DELTA , HERE COMES STINKY.

My cab was nice, clean and cool as always, air conditioner running, when I pulled up in the driveway to pick up a passenger this morning on Yuma street. Washington DC was pretty hot yesterday, around 95 degrees. Today is a little better but still humid and warm, not comfortable.

The lady, about in her mid forties, did not want the AC, she said she wanted the fresh air. Who is she kidding? A fresh air in DC? So I let her sweat her ass off all away to the Delta Shuttle terminal. I know she is going to stink up that plane, I feel sorry for the person who is going to sit next to her, I am going home , take a shower and go to bed. Nite nite.


"I hope this guy picks her up when she gets back to Washington."

BEAUTY TO FIGHT FOR.

I pulled up to some cheap ass gas station last night at 15th & U where most of DC cabbies fill up, there were three other cabs at the pump and two of them were yelling at each other, Sun cab #644 and Super cab #226, I didn't know what it was all about because they were screaming their lungs out in Ethiopian language (Amharic), since Washington has a large number of Ethiopian immigrants I managed to learn a few words but not to the extent to understand the yelling match. The word exchanges grew louder and louder and the next I know the driver of the Sun Cab started throwing punches at the other guy who is much bigger and kept running circles around the pumps to save his life, that was some funny shit to look at, it was like a script from the three stoogies, I couldn't stop laughing.

I managed to grab and hold the attacker while the driver of the Super Cab took off and drove away fast. I asked him what the fight was all about and he told me that the guy was giving his girlfriend, who is a bartender at an Ethiopian restaurant a hard time even after she told him she has a boyfriend, he said "he is lucky you saved him tonight next time he will be kissing my feet for mercy." He apologized and drove away.

Washington has tons of gorgeous Ethiopian chicks, and I think Ethiopian women are one of the most beautiful creatures in this planet, I don't blame them if they fought over one, but I don't think the driver of Super Cab# 226 put much of a fight besides running around in circles.

ALLAH EK.

This is a Washington Dulles airport cab rolling down on 19th street few blocks away from the White house. This day and age when most of us, who are not politically sophisticated, with a perception that Allah and terrorism go hand and hand together, and here is this cabbie who doesn't give a shit and proudly displaying his "ALLAH EK" tags.

This might not be a smart move for his own safety in my opinion, but hey, what do I know? One of the things that makes this great nation of ours special is our freedom of expression, and my man "Mohammed" is exercising his right.

By the way why aren't we DC cabs allowed to pick up passengers from Dulles airport since the airport cabs are permitted to take fares from the city to the airport? Where is our right?

APARTMENT FOR RENT.

I am one of those lucky ones who bought property in Washington DC when it was affordable, when it was fashionable to some people to leave the city and move out the the suburbs, In 1991 I paid peanuts for a nice one bedroom apartment in Dupont circle area. I didn't buy it because I was an investment guru, I bought it because I was happy that some bank thought I was to be trusted for a loan. So I really didn't give a shit and this apartment came by and I have owned it ever since. I lived in it until 1996, when parking started to be pain in the ass with my cab and personal car, I moved to the suburbs in Maryland and rented the apartment to these super nice gay couple, they occupied the same apartment for about ten years until the end of last month. I am kind of sad that the left because they were great tenants and at the same time I am delighted because I can rent it out for the market rate which is much higher than what I used to get for.

So after about month of getting the apartment up to date and ready, I spent the last few days showing the place to prospective tenants, most of them gay since Dupont is a gay friendly area, out of 13 applications, three of them I disqualified immediately one of them the guy smelled real bad and it was not a good first time impression, the other was still drunk from the night before and the third one was these husband and wife team from France who both work for the World Bank. I mentioned to them, besides being just about four blocks from the metro, if they are in a hurry all they have to do is walk to 17th street and flag a cab because they are plenty of them especially during rush hours. The wife said "DC cabs? Are you nuts! They are criminals who have license to do more crimes, I will never set foot in a Washington DC cab, we use cabs only when we go to the airports and we call Virginia Red Top Cab!"

That was a very disturbing comment, and I asked her why and she could not come up with a reasonable explanation, besides saying " they are crazy!they are crazy!". I did not want to embarrass her by saying that I am one of those criminal cab drivers trying to rent out my apartment to her, just because her husband was a reasonable fellow trying to shut his wife's yapping mouth when ever she makes stupid comments. I am glad I don't have to live with that bitch, I would put a lock to her mouth and throw away the keys , but the only thing I could enjoy now is the sound of my machine shredding her application papers.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

HAVE YOU SEEN JOHN KIRKPATRICK ?

As a veteran cabbie I have heard all kind of stories from passengers, riders feel free to let it off because there is always that comfort zone with cabbies for some reason. People talk about personal stuff that they don't discuss with their own shrink with cab drivers, so I have heard all kind of sad stories but as soon as that passenger exits my cab, even though I could be touched sometimes I try not think about it anymore and move on to the next episode.

Last night was different and hit it me so hard, I am down and depressed even now while I am writing this blog.
I responded to a call around 3 am in Cleveland park on Quebec street, there were all kind of DC cops in the lobby of the building, I said "Oh shit!" another domestic violence or something and I have to deal with some angry freak, but that was not the case, the police escorted this elderly Asian lady to my cab, told her that they will do their best and the cop asked me if I could take her to some address in Takoma park Maryland.

This lady was in pain and bleeding inside, she did not hear from her son for over two weeks, they don't know whether he is dead or alive and the police were at her Irish ex husband's apartment asking him questions because the last phone call and visit her thirty year old MIT graduate son made was to his father. She was exhausted, she's been up for over 48 hrs, she was dosing on and off and at one point she thought she was in a metro bus and told me she will get off at the next bus stop, when we got to her place she forgot from where I picked her up from.

She asked me to pray for her only baby, that I will do but in the meanwhile if anyone out there knows and have seen John Kirkpatrick, half Caucasian half Asian male in his thirties within the last two weeks please call metropolitan Washington DC police.
See you later, let me grab some water for my prozac.

UNCOMFORTABLE BUT PROFITABLE TRIP.

Picked up a heavy set Latino woman around 18th and Belmont and enroute to National airport I picked up another yuppie with a briefcase at 23rd and P, he also wanted to go to the airport so I let him sit up front with me and off we go through Rock Creek Pkwy. This guy was yapping on the cell phone with his buddy on how he would not date the chick they met the previous night because she is fat, this guy was so rude and insensitive every other word coming out of his mouth was "fat ass, pig, butter face, heavy weight....." I can see the woman in the back seat was being uncomfortable and I was so getting pissed off, I really wanted open the door and kick him out while the car was cruising 40mph.

When we got to the traffic light by the Watergate I pulled over to the right and with a commanding voice I said "You are going have to turn off the cell phone NOW or you are going to walk to the airport!" without turning off the cell phone he said " The last time I checked I live in America man..." He ignored me and started to continue talking." The last time I checked this is my cab, if I have to drag your ass out I WILL!" I screamed, and then he knew that I was being serious, he said "what ever man!" and turned off his cell phone.

We got to the airport a few minutes later and my heavy set passenger got off at the Northwest terminal, when we got out of the cab to get her luggage from the trunk I apologized to her for the behavior of the jack ass still sitting in my cab. "You know, I am not bothered by idiots like him don't worry about it" she said after paying me very well. When I returned to my cab to drive him a few more yards to the Delta Shuttle terminal, he said "Sorry dude, I wasn't trying to be a jerk, I didn't notice you had a fat chick in a back seat, no wonder you were about to kick my ass, I am so sorry man!" bumping his forehead with his hand and watching the lady walking to the terminal.

Even though I threatened and screamed at him he still gave me a very handsome tip, I guess he kind of felt I deserved it for that uncomfortable moment.

HELEN THOMAS

This little old lady can kick your ass, she has been Diamond's customer for years, riding in a cab she doesn't say much but very polite and you can tell that she is thinking deep so I leave her alone. I wish I will be dedicated and focused like her when I am her age or even now for that matter.

She loads up her caffeine at Starbucks near 17th and Pennsylvania avenue before she gets ready to make the white house spokesperson shit in his pants again.I think the highlight of a retirement of any U.S president has got to be not facing Helen Thomas again.

Go Helen Go.

CAREFUL WALKING CHINATOWN TODAY.

People of law enforcement from all over the nation are here in town for their annual gatherings at the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial, If you are a criminal in Washington DC it might be a good idea to take the week off and chill because there are about 10,000 cops in a four mile radius, your chances of getaway doesn't look promising.

I really enjoy when all these cops are in town, they spend money, they are very good tippers and they know how to have a good time. Maybe too much good time, I have never seen so many guys throwing up all over the place since that George Bush Sr. Incident in Japan years ago. The memorial is located near Chinatown and all night long the out of town cops were walking around with cup of beer in their hand and drinking publicly, getting shit-faced and on-duty DC police officers obviously looking the other way .

I pulled over at 7th and G street for these state troopers from Kentucky, fucked up beyond imagination, they wanted to go back to their hotel on 12th and K which is a few blocks and they were bragging on how they handle their liquor and telling me that those California and west coast cops are pussies (sorry Wil!), can't handle their umbrella drinks....Talking trash but all fun. Finally after they paid me, one of the troopers said to me " If you ever get in trouble or visit Kentucky look me up!" and handed me his card. I don't even know where Kentucky is on the map but who knows, I might plan my next exotic vacation in Kentucky so I will keep the card in a safe place.

Early this morning my last run was a trip to Union Station, when I passed through Chinatown I noticed good number of lucky birds all over H street helping themselves on open buffet of dried vomit, courtesy of our men in uniform.

I AM BACK TO DIAMOND CAB COMPANY.

About 90% of taxi cabs in the Washington DC are real hackers hustling the streets with no radio dispatch and I was one of them. But with the gas price going to the roof I made a financial decision to be a radio cab, so I joined my old company DIAMOND CAB, I call it the old cab divers club. Most of the drivers I knew are still here, I drove cabs almost twenty years and some of the drivers still call me a rookie. DIAMOND CAB COMPANY is like the secret society of cab drivers, they have their own circles, they think they are better than the rest of city drivers, in fact they call other cab drivers "gypsy" or "scavengers".There are lot of American cab drivers and I think they are the only cab company with a good number of white drivers and management left in a bushiness dominated by foreigners, story is diamond was the last cab company in Washington DC to accept black drivers and they used to have the exclusive stand at Union station to pick up white passengers only back in the 30's and 40's.

These days the Washington elites call Diamond or Yellow cab, they are the only cab companies in the city where you can call a cab and that there is a real good chance that a cab will show up at your door, not only that, there is a very good chance that your driver speaks English and the driver holds the blue prints of the city road, they know their shit.

So today I am officially a Diamond driver cab # ***, my Chevy with the new company logo and paint. I don't know what to expect tonight, the good thing is I can take radio calls and still hack on the streets. It takes a while to adjust but in the meanwhile I will try to break the DIAMOND code.

GAS SAVING TIPS.

$67 to fill up my Chevy LT1 last night. So I am thinking about importing one of these environmentally friendly taxi cab from the far east, What do you think?

DON'T COUNT YOUR MONEY UNTIL THE DEAL IS DONE

I was kicking ass last night, money every where, I was all over the place. Germantown,Potomac,Columbia,Reston...Every fare I pick up was gold, usually these long trips are pain in the ass during day shift, but one, two, three in the morning, they are sweet runs. By five in the morning I had almost $400 and four more hours to go.

So at 5:15am I responded to a time call around upper 16th street in west brightwood area.This hot chick wanted to go to Dulles Airport, still easy $60 for that time in the morning's. She didn't say a word and slept all way to the airport till I woke her ass up at the United terminal. I was all smiles at the Dulles access road thinking about how good I am and going to take $500+ home. I took an exit at 123 north towards the chain bridge in to the city and the fucking car died on me!

I drive a 1995 Chevy caprice, and this is not your grandpa's caprice, its a muscled up very powerful LT1 engine on steroids.(Hey, Wil you know what I am talking about, you probably drove one of these in the frisco sheriff department) Its one of the best police cruisers ever made, very reliable work horse. BUT my baby failed me this morning with a bad fuel pump. I managed to push it away from the building up traffic and started waiting for a tow truck with a pocket full of money and a fading euphoria.

By the time I got home with my caprice I had only $23 in my pocket and a $133 dent on my credit card.I got to go to sleep now, back to the drawing board tonight.

THE BEST FREE RIDE I OFFERED.

Last night three guys flagged me down in front of Walter Reed Army Hospital.They are Iraq war veterans, couple of them with lost limbs, they wanted me to take them to a nude bar of my choice, so I suggested Nexus a strippers joint right behind the Capitol of the United States and I am not kidding, your senator is two minutes away from some lap dance action.

These brave men where in good spirit joking and laughing, Justin made a funny comment raising his prosthetic arm telling me that he had to learn how to jerk-off with his new hand all over again. We laughed and cracked jokes all way to Capitol Hill and I told them not to worry about the fare when we got there. The felt guilty for not paying, who are they kidding? Justin, Mike and Doug, I love you and I thank you! Its because of you guys that I have the freedom to bullshit on this site and that free ride was nothing at all compared to what you guys have sacrificed.

THE CONDOM DID NOT WORK.

Last night was quiet, Washington DC on a Monday night is just waste of time and gas driving around but I still managed to pull off $200.

The only thing might be worth writing about is, I picked up this AU(American University) student from Sibley hospital,about late teens early twenties from New Jersey, She was going back to campus, her eyes were blood red, I guess from crying and I asked what happened, she said that she wasn't feeling well all day and when she got so dizzy she went to the ER after a few tests they told her that she is pregnant. She kept saying "how could it happen! I don't believe it! We always use condoms."

I asked her what she is going to do and she said " I have to find out who the sperm donor is first, I am dating two different guys casually, Oh my God I am fucked! I just don't understand why the condom didn't work, and you know what, the doctor said its a good idea to take HIV test to be sure. God I am fucked." and I said to myself "You are fucked big time!"

THE CRACKHEAD AND THE C NOTE

Last night picked up three guys from 21st and K downtown around 2am two guys from Baltimore and a local crackhead.The minute they entered my cab I almost threw up, it smelled like someone just shit in the pants, I shamelessly said "Jesus Christ!You guys smell like a public toilet I hope this is not going to be a long trip."
One of the guys said "Don't worry man we're going to pay the shit out of you, our boy here is going to hook us up, we need a hit so bad" pointing to the smelly crackhead." fouf ana W raay day by Hower" said the crackhead, after asking him to repeat it four times to what he said I took it that he was trying to say "fourth and W, right there by Howard". That will be your ebonics lesson for the day, on top of that he didn't have any front teeth.

When we got to W street behind Howard University, they gave him $100 note and promised him $100 if he comes back with the crack rocks, they were drunk and desperate white boys with bad habits. While we were waiting for our little smelly crackboy after he disappeared into the darkness, they told me that they are originally from Cleveland, Ohio and live in Baltimore and they have hardwood distribution business, they are spending the night in DC after watching the Washington wizards and Cleveland cavilers playoff game, and just having a good time.

I told them that my cabbie feeling is that the crackhead is not coming back, one, they just met the hustler on K street and two he is a CRACKHEAD! And one of the guys got all pissed and wanted to go out and look for him, I told him that wasn't the smartest thing to do, a white boy with a polo shirt walking around in a black neighborhood at 2:30 in the morning,and he kept saying "I am going to kill that little son of a bitch!" but his friend was calm and finally said "its only a couple of bucks lets go to our hotel,we got outsold,fuck it I am hungry, take us some where we can get something to eat."

I took them to a 24hr Mc Donalds on 14th & U where the store lock up all the doors and have a little walk in bullet proof windows, after they loaded their junk food I took their sorry asses to the Metro center Marriott. I tagged in my risk assessment fee and I asked for $60 and they gave me $80 and I didn't feel an ounce of a guilt for taking that easy money, I am pretty sure that crackhead feels the same way.