case.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE OTHER SIDE

I was coming back from south-east cruising on Pennsylvania avenue in Capitol Hill when a tall white dude flagged me down. He looked half toasted and his breathing was out of the ordinary, like he just completed a marathon. I asked if was running and he said he was just nervous and scared! Scared? Scared of what?

He told me that he is going to tell his wife that he wants out of the marriage. He has been drinking for the last four hours so he can have the balls to face her when he do so. Mind you it's a little after one in the morning and this clown is going to wake up his poor wife and ask her for a divorce. At the same time I was tuned in to "coast to coast am " on the radio. For those of you who are not familiar with "coast to coast am", it's a radio show that attracts night-shift retards like myself and talks about alien abductions, UFO, secret society, shadow government and shit like that. And last night they had a guest talking about how to learn to talk to dead people if you buy his book, and I was listening attentively.

This dude wouldn't leave me alone, he talked about how he is in love with another chic at his work and can not live without her because they are a match made in heaven. He talked about his wife being pain in the ass and that she is not giving up the pussy as frequently as he liked, as a matter of fact according to his iphone app, in 2010 they fucked only fourteen times!

He wanted my opinion and usually I would say "Are you fucking crazy? you dumb ass! You don't wake your wife up one in the morning and..." but last night I was like "You go boy! Wake that bitch up and...", just to make our conversation short so that I can carry on listening to the radio about the latest technique on how to talk to dead people.

Finally I dropped him off around 28th and Cathedral! He admired my superior advice that I have given him and paid me handsomely. This fair would buy me the book that they have advertised on the radio show, and soon Mad Cabbie will be talking to all kind of dead motherfuckers on the other side!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

PRINCE GEORGE COUNTY

 
Prince George's County is a part of Maryland that borders Washington, DC. It's on its way to be recognized as the murder capital of the United States. I feel sorry for the cabbies who work in that dump, I feel much safer hustling in any DC ghetto than that shit hole they call Prince George's county. In fact I have heard of a PG county cabbie who joined the army and got shipped to Afghanistan just to get away from the violence in Landover.

About a year ago some jackass robbed an Ethiopian cabdriver, shot him in the back of the head, threw him out of the cab, ran over him and left him for dead in Landover. They caught that savage moron driving the murdered Ethiopian cabdriver's taxi the next day. Few months ago he got convicted and got life plus 80 years, I think he well be eligible for parole on his 137th birthday!

As of today there are 11 murders in 2011 already! Brothers are getting out of control man, something needs to be done, somebody! Al Sharpton, why isn't his fat ass marching already?

There is this chic who drives a cab out there in PG county, she's got more balls than I do man, and she has a blog too. Just check her out when you get a chance and let her know how brave she is.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

APARTHEID DAYS AT DIAMOND

Diamond was, in fact the last company to accept black drivers. As far as I am aware, there were three segregated companies: Yellow, Liberty and Diamond.

When I came to Diamond, the first black American driver was still there, Mr. Alston, #42.

At one point, Jimmy Heffner, who was the rental manager at Yellow drove for Diamond. He told the story how he desegregated Yellow. It seems that this black driver, a retired D.C. Fireman, came there to rent, as they made you rent for a while at Yellow before they would take you as a private owner. The boss told Heffner to make him sit on the bench and tell him that there were no cabs available. This went on for three days until Heffner told the boss that either Heffner was going to give this guy a cab or the boss was going to tell this Fireman that he was not going to get a cab. The boss backed off and told Heffner to give him a cab, then went around there telling everyone that Heffner had pressured him into letting a black guy drive at Yellow. Heffner said that he took quite a bit of grief for that.

I know for a fact that Heffner is dead. Alston is probably, as well. I remember when he left, because he told me that he was taking off time because his health was failing him, but that he hoped to be back. He always had a buffalo nickel in one ear.

Up until 2007, the driver card file was still in the office. Gloria Sartori, who was front desk Secretary from 1947-1989 maintained it. She typed the race of each driver onto a card and put it into the file. She would type 'Nigerian' for any black African (if you want to make a Ghanaian or a Sierra Leonian angry, call him a 'Nigerian'). She would type 'Arabic' for any middle Easterner, even Persians or Afghans (if you want to make a Persian angry, call him an 'Arab'). Pakistanis and east Indians were 'Hindu', black Americans were 'Negro' and white Americans were 'White' or 'Caucasian' as were some of recent European origin, although some of those were identified by the country of their birth. The file was still there in 2007, although I have no idea if it is still there. The first driver to get the designation 'Nigerian', Mr. Bernard Obi, cab #658, is still at Diamond.
I do not know from where Mr. Obi comes.

P.S Mr Obi is from Ghana.

This post is written by Phil the Dispatcher,
copy and pasted (stolen) by Mad Cabbie.

Thanks Phil, and don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

2011 PREDICTIONS

Few days ago Pat "the phony" Robertson predicted that the United States will go bankrupt in two years! Back in the days he once predicted that Jesus Christ would come back by the end of 1982. In 1982 while my high school buddies were getting stoned and having fun, I was waiting for Jesus at the corner of River Rd and Wilson Lane, and guess what? Jesus was a no-show! Pat, thanks for nothing you jackass, that whole year I deprived myself from jerking-off because I was paranoid that Jesus may knock on my bathroom door! I am not going to fall for your bullshit anymore you freak!

Let me tell you my predictions for 2011,

Pat Robinson and a former Washington DC high level official both will come out of the closet after being caught with transvestite hookers! The balance sheet of the United States will improve and by the end of this year the economy will generate two million more new jobs! How do you like that Mr. 700 Club?

Let me visit the bathroom and take care of business real quick now, and don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

NEW YEARS EVE PARTY

I got to the Bunker few minutes after midnight and I met Pastor Joe and "Wheel Chair Jerrome" smoking cigarettes outside. You all know my best and dysfunctional friend Pastor Joe, there is no need to introduce him. My man Jerrome is an old friend and a computer geek on a wheel chair for the last fifteen years. The story goes that some pissed off nigger shot his ass when he found out that Jerrome was fucking his woman and his sister. That ended  Jerrome's famous break dancing skill for good because Jerrome ended up being paralyzed from the waist down. If you ask me, that's the best thing that has ever happened to Jerrome because he was extremely smart but a no good motherfucker who was going to end up dead or locked up in prison. Instead he decided to go to college and earn a couple of degrees and now he is in to network security field and making a good living.

I left those clowns outside and proceeded to the shady ass entrance of the Bunker. I knocked on the door and Al the bouncer let me in after he yelled at me for the reason I didn't know, when Al gets drunk no one understands what the fuck he says, so I just high fived him and moved on inside the social club!

The Bunker is a hidden place in the middle of nowhere where the night owls meet, like the bartenders after they close their bars, where hookers stop by between their tricks, where dancers go after they're done with their gigs and where some of DC's shady ass characters assemble. Don't try to google this joint, you won't find it, it's like a members only country club for creepy ass motherfuckers. Last call in this joint is when the fucken sun rises and drinks are technically free you just have to make a reasonable donation for this dump's historic site preservation fund.

The place was packed and more people were pouring in. I met friends I haven't seen for years, I was happy to see Andre, a Russian dude who did time for few years for pretending to be an immigration lawyer. I remember few years back I drove couple of Russian immigrants to his office, I thought he was a real lawyer, even though he was sharing an office space next to a used tire shop, that didn't alarm me at all. Andre said prison wasn't that bad, he killed time by reading hate mails from some of his deported Russian clients in Moscow.

As soon I was getting comfortable Pastor Joe dragged my ass outside so that we can carry Jerrome and his wheelchair in the club since the fucken death trap establishment is not wheelchair accessible. Jerrome looked like a proud Egyptian King Tut carried by two retards when he made his grand entry to the club, it was a pretty funny scene. Then I run into Fred who was rushing to get out of there and I said, "What the fuck Fred, the party just started, where the fuck are you going?" He said "I got to roll Mad Cabbie, I have a car hooked up on my tow truck and I have to drop it at the lot, happy new year motherfucker! and don't worry I will be back later on" and he rushed out. Later I learned that he repossessed a jeep earlier in southwest and just stopped by the club to pick up some weeds. Talking about weeds, there was this dude wearing a Santa hat walking around with a small diaper bag full of weeds and passing them out like cookies, that place was wicked man!

I described these people because unfortunately we all ended up in the same pickup truck when the party came to an end. It was a great party, everyone had a good time and everything went without a glitch until it was time to go and the nephew with a van that supposed to pick up Wheelchair Jerrome didn't show up because it overheated! The area we were at, let alone wheelchair accessible cabs, even cops don't show up if you cry out for help so we need to do quick thinking to transport Jerrome. Fred was climbing on his pickup truck (came back with the pickup truck after he dropped off the tow-truck) and I had to beg him for a  ride after I explained our situation with Jerrome. To my surprise Fred agreed to give us a ride! Wheelchair Jerrome lives all way out in Virginia off the Dulles toll road to be near his work, he pretty much wheel himself to his office. So that was really nice of Fred to do that for us, he even refused to accept gas money.

Fred had his girlfriend and another chic sat in the front with him. The rest of us sorry ass drunks, Pastor Joe, Russian Andre, Wheelchair Jerrome and I sat outside on the bed of the truck! Boy it was freaken cold and we looked like fucken migrant farm workers huddled up and holding tight to that wheelchair so that Jerrome don't fly his crippled ass all over route 66 west.

The forty minutes trip felt like forty days, everyone that passed us on the road were laughing their asses off! Even couple of Virgina State Police couldn't stop laughing when they saw us at the toll both. Finally we got to Jerrome's place, threw his drunk ass on his bed and we took off. Fred was nice enough to drop us off in DuPont and he moved along in to PG county Maryland with his ladies to enjoy that weed he stashed at home.

Andre, Pastor and I, three fucking frozen losers with no women on a new years morning, walked to my apartment and crashed! But you know what? It is going to be a GREAT year, I am feeling it!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

May you get laid more this year everyone!

My new year's resolution this year is to write at least 100 posts. I am sorry that last year was a disaster, I didn't take the loss of my father very lightly, I was a mess and I was in no mode writing so I took on drinking instead!

"Mad you need some help man, I think you are becoming an alcoholic and you may be a danger to the riding public!"

Shut up man! I don't need help, I need more of that contraband high shelf liquor I have been getting from my man Ghost.

We welcome our new Mayor of the District of Columbia Mr Vincent Gray and sir please don't forget what you promised, a fare and reasonable pay  for DC cab drivers, and Mr Fenty, don't let that door hit your skinny ass you lying schmuck! I really regret that I knocked on doors for you in ward 7 and 8 when you ran for the office, the hoods that you and some of your cheerleaders scared to go.

Please don't forget the homeless like Mayor Fenty did,

Mad Cabbie

GOVERNOR ON THE RUN

I bumped in to the governor of Pennsylvania Ed Rendell at a McDonald's parking lot on Wisconsin avenue and Vanness street couple of nights ago. When I first looked at him I thought he was this old dude I knew who owed me money and I was about to say "Where is my money bitch?!". It's a good thing I didn't  because his bodyguard, a tall, fat white dude most likely packing heat was right behind him.

I started to think, "What the fuck is a governor from Pennsylvania doing in Washington DC, rushing through a fast food joint ten o'clock at night? Don't they have McDonald's in Harrisburg Pennsylvania? " His bodyguard stayed by the door while the governor hustled his way in to use the ladies room. YES the ladies room! The governor didn't have time to look at the sign, he needed to go I guess.

While I was walking towards my cab, I tried to look and see what was going on inside his limo but it was too dark with tinted windows, so I couldn't make out  if there was a hot hooker or something. When the driver gave me a "What the fuck you looking at you jackass!" look,  I had to take off and run.

I wonder if the governor was desperate to take a dump that night ?  His picture that I posted above looks like he is ready to drop one!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE BEGINING OF THE END

Diamond Cab Company is one of the oldest cab company in the country. They have been around since the 1920's, in fact we still have some of the old farts driving who were present at the inauguration of the company. I hear from some of my passengers that tell me that their grandparents used to ride with Diamond. That says a lot about any business that could survive this long, especially a small businesses like Diamond.

At one point Diamond had over a thousand cabs in the fleet, at least that was I was told. That number evaporated to just over couple hundred nowadays, and the old retards who own this company don't give a shit at all. If you pay a visit to the dispatch room you would experience a time travel back in to the 1960's. The duck-taped radio equipments that barely work, you will see a pile of hand written order tickets all over the place because a machine called "COMPUTER" hasn't been discovered yet at Diamond.

Since Yellow Cab Company of DC installed the computer dispatch system, almost hundred Diamond cab operators had defected to Yellow Cab! Instead of keeping up with the competition, this company is ruining the "DIAMOND" brand straight to the grave by hiring dispatchers who don't have the command of the English language, by refusing to modernize the dispatch system, by not hiring a real manager instead of a second hand book-keeper running the place like a junkyard, by allowing some unprofessional drivers and operators stick with the company and by losing most of the contracts that we had with different law and lobbying firms on K street, just to mention a few.

With the ongoing self destructive course I just don't see this company surviving another year, unless they sell it to a hungry investor with vision and capital that can turn around this potentially cash-cow operation in to a real dominant transportation powerhouse in Washington DC.

Anyone out there that is sitting on couple of million dollars or so and don't know what to do with it? Forget the stock market, I just gave you a fat ass insider information that can make you a shit load of money in a relatively short period of time. I will be glad to share ideas with you @ maddccabbie@yahoo.com if interested.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

AN OFFICER AND A GENTELMAN

I think being a young hot white chic helps out sometimes, especially when you get pulled over for suspicion of being drunk.

"That cop was a gentleman!" she said to me, after the officer had her park her car and helped her flag me down to drive her home in Glover Park. By the way more than half of DC alcoholics live in Glover Park! what's up with that man? Any how, she only had six cocktails, that's all!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MAD THE SNITCH

A drunk driver killed a 24 year old woman not to far from my hood last night! Are these drunk idiots going to get it? What's wrong with this picture here? From DuPont where the deadly accident happened to Chevy Chase where that hit and run drunk driver Jorida Davidson lives, the cab fare is less than $12! TWELVE FREAKING' DOLLARS MAN!!!

Few years back I picked up a group of four girls who wanted to go to a high rise apartment off Porter street in Cleveland Park. They were all shit faced talking shit, they were talking about funny stuffs like some old Arab men trying to pick them up at the club. When we got to their place one of the girls insisted that she was okay to drive her parked car at that location to continue her trip in to Bethesda. Her friends were pissed off that she changed here mind all of a sudden to drive home, and begged her to spend the night over and over again. She was in no shape to drive and I even offered her a ride for just $10 to downtown Bethesda but insisted that she only had a couple of drinks and can drive herself home. Finally I warned her that I would call the cops if she sits behind the wheel of her car, but she told me to go fuck myself or something of that nature and zigzagged to her car off Porter street.

She headed north on Connecticut avenue driving her green Volkswagen Gulf with Pennsylvania tags and I followed her to Brandywine street until I was stopped at a red light and I lost her for a while. When I got to Connecticut avenue and Military road, there she was pulled over by couple of DC police cruisers. I wonder who tipped them off? Damn, those cops are real good man!

In 1987 I lost a real good friend who was killed by a drunk driver just couple days after our college graduation. I really take this DUI shit very seriously man, when I drive at night I am more worried that I get run over by a drunk scumbag than being robbed or shot by a thug. If you go out to party that involves drinking and don't have cash for the cab fare, that means you can't afford to go out at all, so sit your sorry broke ass at home please.

Friends don't let friends drive drunk, even if it means that you have to call the cops. For the family of Kiela M Ryan, I am real sorry for your loss and I hope that bitch Jorida Davidson will pay for this for the rest of her pathetic life.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HOT COUGAR MOM

I tell you, the cougar movement is out in full force. I have been picking up a lot of older women with their much younger boy-toy lately. The other night this dude flagged me down in front of Nora's Restaurant at Florida avenue and R street. He was about maybe in his mid to late twenties, tall and physically in a very good shape. He kissed his forty something girlfriend good bye and said "Take care of my lady and get her home safe please!" She got in my cab and he walked south on Florida avenue.


She wanted to go to her Bethesda home and was in a hurry to get there before 10pm so her baby-sitter won't miss her bus. When she mentioned that she would tip me well I got her home quick, I think I run over two cyclist on the way. The single mother of twin 11 year old girls was very attractive, dark hair, tall, the body still holding well and incredibly great looking set of legs.

With in that twenty minute ride I learned from my MILF passenger that:

Men over forty are boring and lazy in bed, only interested in a blow jobs.
Older women can reverse the process of aging by fucking young studs.
Young men treat older women much better than girls their own age.
Older women should never, never get married to their boy-toy!
I am the coolest cab driver she ever met.

I must say that she paid me well!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.