DEATH POOL 2011

Bunch of us put a little cash together and play the annual death pool and I have my five picks for this year for you.

Rush Limbaugh

Dick Cheney

Betty White

Dennis Rodman

Nelson Mandela

I almost won last year by picking Rush "To Eat" Limbaugh but that dickhead survived, but your time has come motherfucker! Sorry I didn't post at all this week, I am getting ready to leave for vacation this afternoon. I am going to a place where I don't have to worry about hurricane Irene, I hope the planes will takeoff later!

I never beg people to comment on this blog but please give me your five pick!

And when is the FBI going to start criminal investigation of councilman Harris Thomas Jr?


Stay safe everyone and please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

ALI TWO FINGERS BACK TO AMERICA

My good friend Ali-Two-Fingers is back! After years of American life, mostly in Washington DC. Ali moved back to his native land Pakistan to get married and open up a modern grocery store few years ago. When he explained his retarded game plan to me at the time I think I bitch slapped him or something. This guy worked hard in America for years, and dumping all his savings by investing in a country that has a safety record more dangerous than Washington DC wasn't a smart move.

He took a break and came to Washington about a year ago to renew his taxi hack license. Most ex cabbies who left the country do that as an insurance policy, something to fall back on in case something goes wrong in what ever shit they're doing. He stayed with me for couple of weeks and we had a great time getting drunk at the Bunker and exchanging old cab-war stories. He signaled then that he had it with Pakistan and his new bride, and that he may be considering moving back to the States. I didn't take his comment seriously since we were both drunk until I got a phone call from Pakistan about couple of weeks ago.

ALI: Can you talk? Do you have a passenger?

ME: I got a fare but she is pissed off drunk and knocked out! What's up Two-Fingers?

ALI: I am coming on the 14th for good maddafucka!

ME: Are you shitting me? You're really coming for real?

ALI: Fuck Pakistan man, I am not going to ever set  foot in that shithole!

ME: I told you so bitch, grocery my ass! Get your drunken taliban ass back to DC motherfucker!

ALI: So I am chilling at your crib until I find an apartment Mad!

ME: I got you covered Two Fingers, and I will ask that old fart Hassan to hook you up with a cab...

Now my good friend Ali is staying with me for a while, and last night a bunch of his Pakistani friends were hanging out at my place to greet and welcome him. My joint looked like there was an Al Qaeda convention and I was afraid the navy seals were going to bust my door and smoke my ass.

I am thankful that one of my dear good friends is back in town and DC is lucky to have a great knowledgeable night cabbie back on the street.

And when is the FBI going to start criminal investigation of councilman Harris Thomas Jr?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HERE COMES MICHELLE

That's some scary ass shit man! There is a very remote chance that this witch could be the next president of the United States. Even though she has won the straw poll in Iowa which doesn't mean jack, I don't think she will get her party's nomination now that the president of Texas Rick Perry is in the mix. But at the same time I do have this side of me that tells me Governor Perry is going to be the 2012 version of Fred Thompson, remember him? I think he is doing senior citizen diaper commercials now.

Congratulations Michelle Bachmann for winning the Iowa straw poll and I hope you get the nomination for your party as well, so president Obama will have four more years to finish the job he started. I say the only republican candidate capable of grabbing the independence and pissed off democrats vote and kick Obama's ass is Mitt Romney.

And when is the FBI going to start criminal investigation of councilman Harris Thomas Jr?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE TSA AGENT

I would love to have that job man, squeezing tits all day long and getting paid for it!

Few weeks ago around three in the morning I picked up this drunk kid who wanted to go near the DC Maryland border. I am trying not to be carelessly specific in my story just to protect his job in case some of his colleagues read this post.

"Mad, you're full of shit man! You have about three people who read this blog, don't worry about the kid's identity. Who do you think you are? The Huffington Post or something!" 

This guy was shitfaced like there was no tomorrow. He wanted me to wait for him when we got to his place so he can grab his uniform and go to work, since he was too drunk to drive to the airport. I asked if he was an airline pilot knowing those cats fly drunk all the time but he proudly told me that he is a TSA agent. It didn't take him to long when he returned back to my cab after he changed and got in to his TSA uniform. I asked him how is going to perform half drunk, but he assured me not to worry and that he will be sober after a half hour nap in my cab on the way.

When we arrived at the airport he downed a whole pack of tic-tac, gave me the thumbs up sign and walked towards the departure terminal. Now please don't rush to judgment, he was responsible enough not to drive drunk who cares about stopping terrorists!

And when is the FBI going to start criminal investigation of councilman Harris Thomas Jr?

Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

TALL GIRL SHORT BOY

I was cruising down Connecticut avenue one night near Uptown Theater when I was flagged down by a tall blond woman. When I say tall, real tall, like six feet and change and very attractive too. Usually very tall girls have horse faces but this chic was hot and curvy at the right places. There was a short dude standing next to her, I thought for a while he was her son or something. He was at least six inches shorter than her with a very boyish look.

They wanted to go the Russia House and as soon as I started driving she was all over him, her hand between his legs and lips locked. I didn't know what to do, I was like should I call the child protective service or something, or should I flag down one of the cops off the street? This woman is raping this young boy! After a few minutes the guy asked me if I was doing okay, I was relieved that he turned out to be an adult. He really sounded much older than he looked so I stopped looking for cops. We started talking and bull-shitting, and the funny thing was, she kept rubbing his crotch while she was explaining the plot of the Harry Potter movie to me. She didn't stop massaging his pipe until we got to the Russia House.

That midget got to have a huge snake between his legs, because I know for a fact that very tall girls don't go for dudes with small wieners.

"How did you know that fact Mad? Does it mean you're packing a tiny belly-button in your pants and got dumped quite a few times by tall chics?" 

Shut up you idiot, I am not discussing the size of my penis on this family oriented blog! Trying to embarrass me in front of my fans?

So after I dropped them off I....

"Hi, my name is Trish and I am an alcoholic. I dated Mad Cabbie few years ago, and I loved his 6' 3" frame but I laughed my ass off when he took off his clothes and I saw his..." 

Sorry to cut you off Trish, but we are out of time and I must end this post NOW.

When is the FBI going to start criminal investigation of councilman Harris Thomas Jr?


Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie

WHO WOULD YOU BANG?

"This shit is dope man! You wanna take a hit?"

"Sorry fellow teabaggers, it's that Chinese shit I had last night!"

I took a poll for the past couple of weeks by asking some of my passengers who would they choose to have sex with between Sara Palin and Michele Bachmann. There were 28 participant, 26 males and 2 females. The verdict.....

Sara Palin ran away with 21 votes including both females participants and poor Michele Bachmann got only 6! One participant chose to commit suicide instead.
 
When is the FBI going to start criminal investigation of councilman Harris Thomas Jr?


Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie