LET'S GET SHITFACED CABBIE!

I really wasn't feeling it last night. I was in no mood to work, it was just one of those nights where you don't feel like doing shit. At the same time staying home alone wasn't an option at all. I called my friend Pastor Joe so we can hang out but he was too busy with those biker chics and told me to fuck off.

I dragged my ass off to work but I first stopped by the BUNKER to say hi and talk to some friends but there was no one there that I knew very well. I talked to a couple of hookers that I haven't seen in a long time, they didn't like my new hair cut and told me to get lost. I got out of the BUNKER and started to cruise, and here comes my first customer!

GUY: Take me to the nearest establishment where alcohol is served!
ME: There is one across the street. Pointing at the Hawk and Dove bar
GUY: Fuck that place! There is nothing but a bunch of Capitol Hill faggets in there!
ME: You are in a good mood tonight!
GUY: Fuck it, take me to Georgetown I want get drunk tonight.
ME: Why Would you wanna get shitfaced on a Sunday night?
Guy: That bitch embarrassed me in front of our fiends!
ME: Which bitch?
GUY: Girlfriend of four years didn't want to accept this $4000 ring, can you believe this shit?
ME: I hope you can get your money back dude!
GUY: Fuck her and her friends I am going to get drunk, my pussy ass friends didn't want to come with me. You want to hang out have drinks with me cabbie? Are you at the end of your shift?

I have been offered to have drinks with my passengers few times but never once took on the offer but last night I was looking for an excuse not to work and I found it. I parked my sorry ass cab and joined my distraught passenger at Mr Smith's in Georgetown. I haven't had a drink in at least seven months or so, and the first beer I killed gave me a buzz and my man was taking shots after shots.

Mr M is a guy in his mid thirties who worked for some foreign news organization, extremely smart but a loud mouth, the motherfucker was even too loud for me. He said that his girl insisted on getting married for the last two years or so but he was setting up the right moment and time until last night. When he proposed to her at this small restaurant in Capitol Hill in front a few friends, she jumped out her seat and run to the bathroom and locked herself out until her friends begged her and and got her out there. She cried and declined the offer and played "It's not you, it's me!" bullshit and left the restaurant with her friends.

We hit couple of more bars with my new heartbroken friend and there I ran in to this girl I knew and haven't seen in a while. We had volunteered together few years ago until she found a new job and moved away to Rwanda. I used to have the hots for her, we made out couple of times but there was some dude she dated at the time so it didn't go anywhere. I kind of sensed she was happy to see me again so I gave her my number, kissed her on the cheek and said good-bye. At the same time the jackass I am with was completely shitfaced and was getting out of control so before he embarrassed me I payed the bill and dragged him out of the bar.

After a back and forth argument telling him he needs to go home and sleep it off, finally we got to in cab and instructed our Ethiopian cabbie to take us to 15th and P to drop off my friend first and drive me to my mom's house just couple of miles from the District line in Maryland. That way it would be easy for me to wake up in the morning and pick up my cab from M street at 7am before they start towing. Thanks for that Ethiopian cabbie, he helped me carry my new friend to his door, we made sure he got his drunk ass in the house and we took off. When I told the story to my Ethiopian cabbie he laughed his ass off! He said he has been driving a cab for over 25 years but never got drunk with his passengers.

It turned out to be a good night for me! I ended up not working, and thanks to Mr M because of him I met that girl I used to like and I hope she calls. As for Mr M, I don't think the night was according to his plan. Instead of sealing the deal with his future bride he ended up getting wasted with some dumbass cabdriver.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.