NYQUIL EXPRESS

I stopped by the Seven-Eleven on P street in Georgetown for few minutes and while I was returning to my cab, this woman came out of no where and said "Excuse me, are you the driver of this cab?".

She was dressed in all black, long skirt and a funny looking hat, pretty much she looked like a witch. She has to be the whitest person I have ever seen in my life. I can see through her pale skin  every bit of her blood vessels on her arms. She wanted to go few blocks to the CVS store on DuPont Circle pick up stuff and driven back to 27th street in Georgetown where I picked her up from. She sat on the front seat and started digging in to her bag for over two minutes and I was like "what's up with this freak! Is she looking for her gun and smoke my ass?"

Cab drivers, especially those of us who drive at night are the most paranoid creatures you will ever encounter with. I don't care if Mother Teressa is in my back seat, I wouldn't trust that old bag at all, I here about those nuns with guns all the time! Finally she found the NyQuil coupons she was looking for and she said. "Now we are in business, it's going to be ten minutes or less and I will be right back and please don't leave me!"

I pulled up right at the circle to wait for her and started to stare at my windshield like I always do.While I was waiting for the witch, a cop pulls up behind me and I thought he was going to harass my ass. It turned out to be an officer I know that used to be one of the retards that I went to middle school with. We chatted for a while and he gave me his wife's Mary Kay business card, he was pretty much begging me to order some shit from the catalog he was carrying around. DC cops are getting desperate man! Someone needs to start paying those cats.

The witch returned twenty minutes later with a bag full of night time NyQuil! Isn't that in middle school you try get high on that shit? Maybe she got the mother of all flu or something, I don't know man. All I know is after she paid me for the ride, she also hooked me up with one of the NyQuils and said "you never know when you're gonna need one of these!"  

It's going to be party time at Mr. Mad Cabbie's apartment.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CAREER CHOICES

Cab driving is like prostitution, it's addictive and I can't get away from it. Ever since I entered my cab driving career quarter of a century ago....           

"Mad Cabbie, you drove a cab for TWENTY FIVE YEARS!!!? What a fucken looser!"

Please don't interrupt me! Like I said, for all these years of driving I probably quit three times and I always get sucked back to it. When I return I feel like I am in heaven, I don't know why I went to college, I should have jumped and started hacking as soon as I got my driver's license.

I miss the streets, the people I interact with, the shady ass passengers and the quite dark nights. You have to be a cab driver to really understand this, the shit that I am doing is the best gig in the world man. Imagine this, you go out at night bull-shit with people, drive them around, bull-shit some more and get paid for it! When the sun attempts to show up in the morning, your ass is gone home, you let the suckers deal with the rest of the rat race. Then you wake up when ever you wake up and do the same shit all over again. Sometimes I fell like a bum with a car who makes money somehow!

I am not trying to romanticize being a cab driver, I am really not, but for a single guy like myself who maintains a simple life, it's a perfect fit. The only drawback is it's hard to get some quality chics no matter what kind of bread you pulling in as a cab driver. When women hear the word "cab driver" they run for the hills! You see, we cab drivers, our career is just on step higher than the garbage-men. Shit, this garbageman I know does better than I do in the women department, and this is a guy with a missing left thumb!

I do have a gig that doesn't pay but I consider it real and worthwhile, I don't forget the homeless!

Mad Cabbie.

SELF SABOTAGE?

I was away from cab driving for over six months, and the very day I returned to Diamond Cab, the owner of the company dropped dead! What the fuck???

I was shocked to learn the company finally upgraded the dispatch system in to the new digital age! STOP THE PRESS! STOP THE PRESS! There is something called a COMPUTER at Diamond's dispatch room. I stopped by the office the other day to get the computer installed in my cab but there was no one knowledgeable to do the job for me!!! I heard they fired the person who made all this possible, I don't even know who runs the company.

I had a real job for the last six months which I will talk about it in the future. One of my old classmates threw me a bone and hired me for his project at the Department of Agriculture. I enjoyed the work but the atmosphere was pretty boring. No gun-shots, no hookers, no stabbings, everyone is so nice! Fuck that shit man, I want my comfort zone back. I am just not built to sit at one place and work, I feel like I missing out on something, like getting robbed and shit. The minute they start talking about hiring me for permanent position, I ran for the hills! 

"You are a typical looser Mad Cabbie! You are self-sabotaging yourself all a way to your grave!"

What ever dude, I hope you didn't forget the homeless while I was absent.

Mad Cabbie