BRIBING HOURS.

Here is the posted bribing hours at the DC Inspection Station in case you need to know and you are running short on cash to get your car repaired. They hate my guts here because I make all kind of noises about their shady operation, so I am usually in and out with my inspection sticker within no time. The less they keep me at the station the less bashing I do, so it's to their advantage that they get rid of my ugly ass quick.

Few years ago FBI busted them when they used to be at the old inspection station in NE for taking bribes from shady cab drivers and things got kosher for a while. But for the last five years or so those cockroaches are getting out of hand again. I have heard of stories of some cab drivers pushing their no good cabs in to the station and rolling out of the station with an inspection sticker good for six month. All you need is leave a C note in the ashtray and you will be on your way to easy street with your new sticker while praying for your brakes to stop at the next red light.

Don't be alarmed when you step in my cab, I drive a very clean and powerful 1996 SS LT1 that is in a top condition. Even wannabe rap stars offer me all kind of cash to buy my cab whenever I stop by their hood to do some crack shopping with my passengers.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE URGE TO EJACULATE.

When the story of the disgraced New York's ex governor Eliot Spitzer broke I wasn't surprised at all. It's not that I knew about his rendezvous with high priced hookers, but it's due to my long experience of driving hookers to men with and without power. Let me break it down for you ladies, if you have been together with your man for over ten years or so there is a 99% chance that your hubby had cheated on you, the other 1% lied their asses off. You need to be equipped with a dick to understand this concept. So the relationship between married clean cut powerful men and hookers, high priced or otherwise is a no shocking matter.

"Mad Cabbie! what the fuck is wrong with you nigger? You are breaking the code motherfucker! Why do you have to go there? Thanks to you, now I can't bullshit my wife with those lame ass dozen roses, boxes of chocolates and the I Love You cards. And by the way, that young whore you hooked me up with last week, that shit was tight boy! I already told my wife that I am going to work late tonight(wink! wink!) so I will give you a call later you dumb ass!"

"Shut up you idiot! Don't ever butt in my blog like this again, I didn't break any codes, smart women have known this for years! Now I have a story to tell, do you mind?"

I have know this guy from the state of ** for years, he is a frequent visitor of Washington. He is a married man in his late forties with two teen daughters and doing very well in life, he is not a household name but he is a guy you see on TV being interviewed from time to time who is powerful and confident. But it is at his weakest moment whenever he is in my cab, during a desperate emotional roller coster to conquer a new hired pussy. One thing what makes this guy different is, unlike other men he never wants to see the same hooker again which makes him more vulnerable to be recognized by a hooker who could be a frequent viewer of cable news.

We were en route from his hotel to another low profile motel last night when he started to discuss why he fucks around behind his wife's back with hookers. All these years I never ask and he never discusses and that's why he likes me and pays me very well, and on top of that he thinks I am a loyal dumb ass cabbie who doesn't know who he is. I am out here just to get paid so I just play along with people's bullshit as long as they don't cross my space. He tells me getting a blow job from a hooker is not cheating, he is just fulfilling his sexual urge to ejaculate without getting emotionally involved with a woman. He believes he is very much in love with his wife of sixteen years and never had an affair with another woman and he wants to keep it that way. I wanted to ask him what would he feel if his wife started to blow off different boy toys without any emotional attachment but I didn't want to short-change myself from the usual big tip I get.

We pulled in front of room # *** at the motel, I saw him entering the room in to the welcoming hands of a twenty something blond hottie. I backed up in to the parking area to wait for his ass and take him back downtown while he was getting a nice lube job. Forty-five minutes later my man came back with a happy face and we talked about the falling US Dollar the rest of the way.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

DONNA IS NO PRIMA DONNA

I pulled up at this expensive condo early this morning in Wesley Heights to pick up some chick who wanted to go to National Airport. While I was waiting for her in the driveway another lady approached towards my cab from the lobby, and I asked her if she was from apartment XYZ, but she wasn't the person that I was supposed to pick up. She told me that the concierge booked a Diamond Cab for her and the cab failed to show up on time and had only an hour to catch her plane to Miami from National Airport.

Her face looked too familiar and it didn't take me too long to figure out who she was. She was Donna Shalala who used to be the U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary under President Bill Clinton and the current President Of University of Miami. People who're running late to catch a plane like some of you VIP wanna be usually scream and bitch especially if it is the cab company's fault. But as an accomplished and a well connected woman as she is, she was calm, civil and didn't try to blame anyone. To make the long story short I managed to take them both to National Airport.

Whenever I encounter celebrities I always try to act like I don't know them so that they may open up and talk shit. Since she had company in the back seat with her I never had the opportunity to chat with her so all the conversation was between her and the other chic while I played a fly on the wall. No skinny to tell you about but Donna was talking about a conversation she had with Nancy Pelosi yesterday and that they are confident a democrat will take over the White House, stem cell and AIDS research will be funded full force and NIH will get a shit load of money. Nothing juicy!

But here at Mad Cabbie is where you get your Washington insider information fuck that stupid ass Matt Drudge!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

CABBIES DOUBLE DIPPING?

Dear Mad DC Cabbie,

I have a question I'm hoping you can answer, because I can't find an answer anywhere and it's driving me nuts! What's the rule in DC for passengers that get out of the cab at 2 different locations?

A few nights ago I got into a cab at 28th & Calvert NW with my husband and a friend. My friend got out at 10th & M, and me and my husband got out 7 blocks later at 10th & E. The driver insisted that we all pay full fare from 28th & Calvert - my friend paid $9.80 when she got out, and then he made us pay an additional $11.30 when we got out! So the driver actually got paid twice for the first part of the trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M), and made $21.10 for a 2-zone trip. This seemed like a huge rip-off to us, and we tried to argue that it didn't make sense, but the driver told us he out-ranked us so what could we do?

After reading the rules posted on the DC Taxi Cab Commission website, I think the correct calculation should have been $9.80 for the 2-zone trip + $3 for the 2 additional passengers + $1 for making a stop along the way - a one-time charge of $13.80, due at the end of the ride.

Or, if the driver insisted on treating it like 2 separate trips (which I still think is a rip-off), the only way it makes sense is if he charges the first passenger $12.80 for the frist 2-zone trip (from 28th & Calvert to 10th & M, with 3 passengers in the cab), and then charges me and my husband $7.50 for the second 1-zone trip (from 10th & M to 10th & E). That's still $20.30 for a 2-zone ride . . . I don't think that's what the DC Taxi Cab Commission intended when it wrote the rules, but it makes a LITTLE bit more sense than pretending it was 2 separate trips from 28th & Calvert and charging us twice.

If you could help me understand this, I would really appreciate it!

Becca

Hi Becca,

It's a very good question and you are not the only one! It drives lots of people nuts! I do have a surprise answer for you. Your driver is right!

The driver actually was completely honest with you guys! The DCTC law states that if passengers have different destination it is considered two separate fares starting from the ORIGINAL PICKUP POINT. The driver is 100% correct by charging your friend the full $9.80 (Two zones to 10th and M) and also charged you and your husband $11.30 (Two zones plus extra passenger surcharge) and the total of $21.10 is exactly right.

It is set up that way so people can't take advantage and abuse the flat based zone system by riding in groups and have the driver drop them all over the place with in the same zone for just an extra $1.50 per passenger. Let me give you a scenario: Let's say you and your four other friends were picked up from 28th and Calvert by Mad Cabbie (God Forbid) after a party and all five of you have 5 different destination; first fare: 21st and Mass, 2nd fare: 19th and E, 3rd fare: 15th and K , 4th fare:10th and E and the 5th fare ends up near Union Station....All of these drop off points are within a second zone even though I was all over downtown! And if this run is considered one run it will only pays me $15.80 ($9.80 plus $6.00 for four extra passenger surcharge) since we don't have a running meter to account for all those time consuming detours. That is the reason why different destination are separate fares. But as long as you have the same pickup point and same destinations, no matter the size of the group it is one fare plus the extra passenger surcharge.

I know it's a pain in the ass but that's how it is, DC cabbies dream of these kind of fares especially during the weekends where group rides with different stops are plenty. Passengers feel that they are being ripped off, but legally I can charge $49 (9.80 times 5 passengers) for the above scenario I created.

The fare calculator doesn't have the program to calculate multiple leg trips, thats why you got the incorrect fare total. Pretty soon we all don't have to worry about the zones anymore although I doubt they will manage to have all DC cabs equipped with meters by April 6th. The inefficient DC goverment don't have any private shops certified yet for the meter installment process.

I hope I have answered your question.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie

CABBIE KICKED ME OUT!

"D.C. cabbies are some of the worst people on earth. This morning I hailed a cab, he drove me three blocks and then told me to get out because I "smelled like garlic." I am a 31 year old woman, a business professional - who took a shower this morning, like every morning and haven't been near garlic all week. I was on my way to work on Eye Street from Georgetown. I had minor surgery earlier this week and am having trouble walking - which is why I needed the cab. The horrible driver kicked me out and was incredibly verbally and physically rude to me. I really cannot tell you how much I hate cabbies right now. You are just awful people - cheating passengers and being rude. Go to hell, all of you."

By an anonymous commenter from my last post.

During my cab driving experience I had my share of stinking passengers, but only once I had to kick out a passenger out of my cab. This dude I picked up smelled like a toilet, It felt like I was transporting a pile of shit and that smelly jackass wanted to go all the way to Springfield, Va. I managed about couple of minutes of driving but I couldn't take the torture anymore, so I kicked his ass out at 14th and Pennsylvania. It was a very cold night but I had to drive with all of my windows rolled down freezing my ass off to let the shitty smell out. Even after I did all that my next passenger said my cab smelled like shit!

My theory on this woman is: There is no way the cabbie would kick her out without a reason on that particular run. The run from Georgetown to I street is an easy 5 minutes, short two zones ride that pays $9.80 which is a dream run for a DC cabbie. Why would he shortchange himself from a lucrative fare unless her breath really smelled real bad? Most people with bad breath problems don't know that they have the condition unless someone with iron balls like the cabbie she had yesterday tell them so.

Maybe it's a wakeup call for our showered and clean 31 year old business professional woman to see her doctor and get her garlic breath checked out. I hope she will read this post! But at the same time the cab driver should have taken that awful smell for five minutes and drove her ass to her office and made that easy money!

What's your theory?

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

WHO'S GUN IS THIS?

Few years ago I was finishing my shift around six in the morning and I was heading home until this chic franticly waving at me in the middle of Connecticut Avenue near Military road like a mad person. It wasn't my plan to stop for her but the red traffic light didn't cooperate with me so she rushed towards me and made a failed attempt to open my locked doors. I rolled my front passenger window to listen to what she had to say and to tell her that I was off duty and I was driving my tired ass home.

CHIC: Can you please take me to National Airport?
MC: Sorry I am off duty! Just cross on the other side and flag another cab!
CHIC: Yellow Cab was supposed to pick me up at 5:30 and I am running late!
MC: Yellow are a bunch of losers you should have called Diamond.
CHIC: Can you please, please take me to National...Please?
MC: I am not trying to be an ass-hole but I am fucken tired?
CHIC: It's only a 15 minute ride this time of the morning, come on! please help me out, I am going to miss my flight and probably loose my job!

I felt sorry for her and besides, those set of balloons she had on hear chest closed the deal so I unlocked the doors and let her in. I flipped an impressive u-turn heading south bound on Connecticut Avenue and warned her not be a backseat driver by pressuring me to speed because her hurry ass would be back out on Connecticut Avenue standing again. I am not one of those idiot cab drivers who zig zag in and out of traffic doing 90mph so that you can make your flight on time! Fuck you and your $5 tip! My drivers license is my meal ticket and I have to protect it.

We just traveled about five blocks and when we got to Nebraska Avenue all hell broke loose! She screamed, "Get me out of hear NOW! Pull over! I will get out right here!" I was confused about what happened all of a sudden to make her snap like that, so I pulled up to the Exxon station at the corner to let her out and she didn't even gave me a chance to ask her why she turned hysterical, she got out and kept on running down Connecticut Avenue bouncing those voluptuous boobs without shutting the door.

It's when I got out of the cab to shut the passenger door that I noticed a loaded gun was sitting on the left side of the passenger seat! I freaked out as well! Who left that gun? I had given a ride to all kind of shady characters all night long, It had to be one of those fine citizens. Without touching the gun I drove straight to the 2nd District Police Station on Idaho Avenue and explained what happened to the cops. They took the gun, copied my manifest for that shift, asked me a few questions and sent my ass home.

Washington DC enforces one of the toughest gun laws in the country by denying firearms to law biding citizens to protect themselves from thugs like the one who left his piece in the backseat of my taxicab. As some of you may know, the case District of Columbia vs Heller is heading to the Supreme Court and I hope the justices will agree with U.S. Court of Appeals for the D.C. Circuit which struck down this stupid ass law.

I am not a NRA gun fanatic and I will never illegally or legally own a gun because I am a big pussy but I like the fact that the case is presented as a Second Amendment right and I think it should be interpreted that way. Listen, I don't need to tell you how many gunshot victims I have seen lying on the streets of Washington DC over the years of night driving, and that tells me the unconstitutional DC law is not working to keep illegal unlicensed guns off the street. I can go out in DC tonight and buy all the illegal guns I want and invade the State of Vermont first thing in the morning! So what's the purpose of this law? The problem goes beyond the guns and I am not going to bore you with it. All I can tell you is Shawn Taylor would have been playing for the Washington Redskins next season if he had a gun in his bedroom that tragic night.

Please don't forget the homeless,


Mad Cabbie.

EXTRA PASSENGER FEE IS BACK

Thanks to all of the Diamond Cab Co. drivers who participated in the meeting with the commissioner at the DC Taxicab Commission this past Wednesday. Even though those strike happy drivers group wouldn't cooperate with us, we still got it made and got the eliminated $1.50 per extra passenger surcharge back.

They still insist that there is going to be $19.00 fare celling for fares traveling with in the District of Columbia, the last time I checked we don't live in a communist society where the independent private business is forced to subsidize part of the driving public. I have some lawyers telling me that we can legally challenge that and stay tuned to watch Mayor Fenty and Mad Cabbie in front of "Judge Judy".

The extra passenger surcharge is no picnic in the park, for the average driver it could translate in to $3000-$6000 of extra income per year. You need to understand we are still the cheapest cab ride comparing to the surrounding counties so I don't need to hear anymore crying from you guys.

Special thanks to Mr. Essayas and Mr Abebe, fine Ethiopian drivers from Diamond Cab Co. for sticking up for the cause, and this fight is not over yet! We want the meters but it has to be with livable wages and we are looking forward to have our meters ready by April 6th.

I got to go now, I have every hooker in town calling me wanting to go somewhere and it's going to be a busy Saturday! Washingtonians are HORNY tonight!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.