A WHITE CAB DRIVER IN DC?

There are about 8000 licensed cab drivers in Washington DC and out of those about less than a couple of hundreds are white cab drivers if you count those Coptic Greeks as white people. The number of white drivers took a sharp decline after the riot of the 60's at a fast phase to the present numbers, and most of the surviving white cabbies are about 100 years old and they are at the finish line towards their grave yards. As far as I know I have got to be the youngest and the last white cab driver in Washington DC. I think the federal government is going to put me on the endangered species list and you will find me picking my nose in a fucken DC zoo chained to my cab pretty soon. Even though not as fast, the same is happening to Black American cab drivers because these days like any major American city the cab industry is dominated by foreign drivers and by the Ethiopians in Washington DC.

I can tell that most of you white riders kind of feel sorry for me and leave me the extra petty tip and some are so straight forward and they offer me a job interview and of course quite a few of you ass holes with a comment like "You got to be a real fucken loser to be white and drive a cab in this town!" and there are some, like this young black dude I picked up the other morning who sees it from a different angle. The brotha was on his way to an important job interview on K street when he flagged me and got in to my cab, and when he realized that I am white, he chuckled and said:

"Now I know they are not going to offer that job for a brotha like me! I guess things are so bad out there even a whittie is driving a cab! "

I hope he gets that job, I am very happy with mine.

Peace,

Pastor Joe.

THE MOTHER OF ALL FUNERALS

Thanks for the kind words that some of you left in regards to the loss of my father. I really didn't want to write about anything to do about my dad's death, but I can't help myself but to do otherwise and throw in some few words about the funeral service because it was very special, uplifting and it was kind of funny that my old man was looking down and laughing his ass off.

It was supposed to be a small white family affair at a small Baltimore church until a bunch of DC cabs and a chartered bus full of misfits from DC managed to show up, thanks to the organizational skills of Mad Cabbie and Mr Hook. The room was full of mostly old white people until all hell broke loose and all the passengers off that bus entered the building. Cab drivers from different nationalities, managers from the cab company, hookers, pimps, some characters I don't think I ever met in my life and even a couple of homeless dudes that we knew over the years came to pay respect. You should have seen those poor old white folks from Bel Air Maryland on how confused and scared they were and asking themselves what the hell was going on and what are all these Negroes, foreigners and suspicious looking white dudes doing here. But you know what? When I saw all those people that I love and sometimes hate showed up at my father's funeral to be by my side, I felt all the love and all the sadness in me evaporated in to the thin air and I said to myself "Joe! everything is going to be all right!"

I would like to thank everyone who showed up that day and I hate this post sounding like an ass kissing session but I can't tell you enough on how thankful I am to Mad Cabbie who showed up at the hospital every single day and made my Dad laugh all way to the end. Thanks Mad!

Enough with the tears! Where are my transvestite passengers? The Pastor is on duty...

Peace,

Pastor Joe.

WHEN IT RAINS IT POURS

Hello everyone, I am sorry that I haven't been updating this blog lately but it has been a rough month for me and I have been all over the place. Three different funerals in the same month! My grandmother (95 yo) laid to rest in Kaub Germany, my uncle (77 yo and my dad's older brother) in Richmond Virgina, and Pastor Joe Sr (81 yo) in Baltimore Maryland.

Let me catch my breath and I will see you in a couple of days.

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

HERE WE GO AGAIN

Last night was the first working night of the year for me and it was pretty quite. The only thing worth writing, is about this blind regular rider who lives in North Cleveland Park and also was my first fare of the year. I feel sorry for this dude because everything bad you can imagine happened to this poor fellow. He is blind, barley hears, difficulty walking, over weight and smells kind of bad. The only thing he got going for himself is he is loaded with cash.

I drove him to the Capital Grille on 6th and Pennsylvania avenue where the Washington lobbyists, power brokers, wanna be power brokers and chicks who hunt for men with power hang out. This blind man always annoys the shit out of me but I am nice to him because I feel sorry for his ass, every fucken block he asks the "Where are we now?" question! It's like:

HIM: Where are we now?

ME: 15th and Pennsylvania!

HIM: Where are we now?

ME: 14th and Pennsylvania!

HIM: How about now?

ME: 13th and Pennsylvania!

HIM: And now where are we?

ME: We are still stopped at the light on 13th and Pennsylvania Sir!

It's a fifteen minutes ride but it always feel like a fifteen hour torture.

I hope the rest of the year goes well.

Don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

PAT ROBERTSON IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - In what has become an annual tradition of prognostications, religious broadcaster Pat Robertson said Tuesday God has told him that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.

"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that."

Robertson said God told him during a recent prayer retreat that major cities and possibly millions of people will be affected by the attack, which should take place sometime after September.

Robertson said God also told him that the U.S. only feigns friendship with Israel and that U.S. policies are pushing Israel toward "national suicide."

Robertson suggested in January 2006 that God punished then-Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon with a stroke for ceding Israeli-controlled land to the Palestinians.

Do you believe this jackass? But you know what? God told me while I had a recent visit to a lap dance in a Las Vegas bar, that Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson will have hot gay sex and Pat will carry Jerry's' baby in 2007! How do you like them apples?

Did I say Happy New Year?

Don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

I thank everyone who read this stupid blog and would like to wish you and your families a healthy, peaceful and productive new year. I have been busy for the past week and last night was the last working night of the year for me and I thank God for helping me to have another successful year.

"Ha ha ha...Mad, you are a fucken cabbie for God's sake, a Cab driver and the word success don't belong in the same sentence you loser!"

Shut up bitch! You trying to put me down because I drive a cab? and I don't care what you say but my year was a success.

We haven't heard from Pastor Joe for quite some time because he is at his gravely ill father's side at a Baltimore hospital and we are praying for the best.

I am leaving for Las Vegas on Saturday to spend new year's eve in the sin city and travel back to Dallas on new years day to visit my brother and his family and watch some football games together. I will be back to DC on the 3rd but I won't be back to work until the 8th so there is going to be some down time to stare at the wall and do some thinking.

Like I predicted the Redskins will finish their season on Saturday with a win against the Giants and will have a 6-10 record. I will predict that the New Orleans Saints and the San Diego Chargers will be the contenders for the Super Bowl and I also predict that I might get laid in Las Vegas.

Please drink responsibly and don't throw up all over my fellow cab drivers!

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

BRUSH WITH DEATH

I was reading this post by OC girl and the post was about the last Christmas gift Lizzie gave to her boyfriend Jesse which required thoughts, determination, effort and a little luck. The result? The best Christmas present her boyfriend ever got! Please read it it's a nice warm good spirited story.

"Mad are you dying or what? what's up with the uplifting Christmas story?"

No I am not dying, the reason I mentioned OC girl's post is because, like I commented in her blog I want to talk about the best Christmas gift I ever got and mark the 10th anneversery of that gift and I am not talking about that ugly ass purple jacket that Pastor Joe gave me years ago.

It was the night of December 23rd 1996 few minutes after eleven O'clock at the corner of 10th and G streets north east, a fine African American gentleman in the back seat of my cab said to me with a loud nervous voice: "CUT THE CHEESE MOTHERFUCKER, UNLESS YOU WANT A HOMICIDE IN THIS JOINT!!!" For some reason I wasn't nervous or scared in fact the phrase "Cut the cheese" was kind of funny thing to say while knocking off a cab driver I wanted to laugh, but this was no laughing matter the nigga didn't have time for a laughter or a chit chat, it was a serious business with a gun pointed at the back of my head. While I handed over my wallet and cash I said with a calm voice something like this, "I know it's tough out there bro and take everything... It's all there... I am not looking just run and Merry Christmas!" I was calm even though I was shitting in my pants.

The only time I saw him was when he entered my cab at Georgia avenue and it was dark, I never turned around and looked while the robbery was going on and after I gave him everything and he listened to what I had to say, there was a pause for a few seconds and I thought I would see what my brain looked like all over the windshield but instead the punk said "IT'S YOUR LUCKY NIGHT AND I WILL LET YOU LIVE MOTHERFUCKER!" and he opened the door and ran away in to the darkness.

I am one of the few cab drivers in Washington DC who pick up everyone without judging or discriminating, maybe that's not smart on my side but what the fuck, there are lots of decent and money paying brothas who need my service and I didn't let that incident discourage me to continue to do so. I look at it this way, he got what he wanted that night, few bucks! and I got what I always want, my life! and that was the best Christmas gift I ever had.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

T IS FOR

Here's how to play: Comment and I'll give you a letter; then you have to list 10 things you love that begin with that letter. After, post this in your blog, and give out some letters of your own.

I got the letter "T" from RED.

10 things that I love that start with the letter "T".

1- Tits: They're so nice and soft to touch, beautiful to look at and a mouthful to...

"Hold it right there Mad! This is a family friendly blog okay! we get the idea!"

2- Tuborg beer: If you are in to the horse piss garbage we brew here in the U.S, you need to start drinking this fine Danish beer. Beer is not my choice of drink (Got to watch the abs) but if I feel like it, it's always Tuborg or Carlsberg.

3-Thievery Corporation: These guys put out some bad ass music and they grew up just outside Washington DC in Maryland, check them out.

3- Thyme: This herb is a must have at Mr Mad's kitchen, you put this bad boy in any pathetic junk that you attempt to cook and are Julia Childs all of a sudden.

4- Tribe Called Quest: These brothaz, in my book are the best hip hop group ever walked on this planet, they are the real deal, forget the MTV wanna be gangsters with Ferrari and booty shaking chics, If you wanna see the real gangsters in the hood you should ride with me at night some time, the brothaz don't drive Ferrari they ride with Mad Cabbie. Tribe Called Quest are not record label commercial product they are real artists with unique talent.

5- T-Bone steak: The say the best meat is always closer and attached to the bone and I agree, I like it bloody please.

6- Twilight Zone: One of the best TV series put together and Rod Serling was a genius way ahead of his time.

7- Tyra Banks: Haba haba haba... I don't know what but there was some kind of movement in my pants while I was typing her name.

8- Tip: Yes that's right I am a cabbie and I like getting tipped well, I am not your usual lame ass cab driver who just drive to your destination, I can also speak English with limited number of words, I can entertain you, hook you up with chics, you can shop for your daily dose of crack in the comfort of the back seat of my cab, I let you give a blow job to your man in the back seat, you see all these fine public services deserve a fat TIP.

9- Tequila: I don't like drinking a lot but if I want to get a buzz with out consuming too much, just a few shots of tequila will do the trick and I am good just drinking tonic water for the rest of the night.

10- Teeth: I mean a good healthy clean teeth, nothing like a chic with a perfect smile. Kim, my on and off long time girlfriend/friend/buddy since high school has the most perfect teeth I have ever seen and that's sexy. You can tell a lot about a person just looking at the teeth, the hand and the shoes. In fact when I check out a chic I try to look at the teeth before I zoom in at the boobs! and in case if you are wondering my teeth are some of my best assets.

There you go Ms Red and thank you for inviting me to play this game.

Eryn: "W"
Claire: "B"
MJ: "O"
Dublin Cabbie: "P"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TREES GONE WILD

This is one of the few effects that a global warming can cause to our environment, so please think globally and don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

TAGGED

I got tagged by Xtreme English and I have to write six things about myself and tagg other six bloggers, so here it is....

1- I used to break dance a lot during the early eighties and still do in front of a mirror when nobody is around! Imagine a 6'2" 200lbs freak moving around like a mental patient!!! One time my niece caught me doing my moves and she was horrified by what she saw and she is probably damaged for life.

2- Growing up as a kid Jack Lord from Hawaii-Five-O was my hero, I always wanted to be like him when I grow up and say "Book em up Danno!".

3- I used to have a huge crush on Meredith Baxter from "Family Ties" back in the 80's and I still think she's one beautiful classy woman. When ever I watched family ties my pants used to be down my ankles if you catch my drift!

4- I am a closet Bette Midler fan and I am 100% heterosexual male.(I hope Pastor Joe doesn't read this post!)I think she is the funniest female entertainer who can do it all.

5- After a hot shower I like to sleep butt naked, I like the feel of a clean sweet scented sheet, it helps me sleep faster and I think you need to breath freely down there, you know what I mean!

6- I am definitely a mama's boy and I talk to my mother almost every single day and I become paranoid if we skip a day or two. But if you see me out there I look like a bad ass motherfucker who just stabbed his mother, so don't judge a book by its cover, there is a soft side of Mad Cabbie.

Now I have to find other six bloggers to tag, definitely not Pastor Joe, if he put up his list I think he will be arrested and get 15 to life, so let me play it safe.

DC Cab Rider
Paradise Driver
Taxi Vignettes
Lugosi
Cabbie Tales
Freddybeach Cabby

You all been TAGGED by Mad Cabbie! so lets get busy.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HELL CAB

Few years ago I picked up a lawyer from downtown around mid night and drove him to Montgomery General Hospital in Olney Maryland. He was in a rush to be with his wife who was in emergency labor to have their first baby and after a 16 mile ride I got him there in a relatively short time, he thanked me and paid me very well. As soon as I was ready to pull away from the drive way of the emergency room a very attractive chick and a couple of Montgomery County police officers banged on my door to get my attention and I stopped. The cops asked me if I can give the young lady a ride home back to Rockville but I was trying to explain to them that I can't take her because it's illegal for a DC cab to pick up a fare in Maryland and she has to call for a Maryland cab, I thought the police were trying to set me up but they weren't, they told me she has been waiting for a Barwood Cab for over half an hour and they haven't showed up and she can't wait anymore and I noticed that she started crying aggressively. I hate to drive around outside my comfort zone and she was taking me away from my route back to the city but her tears were all over her face and I couldn't say no and the cops said to ignore the stupid law and they just want to make sure she gets home safe as early as possible.

She was a brunette in her early twenties and wouldn't stop crying even after I made a few attempts to ask what happened. A few minutes in to the ride she calmed down a bit and after a short quite moment and with a weak sad voice she said "I just got raped tonight!" God that was a shocker! and how do you respond to that? "I am sorry?" I just didn't know what to say my tongue was tied and I was angry. To make the long story short her co worker forced himself on her when they stopped by his apartment to change outfits for a night out clubbing after an office Christmas party. I don't know how many times I have said "I am sorry" but what else I could have done? nothing!

When we arrived at her apartment in Rockville without asking how much (DC cabs don't have meters) she handed me $40 for maybe a $20 fare and thanked me for the ride and she exited my cab. I TOOK THAT MONEY. On my way to DC I was pissed at my self for taking that cash, I didn't even offer that the ride was on me but I was frozen and wasn't thinking I guess, or was I another opportunistic cab driver? how many times in our life time that we would meet a person who just got raped? and I was asking myself "Why didn't the cops give her a ride?" maybe it's against their rules, I don't know but what kind of shit hole world we live in? I was troubled for the rest of the night.

A couple of years after this incident I stumbled in to this movie called "Hell Cab" or "Chicago Cab", it's a very well done and well written cab movie ever and I think who ever wrote the script had driven a cab at some point in life because it is very realistic and there is a part in the movie where the cab driver encounters almost the exact same story I told you about, it's like a twilight zone episode. When I watched that scene of the rape victim (Jullian Moore) in the back seat of the cab and the cab driver's reaction to her story, I cried because it reminded me about that poor brunette and I am usually not an emotional person at all to begin with. The other creepy thing about my story and this movie is both happened around Christmas time and the actor who was the cab driver (Paul Dillon) played the part excellent but don't think that I am a pussy like he played his part, there is a 99% chance that I can kick your ass if you are out of line.

Excuse me Mad! But didn't couple of transvestites in South Beach chased Pastor and your ass few years ago in Miami? and you guys were running for your lives Mr wanna be macho man!

Come on man! you don't have to go there! embarrassing me in front of my readers you jackass!

If you like this blog you will love HELL CAB so when ever you have the chance during the holiday please rent this movie and tell me what you think, this is a great Christmas movie okay! fuck "It's A Wonderful Life"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

BOMBAY TAXI DRIVER

I am glad that I don't drive a cab in Bombay after watching this flick!

Bombay taxi driver
Uploaded by Mad Cabbie

This dude looks like my friend Ali Two Fingers it's so creepy! Enjoy.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

ONE LEGGED HOOKER REVISITED

Ever since that post "Hooker With One Leg" this blog has been getting thousands and thousands of hits from all over the world through a news group link called AmpLinks in yahoogroups.com devoted to amputee news, discussion and photos. When our one legged hooker friend Ms T was told by the Pastor that I posted a little story about her, she wasn't too sure but now that she's getting all these attention she wants to have her own website.

So listen up you creeps, any guy who would like to meet a very attractive 5'9" blond amputee and also have the skill to build a quality website for her and I am not talking about those cheesy ass web sites that my ten year old niece can download, it has to be a real cool commercial type quality escort service website, so she is looking for someone to work with and must be over 25 years old and you might get lucky so please drop me an email. Serious inquires only otherwise if you try to bullshit her she will kick your ass with her prosthetic leg.

I have been busy lately hustling and working hard with my regular riders and Pastor's shady clients. Thanks to you Pastor I am having fun with your niggas with AKs in my back seat motherfucker! I am glad you're coming back to work tonight after your extended trailer park vacation you white trash! because I don't like your clients and I am fucking tired! by the way the poll results we got last week suggests that 96% of you think that this blog is not offensive at all and THANK YOU.

Thank you Ms T for keeping me busy and you are the only Pastor's client I really enjoy driving you around, besides that you are sexy and hot you are intelligent and full of visions and we will get this website going for you soon, thanks to my scary fans.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad "Pimp Daddy" Cabbie.

FREDDYBEACH CABBY

Mike aka "Freddybeach cabby" is a fellow cabbie and a blogger from south of the border, New Brunswick Canada.

"Mad! what fucken planet are you from? Jesus! we know that Americans are dumb asses when it comes to geography but are you really that retarded to know that Canada is north of the boarder?"

Sorry Mike, I started out in DC public school systems and most of our teachers were on crack at the time I was learning about Canada and I hope our new mayor elect Mr Fenty will take over the schools and fix it. Let the record show that I figured out that Canada is north of the United States.

Mike looks like a guy that can kick your ass at any given moment, look at that scary picture of his, but this dude got a strong and big heart and people like him inspire me and keep me going. You think you have a problem? How about your teen age daughter getting killed by a drunk driver for a starter? Yes, Mike lost his daughter couple a years ago because some motherfucker decided to get loaded and drive. This kind of horrible tragedy has to be any parents worst nightmare, it's not something that you could let go for the rest of your life. Mike's doctor suggested to him that he writes a daily journal about his day to day life to help him cope with the loss of his daughter and for the past year and a half he has been posting interesting stories and I have read all of them and whenever you have the time I suggest you check it out.

And this year Freddybeach Cabby is up for the 2006 Canadian Blog Awards and he is nominated for the best local blog category, the vote ends tomorrow and please VOTE for him and yes Americans are allowed to vote and yes your vote will be counted unlike Florida and Ohio. I have seen all kind of shit while driving my cab and nothing surprises me any more but one of Mike's post
"Too Late For That" really disturbed me and I suggest you read it.

Mike keep the good stuff coming and you are my hero sir and stay strong, God bless you and your family and good luck at the awards, get your tuxedo ready!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

KINKINESS GONE WRONG

When I picked up this dude in his forties in front of an office building in Chinatown at two in the morning I knew exactly where he has been. The old building has a few offices of shady injury lawyers, mom and pop accounting firms, so called Import export companies with one phone line, a fax and a soda machine, you know shit like that, but everything closes that time in the morning with exception of suite 207.

Suite 207 is occupied with few dominatrix chicks and transvestites we know who keeps us busy all night from time to time, in fact I have a few of them on my speed dial in case my stressful passengers need some relaxing time by getting some good time whipping. So this dude with suite and tie gets in to my cab and tells me he wants to go to Dorset avenue in Chevy Chase but wants to make a stop by the 24hrs CVS drug store at DuPont Circle. He had a black eye and a small cut on his upper lip and he was very uncomfortable and nervous. For a moment I thought maybe the dominatrix chicks didn't over dominate him, what if it was a robbery attempt or something? So a concerned citizen that I am, I asked.

ME: What the fuck happened to you man?
HIM: Some motherfucker with a gun tried to rob me and I had to fight and at some point we fell on the ground, I guess that's when I hurt myself...
ME: That wasn't smart dude, but I am glad that you are okay, Did you call the cops?
HIM: Thanks man I just want to stop at that CVS to pick up stuff and go home, fuck the cops they're not going to do shit! Just take me home!

He didn't feel like talking too much because he was lying to me and the minute he opened his mouth I knew he was bullshitting me. In DC if you fight an armed thug you are pretty much a dead meat, they will smoke your ass even if you don't fight them and on top of that I checked out his suit when he was walking to the CVS and not a single dirt or wrinkle, I guess it was a clean fight uh? Something definitely went wrong at suite 207 because I pick up some fine gentlemen all the time from there but never with a noticeable wound!

But you know what? If I visited a dominatrix and she kicks the shit out of me and somehow gave me a black eye, would I share the story with some stupid ass cab driver? hell no! I think I would be embarrassed just to admit that I am paying some chick to slap me around. I guess I am not a powerful white man, they say usually white men with money and power fit the description of men who pay a frequent visit to these macho chics. I can testify for that fact because when I dropped him off it was in front of a house on Dorset avenue could easily cost in the millions and I hope he didn't wake his wife up when he sneaked in the bedroom.

One of these days Mad Cabbie will hook up with a dominatrix and I don't want some 5'2" 100lbs skinny white chic just playing the part, I want some 6'4" 300lbs sista who can rough me up and kick my ass! I hope my dad is not reading this shit.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

LET'S BE RESPONSIBLE

I hope everyone had a nice thanksgiving and made time to think and appreciate what you have because I know I did. Both my brothers were here in town and both of my sisters live here locally so everyone with their spouses and kids gathered at the dinner table at my parents house and it was wonderful. The highlight of the weekend was yesterday, our old man and his three sons went to the redskins game at FedEx Field and we had a great time and it reminded me of the good old days and on top of that the skins managed to pull a win so that was a plus. I was driving my brother and his family to the airport this morning and he started talking about Redskin's playoff scenario! what a retard he is. I still stand by my earlier prediction they are going to be a 6-10 team this year.

For those of us who drive cab at night, It's going to be busy until new year's eve because people are out partying a lot and for some of you irresponsible dumb asses who are thinking about getting behind the wheel after few cocktails, it's not worth it, a cab ride might look expensive at the time but it's not. Don't let me pick your ass up from the area police stations after few hours in jail, and I don't want hear that old story "I only had two beers!" bullshit, everyone and their mother tells me that garbage and I don't believe those sorry ass sad stories, so when you go out make sure you tag in a cab fare in your budget and you don't need to worry about killing someone or yourself for that matter. But unfortunately I might have some stories for you soon about a fare I am going to pick up from one of the police stations because some moron chose to drive shit faced.

Please don't drink and drive, and don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

Happy Thanksgiving everyone, I am going to be off the next ten days and chill so Mad Cabbie be careful out there at night because your babysitter is not going to be there when you cry out for mommy! I hope you'll take care of all of my businesses with out fucking up bitch!

I am going back to cave in at the trailers with my people in Bel Air but today I am going hunting, that's what we rednecks do, we hunt our own turkeys but if no luck I will settle for a bloody deer steak for Thanksgiving.

Peace,

Pastor Joe.

TIC TIC TIC TIC TIC...

Tic tic tic...Yeah that's right, if you are riding in one of the 8,000 taxi cabs in Washington DC there is a good chance that you're running around in a back seat of a death trap. Thanks to Carol Schwartz, Motor Vehicle Department and the under achieving Government of the District of Columbia it's only a matter of time that someone is going to get killed because of those mechanically impossible to maintain old taxi cabs.

It used to be as long as you are legally licensed driver with a taxi permit you can operate a taxi business in the District of Columbia with out residential restriction for tags and registration, that means you can live in the outskirts of Washington DC like in Maryland and Virginia and still be able to register your cab in DC and make a living. Since last march the DMV started enforcing a law that require drivers to live in DC in order to obtain taxi registration and tags. That means drivers like my uncle who lives in Fort Washington Maryland and drove a cab in DC since 1956 can not replace his aging 1993 Crown Victoria with close to 400,000 miles with a 2006 Grand Marquis sitting in his driveway doing nothing just because he lives 5 miles outside the city limit. Does it make any sense? of course not! I wrote about this issue last July begging Council woman at large Carol Schwartz to resolve this issue after I read her quote saying:

"Schwartz said her staff is researching how other jurisdictions handle the issue, and a resolution is expected this fall."

Now winter is just around the corner and the rocket scientist at the District government are still studying this complex problem and they might need the help of NASA to solve this issue. You know what Carol, you are getting fat and lazy because you have been there too long and it's time for the resident of the District Of Columbia to stand up and raise their concern because this is some serious shit and be aware that there is a language in DC taxicab insurance agreement stating that a taxi SHOULD BE MECHANICALLY SAFE AND MAINTAINED. If you're riding in one of these cabs glued together with a duck tape because the owner can not register a newer cab in his or her name, I hope you don't get in to an accident due to mechanical malfunction of the cab because the insurance may refuse to pay for your medical bills and how do you maintain a vehicle which is not supposed to be on the road in the first place?

But I am optimistic because there is a new young sheriff in town, Mayor-elect Adrian Fenty and I hope he will clean house, and he started by appointing DC Police Commander Cathy L. Lanier a young 39 year old single mother with an impressive accomplishment to be the next DC police chief. I am tired of the business as usual bullshit in the DC government and it's time to clean up those unqualified paper pushers who can't put two sentences together if your life depended on it.

In the mean while make sure you say your prayers before you step in to a DC cab but in case you get in to an accident and the insurance doesn't want to cough up that $50,000 maximum, now you know who to sue because the driver doesn't have jack!

Please don't forget to help the homeless before you get in to a DC cab.

Mad Cabbie.

GUY TROUBLE?

I get quite a few emails from you fine Americans and most of them are from guys who want to know the best place to pick up chicks and some want to know the best bars, good restaurants, happening nightclubs and there are the unusual, like the couple who asked me to refer them to a swingers club in DC and which I responded to all of you with helpful tips. But the number one inquiry so far? "How can I meet the one legged hooker Mad Cabbie?" After the "THE HOOKER WITH ON LEG" post, you perverts topped the email count with TWENTY EIGHT different requests from as far as Australia for a close encounter with Ms T. Wow! I didn't know that chics with one leg are a hot commodity.

I tell you what! for you chics out there who can't get laid or having difficulties getting a guy? I think it's time to loose one of the legs ladies, and those qualified scary gentlemen will be in line fighting for your attention and I have a bunch of their email addresses for sale!

"Lugosi, don't be alarmed I am not going to sell yours! "

Please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

P.S To the racist dude who keeps torturing me about staying away from a woman I have never met in my life, Why don't you ask her out yourself you dick less pussy? Scared? I figured out that you work together with her! One of these days if you notice a tall brotha in your office bitch slapping your ass, that will be yours truly Mad Cabbie!

Sorry I had to squeeze this in guys, this dude is getting annoyingly smarter and my response email to him keeps bouncing back so I would like him to read this as a warning! and if any of you computer geeks out there show me how to trace a fake email address please email me, will you? I am pretty much a retard when it comes to computers.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE

By the way Mad that was a great post about saving and shit, and I want to tell your readers that I taught Mad Cabbie how to make money and he showed me how to save it and I thank you for that. The thing is people are so weak they won't follow your advice otherwise I will be out of business. I live off people's weakness, misery and bad habits. Yes that's right I capitalize on your nightmare, yes I said it and do you hate me already? fuck you! I am not out here to be your friend, if you want a teddy bear go read Mr Roger's oh I am sorry I meant to say Mad Cabbie's posts.

I love you weak people, you know who you are, a lobbyist on K street during the day and in the back seat of Pastor's cab at night wearing your jogging suit and a "Stanford" cap enjoying the ride en route to southwest to pick up your fix. You're a pussy to go by yourself and that's were uncle Joe come in the picture because those niggaz down there love me, they have to put down their AK-47s in order to hug me, and when I come back with your shit your wallet better have "Pastor Joe" written on it.

I love you miserable souls and you know who you are, a sexually frustrated confused middle aged lawyer with a bad mustache during the day and in the back seat of Pastor's cab with a young Filipino man on the way to the Marriott in Crystal City, you know I am going to charge you more than what you charge your clients because those Filipino boys are hard to find on P street. Hey Mr Hook, you better expand your biz in to young male hookers nigga, I hear there is going to be a huge potential market for the new congressmen because those young pages are not available anymore, until then Pastor is counting his money.

And some of you including Mad Cabbie have called me a racist on my last post because of my honest little observation, and that's not true because I am one of the few white card carrying member of NCAA so zip it Mad!

"It's NAACP you retard! you're too white, short and old to be in the NCAA Pastor Joe!"

Whatever Mad, you're not even real black you fucken malado, the brothas I know look like Wisely Snipes and I know more of them than you do nigga. Remember years ago when I used to live at 49th and East Capitol in south east with that black stripper? I used to be the only white man in that zip code and the black kids used to call me Santa you jackass and don't you call me racist anymore because I am still Santa for the ghetto kids.

Peace.

Pastor Joe.