DENNIS KUCINICH FOR PRESIDENT

Few years ago I gave a ride to a group of young toasted congressional aides from a bar in Capitol Hill and they were talking about some rumors going around that then the single congressman Kucinich is packing a well endowed pipe in his pants. I didn't make much of it then until I looked up the papers today and read about last night's democratic presidential debates, and I checked out a picture of the congressman and his young hottie wife Elizabeth Harper who is half his age and probably a foot taller and very smart as well.

You guys keep telling me size doesn't matter but I think differently! If your chick is trying to tell you that it's either she is trying to be polite looking at your peanut size dick in disgust, or she is trying to comfort herself for settling for a small wiener. If that rumor is true, look at what my man got himself on his side. Fuck it man! Forget Hillary, I am voting for congressman Dennis Kucinich for president, he is my new hero now.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

A CAB DRIVER'S PROFILE

After careful and extensive analysis here are the top ten reasons why someone becomes a cab driver in America:

1-Your country doesn't want to hear from you anymore.

2-You are on your 20th year still working on your first degree by going to school at night and all the janitors know you by name.

3-You are a loner and want to live in your own little world until something better comes along and nothing better shows up and finally they find you dead inside your cab.

4-You are pissed off at the world and you all you need is just money for food, shelter and for your fashion appetite from the local thrift store from time to time.

5-You are a serial killer who never got caught and you just want something to do during your down time until your next masterpiece.

6-You hate to be confined working at the same desk and you drive around checking out booties while getting paid.

7-You are a fucken retard and don't know shit besides driving a cab.

8-You are on the run from the law enforcement.

9-You are a fine law biding citizen who believes in hard long hours of work and support your family and send your kids to college so they don't have to experience what you went through.

10-You have a physics and mathematics degree from a very good school, you worked for a federal agency for two years and you woke up one morning and decided to be a cab driver and gave your supervisor a thirty days notice.

MC: Mr Garrison I am leaving by the end of this month sir!
MR G: I hate to see you go kid, did they offer you that position at NSA?
MC: No they didn't but I want to do something else.
MR G: I know you are not happy here but you need patience, you are just a kid out of college, what else do you want to do? are you going back to school?
MC: No, I think I want to drive a cab for a while until I figure things out!
MR G: WHAT? DRIVE A CAB? are you going crazy? (laughing his lungs out) let me tell you something kid...

That thirty days notice didn't mean jack because they escorted me out of the building through the boiler room like a criminal the next day and the last I heard Mr Garrison is still laughing his ass off.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

P.S I forgot my old uncle's reason for driving a cab!

11- You are retired from the goverment and you want to get away from that nagging old crow wife of yours sitting on the kitchen chair!

SHORTAGE OF CABS IN SEPTEMBER?

The DC cab industry is dominated by the Ethiopians, there are about 8000 legal and licensed cabs in DC and more than half is operated by Ethiopian drivers. I am probably one of the last American born drivers in existence, most of the remaining native born drivers are so old they are driving around with their own coffin in the trunk in case they drop dead.

Most Ethiopian drivers I know are going back to Ethiopia to celebrate the year 2000 back home. Ethiopians use different Coptic calendar and maybe the only country to do so, so they are seven years behind us and they are going to party big time in to the year 2000 and strangely September 11th is their new year's day!

My dear friend Mr Girma has invited me to go to Addis Ababa with him and his family, he has built a big ass mansion back home like every Ethiopian cabbies in Washington. I think $1 US is like $1billion Ethiopian dollars or some shit because most of them have big houses in Addis Ababa. So all I have to worry about is my plane ticket only according to Mr Girma and I am seriously thinking about it. I always wanted to visit Ethiopia, it's a unique African country and rich in history, my father's generation growing up looked up to Ethiopia and Emperor Haileselassie because at the time that was the only free black country on the planet that white people didn't fuck with. (with an exception of brief period of the Italian invasion during the second world war) And who knows I can hook up with a hot Ethiopian chick over there.

So ladies and gentlemen, you can bet your life that flagging a cab in Washington DC will be a little harder than usual in August and September because there will be thousands of cabs with their "OFF DUTY" signs parked for a month or so and even Mr Mad Cabbie may party in Ethiopia as if it's 1999.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

PAIN...PAIN...PAIN.....

Check out my sexy size 13 foot! You know what they say about men with big hands and big feet right? Look at my big toe all bruised and a cracked toe nail!

Last week some dumb ass at the gym dropped a 20lb iron weight on my foot by accident and I was crying like a baby for three days. It was amazing that the x-ray results didn't show any broken bone, but it was painful even though it felt better after a gallon of brandy. I was walking around wearing some big ass sneakers looking like a freaken clown because my regular size shoe wouldn't fit in but now everything is normal besides those nagging pains here and there.

I hope your week was better than mine was.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.