BUENA VISTA SOCIAL CLUB

This Cuban masterpiece titled "CHAN CHAN" brings tears to my eyes whenever I listen to it. YES I CRY! I may look like a bad ass motherfucker who is capable of stabbing your grandma sitting on a wheelchair, but no sir! I am a big pussy!

The guy who wrote this piece, Compay Segundo is one of the world's musical treasures so is the other Cuban legend Ibrahim Ferrer and a fellow Buena Vista member. Sadly they both died few years ago. I hope the United States will lift this stupid ass travel embargo one of these days, the policy is doing nothing but hurting poor Cubans and depriving us from visiting an island that is rich in culture. If the US is supporting and financing corrupted dictators and murderers like Egypt's Houssini Mubarak, Ethiopia's Meles Zenawi and the Saudi royal families etc... What's wrong for Americans to go down to a weak Cuba, spend our dollars, listen to good music and smoke a couple of fat ones?

"I didn't compose Chan Chan, I dreamed it. I dream with the music. I sometimes wake up with a melody on the head, I hear the instruments, all very clear. I look over the balcony and I see nobody, but I hear it as if it was played on the street. I don't know what it was. One day I woke up listening to those four sensible notes, I put them a lyric inspired on a children tale from my childhood, Juanica y Chan Chan, and you see, now it's sung everywhere."
Compay Segundo

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

PASSED OUT II

What is this? Pass out in Mad's cab week? Here is another idiot I picked up at the end of my shift around 5:30 this morning who passed out on me in the middle of telling me a story. I was waiting for the punchline and there was silence all of the sudden, when I turned around my man was gone! Then my camera-phone got busy.

Please no more passing out folks! and don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CABBIES & PETS

Leslie in Adams Morgan who has a nice blog about books asked this question,

"Answer sometime how cab drivers generally feel about picking up passengers with their cats in carriers going to the vets. I'm always scared shitless my cat will pee in the cab and fast him in advance just to be sure he won't but always feel like the cab driver regrets picking me up.

What's your take, Mad Cabbie?"

The DC law as far as I know is that cabbies can refuse to transport passengers with pets with the exception of seeing-eye dogs. Besides your kitty cat peeing and messing up the cab, drivers come from different background of cultures and faith that may not be friendly to pets especially dogs.

The best thing to do when you have to travel with your pet is to call for a cab instead of flagging one, and make sure you tell the operator that you have a cat in a carrier or whichever the case may be. If your pet is without a carrier, be thoughtful to have a towel or some kind of cloth that you can lay across the seat. The reason I said you better off calling a cab company is due to the fact that the dispatcher will give the call only to a driver who doesn't mind to have pets in his cab, and you don't have to worry about it at all.

So next time you pay a visit to the Friendship Animal Hospital, call Diamond Cab Co @ (202)387-6200 and Mad Cabbie's ugly ass may show up at your door especially if it is three in the morning.

P.S Be aware in some cab driver's cultures cats are nice piece of gourmet meat, so holding on to your cat nice and tight may be a good idea.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

PASSED OUT

I was rolling down Wisconsin avenue near the National Cathedral when some chics driving beside me honked and pulled me over. I thought they wanted directions but what they wanted was to dump their toasted friend in my back seat and move on to the next party.

She wanted to be dropped off at her apartment on 5th and Massachusetts ave, It was a real struggle for her because she had to think for a minute to figure out where she lives. She passed out soon after and I was really worried that she may throw up, I unsuccessfully tried to wake her up so I just continued to drive nervously.

It took me about couple of minutes of yelling and shaking to wake her up when we got to her place. I thought she was dead or something but good thing she started to whisper "Please let me sleep! Leave me alone!" and that's when I took this poor quality cell-phone snap shot.

After she paid the fare she asked me from where she was picked from, and when I bull-shitted that I picked her up from a DC jail, she got out the cab and started throwing up all over the driveway and sprinted towards the lobby.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE LAST ZONE RIDE

My very last ride before we switched to the meter system was someone famous. It was early Sunday morning few months agoand the last job of my Saturday night shift. I was dispatched by "Redneck Tom" to a house in Chevy Chase to pick up this black chic and take her to National Airport. If my memory serves me correctly I think she was on the 80's sit-com "The Jefferson's".

"Mad! you fucken IDIOT! This lady is Gwen Ifill from News Hour on PBS, and she is one of the top high profile news chics in the country! She even moderates presidential debates you retard!"

"Calm down dude, I don't know what PBS is, so leave me alone! Good thing I didn't ask her what her days on the "Jefferson's" was like."

By the way Gwen, how about sharpening on your tipping skills? You can do better than 5.4% can't you? I know you are a poor woman who lives in a $1million plus house in Chevy Chase, but still let's get with the program!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MULTIPLE TRIPS

Great question from a commenter at my last post:

"Hey Mad, great site. Question for you: what are the rules under the meter system for multiple trips, i.e., when a taxi picks up a group of passengers who get off at 2 or more stops, can the driver restart the meter at each stop? I don't believe he can -- it should be one fare for the entire ride -- but several cabbies have insisted that's not the case. Can you provide us some insight? "

This the deal my friend, The revolutionary Communist People's Republic of the District of Columbia decided to cap the fare within DC to a maximum of $19 just from point A to point B ONLY. So you can not fairly expect the driver to drop off your friends all over the city on a goose chase for $19. You are entitled to ride from one end of the city to the other as long as it is one pick up point and one destination regardless distance or traffic for $19 plus any extras.

When there are multiple trips involved, we are getting two different inputs from the Taxicab Commission, depending on which idiot you talk to.

#1- They say to use rate 2 which is technically illegal because it only applies to out of DC rides (Rate 2 is not capped at $19)
#2- Restart the meter after each passenger gets off, like the drivers you had have been doing.

The morons at the taxicab commission had zero study when they came up with this fare structure. Not only you are confused, not only I am confused, even the folks at the taxicab commission are confused as well. Maybe my ex-boss Phil who is a dispatcher and an old hippie will fill us in on the comment board.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

CALL 911

One of my readers asked this question:

MC -

Why is it that cab rooftop lights say CAll 911? Instead of CALL 911? or Call 911? Or leave it off? Has anybody called 911 because of the sign?

Great blog.

-d

DC Taxicab Commission enforces all DC cabs to have that system installed otherwise the cab won't pass inspection or we can be ticketed if it's not working properly. It's supposed to be "A cab driver in distress" sign when you see the "CALL 911" blinking. Drivers have a switch that they can turn on whenever they are in danger and the public must call police and inform the location of the cab when they see that emergency light.

In my opinion it's a waste of time and money, very few people know about it and folks don't give a shit. In most cases people ask me why they should call 911 for a taxi service and I have to explain this shit over and over again.

When I was robbed at gun-point few years ago, I didn't have time to flip that stupid "call 911" switch, I was busy shitting in my pants!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MY VERY FIRST FARE

I remember my first day on the job as if it happened yesterday. When I zoomed on my first pick up on 17th and R, I was scared to death. When the dude who flagged me opened the door of my cab some kind of accident occurred in my underpants, in fact that same underwear with an impressive skid marks is framed and is hanging on my wall right now! That's a part of my history so don't laugh motherfucker!

Before you become a cab driver in DC you take some bullshit class at the University of the District of Columbia for a few days, exchange some dick-jokes and you graduate so basically you learn nothing. I don't care what they say, but cab driving is one of those professions that you really can't benefit from classroom training. You have to figure it out on your own on the streets, and if you are a smart driver it may take three to five years until you start mastering your shit and start making cash without slaving 16 hours a day.

So when I picked up this guy he didn't have any clue that the driver he is going to encounter didn't know shit about cab driving nor the streets of Washington, DC. Even though I was born and raised here that doesn't mean I know all the shortest routes and point of interests. My man wanted to get to FCC ASAP! I didn't know what the FCC was, FUCKERS CONFERENCE CENTER??? I don't know!!! I came clean with the gentleman, I told him that I have never heard of FCC and it's my first day on the job and he is my very first passenger. The type of passengers you get when you are a rookie can make you or break you but this guy was extra nice to me. In fact he said he was honored to be the first ride and guided my ass to the Federal Communication Commission and paid $10 for a $4 ride and wished me luck. I will never forget that guy!

It took me a few months of fucking up to gain my confidence, I am very accommodating and most people are nice but I used to get intimidated by some of you ass-hole prima donnas out there. Nowadays I just kick you out if you're out of line. "The customer is always right" bullshit doesn't fly in my cab especially when you are a night cabbie in DC like myself.

I was encouraged to write about my virgin experience after reading a new blog about a rookie cab driver in San Antonio and I recommend you to give her a shot hoping that she will continue to blog. Here is an entry from her first post:

"This is my first post. Hopefully I'll have something to blog about. I have ovaries and I hope to drive a taxi."


Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

YOU ARE ONE CRAZY ASS NIGGER!

Around two in the morning I dropped off couple of army soldiers at Walter Reed Army Hospital (The place of my birth). They were pissed off due to the fact that they didn't get laid ever since they got back from Iraq, I wished them luck and started heading south on Georgia avenue. When I got around Georgia and Kennedy I got flagged down by a tall big ass brother who was sweating like crazy.

Pass: Can you take me to 49th and East Capitol?
Me: Come on in, let's go.
Pass: My car broke down up the street man!
Me: Too bad.
Pass: You damn right too bad! and no cab would stop for me!
Me: Maybe you look too intimidating?
Pass: To be honest with you, you are one crazy ass nigger!!! If I was a cab driver I wouldn't even pick up my own self but thanks for picking me up brother!

We talked about how Iraq is safer than his neighborhood and old school hip-hop, we were both big fans of the group "Tribe Called Quest". We got to his crib and he advised me not to hang around his hood and he paid the fare. I got the fuck out of there quick before getting smoked, Jumped on 295 towards downtown and back to western civilization.

Happy 4th of July everyone! I will be in Annapolis on Pastor Joe's duck-taped sorry ass boat so wish me luck!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAKEN FOR A RIDE

Last night I picked some chic from 12th and G downtown who wanted to go to Glover Park. The way she flagged me was pretty strange and funny, she looked like she was doing some kind of Kung-Fu move. She probably was the only person in Washington who wore a knee length overcoat during that nice and warm July night last night. She was carrying a couple of J C Penny shopping bags and those bags brought me some painful memories.

Few years back, one night during the Christmas shopping season a woman in her thirty's got in to my cab with four J C Penny's shopping bags and asked to be driven to Germantown, Maryland. Even though it was a $60 fare, I don't like to go far away places in the woods, I hate to get out of my comfort zones, I miss the sounds of gun shots and shit in the city. But during all my years of hacking I have never refused to take a passenger where they wanted to go. NEVER! I am no pussy driver like Lugosi who is scared to drive to South-East DC.

She asked me how much the fare is going to be and after I told her I will take her for $60, she agreed and she never said a word after that until we arrived at her destination somewhere off Clopper road. "I will go inside the house and get some money and I will leave my bags here, please don't leave." she said with a convincing voice and disappeared in to the darkness behind a set of townhouses. I never suspected that she would con me because I felt those four bags she left in my back seat had to be worth something to her.

I waited for a good ten minutes while picking my nose like a retard but she never showed up. I got out of the cab and walked towards the back of the townhouse where she went to but later to realize that there were another group of townhouses as well and who knows where that bitch escaped to. I walked straight back to my cab and started to investigate what's in those bag! A BUNCH OF COPIES OF OLD WASHINGTON POST NEWSPAPERS!!! That witch played me good and I was pissed, I lost out on $60, an hour and half of my time by the time I got back to DC and my gas.

I was too embarrassed to tell my friends that I got played like that, it took me over a year to tell this story to my boy Pastor Joe. I even wanted to take some legal action against the Washington Post and the J C Penny Co. because their papers were accessories to a grand theft but some lawyer I was trying to hire bitch-slapped me out of his office laughing his ass off.

So I told this story to my passenger from last night and she jokeingly said she had to get some cash from her apartment, but instead she said she was sorry about the flash back that her shopping bag have caused and slapped me with a $5 tip.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

TAXI METERS

Washington DC cabs are one of the most technologically advanced taxis in the world because we have meters now! and you know what? the meter keeps clicking while calculating the distance traveled! What a cool revolutionary concept! I kept staring at my new meter like a mental patient while driving, I think I ran some biker dude off the road at one point.

Let me share some bean counting I did for the past few days with my new meter. I did all kosher boring rides from the streets and from dispatchers (no hooker delivery) so the figures are as accurate as possible. I averaged about $212.75 a night with the meter, these same rides would have paid me $251.80 with the old zone system! In some runs you make a little bit more, but we are loosing money on the majority of the fares. I am for the meters but with these rates I think we are getting fucked. So all of you DC cabbies, before you come out to work, make sure you grease up your ass real good because it's going to hurt. A loss of about 15% of income while your gasoline bill sky-rockets hurts real bad.

"Mad! you big idiot! Why the fuck are you complaining? You are making $200+ a night, that's some good cash! Most people don't make that kind of bread!"

Listen motherfucker, out of the that $212.75 how about subtracting for gasoline, insurance, repairs and maintenances, taxi-wash, dispatch fee and the massage I get on New York avenue from that Vietnamese chic with six fingers! yes motherfucker SIX FINGERS! I am getting all my money's worth from that rub-down. By the end of the day I am taking like $2 home and those child laborers in Bangladesh probably make more than I do!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.