A NATION OF CAB DRIVERS

I remember years ago when I met this girl at a club in Adams Morgan. Pretty face, smoking body, inviting personality, well read and funny too! We talked, danced, drank, talked and drank some more. I was so in to her I didn't want the night to be over, but after the last call I suggested that we go to the after hours underground club called The Bunker. I have written about this club on this blog before, it's a place where all the bartenders, waiters, hookers, strippers, hustlers, all the shady characters and even some cops go and visit to address their thirst and socialize. I really impressed her, she couldn't believe that a well oiled illegal operation existed stone throw away from the Capitol building that even some law enforcement individuals frequented. Armina was more impressed that every creep in that shit hole was chest bumping and high fiving me! I was like, if you only she knew that most of these misfits did time some prison in America. We had a great time until pretty much sunrise and agreed to meet up in a few days with Armina.

I was never shy to tell people that I was a proud DC cab driver even though my class of work is just one notch up from a garbage-man of a socioeconomic scale. Driving a cab in DC was lucrative back in the days, most cabbies weren't rich but they owned their own homes, went on vacations and sent their kids to college and some moved on in to other small businesses. These days I hear some DC cabbies are looking for food from a garbage cans, thanks to Uber! On our date the obvious question of "What do you do?" came up, and for the first time ever I was so unease to tell and talk about my pathetic profession. We were having dinner at the Spaghetti Gardens when the word 'cabdriver" came out of my mouth, Armina threw up all over my shirt and left! From time to time I ran in to her for years and we pretend we never met and knew each-other.

Fast forward fourteen years, I was having drinks with friends and it was time to go home and one of  my friends offered me a ride with his Uber request since I live on the way. My friend said "I think we have a chic driver called Armina!" How could I forget that name but not in a million years I thought it would be the same Armina from a decade and a half ago. When he showed me the picture of the driver on the app, there she was the same old Armina, middle aged and a little chubbier.

I didn't say 'Hey, you remember me bitch?" but it just made me think, how Uber successfully changed Americans in to cabdrivers and how the profession of cab driving that most of the American society looked down on, turned out to be a cool side gig? I really wanted to throw up on her ass but I didn't drink enough to do so.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MY MEMORY OF JOHN McCAINE

I know you have been bombarded with how Senator John McCaine's shit smells like pink roses all over the media. People usually try to dig out the best of you after you die regardless how horrible person you have been. I am not saying McCaine was a horrible human being, but every time I hear his name reminds me of the cab ride I gave to the Senator and his young female aide back in the mid nineties.

I picked them up from the senate side of the Capitol heading to the Capital Grille, it was a brand new restaurant back then, and it was the place to be for the powerful and the wannabes. The ride was less than ten minutes but it felt like ten days because he was yelling at the poor young broad the whole ride. It was something about not being prepared for the union guys from Arizona, some shit like that. He got dropped off at the restaurant at 6th and Pennsylvania Ave NW, never said hello or thank you. After the senator left I proceeded to drive in to Virginia to drop the poor girl at her apartment, young whitties didn't live in the city back then.

"Yaw Mad Cabbie, what the fuck man? You haven't blogged in ages, and now you come back and bad mouth the Senator? He was a purple heart Vietnam war hero, man! He is not even buried yet for God's sake ! What happened to human decency, bro?"

Calm down you jackass, there are thousands of wounded vets out there, including my father, God bless his soul! I found out that my father was shot by a Vietnamese sniper in his balls sack and the doctors had to get rid off one of the balls. I never knew my father was running around with one lonely ball for all those years until my mother told me just recently. We have always been told that dad was shot in his ass! I remember that I was too embarrassed to say my dad was shot in the ass in Vietnam! Who the fuck goes to war and gets shot in the ass? The only people I know who gets shot in the ass are niggers in the hood when they shoot each other because their aiming skill sucks.

"Mad, why are we talking about your dad's balls? Aren't you writing about your John McCaine memories?"

Okay okay, you're right man! Let me get to the point....Listen folks, don't make John McCaine more than who he was. That "No Vote" he casted to save Obama Care is more a "FUCK YOU TRUMP" vote than let's care of our uninsured poor folks! Didn't he turned around and gave a "Yes Vote" supporting the Trump tax cut bill the would also eliminate thirteen million Americans out of Obama Care network?

John McCaine was just another Washington politician with more questionable past that the media leads you to believe, but I do respect the man for the harsh experience  he endured in Vietnam whether that war was just or not.

RIP Senator John McCaine, thank you for your service.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie, 

HELLO THERE!

What's up bitches! Is there anyone out there? Hello!

I know there has to be few people reading this crap, even after I stopped blogging I got few hundred thousands of hits and still coming. So I am going to give it a try one more time. Why today? I was talking to my dear friend K yesterday and she talked about picture blogging about stuff! I said to myself, you know what, I haven't been doing this shit for a while and I have all kind of bullshit to talk about, and here I am.

LAST COUPLE OF YEARS IN A NUTSHELL.

I put on hold my prestigious high profile cab driving occupation in DC and found a gig working for NGO. My friend Sara hooked me up with a guy who ran a clean water project all over the shitholes on this planet. When they hired me on the spot I thought I was someone special, I patted myself on my back telling my self  "You go Mad Cabbie, finally you found people who understood how smart you are! That's what's up nigger!"

Basically what they needed was a body, any breathing retard who was willing to go to a part of Afghanistan where the Talibans vacation and chill when the fighting season slows down. After I accepted the offer, the chics in the lobby were laughing and giggling their asses off, pointing at my ass. Damn, I thought those white bitches were into me or something. But anyhow, at the time, the violence against cab drivers in DC was on the rise, so I felt Afghanistan was a much acceptable place for my safety.

Afghanistan, to my surprise has a beautiful countryside and great people besides what they show you on TV here in the States. I shitted in my pants here and there every time I heard a round of AK-47. Afghans like to shoot their weapons up in the air for some celebrations. Our local guide was like "You big negro man please! Calm your ass down! Don't act like you've never heard these pops before in southeast DC muddafukka!" 

I traveled back and forth few times to different countries doing different humanitarian missions. The last gig was in Jordan near the Syrian border until that operation was suspended due to security concerns. I returned back to DC, finished up my contract and never got a call so far. When I left abroad I returned my taxi tags confirming that I can get it back when I return, they call it the H tags. Last time I asked for the tags upon my return, they refused to give me the H tag back. Reason being that I was away too long! Even though I still have my taxi hack license, all the equipments and the skills to drive a cab, no luck. As an American citizen, native of DC who drove a cab in this city for over twenty years, now I can not be in a freakin cab business because the clowns at the DC taxicab commission refused to give back my H tags. For all of you motherfuckers around the world who want to come to America, please avoid Washington DC by all cost, it's worse than the country you coming from! Try Mississippi or something!  

WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW 

Few months ago I was picking my nose sitting at a cafe in DuPont Circle when I saw Andre the Russian walked in. I haven't seen his ass in a year, he lost a few pounds and few hair, started wearing eyeglasses.

Andre: What'z up Mad, I thought you're z dead or somezing, maybe ISIS cut z head!

MadCabbie: I am still alive bitch, what's up with you and your shady operations?

Andre: Alwayz making z money! whatz you doing?

MadCabbie: Dude, I am living off my savings.......

I told him about my situation with DC Taxicab Commission, and we discussed the idea I have about starting my own car service with a wild twist. The thing is I can't get an L tag either for the car service.....and here comes Andre for the rescue!

Andre: Look, fuck z DC goverment, I will get you z Deleware tags

MadCabbie: Delware? are you out your fucken mind?

Andre: We incorporate z buiznezz in Delaware get z tagz and no taxz bitch!

MadCabbie: Look Andre, I don't want to go to prison motherfucker!

Andre: All z rich corporation do it, you know, like Warren z Buffett!

MadCabbie: Do I look like a fucken corporation to you?

Andre: Don't be scared nigger, I will get you Delaware limo tagz!

MadCabbie: By the way, since when you start wearing glasses?

Andre: They're fake you mother bitch, I had some important meeting with z chinks from Shanghai!

........to be continued.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

     

    

THE HOTTEST NEWS CHICK ABBY HUNTSMAN.

Abby Huntsman

I was at my Mom's joint the other day and this chic was on MSNBC's The Cycle. I was like, "Haba Haba Haba, who is that?" This girl is hot man! Look at those full lips! It turned out that she is the daughter of the once presidential hopeful John Huntsman. By the way, out of all those republican clowns they had on the 2012 republican primary, her dad had a very good chance of beating Barack Obama if have gotten the republican nomination, but that's another story.

Hey Abby, if you are looking for a nice accomplished single guy, you found me! I am a tall, dark and handsome cabdriver from Washington DC. I like reading romantic novels, gardening, bird watching and enjoy world class exotic vacation spots like Kings Dominion and Ocean City to name a few.

If interested, you know where to find me Abby!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE NEW DC TAXI DOME LIGHT.

  New ipad with the retina display? $440

New DC Taxi Dome-light? $500

What's wrong with this picture?

Thanks to comrade Ron Linton the supreme commissioner of DC Taxicab commission, DC cabdrivers are being raped by a single dome-light supplier that the commissioner approved of. This Chinese crap is sealed, so if the bulb in one of the dome-light is burned, you have to go to an approved installation place to get it unsealed and replaced at a cost of $25 or more. If the bulb on the information display burns, it could be $50 or more since the LED lights are built on the motherboard.

A simple dome-light that costs $50 can do the same job if wired correctly, and to replace a burned bulb light costs $3, a screwdriver and ten minutes of the drivers time.

Mr. Commissioner, if you reading this post please send the drivers extra KY Jelly because they are being raped dry and that shit hurts man! I am still walking funny!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.     

DC HACK INSPECTORS WANTED

"Where does a DC hack inspector go for lunch money?"

"Union Station cab stand!!!"

That's right, that's were the lunch money is at. It's a very well known fact among cabdrivers that some of these thugs or the so called hack inspectors harass cabbies at Union Station. For minor shit like a missing hubcap they accept as little as $5 lunch money in favor of not giving a citation ticket. Drivers are afraid to speak out because of the potential retaliation. The DC Taxicab Commission is run like a family mafia, that I will describe about those lazy ass incompetent retards in my next blog or so.

When my man Paul Wagner from Fox 5 reported that one of the hack inspectors has a long history of criminal records like assault and armed robbery, I wasn't surprised for a second! I think all the hack inspectors in hand should fill out their job application again. This time truthfully and let's see how many of them will survive after they go through full background check like we the cabdrivers go through every two years.

My crystal ball is telling me that the District of Columbia government will need bunch of new hack inspectors after all said and done. So I suggest Mr Russ Ptacek a reporter from channel 9 for a hack inspector position! He is a hack inspector wannabe who has been harassing cab drivers for some time now in the name of investigative reporting. So Russ, there is going to be an opening pretty soon, go for your dream job man!

"How dare you diss Russ, Mad Cabbie? Russ Ptacek is an Emmy Award winner, serious reporter who came from the journalism capital of the world! Kansas!"  

Emmy Award my ass motherfucker! Every creep on TV has an Emmy, it's like the pee-wee league, everyone wins a trophy! I know a guy who works in the boiler room at channel 9 who has won it three times man!

The District of Columbia should require a full background check and a college degree to all law enforcement personnel including hack inspectors.

"College degree don't mean shit Mad Cabbie, look at yourself! Shady ass college educated cabdriver! What's wrong with my GED? All I do is pull over these sand niggers and write tickets all day long! Why do I need a degree in physics to be a DC hack inspector?"

That's not funny motherfucker, my degree in mathematics is in use to help me give the correct amount of change to my passengers!

Look, there are all kind of retards running around with college degrees like myself, but a college degree at least is a starting point telling the employer that the potential employee made a four year commitment to do something positive instead of doing drive by and armed robberies.

DC cab drivers thank defense attorney Shawn Sukumar from the Washington DC law firm Price Benowitz for defending a fellow driver and for exposing this thug hack inspector which we will know the name pretty soon. At the same time, not all the hack inspector are shady, like any other business there are always few bad apples, maybe in this case more than a few. We demand full investigation of the backgrounds of all DC hack inspectors and a complete overhaul of the hiring process as soon as possible.

When I am pulled over by a hack inspector, I don't want to second guess if the inspector is going to rob my ass at gun point, I have plenty of my passengers who do that for a living.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie. 

     

MAD THE NGO GUY

Hello kiddos, long time no talk......

I was half way around the world for some time. Old classmate of mine threw me a bone and hired me at a well known international NGO and I ended up in Afghanistan. We were working on a water project  in the eastern part of the country. I tell you what, I have accomplished a lot in life, like being the cabdriver of the month two month in a row few years ago...

"Mad Cabbie you are a pathetic looser, is that all you have to show for your college education, driver of the freaken month?"

Listen, don't call me a looser you jackass, you know when the last time they had cabdriver of the month two months in a row at Diamond Cab? It was in 1942 by a driver called Billy St. Jack! So besides being in the same league with hall of famer like Billy, the water project in Afghanistan tops the list. It was a hell of an experience, even though I was shitting in my pants every time I heard a loud noise. I grew my beard like my college Rasputin days to blend in, locals loved me and some Talibans were high fiving me, they were like "Yo nigger, what's up with the skid-marks in your pants, we're not going to hurt you..."

Look,, this is not a water project blog, I would like to go in details and write some funny experiences but I don't want to jeopardize of being hired again if I have that opportunity.

There is a lot of shit I need to get to about our DC cab business..... Ron Linton, Mary Cheh, Mayor Gray, Russ Ptacek, DC hack inspectors, DC inspection station, Uber.......All of these jackasses better get ready!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MRS. DC CAB RIDER

"Yes, I am still here. And still riding in cabs (far less often, and for far more money, more on that later). As of almost a year ago, you can now call me Mrs. DC Cab Rider, but for ease of use reasons, I will continue to use my maiden name. A new job, a wedding (note to prospective brides, courthouse weddings rule! You still get all the gifts and you don't spend your life savings on a silly party), and other life changes. But still in DC.

And that brings me to riding cabs. The cost when I started blogging for a cab from home to downtown was $12. Remember the Zone System? So then cabs got meters and a price raise. My cost went up to $17. To save that $5 I rode fewer cabs. And as a result drivers screamed poverty (really? a raise = poverty?) and got another raise. Now my cost is $25 on good days. I've broken the $30 barrier twice. Drivers are now bitching to me that they can't charge extra for more passengers. They don't bitch about it long because I hit them with the "are you NUTS?!! I'm screwed at these prices and you're bitching about this 2nd raise?"

Have you heard about Uber? I have. I like Uber. I use Uber. It's about the same cost, but without the feeling that I'm being played. More down the road when I'm not pissed off (yeah, had a $34 cab ride today - so venting)."

That was a post from the blogger "DC Cab Rider". I like this broad even though she exaggerates shit in a funny and sarcastic way in most of her writings. But her claim that her cab ride rose to $25 or more is more than exaggeration, in fact it's more like on the bull-shit side. I know that she lives in Cleveland Park and it used to be a 3 zones fare that used to cost $12 including the gas surcharge, but I don't how she claims to pay $25 to $34 for a 3 mile ride maybe 4miles to downtown? Unless she is tipping drivers 100%-200% !

There is a bartender with one arm that I give a ride to from Cleveland Park to Lincoln Park on the south east side, which is much further away from downtown and his tab is usually comes out to be $17 or less. For some reason people tend to exaggerate their bad experiences with cab drivers, maybe "DC Cab Rider" will explain to us why?

By the way congrats to the blogger, she got married recently!!! I wish her well and I hope she calms down and gets laid a lot and make a lot of cab riding babies.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

DC TAXI FARE CALCULATOR

For some of you retards who is on budget, I found this cab fare calculator application the most accurate for your cab ride. The site did not update our ex mayor Comrade Fenty's $19 maximum fare with in the District of Columbia bull-shit yet, but it does the calculation almost accurately.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TIM DAY FOR WARD FIVE COUNCIL SEAT

The editorial board of The Diary of Mad DC Cabbie is endorsing candidate Tim Day who is running for ward 5 special election to fill the seat of the disgraced and convicted ex councilman Harry Thomas Jr.

I have met Tim few times around the Washington volunteer circles, he is a good guy and he is the main reason why Harry Thomas Jr is prison bound now. He didn't let the theft story die by questioning and investigating the illegal activities of Harry Thomas Jr's non-profit organization. He deserves the chance to represent Ward 5, If I lived in that section of the city I would vote for him, even though I have never voted for a republican in my life.  We need more republicans like him who aren't right-wing whack jobs if we desire a functioning multiparty democracy in America.

If you are fan of this blog and live in ward 5, please support Tim Day. Check out his website to see for yourself on what he is up to and let me give a glimpse on what he stands for.

"....I’d argue that the residents of DC functions for the government. Our low test scores equates to more Federal grants for the DC government. Our City’s high unemployment rates, income gaps, and welfare mean more Federal dollars for the DC government. Keeping residents poor and uneducated is DC’s business model to raise revenue and it is a bad business model.

As an accountant who has help many businesses and non-profits for decades to grow to the point of employing many, you can trust that my business plan for DC and Ward 5 will grow the economy and increase employment, while supporting our most vulnerable residents and small businesses.

As a member of Council I would immediately designate a dedicated Ward 5 representative to the DCRA. This representative would act as a direct liaison between Ward 5 residents and the DCRA.  This individual would train and assist residents with starting their own business and walk them through all DCRA requirements.  Additionally, I would implement a small business training program for residents to create their business from concept to implementation.  While assisting business entrepreneurs with the current requirements, I would be working to streamline the current process by reducing requirements and fees for small business start-ups..."

How could you disagree with that?

Please don't forget the homeless, Tim Day didn't.

Mad Cabbie.

HARRY THE THIEF JR

Inmate No. 31866-016 Harry Thomas Jr  please stand up! Yes you, both hands up beeyach!!!

"Mad Cabbie, why beat up a nigger while he is down man? Listen Harry, don't worry about Mad cabbie, he is just a big loud mouth. I will be your BFF, I will have my hairy chest ready for you to cry on. I will hold you and squeeze your nice round buttocks with my big hands to make you feel comfortable and relaxed. Don't worry, no nigger is going to fuck with you, I got your back and a little below.

Your future cell-mate,

Leroy "The Big Shaft" Jackson.

Inmate No. 69696-969" 

This is getting out of hand folks, who let this convicted felon from jail write on my blog? I'm going to have to check with the blogspot people.

I know that councilman Harry Thomas Jr almost put independent DC cabdrivers like myself out of business by introducing a phony bill that favored big companies that would allow him to do back-door deals. But at the same time I feel bad for his family, unfortunately karma is a bitch Harry, you should have thought about the aftermath of your greedily theft of $300,000 from the kids you supposed to help.

".....and tell Harry to bring lots of K-Y Jelly, I heard they are on sale at......"

Let me end this post man, this guy is butting in and annoying me.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CAB PROBLEMS AT UNION STATION

Robert Samuels of the Washington Post wrote a great article on what some late night passengers at Union Station have to go through just to get a ride home. Mr. Samuels did his home work and wrote a well articulated piece about the problem, unlike his colleague Petula "all you can eat" Dvorak's poor yapping.

I drive at night and from time to time I work at Union Station when it is busy. What I witness at the station when ever there is a big line is really embarrassing, drivers speeding off when they learn the first person in line is a black guy, refusing to drive a passenger to a place they don't like, cherry picking their pickups and so on and so on. I have been a night driver for years and this problem is nothing new, but one should ask why do these problems happen mostly at night? Two things: 1- Half of the cab fleet during the night are illegal drivers, which means they are not licensed to drive a cab in the District of Columbia. They have nothing to protect if they get caught breaking the law, they get a $250 ticket and they wipe their asses with it and come back to hustle the next night. There should be a much stiffer punishment, like hard labor in Siberia or something! 2- The so called hack-inspectors are fighting the wrong war, instead of really investigating if the presented hack license is legitimate when a cab driver is pulled over, they check if a manifest is filled up, if our socks match, if we are wearing our seat belts and some other bull-shit laws that really don't help and protect the riding public.

The fix of this particular dilemma is simple, have couple of hack-inspectors at the taxi-line, problem solved! Don't tell me that the District of Columbia don't have a few thousand dollars to pay couple of guys to be on duty at the station when ever it is busy. But at the same time hack-inspectors need some more training to do, they need to understand that we the drivers are not the enemy but unfortunately that's how they look at us. Instead of being a team and work on addressing all the issues we encounter, we're playing the cat and mouse game.

For those ass-hole cherry-picking fellow cabbies who are throwing their passengers under the bus when they are in need, I got a message for you, fuck you all. Cab drivers, we are in the business of picking up strangers and drive them where ever shit hole they want to go. When you are in the business of picking strangers at night there is always that chance of dangerous encounter, we knew that when we decided to choose this pathetic career path. Get with program guys, like they say, if it is too hot, get the fuck out of the kitchen......

"Excuse me Mad, you're trying to be a hero you retard! Some thug is going to smoke your ass one of these days if you keep picking up every creep you see on the streets!"

Big deal, I have bunch of under-pants with skid marks that I kept as souvenirs each time I was robbed! Stop worrying man, just live every day as if it's your last day.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.      

DEAR PETULA DVORAK

 picture by the Washington Post

No this woman is not competing on the "Biggest Looser", she is columnist Petula Dvorak of the Washington Post. My friend Moi recommended that I read her article which was pretty much a personal attack on DC cab drivers.

"Mad Cabbie, why do you have to post her picture? I can't read this blog and throw up at the same time! I will never read this blog again, you jackass!!!"

You're not the only one bro, just calm down and let me finish writing this post and I have more throwing up to do myself, maybe I will do so in front of 1150 15th Street NW.

Few months ago some retarded old fart called Lynne "The Botox" Breaux, who is the president of the Restaurant Association of Metropolitan Washington said, “DC is a world-class city with a third-class taxi system.”and Petula Dvorak added by saying:

"....That’s why it’s just kind of fun sometimes to take a cab, when I’m yearning for a trip to Cairo or wanting to relive the memories of a harrowing afternoon in rural China..........The rag-tag band of occasionally wretched cars that make up the taxi fleet in the nation’s capital hiked their rates again on Saturday......."

Listen, if you lived in this city long enough you know damn well that DC cabs in general came a long way and have improved a lot. With in the last ten years the fleets are becoming newer and newer, just go ask the folks at Bill Page Toyota! Hybrid Toyota cars are flying off the shelf, thanks to the Ethiopian cab drivers whom are the majority of cab drivers in this city. More cabs are accepting credit cards, majority of the drivers have driven in Washington for decades with full of experiences, all three major cab companies in DC are all GPS dispatched now and I can go on and on pointing out the improvements. All this said, I agree that there are some scumbag drivers out there who don't give a shit about their taxi operation. Ron Linton is trying to change the status-quo and it takes some time and he doesn't have a good qualified team at the Taxicab Commission to accomplish the tasks anytime soon. I don't necessary agree on all of what he is trying to do but he is doing something about it.

The fare increase is an important start, all the improvements that have been suggested would been impossible without the extra revenue. The fares were slashed by almost 30% in 2008 when they switched to meters and majority of drivers are struggling to survive with those cheap fare rates. Where were the cries for DC cabdrivers when the fares were slashed? And why would any passenger wants a driver who is overworked, underpaid and too tired to drive safely?  All the media coverage is bitching about the 44% increase on the mileage rate, but the math is not that simple folks. I don't have the time to break down the calculation for you but if you throw in the fare slash of 2008 and the extra charges that they have taken away now, the fare increase comes up to a whopping 0.80% per year since 2008! Comprende Petula Dvorak?

I have been to quite a few third world countries including Cairo and Little Rock Arkansas, there is no comparison between the third world and DC cab services like you and  Lynne Breaux claim it to be, it's not even remotely close. Petula, you are a typical ignorant douchebag, if you were trying to be a comedian please don't leave your day-job. Just try to invest five minutes to do a little research before you start typing! I just can't believe you're walking the same halls at the Washington Post with some of the greats like Micheal Wilbon, Tony Kornheiser, Eugene Robinson and Marc Fisher. Just keep on stealing the pay-checks for the garbage you put on the Post, in the mean while the days of cheap fares to haul your fat ass are OVER!!!

Lynne Breaux, how about addressing issues on some of the rat infested overpriced mediocre DC restaurants? Instead of sticking your wrinkled ass nose in our business, get some real work done.

Let me go throw up now,

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

ROMNEY LOOSING THE SUPPORT OF BABBIES

"This guy wants to be the president of the United States? Mom please get me out of here!"

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

WHY MITT ROMNEY WILL LOOSE BY A LANDSLIDE

Four years ago I explained the MHI theory when I talked about the economy. MHI or Mad's Hooker Index is the bench-mark or a gauge I came up with to predict the health of the U.S economy correctly. This index pretty much follows the trend and frequencies of the retards calling Mad Cabbie for rides to the hooker joints.

Guys, the economy is rebounding, people are going out more at night. I have a regular rider who is a consultant and who I haven't seen in years, all of a sudden he is getting laid two three times a week, now he doesn't have to beg his wife for a pun-tang anymore. People start working now and this is very good news for Obama and I predict the unemployment figure will be less than or close to 8%. Here are my five main points on why Mr. Obama will win this election comfortably unless they catch him with a hooker or something.

1-Unemployment will consistently go down.
2-The growth of the U.S economy will beat analysts expectations.
3-There will be more young first time voters going Obama's way.
4-Romney will be flip-flopping like crazy trying to regain the independent vote.
5-Romney's love-child will show up from France. (as I was told by one of my passengers)

Listen, the political pundits will tell you that it's going to be a very close race, but I say Obama will convincingly bitch slap Romney in November and take my word to your closest local bank.

Please don't forgot the homeless,

Mad Cabbie


  

THE BUDOS BAND

 
I checked out these cats at the 9:30 Club couple nights ago and they rocked the house man! I am a big fan of these guys, if you haven't discovered them yet you need to, trust me you won't be disappointed. Their music is influenced by the Ethiopian jazz legend Mulatu Astatke which is another guy you need to check out.

What's up with the 9:30 club these days man? You are not allowed to smoke cigarettes but you can smoke all the weeds you want! Well, it seems that way, everyone around me were taking hits and by the time I got out of that place I was stoned myself.   

When the concert was over, I announced "Anyone needs a ride follow me, my cab is parked across the street!". I turned around and there were twenty retards following me, I squeezed in about half of them and dumped their asses all over the city. I was too tired to keep on working but still made a little cash after the show. It was a good night!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

SUPPLY AND DEMAND

Usually it's  rich fat dudes with  hot young wives, but the couple I drove to Great Falls last night was completely the opposite. She was a big tall blond heavy duty chic, maybe a little over 300lbs. The husband was in shape, looked real good, much younger and was extremely polite and attentive to her.

Their crib turned out to be a freaken mansion when I pulled up at the circular driveway. My first stereotypical thought was "Okay, he married a fat chic with a load of cash!". If you reading this blog, you probably thinking the same way I did, so I am not the only jerk here. There is a very good chance that he loves her regardless the extra pounds she is carrying around. That's all good but the problem I am having is, if these rich skinny white guys start snatching away those fat white chics, where do the black guys stand?

"Mad Cabbie, what a cheap shot! You are one sick individual!"

That's not a cheap shot at all man! I am worried about the inventory of fat white chics, I can't compete with rich white guys, you know!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.    

KISS YOUR PRIVACY GOOD-BYE

For the past week DC cabbies were all over the news accused of assaulting their passengers. I didn't know  it was illegal to bitch-slap my out of control passengers every now and then. Now they want to install some kind of panic button inside the taxicab in case passengers encounter any kind of danger.

Let me tell you something, DC cab drivers are the most educated, friendliest and safe to be around with. Are there some bad apples? Of course there are, like any other business! Most of our passengers would fail the background check that we have to go through every two years. The Taxicab Commission were itching to install all kind of "big brother gadgets" in all DC cabs for the last few years. Companies like VeriFone are licking their chops and pressuring the DC council to have these garbages dumped in each cab on the riders expense. Guess what? You are going to have to pay extra $.50 per trip for it!

The shit they are talking about is more than a panic button, it's a smart chip that records every bit of movement and transaction inside the cab. If the DC government have their wishes, the retards will have all the information on where you being picked up and which whore house you're being dropped off at. Especially for those of you who call a cab for service, every bit of information will be stored at the DC Taxicab Commission for their viewing pleasure. You will be charged 50 cents a trip to give up your privacy, it's like a hooker paying her john for the service she provided.

Now the choice is yours, one in a billion chance for being bitch-slapped by Mad Cabbie or your privacy?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.       

NYQUIL EXPRESS

I stopped by the Seven-Eleven on P street in Georgetown for few minutes and while I was returning to my cab, this woman came out of no where and said "Excuse me, are you the driver of this cab?".

She was dressed in all black, long skirt and a funny looking hat, pretty much she looked like a witch. She has to be the whitest person I have ever seen in my life. I can see through her pale skin  every bit of her blood vessels on her arms. She wanted to go few blocks to the CVS store on DuPont Circle pick up stuff and driven back to 27th street in Georgetown where I picked her up from. She sat on the front seat and started digging in to her bag for over two minutes and I was like "what's up with this freak! Is she looking for her gun and smoke my ass?"

Cab drivers, especially those of us who drive at night are the most paranoid creatures you will ever encounter with. I don't care if Mother Teressa is in my back seat, I wouldn't trust that old bag at all, I here about those nuns with guns all the time! Finally she found the NyQuil coupons she was looking for and she said. "Now we are in business, it's going to be ten minutes or less and I will be right back and please don't leave me!"

I pulled up right at the circle to wait for her and started to stare at my windshield like I always do.While I was waiting for the witch, a cop pulls up behind me and I thought he was going to harass my ass. It turned out to be an officer I know that used to be one of the retards that I went to middle school with. We chatted for a while and he gave me his wife's Mary Kay business card, he was pretty much begging me to order some shit from the catalog he was carrying around. DC cops are getting desperate man! Someone needs to start paying those cats.

The witch returned twenty minutes later with a bag full of night time NyQuil! Isn't that in middle school you try get high on that shit? Maybe she got the mother of all flu or something, I don't know man. All I know is after she paid me for the ride, she also hooked me up with one of the NyQuils and said "you never know when you're gonna need one of these!"  

It's going to be party time at Mr. Mad Cabbie's apartment.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CAREER CHOICES

Cab driving is like prostitution, it's addictive and I can't get away from it. Ever since I entered my cab driving career quarter of a century ago....           

"Mad Cabbie, you drove a cab for TWENTY FIVE YEARS!!!? What a fucken looser!"

Please don't interrupt me! Like I said, for all these years of driving I probably quit three times and I always get sucked back to it. When I return I feel like I am in heaven, I don't know why I went to college, I should have jumped and started hacking as soon as I got my driver's license.

I miss the streets, the people I interact with, the shady ass passengers and the quite dark nights. You have to be a cab driver to really understand this, the shit that I am doing is the best gig in the world man. Imagine this, you go out at night bull-shit with people, drive them around, bull-shit some more and get paid for it! When the sun attempts to show up in the morning, your ass is gone home, you let the suckers deal with the rest of the rat race. Then you wake up when ever you wake up and do the same shit all over again. Sometimes I fell like a bum with a car who makes money somehow!

I am not trying to romanticize being a cab driver, I am really not, but for a single guy like myself who maintains a simple life, it's a perfect fit. The only drawback is it's hard to get some quality chics no matter what kind of bread you pulling in as a cab driver. When women hear the word "cab driver" they run for the hills! You see, we cab drivers, our career is just on step higher than the garbage-men. Shit, this garbageman I know does better than I do in the women department, and this is a guy with a missing left thumb!

I do have a gig that doesn't pay but I consider it real and worthwhile, I don't forget the homeless!

Mad Cabbie.