A NATION OF CAB DRIVERS

I remember years ago when I met this girl at a club in Adams Morgan. Pretty face, smoking body, inviting personality, well read and funny too! We talked, danced, drank, talked and drank some more. I was so in to her I didn't want the night to be over, but after the last call I suggested that we go to the after hours underground club called The Bunker. I have written about this club on this blog before, it's a place where all the bartenders, waiters, hookers, strippers, hustlers, all the shady characters and even some cops go and visit to address their thirst and socialize. I really impressed her, she couldn't believe that a well oiled illegal operation existed stone throw away from the Capitol building that even some law enforcement individuals frequented. Armina was more impressed that every creep in that shit hole was chest bumping and high fiving me! I was like, if you only she knew that most of these misfits did time some prison in America. We had a great time until pretty much sunrise and agreed to meet up in a few days with Armina.

I was never shy to tell people that I was a proud DC cab driver even though my class of work is just one notch up from a garbage-man of a socioeconomic scale. Driving a cab in DC was lucrative back in the days, most cabbies weren't rich but they owned their own homes, went on vacations and sent their kids to college and some moved on in to other small businesses. These days I hear some DC cabbies are looking for food from a garbage cans, thanks to Uber! On our date the obvious question of "What do you do?" came up, and for the first time ever I was so unease to tell and talk about my pathetic profession. We were having dinner at the Spaghetti Gardens when the word 'cabdriver" came out of my mouth, Armina threw up all over my shirt and left! From time to time I ran in to her for years and we pretend we never met and knew each-other.

Fast forward fourteen years, I was having drinks with friends and it was time to go home and one of  my friends offered me a ride with his Uber request since I live on the way. My friend said "I think we have a chic driver called Armina!" How could I forget that name but not in a million years I thought it would be the same Armina from a decade and a half ago. When he showed me the picture of the driver on the app, there she was the same old Armina, middle aged and a little chubbier.

I didn't say 'Hey, you remember me bitch?" but it just made me think, how Uber successfully changed Americans in to cabdrivers and how the profession of cab driving that most of the American society looked down on, turned out to be a cool side gig? I really wanted to throw up on her ass but I didn't drink enough to do so.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MY MEMORY OF JOHN McCAINE

I know you have been bombarded with how Senator John McCaine's shit smells like pink roses all over the media. People usually try to dig out the best of you after you die regardless how horrible person you have been. I am not saying McCaine was a horrible human being, but every time I hear his name reminds me of the cab ride I gave to the Senator and his young female aide back in the mid nineties.

I picked them up from the senate side of the Capitol heading to the Capital Grille, it was a brand new restaurant back then, and it was the place to be for the powerful and the wannabes. The ride was less than ten minutes but it felt like ten days because he was yelling at the poor young broad the whole ride. It was something about not being prepared for the union guys from Arizona, some shit like that. He got dropped off at the restaurant at 6th and Pennsylvania Ave NW, never said hello or thank you. After the senator left I proceeded to drive in to Virginia to drop the poor girl at her apartment, young whitties didn't live in the city back then.

"Yaw Mad Cabbie, what the fuck man? You haven't blogged in ages, and now you come back and bad mouth the Senator? He was a purple heart Vietnam war hero, man! He is not even buried yet for God's sake ! What happened to human decency, bro?"

Calm down you jackass, there are thousands of wounded vets out there, including my father, God bless his soul! I found out that my father was shot by a Vietnamese sniper in his balls sack and the doctors had to get rid off one of the balls. I never knew my father was running around with one lonely ball for all those years until my mother told me just recently. We have always been told that dad was shot in his ass! I remember that I was too embarrassed to say my dad was shot in the ass in Vietnam! Who the fuck goes to war and gets shot in the ass? The only people I know who gets shot in the ass are niggers in the hood when they shoot each other because their aiming skill sucks.

"Mad, why are we talking about your dad's balls? Aren't you writing about your John McCaine memories?"

Okay okay, you're right man! Let me get to the point....Listen folks, don't make John McCaine more than who he was. That "No Vote" he casted to save Obama Care is more a "FUCK YOU TRUMP" vote than let's care of our uninsured poor folks! Didn't he turned around and gave a "Yes Vote" supporting the Trump tax cut bill the would also eliminate thirteen million Americans out of Obama Care network?

John McCaine was just another Washington politician with more questionable past that the media leads you to believe, but I do respect the man for the harsh experience  he endured in Vietnam whether that war was just or not.

RIP Senator John McCaine, thank you for your service.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie, 

HELLO THERE!

What's up bitches! Is there anyone out there? Hello!

I know there has to be few people reading this crap, even after I stopped blogging I got few hundred thousands of hits and still coming. So I am going to give it a try one more time. Why today? I was talking to my dear friend K yesterday and she talked about picture blogging about stuff! I said to myself, you know what, I haven't been doing this shit for a while and I have all kind of bullshit to talk about, and here I am.

LAST COUPLE OF YEARS IN A NUTSHELL.

I put on hold my prestigious high profile cab driving occupation in DC and found a gig working for NGO. My friend Sara hooked me up with a guy who ran a clean water project all over the shitholes on this planet. When they hired me on the spot I thought I was someone special, I patted myself on my back telling my self  "You go Mad Cabbie, finally you found people who understood how smart you are! That's what's up nigger!"

Basically what they needed was a body, any breathing retard who was willing to go to a part of Afghanistan where the Talibans vacation and chill when the fighting season slows down. After I accepted the offer, the chics in the lobby were laughing and giggling their asses off, pointing at my ass. Damn, I thought those white bitches were into me or something. But anyhow, at the time, the violence against cab drivers in DC was on the rise, so I felt Afghanistan was a much acceptable place for my safety.

Afghanistan, to my surprise has a beautiful countryside and great people besides what they show you on TV here in the States. I shitted in my pants here and there every time I heard a round of AK-47. Afghans like to shoot their weapons up in the air for some celebrations. Our local guide was like "You big negro man please! Calm your ass down! Don't act like you've never heard these pops before in southeast DC muddafukka!" 

I traveled back and forth few times to different countries doing different humanitarian missions. The last gig was in Jordan near the Syrian border until that operation was suspended due to security concerns. I returned back to DC, finished up my contract and never got a call so far. When I left abroad I returned my taxi tags confirming that I can get it back when I return, they call it the H tags. Last time I asked for the tags upon my return, they refused to give me the H tag back. Reason being that I was away too long! Even though I still have my taxi hack license, all the equipments and the skills to drive a cab, no luck. As an American citizen, native of DC who drove a cab in this city for over twenty years, now I can not be in a freakin cab business because the clowns at the DC taxicab commission refused to give back my H tags. For all of you motherfuckers around the world who want to come to America, please avoid Washington DC by all cost, it's worse than the country you coming from! Try Mississippi or something!  

WHAT'S HAPPENING NOW 

Few months ago I was picking my nose sitting at a cafe in DuPont Circle when I saw Andre the Russian walked in. I haven't seen his ass in a year, he lost a few pounds and few hair, started wearing eyeglasses.

Andre: What'z up Mad, I thought you're z dead or somezing, maybe ISIS cut z head!

MadCabbie: I am still alive bitch, what's up with you and your shady operations?

Andre: Alwayz making z money! whatz you doing?

MadCabbie: Dude, I am living off my savings.......

I told him about my situation with DC Taxicab Commission, and we discussed the idea I have about starting my own car service with a wild twist. The thing is I can't get an L tag either for the car service.....and here comes Andre for the rescue!

Andre: Look, fuck z DC goverment, I will get you z Deleware tags

MadCabbie: Delware? are you out your fucken mind?

Andre: We incorporate z buiznezz in Delaware get z tagz and no taxz bitch!

MadCabbie: Look Andre, I don't want to go to prison motherfucker!

Andre: All z rich corporation do it, you know, like Warren z Buffett!

MadCabbie: Do I look like a fucken corporation to you?

Andre: Don't be scared nigger, I will get you Delaware limo tagz!

MadCabbie: By the way, since when you start wearing glasses?

Andre: They're fake you mother bitch, I had some important meeting with z chinks from Shanghai!

........to be continued.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

     

    

THE HOTTEST NEWS CHICK ABBY HUNTSMAN.

Abby Huntsman

I was at my Mom's joint the other day and this chic was on MSNBC's The Cycle. I was like, "Haba Haba Haba, who is that?" This girl is hot man! Look at those full lips! It turned out that she is the daughter of the once presidential hopeful John Huntsman. By the way, out of all those republican clowns they had on the 2012 republican primary, her dad had a very good chance of beating Barack Obama if have gotten the republican nomination, but that's another story.

Hey Abby, if you are looking for a nice accomplished single guy, you found me! I am a tall, dark and handsome cabdriver from Washington DC. I like reading romantic novels, gardening, bird watching and enjoy world class exotic vacation spots like Kings Dominion and Ocean City to name a few.

If interested, you know where to find me Abby!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

THE NEW DC TAXI DOME LIGHT.

  New ipad with the retina display? $440

New DC Taxi Dome-light? $500

What's wrong with this picture?

Thanks to comrade Ron Linton the supreme commissioner of DC Taxicab commission, DC cabdrivers are being raped by a single dome-light supplier that the commissioner approved of. This Chinese crap is sealed, so if the bulb in one of the dome-light is burned, you have to go to an approved installation place to get it unsealed and replaced at a cost of $25 or more. If the bulb on the information display burns, it could be $50 or more since the LED lights are built on the motherboard.

A simple dome-light that costs $50 can do the same job if wired correctly, and to replace a burned bulb light costs $3, a screwdriver and ten minutes of the drivers time.

Mr. Commissioner, if you reading this post please send the drivers extra KY Jelly because they are being raped dry and that shit hurts man! I am still walking funny!!!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.     

DC HACK INSPECTORS WANTED

"Where does a DC hack inspector go for lunch money?"

"Union Station cab stand!!!"

That's right, that's were the lunch money is at. It's a very well known fact among cabdrivers that some of these thugs or the so called hack inspectors harass cabbies at Union Station. For minor shit like a missing hubcap they accept as little as $5 lunch money in favor of not giving a citation ticket. Drivers are afraid to speak out because of the potential retaliation. The DC Taxicab Commission is run like a family mafia, that I will describe about those lazy ass incompetent retards in my next blog or so.

When my man Paul Wagner from Fox 5 reported that one of the hack inspectors has a long history of criminal records like assault and armed robbery, I wasn't surprised for a second! I think all the hack inspectors in hand should fill out their job application again. This time truthfully and let's see how many of them will survive after they go through full background check like we the cabdrivers go through every two years.

My crystal ball is telling me that the District of Columbia government will need bunch of new hack inspectors after all said and done. So I suggest Mr Russ Ptacek a reporter from channel 9 for a hack inspector position! He is a hack inspector wannabe who has been harassing cab drivers for some time now in the name of investigative reporting. So Russ, there is going to be an opening pretty soon, go for your dream job man!

"How dare you diss Russ, Mad Cabbie? Russ Ptacek is an Emmy Award winner, serious reporter who came from the journalism capital of the world! Kansas!"  

Emmy Award my ass motherfucker! Every creep on TV has an Emmy, it's like the pee-wee league, everyone wins a trophy! I know a guy who works in the boiler room at channel 9 who has won it three times man!

The District of Columbia should require a full background check and a college degree to all law enforcement personnel including hack inspectors.

"College degree don't mean shit Mad Cabbie, look at yourself! Shady ass college educated cabdriver! What's wrong with my GED? All I do is pull over these sand niggers and write tickets all day long! Why do I need a degree in physics to be a DC hack inspector?"

That's not funny motherfucker, my degree in mathematics is in use to help me give the correct amount of change to my passengers!

Look, there are all kind of retards running around with college degrees like myself, but a college degree at least is a starting point telling the employer that the potential employee made a four year commitment to do something positive instead of doing drive by and armed robberies.

DC cab drivers thank defense attorney Shawn Sukumar from the Washington DC law firm Price Benowitz for defending a fellow driver and for exposing this thug hack inspector which we will know the name pretty soon. At the same time, not all the hack inspector are shady, like any other business there are always few bad apples, maybe in this case more than a few. We demand full investigation of the backgrounds of all DC hack inspectors and a complete overhaul of the hiring process as soon as possible.

When I am pulled over by a hack inspector, I don't want to second guess if the inspector is going to rob my ass at gun point, I have plenty of my passengers who do that for a living.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie. 

     

MAD THE NGO GUY

Hello kiddos, long time no talk......

I was half way around the world for some time. Old classmate of mine threw me a bone and hired me at a well known international NGO and I ended up in Afghanistan. We were working on a water project  in the eastern part of the country. I tell you what, I have accomplished a lot in life, like being the cabdriver of the month two month in a row few years ago...

"Mad Cabbie you are a pathetic looser, is that all you have to show for your college education, driver of the freaken month?"

Listen, don't call me a looser you jackass, you know when the last time they had cabdriver of the month two months in a row at Diamond Cab? It was in 1942 by a driver called Billy St. Jack! So besides being in the same league with hall of famer like Billy, the water project in Afghanistan tops the list. It was a hell of an experience, even though I was shitting in my pants every time I heard a loud noise. I grew my beard like my college Rasputin days to blend in, locals loved me and some Talibans were high fiving me, they were like "Yo nigger, what's up with the skid-marks in your pants, we're not going to hurt you..."

Look,, this is not a water project blog, I would like to go in details and write some funny experiences but I don't want to jeopardize of being hired again if I have that opportunity.

There is a lot of shit I need to get to about our DC cab business..... Ron Linton, Mary Cheh, Mayor Gray, Russ Ptacek, DC hack inspectors, DC inspection station, Uber.......All of these jackasses better get ready!

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie.

MRS. DC CAB RIDER

"Yes, I am still here. And still riding in cabs (far less often, and for far more money, more on that later). As of almost a year ago, you can now call me Mrs. DC Cab Rider, but for ease of use reasons, I will continue to use my maiden name. A new job, a wedding (note to prospective brides, courthouse weddings rule! You still get all the gifts and you don't spend your life savings on a silly party), and other life changes. But still in DC.

And that brings me to riding cabs. The cost when I started blogging for a cab from home to downtown was $12. Remember the Zone System? So then cabs got meters and a price raise. My cost went up to $17. To save that $5 I rode fewer cabs. And as a result drivers screamed poverty (really? a raise = poverty?) and got another raise. Now my cost is $25 on good days. I've broken the $30 barrier twice. Drivers are now bitching to me that they can't charge extra for more passengers. They don't bitch about it long because I hit them with the "are you NUTS?!! I'm screwed at these prices and you're bitching about this 2nd raise?"

Have you heard about Uber? I have. I like Uber. I use Uber. It's about the same cost, but without the feeling that I'm being played. More down the road when I'm not pissed off (yeah, had a $34 cab ride today - so venting)."

That was a post from the blogger "DC Cab Rider". I like this broad even though she exaggerates shit in a funny and sarcastic way in most of her writings. But her claim that her cab ride rose to $25 or more is more than exaggeration, in fact it's more like on the bull-shit side. I know that she lives in Cleveland Park and it used to be a 3 zones fare that used to cost $12 including the gas surcharge, but I don't how she claims to pay $25 to $34 for a 3 mile ride maybe 4miles to downtown? Unless she is tipping drivers 100%-200% !

There is a bartender with one arm that I give a ride to from Cleveland Park to Lincoln Park on the south east side, which is much further away from downtown and his tab is usually comes out to be $17 or less. For some reason people tend to exaggerate their bad experiences with cab drivers, maybe "DC Cab Rider" will explain to us why?

By the way congrats to the blogger, she got married recently!!! I wish her well and I hope she calms down and gets laid a lot and make a lot of cab riding babies.

Please don't forget the homeless,

Mad Cabbie