CAPITOL POLICE

 

No this picture is not from the 1940's Nazi check-point in Warsaw, it's in the paranoid capital of the free world Washington DC. Capitol Police is slowly becoming one of the worthless police force in the country, talking about wasting tax payer's money. These days they sank to a new low that their new job description is to pull over and harass every other cab driver in Capitol Hill for no apparent reason  because they ain't got shit to do. All they good at is to stare at congressional intern chic's asses all day long or sit in their police cruisers on Independence Avenue with their thumbs deep in their butts.

If you drive through Capitol Hill and Union Station, there are more cops than regular people. The overreaction to 9-11 left these surplus cops with nothing to do but intimidate law abiding retards like DC cabdrivers. 9-11 happened because of these different bureaucratic law-enforcement agencies failed to share information, and those towel-head motherfuckers got real real lucky!

"Who are you calling towel head? Nigger! I have bunch of nephews that drive cabs in DC and I will make sure they take care of your ass! You're dead Mad Cabbie, you're DEAD! By the way, is Ben's Chili Bowl still around? Way back in the days I had me a nice half smoke with chili and cheese that was dope. I have to go now Mad, one of those Predator drones is buzzing over my cave.

Yours truly,

Osama Bin Laden."

Relax Osama, I have a bunch of towel-head friends liked Ahmed, Hassan and Abdala and they all love me. I didn't know that Osama Bin laden used to roll at Ben's Chili Bowl in DC? I am sorry I got sidetracked by brother Osama!

As far as I know, the roll of Capitol Police is to guard congress folks and all the buildings, not regulating the city taxi code. If some real shit goes down at Congress building, good luck if you counting on Capitol Police! They will be the ones hiding behind the interns. I checked their website and found this....  

"The moment of transformation… when you slip into the uniform… put on the badge… and join our elite ranks, you’ll feel it. This is the moment you truly become a part of the dedication, the pride, and the legacy that makes the United States Capitol Police a force like no other."

A force like no other? A force like no other? I have bunch of friends who are DC cops and they address Capitol Police as "federal mall-cops" so please stop that "a force like no other" bullshit!

"Mad Cabbie, this is Captain Dick Shorty from the United States Capitol Police, we have traced this blog and we know that you are the driver of Diamond Cab #3514. I will make sure you pay for all this, bitch! You better not step a foot in Capitol Hill anymore! While I got you here Mad, is there a way you can hook me up with the one legged hooker?" 

I got to go now,


Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

*The writer has a 4th grade education from DC public school systems!

RICKI THE SINGING CAB DRIVER

I have known Ricki for a number of years, he is one of the old timers. You can say Ricki is the Brett Favre of cab drivers, he keeps coming back out of retirement. The first time he retired he wanted to settle in the Philippines and chill but that plan didn't work out so he came back. The second time he moved back in the woods, in Pennsylvania and that didn't last too long either.

I like Ricki, he is a good man and a very good cab driver. He is a dreamer but some times unfulfilled dreams catch up with us and turn in to our worst nightmares. Ricki and I have special relationship,

"Yo Mad, are you a homo or something? What's up with that special relationship man!"

Every time I see Ricki I used to force him cry by deliberately guiding our conversation about his ex-wife. His ex-wife left him for another dude years ago and he never got over it.

"Mad, do you blame her? Look at the way he sings!"

Come on man! Can we exercise a little sensitivity here? The man is hurting!

I haven't seen Ricki lately and I hope he is doing alright and NO I am not going to mention his ex-wife anymore when I see him. I am a matured gentleman now.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie. 

NEW TRANSMISSION

The shop I go to to get my cab fixed is a complete shit-hole, but my man Raul is one of the best transmission guy in town. There he is sitting next to my dead transmission while waiting for a small part to complete the job and you can see part of my cab on the lift. I always make sure to have a case of Heineken in the trunk for Raul so he can expedite the job. He is very effective when he is loaded.

They sell fried fish in the back of the shop if you're hungry. The fish has some rubbery taste for some reason but it's pretty good, I think. I enjoy watching the interaction among the mechanics. They are from Pakistan, India, Vietnam, El Salvador and Eritrea, and they accuse each other of not understanding English.

I took out my cab last night with the newly installed transmission, and it runs like a champ. Job well done Raul!

I ran in to this gal that I went to college with the other night at Whole Foods on P street, and we're going to hang out tonight. I was surprised that she never married because back in college every creep wanted to get in to her pants because she was hot and smart.

God! I think I need to go to the bathroom, it might be something I ate, I don't know!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MAD THE REPORTER

Earlier this morning I happened to pass by Senator Dianne Feinstein's crib and I saw all kind of DC cops all over her driveway. I said to myself WTF?, What happened to one of my favourite liberal chics in congress?

"Excuse me Mad, who you calling a chic? Isn't she is like 99 years old!"

What ever dude, I think she is hot, and please don't interrupt me! I am trying to concentrate motherfucker!

I slowed down and I assessed the situation, and the next think I saw was a handcuffed dark haired middle-aged woman escorted by a cop to the squad car. It wasn't the senator but I wonder who she was? She looked creepy and disoriented. I didn't stick around too long because I didn't want no secret service agent on my ass and end up in Guantanamo-Bay.

Can any of you media people tell us what happened this morning or do I have to do your freaken job for God's sakes?

By the way happy fucken 100th birthday Ronald Reagan! Thanks for single handedly  wiping out the middle class out of America. Oh, I forgot! You ended the cold-war as well right? It's like taking credit for shooting and killing a quadriplegic person with AIDS and liver cancer. The Soviet Union was a dying experiment ever since Lenin's 1917 Bolshevik revolution! I have never heard of  any over-rated President like Reagan. Republicans have orgasms when ever they hear the word "Ronald Reagan" thanks to Tip Oneill. The only thing I thank Reagan for is for all the young pun-tangs I was getting during his presidency, boy I was getting laid left and right man!

"Shut the fuck up Mad! Just stick to your day job driving that stupid ass cab and leave the politics to Sarah Palin you idiot!" 

You know what, I can't continue to write this post anymore while this retard keeps interrupting me!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAXI-METER SCAMS

A bunch of New York city cab drivers got busted few month ago for overcharging their passengers and most of them pleaded guilty. Check out this link: New York cabbies fare-boost scam.

Can this happen in Washington DC?

When you get in to a DC cab and the driver clicks the button, there are four rate options:

Rate-1: Regular DC rate from point A to point B with in the city limit and caps out at $19 thanks to our former Supreme Mayor, Comrade Kim IL Fenty as Phil the dispatcher calls him.

Rate-2: The same per-mile rate as rate 1 but used for any fare that crosses the DC line in to Virginia, Maryland or any state but there is no $19 cap. (All airports are Rate-2)

Rate-3: Snow emergency rate that charges 25% more than rate 1 and rate 2. This rate is active only when DC government declares snow emergency for the city.

Rate-4: Hourly rate that charges $25 per hour with in the city limits.Usually tourists hire cabbies to drive them around historical spots in Washington. 

There are so many illegal cabdrivers and out of state drivers doing illegal pick-up in DC, especially during the night. As a passenger you can't tell if the driver is a legal licensed driver or not, because everything looks legit, including the fake hack ID you see above the dash. Most of these drivers are not afraid to use Rate-3 and charge you 25% more because they don't have any Hack ID to protect in case they get caught. I am not trying to say all the legal drivers are innocent but the stake is too high to pull off some shit like that. If a driver is caught using Rate-3 illegally for the first time, it will be an automatic termination of his or her Hack ID.

Those retarded DC hack inspectors are busy harassing the legitimate cab drivers for minor shit instead of cracking down on the more serious public safety threat, the illegal cabdrivers! Besides getting ripped off,  if you get involved in a serious accident while riding these illegal cabs, I hope and pray you carry a very good insurance of your own, otherwise you will be out of luck.

If a driver clocked you at Rate-3 on a nice sunny day, just go ahead and hand him your wallet!

By the way what happened to my man King of New York hacks? He didn't post for a while. I hope he is not one of those NY cabbies who got busted, but I know he doesn't roll like that. If you see him, tell that bad ass motherfucker I am looking for him.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

BEN HAS A GIRLFRIEND

High-Tech Ben called me up last night and insisted that we meet because he had something important to tell me. I was rolling last night and I really didn't want to stop hacking but after his fifteenth phone call I gave up and agreed to to meet up at one of our overnight hang out spots around three in the morning.

When we usually meet up and chill, we hang for about an hour and he may talk for thirty seconds and I yap for the rest of fifty nine minutes and thirty seconds. Last night it was different, he was doing all the talking, Ben is in LOVE! How did he pulled it off? I have known Ben for many years and I have never seen him with a woman before, the last boyfriend-girlfriend relationship that he talks is about a blind girl he dated in high school and that was about a hundred years ago. Ben is a creepy guy and has  "A future serial killer" written all over his forehead but I like him, the only subjects that he talk about comfortably are about the latest electronic gadgets and World War II. Its easy to spot Ben because he likes to hack around the hookers corner at K and M streets downtown with his surveillance gears on board.

Ben comes from a wealthy family and he inherited one of his parent's paid off house in Rockville, but both of his well to do professional sisters broke off any communication with him for a reason that he don't like to talk about. Ben is also a very good cab driver, he has a way of hacking that he mastered to an exact science. I know cab driving is an honest living but there has to be some shit during our childhood that makes us hang on to this crazy profession as a career. I wonder what went wrong with Ben?

Mad: This better be good motherfucker, I was on a roll tonite until you slowed my ass down bitch, so whats up High-Tech?

Ben: I think I need you to check out this woman I like.

Mad: what makes you think I am an expert, I haven't get laid yet in 2011

Ben: She is blind and Jewish.

Mad: What the fuck is with you and these blind women? And why do you care whether she is Jewish or not? When is the last time you showed up at a synagogue ever since your bar mitzvah motherfucker?

Ben: This is no joke man, she is a good woman and she likes me.

Mad: Well at least she won't be able to see your creepy ass!

Few weeks ago Ben picked this blind woman with a see-eye-dog and drove her to the animal hospital on Brandywine street, she dropped her dog off and had Ben drive her back home. On the way home Ben mentioned that he dated a blind girl in high school and they ended up talking in his cab for two hours. I just cant imagine High-Tech Ben talking to another human being for two hours, I guess he really likes her. His plan was he wanted me to stay up late and drive little more so he can show me his girl this morning at her regular bus stop on her way to her federal job.

So it was early this morning that two retarded cab drivers parked at a street corner stalking a blind woman and her see-eye-dog at a bus stop. I was surprised man, she is one blind woman who really takes care of herself and I don't know why he needed my stamp of approval. As far as I am concerned he did well, he probably told her that he looks like George Clooney. He is going to take her to his house this weekend and he might get lucky too.

"Mad, what a pathetic life you have! Even the creepy ass High-Tech-Ben is going to get laid before you do this year you looser!"

Come on man, why beat on a brother when he's down?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.