BRAVE WOMAN GONE

My friend Ali Two Fingers who is from Pakistan called me early this morning crying like a baby after learning that Pakistani opposition leader and former premier Benazir Bhutto was assassinated by some radical motherfuckers who want to rewind the earth's clock by 1000 years.

Sometimes I really hope for a huge ass asteroid to collide with this shit-hole planet of ours and wipe out man kind instantly, as temporary tenants we don't deserve to occupy this Earth because we are SELFISH.

That would be my wish for 2008 but in the mean time please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

HELP US OUT SANTA

For the die hard Washington Redskins fan like myself, even though the law of mathematics say something else we would like to believe that our beloved football team will make a run for the #6 spot as a wild card in the National Football Conference. Here is what needs to happen besides the planet Earth, Mars, Saturn and Jupiter perfectly aligned in parallel orbiting the sun.

Case 1
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Redskins beat the Cowboys, and
Eagles beat the Saints

Case 2
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Redskins beat the Cowboys, and
Bears beat the Saints

Case 3
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Redskins beat the Cowboys, and
Bills beat the Giants, and
Patriots beat the Giants

Case 4
Redskins beat the Vikings, and
Cowboys beat the Panthers, and
Eagles beat the Saints, and
Bears beat the Saints, and
Broncos beat the Vikings

Is it possible? Of course it is possible! There is a possibility that I may win the Mega Million Lottery as well and according to my calculations there is an 8.813% that the Redskins might advance in to the post season. I think my friend Lugosi has a better chance pulling a threesome with two hot chicks in his taxicab tonight. But I have been a Redskins fan ever since I was 5 years old and when you're a die hard fan the realist in you disappears and you keep believing.

GO SKINS!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad "the dreamer" Cabbie.

HUGH MASEKELA

I know some of you out there listen to music of accomplished legendary artist like Britteny Spears but when you get a chance please check out my man Hugh Masekela from South Africa. I was lucky enough to be at his concert in London years ago and it was out of this world.

His CD can be a great gift to someone who digs real Jazz/African-tunes/World music. Every time I play his album in my cab people want to know who he is and tips fly my way. I think I am going to post and talk about some of the music I like from time to time and next time I will have some Norwegian folk songs for you.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

GREEN CARD IN THREE HOURS

Few years ago, few minutes after midnight I picked up this Latino dude from the Greyhound bus station in North East. With a broken heavy accent English he asked if I know where some Spanish dudes who sold fake green cards (a permanent resident ID card) People ask me for all kind shit but a fake green card was the first and I didn't know what to tell him. I really didn't want to get involved because I am scared to go to prison, but at the same time me being the predator of the streets I want to make some cash as well. So I called Pastor Joe:

MC: Hello Pastor, what's up?
PJ: What the fuck you want Zebra? I am trying to get laid!
MC: I thought you're out hustling Pastor?
PJ: Make it quick motherfucker, what is it?
MC: You know where I can get a Green Card?
PJ: I thought you're an American citizen?
MC: Not for me asshole, I have some dude in the back seat.
PJ: You call yourself a cabbie and don't know where to get a fucken green card?
MC: Stop bitching bitch and tell me were to go!
PJ: Drive him to Ontario and Columbia and when you get to...

I took my new Latino friend to Adams Morgan around Ontario and Columbia frequented by some young Colombian dudes roaming the streets all night long. I gave him my number so he can call me as soon as his green card gets approved and issued by the street thugs and I could give him a ride back to the bus station. My determined passenger had no fear at all, after I dropped him off he quickly disappeared in to the dark ally.

Over an hour passed and I didn't hear from him, I thought he was dead or something so I moved on and stopped by some joint to get an ice cream. Almost three hours later my phone rang and sure enough it was my man with a happy tone in his voice asking me if I can pick him up and drive him back to the station.

He showed me his new green card on our way to the Greyhound. I don't know man, it looked real and perfect to me, with his picture and everything. Next time I see my blogger friend Lizzie I will ask her to show me hers to see how a real green card looks like and compare!

Excuse me Mad! you fucken idiot, Lizzie is an American who was born and raised in Orange county, California! You are a typical ignorant jackass who thinks every Latin person in America is an immigrant.

Alright! alright! everyone calm down please, I didn't know that! To be honest with you Lizzie is whiter than the queen of England, I need to look in to her claim of being a Latina.

Finally I dropped my Norfolk bound happy Latino friend at the station and we said our good byes. I hope he is doing well now and got his shit straight. But later on I hear that hot spot in Adams Morgan used to be a well known shady corner visited by undocumented Latinos, Indians and Pastor's Russian girlfriends until the operation was busted by INS few years back.

Please no emails about how to get phony green cards, I don't want the SWAT team from ICE all over me and water-board my sorry ass in Guantanamo Bay.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAXI UNIVERSITY

If I didn't run in to Pastor Joe six months in to my cab driving experience 16 years ago I would have quit the cab business for good and who knows what else could I have done in life. I always say that cab driving is not a rocket science by all means but to make a decent living as a cab driver requires skills and it could take up to five years of fucking up to achieve that craft.

The first six month was frustrating for me, when you attend the taxi school they don't teach you the business side of the coin. Here in DC they teach you the fucken zones and how to give the correct change back to the passenger and you graduate with flying colors and you don't even have to speak the English language either, I am not kidding. I used to do 12 hours of hard driving and take home pathetic $100 after expenses. When I met and told Pastor Joe that I was averaging that kind of bread, I think he threw up with disgust, and that's when he took me under his wings and got me enrolled in the "Pastor Joe's Advanced Studies for Urban Shady Hacking Techniques" Program.

When you're a cabbie at night you have to be very resourceful to your passengers with out crossing the thin lining of breaking any law, and that's where the art of hacking, my education under the master guru Pastor Joe and my experience comes in handy. A good cabbie can help you find any shit you couldn't locate on Google. I remember couple years ago some dude got in to may cab and asked me where he can find a very strong hashish called "The Flying Dutchman" and to make the long story short the last I heard that motherfucker is still stoned in his basement. You see requests like these could cost a hefty finder's fee, that mickey mouse DC zone fare shit is not going to cut it.

My dear readers by all means if you need anything at all, I mean ANYTHING, please don't hesitate to call uncle Mad. Did you find that trophy young chic and that old wife of yours is in the way? You want the old bag to disappear? I hear of some Latvian brothers do some great CSI proof work. Just let me know if you want it slow and painful or quick and painless.

The only thing I couldn't solve is the homeless crises in our city and it's getting cold out there people, so get involved and always please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie

GOOD NEWS BAD NEWS

The good news is I had a $500 night last night. All kind of Christmas parties and people were moving around and getting shit faced in front of their bosses so it was a non stop cash printing session for cabbies.

The bad news is I opened up some financial news paper this morning and learned that the US dollar is still going down the toilet at a light speed, so that cash I made last night was worth like 10 Euros or some shit like that. I think I am going have to demand my passengers to pay me in Indian Rupees tonight!

I am heading to work now boys and girls and please don't forget the homeless.

Mad Cabbie.

MEET MY NEW FRIEND

"...Feel free to tell your buddies about JP, especially if they are of the female persuasion. Johnny spent a lot of time staring at pastel covered cinder-blocks and could use a little girlie interaction. 99% of the broads I hit up on Craiglist’s personal ads end up being twill-chompers aiming to impale my brown-eye. Nothing against the fruits, I just ain’t looking to relive the glory nights of non-consensual institutional coupling with 315 lb. sweaty broke-back uncut bears. Besides, I am still going through a new set of undies every week due to my inconvenient crimson drawer blotting. Enough of that shit - I know I ain’t gonna land no honeys galavanting down that memory lane."

That was an entry from one of the posts by my new fan Johnny Peepers who linked up this blog to his new master piece. Mad Cabbie attracts people from all walks of life and I also became an instant fan of yours Johnny! I think he has lots of shit to say and I have linked up his blog as well.

Any single chicks out there? Uncle Mad will hook you up!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

SENATOR RICHARD SHELBY

Lot of people ask me if I had someone famous in my cab but DC is not Los angles or New York where people's favorite celebrities roam around the streets. Washington is a political town so our celebrities are usually congressmen, media guys and high profile lawyers you know shit like that. When I used to work late, late meaning until 9am I used to pick up senators and and representatives and most of them nobody even know if they walk down the street. Unless a senator is on the media spotlight caught in a men's bathroom trying to do the nasty you wouldn't differentiate between a senator from Idaho and a used car salesman.

But I can tell you who the most polite law maker I had in my cab, drum roll please: That would be the gentleman from the great state of Alabama Richard Shelby! Yes this dude was always nice to me and next time he's up for re-election I think I am moving to Alabama just to vote for him. I used to pick him up in Georgetown and drive him to the Russell Senate Building and we carried on with great political conversation, even though I don't like his republican party I still enjoyed the 15 minutes ride and on top of that he over tipped the shit out of me.

Washington is a city of full of shit where everyone thinks that he or she is more important than God, even the young interns who work for free in Capitol Hill think that they are power brokers and try to flex their muscles when they run in to a cabbie like myself but they don't impress me so I normally ignore them and play the Best of Abdul from my usual Pakistani latest hits. The senator really didn't have to give me attention at all but he always did and I don't think the man is full of it like most others, at least that's what I think of him and for a guy in his seventies he is in an excellent shape.

But I am impressed by young Americans like this chick aka Petunia in Paradise who is in Southern Sudan doing some meaningful shit and people like her gets my attention and I won't torture them by playing one of my collections of Pakistani hits when they get into my cab.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

CHEVY CHASE POLICE

I think the most useless and good money wasted for institution on this planet has to be the Chevy Chase Police Department in Montgomery county Maryland. The police department covers about a whopping two square mile of real estate which half of it is the Chevy Chase country Club. I understand that the average cost of a house is well over a million dollars mostly occupied by middle aged rich farts. Trust me there is no drive by shootings in this neighborhood, the cops spend most of their time staring at their radar guns and scratching their fat asses on Connecticut Avenue between East-West Highway and the Chevy Chase Circle by the DC line and harass daily commuters especially DC cabs.

You see, DC cabs are easy targets for cops these days especially after 9-11, because of the intense background check and shit we go through they know that we are not a danger to their safety when they pull us over. Back in the days cabbies used to have an impressive criminal resume, I could bitch slap my passenger in the morning and go to the DC Taxicab Commission the same afternoon and get my taxi license renewed and get a free lolly-pop on my way out with no problem, and that was the good old days. These days they even count the skid marks in my pants before they give me my Taxi-ID! So cabbies are no threat to cops and everyone knows it except this Chevy Chase cop who needed to have two more cruisers to attend my ass.

I got pulled over on Connecticut avenue near Bradley Blvd by a Chevy Chase police cruiser around five this morning while I was driving back home. It was still dark and I was tired and eager to hit the sack but luck wasn't on my side. After I handed my driver's license to a very short police officer I made a quick phone call to my friend Officer L who is a DC cop and was also on duty at the time.

MC: I got pulled over on Connecticut avenue
OL: By one of our guys?
MC: No, on the Maryland side
OL: Why would they pull you over? I know you don't speed, you drive like my grandfather! Do you have a passenger?
MC: No I don't, I was heading home.
OL: Those motherfuckers are like mall guards! so give them some respect and make them feel good, you probably have a blown headlight or something. Just chill! Call me if they lock your ass up, I have to go now!

The next thing I know there were three cruisers behind me and the midget came back to ask me if I am the owner of the cab. Even though the name on my registration and my license was a match the idiot still wanted to know if I was the owner! politely I said yes and gave him my insurance information. After a good fifteen minutes the motherfucker came back with a warning ticket for a stupid non operating rear tag lights (My tag plate has two bulbs and only one wasn't working! what a joke!) and I was on my way.

I don't understand why Montgomery County Police Department which is a fine real police department can't handle Chevy Chase instead of wasting extra money on those idiots? Can some one tell me why and how these neighborhood Rent-a-Cop operation works?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

DEPORTED TWICE

When I pulled over at the corner of 21st and P streets to pick up this chubby Latino dude, I started to ask myself "Where do I know him?" because his face looked very familiar. One of the skills I acquired over the years is to study a person's face with in a very short period of time and recall that moment if I ever see that person again. But I struggled with this fella, I couldn't pin point where or how we met before but as soon as he sat down and asked me "Where are you from my friend?" with a thick Hispanic accent I knew exactly who he was.

The last time I gave him a ride was six years ago but he has been in my cab quite a few times before that, every time he gets in my cab the first thing he says is "Where are you from my friend?" and then talks about his family's little farm in El Salvador, I heard the same story about ten times but I always listen to him attentively. On the way to Irving street in Columbia Heights I asked why I haven't seen him in long time and he told me that he had been deported from the U.S couple of times since then but managed to sneak back across the boarder again.

I admire people like him, even though he is breaking the law he is dedicated to work hard and better himself by risking his life crossing those boarders and more power to him until ICE gets a hold of him again. Americans just hate to admit it but this country needs people like him to keep this country going because we live in a lazy ass society where working hard is considered being ignorant lately.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

SPEACIAL THANKSGIVING

People who keep and maintain their cars with high mileages for lots of years tend to have long lasting marriages! I heard that sometime ago and it's true in my parent's case. My dad bought his Mercedes in 1990 and the car has almost 400,000 miles and he still does the 3000 mile oil changes like a clock work and the same thing with my mother even though she doesn't do a lot of driving lately.

My parents got married exactly fifty years ago and they had a great marriage and raised five kids and sent everyone of us to college.

"Hey Mad! I think your education at the University of Maryland paid off so well you belong to one of the elite group of DC cab drivers you idiot! I feel so sorry for your parents"

Fuck you! you jackass! Both of my parents are proud of me regardless, stop putting me down because I offer great transportation services to the fine hookers of the District of Columbia. I consider myself as a successful individual and don't forget I was the "DRIVER OF THE MONTH" for the month of June in 1996! How do you like me now motherfucker?

Enough about my success! It was a very special Thanksgiving and tonight we are celebrating my parents 50th weeding anniversary at a local hotel and all of my siblings and close relatives are in town for this special occasion. I am so proud of my parents for having a successful life together especially for beating the odds as an interracial couple during the 60's and 70's. Congratulations mom and dad!

I wonder if my mother is going to give my dad any action tonight after the party? Let me visualize that thought for a second...

Please don't forget the homeless while I go to the bathroom and throw up.

Mad Cabbie.

EARLY MORNING FIGHT

I was trying to drop off two stripper roommates on Harrison street in Friendship Heights around four this morning but couple of blocks away from their house we were blocked by a couple of yellow cabs. The cab drivers were out throwing punches at each other, I think one of the dudes was bleeding but fighting fiercely. Normally I would go out there bitch slap them and break the fight but I am not strong enough yet to do that kind of shit and get my ass kicked so I let my stripper girls take a couple of digital shots of the idiots fighting and then I backed up, drove around the block and dropped them off.

That's one reason why you should not call Yellow Cab of Washington DC, unless you want some motherfuckers beating each other to death in front of your door because one of the morons was trying to steal the fare from the other jackass. Please call us here at Diamond Cab 202-387-6200! We offer comfortable rides, knowledgeable drivers of hooker hot spots, our brakes work about 68% of the time which is a DC record for cabs and for your personal entertainment, besides giving you a foot massage we play the latest Pakistani hits.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HUSTLEMAN CHARLES

My man “Hustle Man Charles” is back again driving a cab. I was so delightful to see him last night because my night entourages are running thin since pastor Joe and Ali two fingers left the cab business and the death of Wall Street Tom.

Charles is a brother from Nigeria and every sixth month he walks away from cab driving to do something better but his ass always comes right back to the driver’s seat of a taxicab. The thing I like about Charles is, he goes out there and hustle and keep trying and he is not like most cab drivers like the rest of us who keep planning of something better and think that the cab driving gig is temporary business, and the next you know? You are celebrating your 50th year in the business and a few days later they drag your body out of the taxicab at the Union Station line after you passed away of old age. I don’t think Charles would end up like that because every chance he gets he goes out there and gives it his best shot and one of these days his master plan is going to work.

Charles is a real hustler, he can sell you a smelly old sneaker and you’ll go home happy with the garbage he just bought. He got skills but the ingredient he lacked was patience and maturity. I talked to him for a few minutes and I saw a different Charles this time who is calm and focused but still funny, I think his new IRS chick got something to do with his transformation. He talked about her a lot, he might have gotten pussy whipped or something. Hey Charles, you better pay up your taxes on time motherfucker! Those IRS agents don’t fucken play, you might end up locked in her basement doing her laundries for life.

I remember back in the days he was trying to get me to invest $5000 in some kind of shit I really didn’t understand so I ended up investing only five shares for five bucks just to get him off my back and the start up company failed and Charles was hiding from the neighborhood loan sharks, no nonsense brothers from Benning Heights who staked out his apartment every night with loaded guns. He had to come back and start driving his cab again wearing a fake mustache and a Rasta hat working twenty three hours a day sleeping at shady ass motels where they charged you by the hour and the cockroaches know you by name. Finally he paid off his debt and returned to his apartment without looking over his shoulders.

Welcome back Hustle Man but I am still waiting for my return on my $5 IPO investment you jackass, your shit better work this time otherwise I still have those trigger happy brothers from Benning Heights on my speed-dial.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THEORY ON BISEXUALITY

It was my first night out to work in about three months last night and it feels so good, it was not busy for me at all, I think I made like two dollars or some shit like that but just being out there in my cab driving around Washington DC was worthwhile. Besides loosing a bunch of weight I feel good and healthy again. You see, I am one of those idiots who lives in a gym and who talks about muscles to other idiots like myself in the weight room so the idea of loosing weight and muscle made me so insecure and scared I thought each person who got inside my cab last night was going to kick my sorry ass. I look like a fucken ghost to be honest with you, but give me a few months I should be back right on track and start yelling at my passengers again.

It was a non eventful night but I had one interesting hot chick I picked up in southwest by the waterfront, she had a few to drink and on our way to Adams Morgan she was lecturing me on how everyone on this planet is born bisexual but majority of us don’t admit it and in between her comments she called a couple of people and left a message to a guy first and some chick on the second call and she leaned on the back of my seat and she whispered “Who ever calls me first is going to get laid tonight!” and she started laughing. I dropped her in front of the "Angry Inch" and wished her luck.

I don’t know, Is everyone really born bisexual? Don’t count me in because all I think about is boobs and…

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie"

STRIKE FOR WHAT?

I just had an extended vacation at two different local hospitals, besides not remembering what happened for three days during my stay I am grateful for the medical crew who saved my life even though the first bunch screwed up big time. I wanted to bring a lawsuit but for some reason Johnny Cochran is not returning my phone calls so I just settled for future free flu shot coupons and a free autopsy which expires by December 31st 2007 if I don’t use it by then, I think I did well.

Thanks to everyone who wished me well and all the misfits of society who came to check me out at the hospital. At one point my mother with a horror look on her face said “Oh my God! where do you know these people?” and I heard the hospital had to install a temporary metal detectors and hire more security personnel to accommodate my guests.

I am back at home now and all I hear about is yesterday’s DC cabbie strike! You idiots need to shut the fuck up and move on with the mayor’s decision which could put more money in your pockets. I have never heard of a strike for refusing to make more money by changing a fucked up zone system to a fare meter system that could bring in more people to sit in your back seat. Unless you have been ripping off people there is no reason why DC cab drivers should be upset about the metered system and I know some of you are worried about the implication of the new system inviting larger companies and putting independent drivers out of business but as long as you don’t sell your licenses to those companies which the license is worth less than a toilet paper at this point you have nothing to worry about. What ever is yours now will be yours in the future, if the District government limit the number of cabs in the city under pressure of big companies in the future, the DCTC license (medallion) you paid $33.50 for now would be worth something and you might have a retirement in your hand! Have you checked what a taxi medallion cost in New York city lately? So when I come back to work next week I don’t want to hear no more crying, the public wanted meters and let them have it and we will make out good so bring it on.

To be honest with you the meter/zone thing doesn’t affect me at all because I barely pick up random people off the street or take radio calls anymore. I work in an underground night life that most of you don’t have the slightest idea that exists in DC. My regular riders call me and I take them where ever they want to go and they pay me what ever they want. They pay me in cash, bag of weeds, lottery tickets, food stamps, blow jobs, you name it I am a very flexible businessman but no credit cards accepted at Mad Cabbie's empire.

Please don’t forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MAD UPDATE

I am sorry for not being upfront about the condition of Mad Cabbie, I was confused myself I didn't know what to tell you because his condition was seriously bad at one point and the next thing you know he is cracking up with the nurses and a few days later he got violently ill again and was back at the hospital for the second time.

But anyhow I am happy to say I picked up MC today from the hospital and brought him home and he will chill out with me for a few days and I will send him packing to his crib. It was supposed to be a simple routine surgery but MC responded with some kind of allergic reaction to some medication which almost killed him. MC survived because of his good spirit and the good physical condition that he is in, if it was me I would of been buried a few days ago.

When he was checking out of the hospital everyone on that floor were hugging him it was like a farewell tour. An old patient next to him was in tears when she saw him leaving, even during his darkest moments he made everyone smile.

MC will recover 100% and he thanks everyone who wished him well and appreciates all of you who stopped by at the hospital and visited him.

MC is resting well after a few sleeping pills and I am on the way out to get my refund for the used coffin I bought for him.

So long and MC will take over soon.

Take care,

Pastor Joe.

THE BACKSEAT SEX

For some of you folks out there fucking in a back seat of a taxicab after a night out and few drinks is a thrilling adventure that you can talk about the next morning at the office water fountain. Unless you are an exhibitionist or a freak who’s trying to torture your cab driver by making him helplessly horny, getting laid in a backseat of a car is not a comfortable mission at all, in fact it hurts all the joints unless it’s a roomy limo or van otherwise you might get almost killed like Pastor Joe.

Few years ago I used to have a regular passenger and let’s call her Julie. Julie was a thirty something cute face big blond and when I say big I am talking about 5’ 11” and 280lb or more heavyweight and I am a skinny ass 5’ 9” a buck fifty, when you see me walking next to Mad Cabbie I look like a fucken starving midget. After driving her a few weeks late at night from the law firm she worked in downtown DC to her home in east Silver Spring our conversation grew more intense and personal.. She was a married woman who’s having problems with her husband who calls her “fat” all the time. She told me she ballooned from 155 lbs to where she was after having three kids and her weight got out control and the husband didn’t want to touch her at all. She got emotionally attached because I listened and I wanted to get in to her extra large sized pants! You hate me? Fuck you! What am I supposed to do? I was a desperate horny cab driver who wasn’t getting any.

To make a long story short, one night we were parked at a parking lot of a church on Wayne avenue in Silver Spring and started to make out as usual but this time we were both in the back seat and that was the night for the Pastor to make his move and it worked. Clothing were coming off and I was on top of her struggling to…you know what right? The next thing I know I slipped and fell on the floor between the front and the backseat and she fell on top of me and got stuck, she was struggling to pull herself off me and I was fighting for my life trying to push her away from me. This went on for a good one minute and it felt like a long fucken year and I thought I was going to die of brain damage.

That was my last attempt of a backseat booty and I started to take her to some cheap ass Silver Spring Motel on Georgia avenue, I think it’s a Montgomery College building now that motel doesn’t exists anymore. Even back in the days in high school when I dated my ex-wife who was skinny we did it quite a few times in my back seat and never was good for me and didn’t like it at all.

But whenever you freaks start to do the nasty in my cab, I see dollar signs and I demand at least $40 up front and 99% of the time guys don’t care whenever pussy is on the line, they are happy to cough up that extra $40.

Take care,

Pastor Joe.

FAREWELL TO ZONE SYSTEM

After 30 years of debates and bureaucracies the District government, thanks to mayor Fenty made the final decision to install meters in DC cabs and bring us back to civilization. The present zone system which could be very confusing to most passengers is going to be a thing from the past. In a zone fare system you could end up paying much more for short rides than those long rides which can take double amount of time. In another word people who ride those short trip are subsidizing the longer rides.

If you ask yourself the question what kind of passengers who typically ride these two types of fares, my twenty plus years of experience as a cab driver in Washington points out that it all boils down to racial and income line. Majority of the DC residents are African Americans and majority of those are low income and when you look at the white demographics it’s completely the opposite as you may know already, I am probably the only poor white person in Washington who doesn’t have a trust fund. Those expensive short rides are frequented by professional white passengers and majority of those longer relatively inexpensive trips are made by low income African Americans who can’t afford to tip their drivers.

So what’s the outcome is going to be from the mayor’s decision? People can have the feeling that they are not getting ripped off by some dishonest cab drivers even though they are going to end up more for their fares in most cases because of the combination of the time and distance meters and Washington’s hell traffic. I really don’t understand the dumb ass cab drivers who object to the idea of meters because the cab drivers are those who are going to come up as winners as the new system brings in a higher mileage rate, getting paid for sitting in traffic and more passengers who didn’t trust the zone system before. The losers? Low income African Americans who work in the city and live across the bridge in south east or deep north east who can not afford the meter which calculates distance and time like their white counterparts can. Is it fare? I don’t know! but what I know for sure is it’s not the responsibility of the private cab industry to bring affordable transportation to some city residents.

Fortunately or unfortunately we live in the capitalist mecca of the world we call the United States of America and we don’t give a shit about our poor, elderly or the sick. So people in Anacostia, I can understand that you might be pissed off at mayor Fenty but at the same time I would start flipping over those bus schedule again because there is nothing you or the cab drivers strike can do anymore, It’s pretty much a done deal.

And for you whittie transplant DC resident who were crying over the zone system all these years, I am pretty sure even with the meters installed you will find something to cry about! Like “You took me the long way!” "Is that meter working correctly?” “I don’t like the cologne you wearing!” because most of you out there are natural born cry babies! We shall see and time will tell us all.

Take care,

Pastor Joe.

JET

Back in the early 90’s Washington DC was labeled “The Murder Capital of the World” due to the alarming rate of murders among crack hustlers fighting over territories. Driving a cab during the night was a dangerous business especially in deep south east and north east DC but I didn’t give a shit at all, nothing scared me because I was an angry white man who was mad at the world so getting shot and killed was a blessing in disguise for me and there were times that I prayed for some kid to take me out of my misery by smoking my ass but at the same time I was making a shit load driving a cab cruising through neighborhoods where cops are scared to go to. Everyone was my friend, they were happy to see a cab in their hoods picking up people and most hustlers preferred to take a cab to move around town.

They used to call him "Jet”! he was a black kid from the projects who dropped out during the 9th grade to hustle the streets of Washington and had a dream of being a drug king-pin. In those days pagers were the high tech way to communicate and I used to get quit a few pages every night from him and drive him around where ever he wanted to go. He used to tell me that I was a “crazy white man with a nigger’s heart” for having the balls to show up in his hood, I didn’t care all I wanted was his money and he used to carry thousands and thousands of dollars in his pocket, I don’t think they had banks in his hood, all the banking transactions were made in liquor stores where you can find them at every block.

It was the September of 1992, I picked Jet up from the section 8 apartments he shares with his mother and three other siblings. It was a slow night for me and I was happy to get a page from him to pick him up, I desperately needed some cash to pay up my bookie who could be trigger happy at times. I drove him all over the place and spent a good three hours with him and some other thugs and finally I dropped him off at his girlfriends apartment in Capitol Heights but for the first time ever he didn’t had the cash to pay me and I was fucken pissed because I was expecting at least a couple of hundred dollars from that trip, he tried to calm me down by giving me the “Scarface“ VHS movie he carries with him where ever he goes, he tells me he watches that movie at least three times a day. So I didn’t have any choice but to wait for a couple of days for my cash and I moved on to my next job with a freaken Al Pacino flick as a partial payment.

A week passed without getting paid, he wasn’t responding to my pages and I was getting annoyed. So one day I dropped of some mental-case at St Elizabeth’s hospital and made a quick stop at Jet’s apartment since he lived a few block away from the hospital. When his mother opened the door the apartment was full of cigarette smoke and little kids running around and she was watching the re-run of “Miami Vice”.

Mother: “What the fuck you want? Who are you?”
Pastor: “I am Joe can I talk to Jet?”
Mother: “Are you a cop?”
Pastor: “No I am cab driver!”
Mother: “A cab driver! I didn’t call for no fucking cab!”
Pastor: “No I came her to see Jet, is he around?”
Mother: “No Jet is dead!”
Pastor: “What the fuck you mean he is dead?”
Mother: “He got killed last week OK! Now leave me alone!”

And she slammed the door on me. To be honest with you, at the time I was more pissed that I won’t be able to collect my couple of hundred dollars than him being shot and killed because I really didn’t give a shit about him. I admit that I was a complete ass-hole but what can I say? that is the nature of night driving, you have to be a ruthless motherfucker to survive, there is no room for cry babies at night shift.

Later I found out that he died the same night I dropped him off in Capitol Heights, they shot and killed both him and his girlfriend while they were walking back to her apartment from a 24 hr Chinese food carry-out joint.

To this day I still have that “Scarface” movie in my basement and “In the memory of Jet” written on the cover. There are quite a few of my passengers who had gone six feet under but Jet is the only one who comes to my thoughts from time to time! Or is it the devil side of my mind thinking about that $200 I didn’t collect?

Take care!

Pastor Joe

PASTOR CHECKING IN

When I met Mad Cabbie for the first time 16 years ago at a Seven-Eleven in Georgetown, he looked like a confused kid just out of high school wondering around a college campus not knowing where to go. We started a casual conversation walking toward our cabs and we’ve been best friends ever since. He was a rookie cab driver the very first day on the job bitching about not making any money after ten hours on the road and hungry for information on how to be a skilled cab driver.

So that evening we ended up having a dinner together and had a long conversation about the taxi business and I gave MC a few tips on how to hustle the streets of Washington DC even though deep down inside me at that time felt MC wouldn’t make it as a cab driver because he was so clean cut and straight forward good person. You have to be a fearless asshole to be a money making cab driver especially if you are an overnight driver and I didn’t see that on MC at the time not knowing that he turned out to be a good student learning it from the master asshole.

After I lost my job as an air traffic controller twenty five years ago thanks to Ronald Regan and the last I heard he is burning in hell, and my divorce that followed, I was a loner who avoided people and would be friends and be miserable on my own and loved every minute of it. But there was something about MC that I could not explain, the minute you meet him he can suck you in and the next thing you know you are his buddy and you have him on your speed dial.

Even though I am a little older than he is I can say he is the best friend I ever had period. We are a complete odd couple when you see us walking down the street, a bolding red-neck and a metro-sexual brother! But we did all kind of wild shit together and worked well as a team. I taught MC how to hustle and make money and the bean counter that he is he taught me the most important skill, which is how to keep my cash and let it multiply.

When I came to the decision to give up cab driving and move on, the most difficult part of the decision was the idea of not hanging out with MC every night during the night shift even though we remain best friends and meet quit often outside the cab world. We still exchange some crazy ass old cab stories and laugh our asses off!

I will post some of my old cab stories as much as I can while Mad Cabbie is resting at his parents house after an emergency surgery. He is a strong kid and he will be all right and we will pray for his healthy return.

Pastor Joe.